Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think I knew it but to have it confirmed is so wonderful. Now I will go on.

Yes, 'tis a great article.
Welcome to the forum Jenne.
Love
Trin

Wow - I don't think I've come across that article on Openhand before. To have someone put my own experience into words like that - I think I knew it but to have it confirmed feels like a true blessing.

Thank you very, very much.

That is the story of my life number 12 "Longing to go home". Feels like that this place isn't home to me at all. Have never felt like I belonged on earth, but strangely enough have felt strongly motivated to help others find their purpose in life.

It feels as if I am nearing the end of my karmic cycle. Feels like I am done. I love everything and everyone and need nothing in return. I am ready to go. Anyone else coming

Angel

p.s. thanks for bringing up this super post Jenne
x

Hi Angel,

I know exactly what you mean. I too have experienced this deeply in one way or another.

There was a point that I realised that the 'home' I longed for was within me, and my longing to go home was actually more of a longing to return to the truth of who I was, peeling back the layers that prevented a conscious connection with my true self.

Becoming complete and whole within ourselves, knowing that there is nowhere else to go and that we have it all right here and right now, in my opinion is the gift behind this sign of awakening spirituality.

Love
Trin

Thank you so much for the "12 signs" piece, it's so helpful to read of others' experiences that fit with my own.
I have always felt like the path I was treading, that I was largely treading in replication of others' around me, the path that is often considered by our society to be the only path: of partner + home + family + material acquisitions etc, somehow did not fit me. It felt so limiting.
I felt so sad, trying to comprehend my yearning for a more spiritual life, to become a freer spirit and feeling a deep spiritual calling which I could not explain to myself or others.
But I feel more affirmed now, and thankful to read about how the restlessness and pain associated with transition is all ok, and all will pass, as I start to shed my limitations and fears and "awaken to home."
To all of you going through the same process, I empathise!

Hi Ally,

And I empathise too, with you. Sounds like we have experienced similar.

As early as a being a young child I remember I felt like that the world's conditioned expectations of 'what I oughta do' were not in harmony with my heart.

It was as if I were a growing flower, trapped in a box, searching hopefully for any signs of daylight. There seemed to be for much of my life not one person who would understand my heartfelt calling to honour my authentic self. And then one day, nothing would hold me back any longer... Ahhhhhh!!!

It is an ongoing journey of ever greater levels of refinement, and I love it. For me, there is no other way than to flow with our true calling. My experience is that, no matter what we are 'given' to do, as long as it is in serving our true purpose, we will experience an unmistakable peace within our hearts. It is as in army of angels supports us unconditionally under their breath.

Might I add... it's wonderful to have you join us here Ally. I feel the sincerity in your communications. You are amongst friends, many of who are undergoing, or have undergone (or are just about to ) similar.

In love and Light
Trinity

This revived thread definitely speaks to me, as this week since the "Way of the Heart" has been interestingly up and down. If the original poster's list above was a questionnaire to fill in, like those one is sometimes asked to do in a medical context, I'd certainly be ticking half the boxes - and No.11 in particular. In a sense, I've been feeling that often on the workshop we were in a very special place, a Garden of Eden so to speak, and now we have been cast back out into the wilderness.

However, reflecting on it a bit more, the archetypal myth of Adam and Eve does perhaps have an interpretation of deeper significance to those of us on a spiritual path. Really, when we "ate of the tree of knowledge", we chose to identify ourself with the material world, our ego, personality, and the many false selves we can choose to adopt. The temptation we are offered, and usually succumb to, is to become lost in this outer world, and forget our true selves: in the end though, we can see that we, and no-one else, have made that wilderness.

However, if we can wake up to our true selves of unity and love, we can make our way back to the Garden of Eden which lies simply within our hearts. For some, the journey will be short and direct, for others long and winding. But we can take our first steps back to it at any time, if we choose.

My deep thanks to everyone who has helped me start that journey.

Dear all,

I have read also this article in the Internet and for me it just confirms what I have been passing through for some time.

The symptoms are all the same and I started to have some experiences new to me, such as: for me there is no past, present and future anymorwe, it´s all the same thing and we are really connect to everything.

My dreams are not "normal" dreams as they used to be, now I feel they are part of my normal life, I don´t know how to explain it very well.

Now in the moment I think of something, somebody, somewhere, I am already there, it´s weird and fun at the same time.

I started to know things without anyone telling me that is actually happened.

The concept of 3rd dimension seems to be not valid anymore. I feel expanding all the time, without mentioning the pain in my body, that makes me crazy sometimes...

Now whenever I practice Qigong, the light blinks.

During the day at work, for example, I feel the crown of my head being pulled upwards and it gives me a feeling of lightness and makes me feel good !

I feel that something big is going on, but I am not able to know exactly what it is...

My memory, which always was so good, now it seem to fail over and over again.

I am not able to do the things I love to do simply because I don´t want to, I have no interest anymore and I am laways tired, it doesn´t matter if it is weekend and I can sleep a lot, I never sleep enough.

Lately I am crying for no reason, I simply start to cry for some time and suddenly it stops, then I am well.

These are only a few symptoms I have been feeling and I feel that now there is no turning back to the old reality.

By the way, I´ve been watching the ants at my home and they are behaving very weird lately...

If someone can help me with with or would like to share some ideas, I will be glad to hear !!!

Best wishes,
Aline.

Hi Aline,

It sounds like you're having a wonderful journey of unfolding. I think what is frequently missed is that there are a number of stages that we pass through as our consciousness expands. At Openhand we tend to agree with the teachings of the 'Ascended Master' Djwahl Kuhl (known as 'The Tibetan') that there are 5 key stages leading to our ultimate ascension and complete resurrection (ascension is an internal shift of consciousness and resurrection is the undistorted application of that new consiousness through the bodymind).

It is likely that you are passing through one of the 5 initiations - expansions of consciousness. It feels like you are in the second phase and approaching the threshold of the third stage called "Transfiguration". What is this? The spirit incarnates through countless lifetimes to discover its true nature - to reach enlightenment.

For most of those lifetimes, the soul - unity consciousness - is lost within the personality vehicle and is identified with it (this phenomenon we can define as 'lower self'). Hence we have the experience of actually believing we are the sum total of our minds, bodies and feelings/emotions.

The higher self can be defined as that 'spiritual' part of the soul that is not identified with the personality and is in full awareness of its true nature and oneness with the absolute.

For those countless lifetimes it has merely 'extended a downward finger' of energy to the lower self which the personality has been mostly unaware of. Then at some magical point, the lower self awakens to the energy of the higher self and gets a taste of unity consciousness - the universal life energy that unites us all.

This brings with it a wonderful experience of at-one-ment with the universe. It is frequently so powerful that many think they have become enlightened but this is only just the beginning. It can be called the 'baptism' or 'awakening'.

It is precipitated by an expansion of consciousness and is often marked by a life changing event of some nature. This can be marked by some kind of 'spontaneous ceremony' which some call an 'initiation'. So this baptism is called the 'first initiation'.

Following this, the spiritual aspirant sets off on an journey (actually an inner journey) to discover ever deeper realms of this experience. At some point the second initiation occurs where another expansion of consciousness happens.

Again this is marked by some recognisable (and also life changing) event. At this point, the aspirant steps fully onto the spiritual path so that even their external lives are mostly guided by an inner pull to explore spirituality and help others in some way. This initiation is called 'discipleship' by some - we become disciples of our own higher self.

At this stage, the disciple will be exploring their own consciousness a good deal of the time and so will be relinquishing attachments to the physical realms. This process is also accompanied by an inner drive to purify the vehicles of the lower self mentally, physically and emotionally.

The lower self is thus prepared for the higher self to infuse within it. As this process begins, the disciple can be thrown into great turmoil. They will feel the divine beauty of the higher self functioning through them and therefore receive bursts of high energy.

As this energy is channelled into the lower self however, 'negative energy' - impurities - are released and transmuted (if you pour water into oil, the oil rises to the top). This can cause violent mood swings - a roller coaster ride of emotions. Sometimes we feel very 'up' vibrant and alive, and at other times we can descend into the deepest of depressions. Some explore suicidal tendencies - it is a personality distortion of a natural exploration of death by the true self.

If we resist the change, then this process can drag on and become very destabilising in one's life. We seem to be pulled in two different directions - because we are!

Ultimately though, the lower self summons the courage to surrender to the pull of the higher self. We are then guided to experiences that cause us to surrender our identification with the personality - the ego.

This feels like a death because the personality believes it is facing its own demise. In truth though, the personality - the ego - does not die. It is only our identification with it that does. It still feels very real though and we are caused to confront the experience of death.

If and when we are able to overcome this fear, then the higher self can infuse almost completely into the lower self. This is called 'the transfiguration'. Again it is marked by some powerful life changing circumstance and again feels like an amazing awakening - even more powerful than the other two.

In the story of Jesus, the disciples watched him be transfigured on a mountain. They saw the holy spirit 'descend upon him'. This is the transfiguration of which I speak.

This is the third initiation. After this point, the soul is 'guiding the show' the whole time. There are still two other initiations though. The fourth is the 'crucifixion'. Following transfiguration, the personality forms an inner 'imposter' which mirrors the actions of the soul.

The imposter can be extremely difficult to 'see' and so it requires some quite extreme event - like a crucifixion - to expose it and then transmute it.

In the story of Jesus, it would equate to his comment on the cross 'why have you forsaken me father?' The true self knows the absolute never forsakes us because we ARE the absolute. It was his inner imposter that was speaking for him.

Once the imposter has been dealt with and transmuted, then the final initiation is that of the 'resurrection' of the ascended being. In other words, as the soul, we transmute the remaining distortions in the bodymind so that it becomes the perfect vehicle of expression.

Hope this helps

Chris

Thank you Chris !

I think I understand what you kindly explained to me about the 5 stages, although it's a little bit hard in the beginning, but I will think about it now! Is there a website where I can research more about the "transfiguration"?

Now I don't feel afraid at all of this changes that I am going through, I actually have fun with them!

And this whole thing about the feeling that time (past, present and future are all mixed up) and space (physical distance)don't exist anymore is very intriguing...

All of these changes are happening faster and faster and each day now brings something new, it is a real adventure to live !

I am glad I can share my experiences with you all !

Thank you so much and regards from Brazil,
Aline.

I am glad that you are finding the sharings here of use. Chris has a wonderful gift in being able to articulate matters that are not often easily understood or talked about.

I have never found much information about the 'Transfiguration' stage of evolution out there on the web. Perhaps try searching on this website (in the search box on the left hand side of the page) you might find many other related articles or forum topics that could be of help.

Openhand is running a six day Transfiguration retreat in July. If you find yourself over this way, I am sure it would be of benefit

With Love to you
Trinity

Hi Trinity,

thank you for your e-mail and for the invitation for the retreat, but living in Brazil is a lilttle bit hard for me to travel to England, but who knows someday !!!

I searched this website and I found some topics and definitely they will help me !! Thank you!

Yes, it´s really hard to find someone that talks about this subjects and I am glad I found this website and here I feel more comfortable to talk about it with you all.

Best wishes,
Aline.

Im glad to have come across this article, it explains what's been happening to a 't.' Number 12 was particularly important.. as I've been having sudden emotional but inward outbursts of wanting to go home.. and find myself just whispering to myself in the middle of day to day activities, " I just want to go home." And I never understand what it meant or where it came from til now.. thank you!

I have noticed that I am removed from others more than usual of late, and yes to a wonderful period of quiet and personal development.
May I ask a question? When I am in company I find that the perfumes/after shaves worn can be most offensive and that words in the middle of a sentance can cause me to distance too - usually slang or "mild" bad language, I walk away. These things do not enter me, they cause me to withdraw.

jules

I choose to be patient, inspired, loving and pure and a quiet knowing tells me I'm sure.

Hi Jules,

First let me say "welcome" to the Openhand forum and thankyou for your post.

To me, your observations are a classic "symptom" of the awakening influence of the soul in one's life. As the unity consciousness arises within us, there is a pull towards greater authenticity and at-one-ment with all life, hence the move away from unatural things such as man made perfumes - the natural aroma of the body is genuine and good enough - perfect in fact - just as it is!

As to bad language, all words carry energy with them and swear words tend to be associated with judgment and frequently carry dark vibrational energy around them - consequently the pull to distance oneself.

Personally as I awoke, I found it became an afront to hear or speak swear words and I moved away completely from using man made products on my skin including soap. I found after a while, the body's natural cleaning processes kicked back in and with that my vibrational energy raised.

Peace and quiet are also the language of the soul especially as a release from hectic modern day life.

Chris

Hi Jules,

Welcome

My experiences sound very similar to yours. There was a stage where a guiding hand began to help me override those things in life that weren't serving me (i.e. unnatural products, unnatural foods). I'd experience unrest and a stark lack of harmony when in contact with certain things (including loaded use of language). Like you, I'd feel a unmistakeable retraction from such circumstances and situations, such that my lifestyle completely changed to one that was far more harmonious with my authentic self.

My experience is that everything amounts to vibrational frequency. We are drawn to the frequency and vibration that best facilitates our unique spiritual unfolding.

With Love
Trin

Thank you Trin and Chris, I have been working to change our diet for quite some time, beginning with organics, then playing with recipes for baking without gluten, and recently incorporating lavender and essential oils in the baking too. It is quite an adventure and I find it very interesting the experimentation.

Lovely thing happened last week, I heard an advertisement for a "Nice, healthy steak meal" on offer in a local establishment, my stomach turned. I no longer eat red meat, it was quite a simple decision, instantly made.

Am also experimenting with making my own soaps and skincare products, sometimes it feels a little overwhelming changing so much of the familiar things I did, and I find myself wondering whether I should just go back to how I used to do things, thinking it would be an easier option, but it wouldnt be...that is no longer my way,

Jules
x

I choose to be patient, inspired, loving and pure and a quiet knowing tells me I'm sure.

Hi Jules,

If I look back over the years my lifestyle changed radically as I began to attune to universal guidance. I was always aware of when I was making sincere choices as I sensed a profound flowing with my authentic purpose. My experience is that when we flow with the guidance of our heart and commit to letting go of past patterns (or distortions) that do not serve us then we receive a powerful helping hand to help us move through and forward.

There was a point also where (just like your stomach churning response to the steak meal) my body or energy began to react severely if I was offered a choice that was not inline with my true self and purpose. It was a powerful guidance mechanism that helped me make the right choices. I found that everything went smoothly as long as I listened to this guidance and that deviation from the guidance became impossible as I would experience so much unrest within.

It sounds to me as if you have tuned into the way of the heart. Temptations will be dangled infront of your face. The test is whether or not we can stay true to ourselves no matter what comes along.

In Love and Light
Trin

Hello everyone,

I’ve read the signs of spiritual awakening, but didn’t want to presume that this is what happening to me, so would appreciate your input.

Over the last few months I’ve had a few episodes of complete and utter emptiness. I feel detached from everything around me and the people around me. Nothing seems ‘energised’ and holds no draw for me, eg conversations, desires, ideas. I’m usually very creative, always wanting to make something, but the desire completely goes. It is a kind of peace, but not an alive, joyful peace. I even feel like my personality has gone, I’m just a thing, like everything else.

I feel it in all areas of my life, but it’s worrying me most in my relationship. I’ve been with my partner for over 10 years, we are engaged and hoping to start a family. But when I’ve felt this emptiness, I don’t feel like I’m in love, our conversations feel dead to me, there’s no life. My partner wondered if I was depressed, but I don’t think its depression, as there are no negative thoughts or feelings.

Each time I’ve felt like this, it’s lasted about a week, then I’ve slipped back to being myself and being ‘ok’, but I do feel like I’ve had to ‘pull myself together’ in order to bring myself back.

As for the other signs, I have had a couple of intense apocalyptic dreams, feeling sad, not so much a feeling of wanting to go home, but a feeling that this is not the life I’m supposed to be leading or want to be leading, back and shoulder pains (which I think are more to do with my old mattress!)

What’s going on? As I said, I didn’t want to presume that it was a spiritual thing, I only wonder because I’ve been meditating more lately. I guess part of me is worried that I’ll feel this way again and then that will be it, I won’t ever be me again and nothing will come to fill the space.

Thanks for your help,

Sunshine x

Hi Sunshine,

Thanks for sharing your experiences and a warm welcome to the Openhand forum. I know these awakening experiences can be very difficult sometimes (as well as profoundly beautiful), so my heart goes out to you.

In answer to your question, it feels to me most definitely like you're going through an initial level awakening. What we refer to at Openhand as approaching the 1st Gateway (take a look at "Gateways of Light" at the top left.

Why do I say this and what is going on? You said...

"Over the last few months I’ve had a few episodes of complete and utter emptiness. I feel detached from everything around me and the people around me. Nothing seems ‘energised’ and holds no draw for me, eg conversations, desires, ideas. I’m usually very creative, always wanting to make something, but the desire completely goes. It is a kind of peace, but not an alive, joyful peace. I even feel like my personality has gone, I’m just a thing, like everything else."

The experiences you describe are frequently those people experience when they taste the "absolute", "non-identified awareness", - what we might call the "seer of all things".

We are each this "seer" - there is only one life going on in the universe. The one life is expressed however through multiplicity of form - like individual waves on an infinite ocean. So you are the seer AND an unique experience of the seer AT THE SAME TIME. This unique experience we might call the "soul".

In order to know ourselves as infinite liberation and expansiveness, we have to first taste the constriction of separateness so we - as the seer - loose ourselves in the idea of separation from all things. In other words we identify with our personality.

We think we are the sum total of our thoughts, emotions and feelings and we create dramas and repetitive behaviour patterns around being this personality - this happens because we form fixed neural pathways in the brain until a whole web of identity forms.

We chase around in the external drama of life unknowingly (at first) trying to find the experience of wholeness and completeness that we once had but have forgotten. So every experience we have from how we live, to how we work and the partners we share our lives with are ALL acting as mirrors to help us remember this miraculous experience of non-identified awareness.

We keep searching through the external world never quite finding satisfaction - until ultimately we begin to let go of the external drama and surrender inwards. It is then that the "seer" might first come into view in ways which you've described.

The reason that you're not experiencing it YET as profoundly beautiful, joyous and intensely liberating, is because your personality is resisting the change - it senses its own demise and fights that experience. It doesn't like the vast emptiness and absence of all things that the seer is. So your experiences of the divine are currently being tainted by this.

Lets be clear though, the personality does not die - rather our identification with it does. However it can still feel like a death - it can initially feel like being de-energised.

The key is to keep letting go internally to external events. Seek to realise that everything you are seeking is within you; every experience you enjoy externally - especially love and fulfilment - is already inside and nothing or no one can give it to you but yourself.

Keep feeling inner completeness and do those things which give you joy as much as possible. Keep letting go of the external drama, then the strength of the soul infusion into your being will grow and grow.

Over time the personality will surrender to the soul and you will ultimately experience yourself as the soul; boundless, unlimited, joyful, timeless and non-identified with experience. It feels simply like you are a flow of energy from an infinite source - because that's exactly what you are!

I've only been able to give to a very brief overview here. Maybe you'd be interested in attending one of our courses? "Unfolding into Light" would answer many of your questions and if you're beginning to awake, would facilitate that process as painlessly as possible. To find out more...click here

Please don't hesitate to ask more if you'd like to take the subject deeper.

Love and best wishes

Chris

Hi Sunshine,

I have gone through many periods in the past of feeling a purposeful withdrawal from the world. I’d feel neither happy nor sad, my personality seemed to disappear (for a short period of time) as I felt myself dissolving into all things. I was emmersing myself in universal interconnectedness and realigning myself to the universal flow of life energy.

During these periods I’d feel the shaking up of patterns that I’d formed over the years. Once I relaxed into it I’d experience release from the burdens that were weighing me down, I’d feel the ever increasing peace as a result of surrendering to that which is (rather than the constant engagement of mental processing and assessment of where I was at and where I was going).

Infact I’d invite the emptiness, finding that it would strip away anything that no longer served my .

After being brought up in a world that had conditioned me to think that we always have to do something, feeling something or occupy ourselves it was a little unsettling at first. After sometime I came to experience this “non-experience” as amazing for I began to experience new levels of authenticity and flowing from the heart. I was invited to act only in attunement with the divine flow.

It is very interesting that you have taken up meditation recently. Meditation often allows us to go inwards and reflect on anything that holding back our evolution.

Warm Regards
Trin

Yes Trin, its important that you mentioned the meditation.

Sunshine, its highly likely that your meditation brought on the experiences in the first place.

When you go into inner stillness, then you channel in the energy of higher consciousness. This in itself begins the activate and bring up distortions - conditioned behaviours - for us to process and release.

Once we've released a particular blockage or "tightness", then our consciousness expands and we can start to experience the sorts of things you mention.

Such experiences are not caused exclusively by formal meditation of course but it is certainly one powerful catalyst.

Chris

I've heard lots of spiritually awakening people say that they have apocalyptic dreams. For me they're symbolic of leaving behind the 'olde world', shaking it off and letting a new one manifest. I've had those dreams too and feel very comfortable about them as the old is replaced with something far more intuitively true to me.
Love to all

Thanks for your responses, I feel more reassured about what is happening.

I am definitely the type who is always either doing something or planning what I'm going to be doing and I've always been pleased with my ability to multi-task and get things done. Lately I've been releasing this desire to do something or have something, as 'doing' doesn't necessarily follow my natural impulse at that time and 'having' doesn't change who I am or bring real satisfaction.

Next week I have a whole week off work and I'm going to resist the temptation to draw up one of my many lists of what I want to achieve and what needs to be done. I rarely wake up in the morning not knowing what I'm going to be doing that day, so I'm looking forward to it.

Sunshine x

Hi Sunshine,

Sounds like your week off will provide you the perfect opportunity to go where the flow takes you. A chance to expand beyond the usual experience and allow something new to unfold

Thank you for sharing.

Love
Trin

I'm think I might be having a spiritual crisis. I was confident and could cope with life very well until these past days when I have been feeling depressed and ultra sensitive to everything, especially noise. I find myself crying for no apparent reason, a deep inner sadness, physically disorientated, ungrounded, loss of passion and I have intense dreams that are disturbing my sleep. I feel an unmanagable pressure from the world and an unable to cope with everyday stuff. There is no logical reason for me to feel this way. It's not like anything is different out there. Still the same old stuff going on.

To be honest I don't know if I can function and feel like I am going to have a nervous break down. I don't know if it is spiritual or I am just losing my sanity. I have been having more spiritual experiences and visions lately.

Are there things that I can do RIGHT NOW to make it easier? How do I know if I am going through a spiritual crisis or going insane? I wonder if it is all normal? I am afraid (of what? losing my sanity I suppose). I need a healing sanctuary or maybe a miracle. Instead I am slap bang in the middle of confusion. I was a stable, together person. Now I am just like wobbly jelly. This can't be right. It's all too much. If anyone can share with me and help with experience I am so thankful.

Sam

Dear Sam,

You are not alone (((((hugs))))) I have been there too. The things that you are experiencing are much more common than you may think.

This is a big subject so I've just sent you a personal email.

With Love
Trin

Hi Sam,

You're most definitely NOT going insane! - although I know it may feel like it sometimes.

The issue is that we've built false lives for ourselves completely out of sync with the soul. When we start to wake up and connect with our true selves, we begin to question every aspect of who we are.

This is because we are not the personality. We are not what society has conditioned us to believe and as we begin to awaken, the web of deceit begins to unravel. This can be very destabilising but hang on! When all the confusion falls away, a magical sense of peace and clarity will arise like a Pheonix from the ashes.

It would benefit you greatly at this point to connect with people who've been through spiritual breakdowns and emergence before. Please don't hesitate to call us (01458 830443) - I feel sure we'll be able to help you.

Take courage and have faith - you're being supported and looked after by your guardian and soul family. They will guide you home.

Love and best wishes

Chris

I want to share an enormous thank-you to you Openhanders for the love and concern you have given me these past two days, especially off line. The guidance has been invaluable in supporting me and clearing a path through my confusion. It helps to know that you understand my spiritual crisis through your own numerous past experiences. It feels as if I have known you guys all my life. Thank-you hardly begins to express who grateful I feel for the unconditional love you have showered upon me.

With all my love
Sam

hi chris and trin
just joined your site,
not very good at typing as i have arthritis..
but i feel like the above what sunshine wrote,6/8/07,at 14 52.
i think i have gone thru everything.
now i feel for a long time ,i want to go home.
i feel like my guides have left,when do they return.
everything is quiet again.

i understand now why i have the chasing dreams,
the crying for nothing,
love
kath

Welcome to the forum Kath,
This one is for all those longing to go home.
We play it frequently on our courses,
it connects deeply with the soul.
In love and light
Trin

hi trin
that was overwhelming,thank you
L&L
KATH