The most Important Thing after Waking Up...7 ways to Work on Yourself

Submitted by Open on Fri, 09/20/2013 - 06:10


Okay it's a bold title. Please pardon my lack of humility! Yet I think there is something, that if it's not the most important thing we can do after waking up, is certainly very high on the list. I could define it colloquially as 'owning your stuff'. We've realised that everything is interconnected; that everything is consciousness; but then the next step is accepting that literally everything we create is the product of our inner configuration of consciousness. Both the 'good' and the 'bad'. So we need to own our creations and blame nothing 'out there' for what happens to us. This is amazingly empowering when we can do it. It's a real game changer...

Just like a movie

So maybe you're in a challenging relationship situation. Or you're finding your job a daily grind. Family or work colleagues just don't understand you or where you're coming from. You've found a place of cosmic connectedness that those around you just don't seem to understand. Here's the point though...

    The outer world is a reflection of the inner. Just like a movie, you project outwards both the positive and the negative aspects of your self. You're being presented a mirror, so you can empower yourself to change.

This is of course exactly how the infamous Law of Attraction works. Not the distorted one being banded around, where we try to manifest in the outer world our desires by intentionally manipulating our inner self. What is supposed to happen is that we unveil beingness and in so doing, the outer world is shaped accordingly.

Not as sexy as manifesting your desires?

No it's not as sexy as 'manifesting your desires'. Yes it does require commitment, courage and hard work. But anything that was ever worth having, was really worth working for. Effortless working yes, unwinding frustration and struggle yes, but nevertheless, intently applying commitment and focus.

    The point is you have a destiny, a destined way of being,
    and the universe will work tirelessly to help you unveil this.
    It will constantly shape and change situations to help you be more of who you truly are.
    And being your true self, is just like nothing else in existence.
    It is unique. Magical. Superlative.
    Be yourself, everyone else is already taken!

So how might you work on yourself in this unglamorous way?

  1. Firstly it's to totally and utterly accept that every situation and circumstance you find yourself in was created by you.
  2. In the beginning, not to try to change it with some intention or purposeful avoidance; not to try and create some alternative reality.
  3. Accept it totally and ask "What is this situation revealing to me?" Feel intimately any internal resistance, tightness or contractions inside.
  4. Soften into your tightness, accepting it totally and then work to unwind it. Place your attention right in the heart of it and see perhaps a knotted ball literally unwinding (or an appropriate feeling/visualisation that works for you).
  5. Work to realise what was the outcome that I thought I needed from this situation? What could I not accept? Remember that you are eternal, absolute, all there is, and need nothing outside of yourself.
  6. Now let go of the attached need for a desired outcome.
  7. Open an internal space, breathing deeply through it. Look for, feel, and attune to authentic arising beingness. Let your being shine through in whatever way feels like the core of who you are.
    Shine forth! Express you, and watch the world shape in a positive way.

Nothing else going on

Now I'm not telling you this is easy. I'm not telling you that you can "buy the DVD for £5.99" and master it in five minutes. It could take a lifetime! But then mastery is what we're here for. There's bundles of joy to be found in mastering mastery.

And in any case, there is nothing else going on! We might pretend for a while that it's about this or that: gaining that promotion, completing that creation, finding a truly successful relationship, but these are all the products of what you are being. Find out who you are - who you really are - and the right things will all shape miraculously around you.

What's more, you'll find absolute harmony in the outer with regards to how you're being on the inner. Indeed, this level of acceptance, could just about be, the singularly most important thing since waking up!

Open

PS: we cover this experiencially in great detail on our level 2 course 5GATEWAYS

a great reminder! thankyou.
I like this
" The point is you have a destiny, a destined way of being,
and the universe will work tirelessly to help you unveil this.
It will constantly shape and change situations to help you be more of who you truly are.
And being your true self, is just like nothing else in existence.
It is unique. Magical. Superlative.
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken!"
yep.

Hi Open,

It has been a little tumultuous this return to conventional life after what now feels something like a time-warp into freedom, my short time in Glastonbury and undertaking the Five Gateways course. Little did I realise how it would affect me so profoundly and the sense of isolation from the conventional that would ensue. A week now has passed since my return to South Africa and while my energy has seldom been higher, conscious reflection on life has left me feeling mildly depressed, to say the least. Whilst my mind says that I need a high mountain retreat in isolation chanting one long continuous Om, I realise that I have other responsibilities, both mundane and of a higher order.

Your post has come at a most synchronous way for me (and no doubt others) and although I recognise the rational wisdom, it is not always easy to allow it to wash over and ease the dis-ease. I have come to realise that at the moment I am highly sensitised to emotionally charged situations and that having asked to step up my agenda I am feeling a little over-whelmed with the energy of that request. I have been reminding myself of an important aspect of authentic living that I took from the course is to soften into the situation. The analogy that I offer myself and that maybe useful to consider is that of swimming with the current instead of opposition to it. The former is easy and expends little energy as great pleasure is derived from the experience, the latter is hard work, tiring and one becomes distracted by focusing on the effort required rather than on the experiences that may be over-looked.

If I can read into what you say, it seems inferred that we need to have a quality of patience, allowing us to both relax and soften into this energy of change. In so doing we are likely to feel less inclined to force situations into artificial outcomes that could stem from our locked in belief systems.

Fond regards from SA
Kelvin

Hi Kelvin,

Good to connect again. I like the way you've picked up on developing patience. Patience has certainly been a big part of my journey. Patience with my self, say when I've felt the task ahead is too huge, or I've been feeling like my progress is so slow, or asking myself "surely there can't be more stuff to process, how much "stuff" can there be?" Also patience with other people on their journey. And a very big one has been having patience with "not knowing" when I've wanted an answer, The last one is really key to not "pushing" the energy, (like you say, "forcing artificial outcomes" and staying open to feeling, holding the space for what is right to appear.

Warm wishes from Glastonbury, and looking forward to seeing you here again soon.
Lesley
x

In reply to by Lesley Lord

Just wanted to say hello and sending you lots of warm spring time wishes from Sheffield :) Despite the fact its meant to snow tonight! XXX

Hi Lesley,

Lovely to hear from you too. Your dialogue inspired a wonderful insight, that after having typed it all out, got lost as my internet connection failed! I had a chuckle as my first response was mounting irritation and then in the spirit of this post, I realised the need to soften into the situation. . . with patience!

The gist of it was that in the light of attuning to the energy of new consciousness, if we avoid rushing down the path in excited anticipation of the end result, we may still have an opportunity to realise more subtle clues, that could enable us to resolve some deeper issues more elegantly, rather than waiting longer for them to knock us for a six.

With Love & Joy, in Gratitude
From sunny SA, Kelvin

Good Morning All,

This article is very helpful today ...working with some sticky patterns of relating. This may be a little lengthy as I am processing as I write this....if I may =).

"The outer world is a reflection of the inner. Just like a movie, you project outwards both the positive and the negative aspects of your self. You're being presented a mirror, so you can empower yourself to change."

Briefly, what I am experiencing is the sense of victimization - I feel anger and frustration as I internally blame the other for not taking responsibility for their actions, for leaving me to fend for myself, when it was really their choices and actions that created a mess that I now have to deal with.

Another piece of the victimization is the sense that while everyone else gets to go about their life, I can only give energy to things outside of the family, to the extent that everyone else is taken care of, feeling well, on every level. So, I continue to have emotionally challenging circumstances cropping up in my children's lives that create this sense in me, that I am not completely free until things are cruising along for them again in a way that feels fluid. I am now seeing that it hasn't been the physical time of taking care of others that keeps me from a sense of freedom in expression, but the emotional attachment to how things are for them. Interstingly, I am aware enough to not get overly involved in an obvious way - giving them space to work out there own things, but I feel unbalanced inside until it is resolved.

These two incidents are linked by sense of responsibility...I am looking for someone to take this sense of responsibility for how they affect me with their choices, when how I am in relation to them and their actions is up to me. I also take on emotional responsiblity for my children.

I had a dream two nights ago about a mother with her four children and my confusion as she just stood by and watched as they teetered on the edge of a cliff...eventually realizing that this mother must know they are capable of handling what they were doing.

Still now I feel incredibly frustrated by the actions that created a mess for me and how the other won't take responsibility - that doesn't feel right to me and I am having a really hard time moving past in - even though I know we co-created it to resolve something within it. As I went to make notes on the situation, I opened to the first fresh page in my journal and at the top I had written a few words to a couple songs I heard yesterday...

"No One Ever is to Blame" and "We'll be back in the high life again, All the doors I closed one time will open up again.
We'll be back in the high life again, All the eyes that watched us once will smile and take us in"....smile - a little support and reminder of the tendency to blame.

So as you wrote in the article Open, "Work to realise what was the outcome that I thought I needed from this situation? What could I not accept?"

The outcome that I think I need is - for him to take responsibility for the mess he created for me - I feel frustrated by how a lack of awareness now lands on me to clean up. I want people to clean up there own messes but in the end I am like the mop that cleans it up for everyone - not by choice! I don't WANT to take up others things, but I do because it affects me too. It's like if (as a super physical example- not actual events) -Imagine you have no food in the house and someone says they will do all the grocery shopping today so you don't do it and trust it will be done, but come Monday morning there is no food and your kids are up and getting ready for school - now what? Obviously I just go get some food! =) But, Ugh even as I write that I realize it's about how that makes me feel - and how it makes me feel is PISSED that you didn't do what you said you would do and now it's all on me. Ugh - serious blaming and victimhood. Where is the place for accountability in that? For follow through ? More refelctions for me...

OKAY! Now I am seeing the connection to the kids...and why this "mess" scenario is co-created. I have to trust them to clean up their own energetic stuff. I am working on it - but clearly still a lot of ties there. I am not to blame if I or they take paths that bring them pain. They are not victims of me and I am not a vicitim in circumstances either. There are also other layers with me and the other person...a sense that they keep leaving me with a mess to clean up (emotionally) and my needing them to take resposibilty for the impact...blaming them for how I feel.

There is a lot here but if anyone would like to offer a reflection I am open - sometimes hard to see clearly inside it.

With love,
Jen

Hi Jen,

I am a fellow single mum-who got left holding the baby-just one little girl in my case, so I maybe don't have my hands quite so full as it sounds like you do. I also felt such utter desolation, and frustration at the apparent unfairness of my situation. This happened to me several years ago now. I couldn't believe how my ex could just disappear off into the sunset like that absolved of all responsibility and get a new girlfriend, go on holidays, work full time earning loads of money, while I was sacrificing my career, friends, home, my old life, and living a part time wage and benefits. I had no time for myself while my ex was going off climbing and travelling at evenings and weekends, and I was there down in the trenches of parenting a toddler. I was heartbroken, gutted, and so cross!!!

I can't suggest what would work for you as I know its different for everyone and we all have to find our own way and all, but maybe if I share how I coped, it might be useful in some way. Basically, I just lowered my standards for my life. (please don't despair at this-keep reading to the end!) There wasn't much else I could do. I concentrated on the little things, and I allowed myself to feel anger and frustration and desolation... I just felt it, cried, wrote my diary and I meditated. I wrote lists in order to eek out the little silver linings that I couldn't find in my thoughts alone. Eventually I found I was having some little breakthroughs. I had some magical meditation experiences, and I found out I was having some magic moments parenting as well. Just very simple but priceless things, lovely bonding moments with my child, realising I had tackled some parenting niggle in a good way, and I think this was probably down to me calming down inside, and focussing on the tasks at hand. These little islands of specialness started to perk me up a bit, and slowly and surely over time I started to feel better, and it was like I started to be able to see my life in a different way. Somewhere between 6 months to a year afterwards, I actually started to feel better than Id ever felt before-not always, I still had lows, and that horrid ache feeling in my chest but I was learning to accept all of my experience instead of fighting it. Its still a work in progress, but I definitely look at my life and experiences in a much different way now-and, my life on the outside improved a lot, as my inside life has. Have you hear that Wayne Dyer quote-"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". That helped me, and it really did work for me too. I trained myself to stop thinking of my ex as the total bastard that had ruined my life, and instead started to think of him as giving me the opportunity to learn and change and become the person I am. I still have moments where I feel angry and resentful, and I still have moments where I miss him like mad (which is not logical!!) its a long road, but i defiantly view all the 'obstacles' as opportunities now.

There are numerous quotes about how you need a lot of heat and pressure to make strong steel and diamonds. Well, it sounds like you are undergoing the heat and pressure right now! It won't be for nothing-particularly as your looking on this site, you are obviously self aware, and looking to do the right thing.

The situation may not make sense while you are in it. I think sometimes all you can do is keep open, give yourself as much time as is physically possible to be with yourself and feel the feelings you need to process, and trust that its happening for a reason. There will be some amazing diamonds in your situation somewhere, though it may be hard to see that right now.

I'm thinking of you Jen! Lots of love :)

Faye XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Jen,

Something I was looking at on the Empath Course this weekend, jumps out for me here.

We can only ever ultimately, be responsible for how we are inside of ourselves.

What is outside may be far from ideal, but, trying to control it will always defeat us in the end. When we can find peace within, then control of the outer world turns into more of an authentic aligned action instead.

No matter how much I've explored, I always come back to this simple truth. What is out there, whilst it may feel really unacceptable to us, is not something, ultimately that we can control. This is at the deepest level. Of course we CAN control it BUT that required cutting ourselves off from the flow of Universal Life Energy. We become depleted, drained and disconnected.

What we can do is work on ourselves. Of course, not to be in denial and say that what we are seeing is OK for us, but to accept that it is only when we change within, then the outer world will reflect to mirror that back to us. This will keep us connected and in the flow.

This is just a gentle reflection of what you already see. I know that seeing it and being able to do something about it are two different things too. I think you have totally understandable frustrations. However, if you can find peace within YOU, then you touch your place of presence and will be able to see the way forwards, how to deal with it much more clearly.

with love
Trinity

Hi Jen,
This is what jumps out for me. You said. 'I feel unbalanced inside until it is resolved'.
Well for me the intense years of young resident children are past, as are the many churning years of messy confusion about the traumatic disintegration of my long term relationship with their father when they were born, my mother is in a care home and my job only takes up two days and two nights a week but guess what? I still find very real-to-me pressing, external things that allow me to keep feeling the pressure - an old friend gets in touch in crisis caring for her aging husband, the garden needs weeding, planting, sowing, food to prepare, a family member I love in on going crisis, the dog's got ticks and needs a walk, so many emails to answer, the song book I promised to make, the pamphlet I said I'd write, oh and yoga, I love that but that's another to do and I never seem to get time to drum and books to read and the kitchen floor needs washing and mediation, breakthrough mediation, soul motion, processing! on and on...
I'm constantly adding things to the bottom of the list so I get to keep feeling the tension - for me, so the fight or flight adrenaline keeps pumping round my system.
How about let's sit with the 'unbalanced inside' feeling?
Wow! Doesn't the world reflect it - nothing like having a couple of nutters contemplating neuclear war to keep that empty pulse in my stomach writhing! Seems like I'm joining you in processing
Damn! Another creature but why are you there? I feel like vomiting and wow, like a writhing in the top of my head.
Come back to the list and the unbalanced inside feeling to check - is it as easy as throwing up? No, stay with it. Stay with it in my system. Is this a memory - karma from before - sensing something happening, antiscipation and denial? Or are those just thoughts? Thoughts as another doing?
I've been exploring Kriya yoga and reading (well listening to the audio book while driving - Multi multi multi task) 'Autobiography of a Yogi' recently -a phrase from it jumped out yesterday something like ' it is easier to live alone with the tigers in the Himalayas than to be a yogi householder'. Those guys are immense - travelling astrally, raising the dead, living on air, owning nothing, staying no where longer than a week- firmly rooted beyond Maya. And we get to be in the density.... the hard core job - of course we do!
( what's that separation? That projection? They are part of my system As well).
Yogi house holder - presence AND present in the matrix. Presence running in the background always down my spine. The breathless breath always there too. Weaving consciousness back down into the density - space within and between the particles in me freely flowing and exchanging with the space Around me and, via the snakes and ladders wormholes in time with the spaces in the furthest reaches of deep space.
Great.
Back in the room.
What now?
Keep feeling the space and the matter
What would happen if for the next hour we only acted on impulses that feel 100% divinely given?
Or for the next 10 minutes, within the mess of domestic life feel presence AND clean the kitchen floor?

Awesome advice Jane. I especially liked this...

    "'Autobiography of a Yogi' recently -a phrase from it jumped out yesterday something like ' it is easier to live alone with the tigers in the Himalayas than to be a yogi householder'. Those guys are immense - travelling astrally, raising the dead, living on air, owning nothing, staying no where longer than a week - firmly rooted beyond Maya. And we get to be in the density.... the hard core job - of course we do!"

Yes, yes, yes. It's the 'hardcore' job of living day to day in the matrix which is the real miracle!

Open *OK*

Thank you Faye for sharing your journey and how you have come through the challenges you face. What a genuine and compassionate energy I feel from you! <3
I resonate with what you say here...

"The situation may not make sense while you are in it. I think sometimes all you can do is keep open, give yourself as much time as is physically possible to be with yourself and feel the feelings you need to process, and trust that its happening for a reason."

Yep...isn't that the truth =).

Jane - thank you for reminding me of Yogananda and Babaji...Reading that book years ago, I practically highlighted the whole book and yes always found inspiration in the way of the householder yogi ...yes these priceless gems of experience are the path to internal freedom...all the daily living things - not less than or greater than any other experience.You also reminded me to stay with that feeling of inbalance that is a sense of empty "lack" and need in my belly and connects to a mask across my forehead - a furrowed brow of deep sadness. Something I perceive I am missing in that moment...of course in truth that can't be, but wow it's like a deep black hole of longing.

Trinity - Thank you for your post - yes it all resonates for me - and I know it's all true even in the moment of getting stuck.

"if you can find peace within YOU, then you touch your place of presence and will be able to see the way forwards, how to deal with it much more clearly."

Yes there is the yearning for rightness in the moment - yet it can't be found by external manipulation.

It helps me greatly to have this space to express - not just the revelations and illuminating moments but when I am feeling stuck, despite knowing the way through intellectually, living that truth is what matters and WOW seeing the stronghold of the identity that does not want to let go or take responsibility for oneself is so powerful. I can see it happening and yet the conditioning is so strong at times. I am actually not a single mom Faye, and actually have a great degree of material support in my life. However, your story is very much my mother's story and I seem to carry a sense of being left behind, not being emotionally supported - perhaps from lifetimes before this one. I have reclaimed a lot of the external neediness that I placed on my husband over the years, yet at times this feeling still arises and catches me off guard pulling me into a need for someone to be responsible for how I feel and to make it better for me. As you can imagine, it's quite hard for someone to be emotionally supportive of you when they feel blamed. Not to mention how disempowering it would be if someone actually did this for me. I won't even tell you what a small issue this was that stirred this up - it's so minor is laughable but it's the depth of pain that it touches that matters and I am grateful to see it - not that it's fun LOL!

What I do feel is that my emotional needs are not being completely met... internally or externally. So the question I am being with is what would it be like to meet them more inside? what would it be like to show up for myself, rather than abandoning myself to find resolution outside? How can I not seek external fixes for the sense of inbalance inside and just be more with the feeling of emotional abandonment - just give it room and embrace that piece with presence.

Thank you all for the amazing reflections - what beautiful soul friends you all are xoxoxo With love, Jen