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Exploring Sacred Sexuality

I've noticed Open that you sort of promised a piece on sexuality... I find it unsurprising that is has not come quickly. It affirms to me how hard this work is (and how busy you are). So I'm diving in. Partly the challenge I feel is that (the divine feminine in) )sexuality is so complex - so much more complex than just where to direct energy at orgasm. It is naturally seasonal and cyclical and sort of by definition boundless, oceanic and undefinable when unleashed. But there are so many layers of distress expressed in equally boundless variety: desire and motivationlessness, numbness, pain, freezing, faking, performing, not experiencing orgasm, only experiencing orgasm with specific stimulation, aiming for orgasm, feeling shame, anger, loss, loneliness, nothing, disgust and on.


    There are so many stories enmeshed with sexual energy - chastity, seduction, need, completion, victim and abuser. And there are so many histories and dramas roped around sexual energy - relationships, longing, hurt, loss, power, power over and on and on.

The first time I felt sexual energy in its emptiness - in the absence of reptilian distortion - it was such a shock. A divine shock but a shock nevertheless - it was so clear and light: like a mountain stream or light on dew. I had touched this energy within the distorting filters before but not as a separate flow.


    Recently with new cycle and another layer of distortion cracked for an exquisite glimpse beyond - experiencing myself and my body as an embodiment of the Goddess. This penetrated to more layers of distortion. Well actually not so subtle at all - all the layers of body shame felt - Its too big, too small, too droopy, too tight, too wobbly, too mean, too much, too tempting, too dangerous, too fucund, too fruitful, much too juicy and boundless.

It is ground shaking to realise anew just how deep in my DNA this has been - just a glimpse of what rises up as this loosens its grip feels literally mind blowing - like it is beyond these dimensions - that's how old the sarcophagus is. And so, so ingrained in this world culture - recently reading Autobiography of a Yogi - there are a couple of female saints but otherwise everything is addressed to the male as is the New Testament in its current form.


    I guess maybe the trick is also that we all know this. I sort of felt a shame writing the last paragraph - for expressing something so unsophisticated - so obvious - something about body image - but, yes, my head has known lots of this for years, maybe lifetimes, but to touch on feeling the deeper resonance of where it sits feels irrevocably earth moving.

The process though,the process is the same still. Bringing consciousness, breath, touch, feeling and softening into what I find find there. Bringing consciousness to every subtle fold of skin, each atom and the space within and around. Bringing consciousness to the shamed places especially - my yoni - the vagina, clitoris, cervix, womb, Fallopian tubes, ovaries and my kidneys, bowel, anus, and had I a male form penis and testicles. And breathing. Bringing the breakthrough mediation through every mlimetre of my body - the depths and the surface and allowing what is uncovered to be what it is as it is, what ever it is - a fold of flesh, a feeling, a tingle, a shiver, a howl, a hollowness, an emptiness, a disappeance of sensation - whatever it is it is part of me. So I start there.

Open's picture

Hi auntyangel - thanks for kicking off this essential exploration of Sacred Sexuality on Openhandweb. Yes, it has been brewing for a while, but with settling a new Openhand base in La Palma, redeveloping the website, organising a new world tour, redrafting the book series, and.... (the list would be endless!), so thankyou!

First let me say, where Openhand is concerned, Sacred Sexuality is right up there on the list of essential explorations to find True Self and align with your soul's path. I would at least put it on par with meditation, if not, above.

Sacred Sexuality, to me, brings correct alignment with kundalini - the act of creating reality, but without being lost in reality. Which is essentially tantra.

No wonder that so much distortion has been introduced, so much taboo, so much control, so much limitation, so much suppression, because when we unleash aligned Scared Sexuality, then it literally connects earth to the heavens. It completes you at the Source, and facilitates free flowing creative energy through your life.

I have for some time pondered how to introduce it into the Openhand Course Work. I definitely wanted to avoid debasing the exploration, understanding absolutely that this is also a private and personal exploration. What's been happening naturally in some of the more recent events, is a meditative regression into some of the issues people tend to face - the taboos especially. To me there is no taboo - if two people (or indeed when sexually pleasuring alone), providing there's a working towards empowerment of the soul (which may also include divine surrender), then the idea of something which is "taboo", falls away. How can anything be taboo to the One? Since everything comes from the One. I hasten to add, there must be alignment of the soul, felt as a sense of rightness - but rightness doesn't come from self judgment or limitation, from forced boundaries. It comes from free exploration.

So there have been very some effective regressive meditations, inviting people to go into restrictive contractions and open their soul energy into them. It's been an excellent start. But I do feel to tread carefully in that direction - sensitively, because it just feels right.


    When I write my article, I already know where it will begin. To me, where all Sacred Sexuality really ought to begin: that is with the sacredness of touch. Let me ask the question: how can you have successful sexual intimacy with another, if you're not able to have that with yourself? And for me, the most erotic, alchemical explorations, begin with 'simply' touching the skin - and most definitely NOT directly the erogenous zones (although I agree, that must definitely happen in order to unravel taboo). Simply touching the arm, back of the neck, a stroke along the cheek, fingers through hair, with such a feather-light touch, that you literally feel the electricity. Actually the most profound electricity, is when you're so close as to feel the energy, but without even touching the skin.

    Sacred Sexuality begins (for me) by inhaling the divine scent of a rose, feeling cooling breeze on my skin, consciously eating conscious food, hearing the rustle of fine material, seeing nakedness, but behind the thin veil, leaving imagination - the dream - to run wild and free. And foreplay? It begins not a few seconds before, minutes or even hours - it begins days before: just a glint in the eyes, the faint suggestive smile, a light but lingering hug, all at a soul level, because that's where true chemistry begins, and without it, it's just unfulfilling 'bump and grind'.

    For me, it is always the promise of, rather than the urge for fulfillment of, that really gets the juices flowing.

So maybe I've activated a few juices for exploration here. Let's see where it goes. Perhaps it's time to step out from behind the veil Openhanders - the only thing to loose is taboo!

Open <3

Open's picture

Auntyangel I felt to add, in overcoming taboo, I totally embrace your exploration of 'taboo' areas of the body. As you said...

    "Bringing consciousness, breath, touch, feeling and softening into what I find find there. Bringing consciousness to every subtle fold of skin, each atom and the space within and around. Bringing consciousness to the shamed places especially - my yoni - the vagina, clitoris, cervix, womb, Fallopian tubes, ovaries and my kidneys, bowel, anus, and had I a male form penis and testicles."

Yes indeed. It's essential to explore and become intimately conscious of.

Open Ok

Richard W's picture

Wow such open and honest explorations, bravo Auntyangel and Open.

Auntyangel, I like how you describe sexual energy as emptiness. I notice a difference in myself - when I experience orgasm from the point of lust there seems to be a limitation to it, like it's there but it's held in a box of tension and it is nice but it's wrapped in a blanket of desire and so the feeling afterwards can often be flat and unfulfilled. But, when I completely surrender into sexual energy without a goal or desire but just as a loving expression there is no longer any limitation to it, like you said 'boundless, oceanic and undefinable'. I do the same thing as I would do for processing a distortion or karma and thus I discover that the orgasm is not happening to me - it IS me because there is nothing else there.

In terms of me own sexual distortions, I have often found myself with an abundance of sexual energy and I had always assumed that in order to fulfil this I needed someone else to fulfil it with. Until now none of my sexual partners have had the same amount of libido as me and so I have often found myself self-pleasuring but in a way that always focusses on imagining being with someone else. What you say Open about how sexual energy comes through from all the sensual things you experience in your daily life and how just exploring your body can get the juices flowing (as yes, so much is in the promise as you say) all resonates so much with me, so I'd like to explore this more with myself in a way that I don't need a partner or to imagine myself with one.

Having said that I do find great pleasure in sexually pleasing a partner - to me this is so fun and can increase the sacredness of the experience tenfold. However, there is one thing that I have to be careful of (and I expect this applies to anyone who enjoys giving pleasure to others) is that it's easy to create a subtle bubble of identity where it becomes a goal or an achievement to give someone pleasure. I have sometimes experienced that if I am still centred within myself and the 'emptiness' there then there's a kind of blending of energies between me and a partner, so their sexual pleasure becomes mine too. In these moments even intimacy between two individuals becomes impossible because there are no longer two individuals but one energy dancing with itself.

One other thing I felt to mention. Feeling as sensual as I do, it happens quite often that just feeling loving toward someone or touching them in a caring way can cause an erection even if I don't feel sexual at the time. I recognise this as a distortion from my teenage years where I was so focussed on the sexual aspect of loving that I created a distorted way of thinking, that the main way of expressing love to a partner would be through sex. It can be quite embarrassing though as sometimes just undressing around my partner can give me an erection. Would be interested to hear your take on that Open (and anyone else who feels to pitch in).

Rich

Alexandros's picture

Hi everyone,

The fascinating topic of sexuality has ‘finally’ arrived! Thank you Jane for bringing it up with such honesty and vulnerability! I will try and be as honest and vulnerable as I can.

I am currently just starting exploring sexuality consciously, by bringing my attention and breath to the area of the genitals when I self-pleasure, but I find it difficult since I don’t have much sensitivity, and I get lost in the experience, aiming for orgasm for example. I also started having some dreams about sexuality, which I do not try to remember or interpret because I am afraid of what they may convey. Or I am afraid that they may convey something that I don’t want to acknowledge. Why? Because of the ’taboo’ behind it. But I am taking baby steps towards confronting that.

Rich you said:
“ I do the same thing as I would do for processing a distortion or karma and thus I discover that the orgasm is not happening to me - it IS me because there is nothing else there”

Although I have little experience in processing karma and exploring sexuality consciously, this is something that relates to my experience. Since January, I started experiencing intense trembling of the legs and the lower half of the body during orgasm, an experience very similar to that of processing distortions and karma. And I am wondering what is the ‘right’ way to work with it and what to do with it. I tried breathing deeply and consciously and I think it ‘worked’ once, meaning that I remained present in the experience. Other times what I did seemed to stop the trembling and I thought it stopped/suppressed the expression of the energy. I am interested to see whether others have had similar experiences and how they worked with it. Best wishes to everyone.

Alexandros Smile

september's picture

I feel the softening and opening of my being moving to meet the beautiful vulnerability brought forward through this courageous conversation. i feel the tender places protected by repression and denial saying yes to healing and clearing karma. It's an exciting, tentative feeling... and i deeply appreciate the opportunity to explore my own sacred sexuality because of the expressions shared in this conversation.

Im so glad this is getting talked about! Thanks to you all for opening up this wonderful subject. I have a question... I have always (as long ago as I can remember) had fantasies of being dominated sexually. Other than sharing with some lovers, I have kept this largely to myself, so this is quite a big sharing for me. Its all part of the unwinding process. Its wonderful that I can speak about this thanks to you all being so brave! Until recent years, it seemed to me that S and M has had shameful 'weird' connotations generally in society, until 50 shades of grey appeared, and then suddenly it appears that many people share these fantasies. Id love to know why this is such a part of sexuality for many people including myself. On the submission side I can only think that it has something to do with learning to surrender, to another person, as to the universal flow. I can see the parallels. Life hasn't sent me the opportunities to explore this in great experiential depth yet. September-I hear you when you say "i feel the tender places protected by repression and denial saying yes to healing and clearing karma. It's an exciting, tentative feeling... and i deeply appreciate the opportunity to explore my own sacred sexuality because of the expressions shared in this conversation." Awesome!

Open's picture

Well this thread has begun really positively - thanks everyone, I greatly wlecome that Ok

Rich I felt to pick up on this, as a wider exploration for others (Anatoly) too...

    "Feeling as sensual as I do, it happens quite often that just feeling loving toward someone or touching them in a caring way can cause an erection even if I don't feel sexual at the time."

Rising kundalini and sexual energy are very similar indeed, with a fine boundary between them. To me, living with integrated kundalini, is holding that kind of creative energy pretty much all the time, but without it necessarily being sexual.

I observe in people working to integrate kundalini, that yes, sometimes this can become sexual when that's not necessarily appropriate, for whoever they're with or the circumstances. It's a case then of fully embodying the energy, being totally conscious in your being, so as not to 'project' outwards (erection would be the physical manifestation of that). If you work to be fully internally conscious, then you can maintain the aligned boundary, and the feelings become beautifully conscious and creative, but without becoming sexual.

Open

Open's picture

Hi FT,

You said...

    "I have a question... I have always (as long ago as I can remember) had fantasies of being dominated sexually. It seemed to me that S and M has had shameful 'weird' connotations generally in society, until 50 shades of grey appeared, and then suddenly it appears that many people share these fantasies. On the submission side I can only think that it has something to do with learning to surrender, to another person, as to the universal flow.

This is a deeply powerful topic, and exactly these questions came up from a group I was working with on the last Openhand Tour. Yes the film Fifty Shades of Grey has opened up a wider exploration of what surrender and control are about. The interesting point in the film, is that although it is the woman surrendering, she is actually the one who is truly empowered through the man's controlling distortion.

When I consider the taboo and distortion in areas like this, what I find really helpful is to always find the truth at the heart of the distortion. If you can find the truth, then any sense of shame can fall away. In this case, I'd say you hit the nail on the head - it's about surrendering to the natural creative process of the universe.

None of us has any control over the universe. So in the beginning at least, where there's still ego, it will feel very much like 'things are being done to us'. Imagine falling over a cliff, if you can. In the beginning, as you approach the edge, there'd be all kinds of fears, control, doubts and even terror. Because you may still be able to control 'fate' in some way. But when you've gone over, and are falling through the air, an incredible sense of peace comes when you realise you now have no power at all to shape the events physically.

Such feelings can be like the whole universe rushing through you (I've shared a falling over a cliff experience in the Breakthrough Book). There's the opportunity to completely surrender - you simply can't do anything. Absolute acceptance can arise from this point, and it is simply breath-taking. It's like you punch right through the illusion of reality.

It's also essential to say, that in situations like this where you have no control physically, it's an amazing empowerment to realise you can choose how you respond at a soul level - you can still stay fully embodied, infused and totally relaxed. In which case, you're brought to the very precipice of life itself - no thinking of the future or the past, just this incredible moment of now. It's here that you can touch presence itself. You are literally touching the face of God.

Open <3

So Open,

Does this mean then that having having submissive sexual desires and tendencies is not a distortion in itself in your opinion? I have often wandered what is wrong with me and why I feel this way. I mean it does seem a bit messed up to get off on basically being abused! Im practicing acceptance of myself in all my forms, so I don't give my self a hard time about it these days, but it is still a big mystery why its this way. I have wandered if as time goes on and as my spiritual development progresses if the desires / urges will develop into something else. I know I can only figure this out for myself in the long run, and the mystery will most likely unravel in its own way, but I would be interested to know your thoughts.

Wyndè's picture

As I read this forum yesterday I had a thought that made absolute sense to me regarding this subject.
I was intrigued by the idea of connecting to sacred sexuality yet the thought that arose from it was - You don't have to connect with anything because you are already that with which you want to connect with. Divine Sacredness, soul. Energy.

It seems to me that absolutely everyone and everything is learning something or other and if one can approach whatever comes up at the moment in an uninhibited way for themselves then the learning can be oh so much more exquisite.

I have been contemplating this very thing recently and nearly everything around me is showing me different aspects of this divine sexuality. Lets take a female dragonfly and an aggressive male trying to court her. If the female dragonfly does not want the male, the female will literally play dead (LOL!!!)
There is a family of ducks that live near me too. One female and two males. The female is almost always escorted by another male. Yet during early spring they both will copulate with her just about anywhere....Which to human eyes can seem a bit, whoah there ducks.
I feels sometimes that I have witnessed way to much, but maybe just enough (sometimes just not enough even) to get a grasp on this subject in my life and what I have learned is that if something arises in my life that intrigues me, I will go in that direction and see what there is to learn from it.
I did this same thing with my husband. I was at a crossroads in my life where I could of gone any direction possible. It was literally 30 seconds in time that him and I had to meet. It's quite a story and maybe someday I'll share it, but the point is I made a choice to go into a direction that sent me his way. But, the kind of woman that I am he had to be perfect for me, he was not allowed to have any sexual inhibitions. How does one know if they like something or other if they do not at least try to experience or learn it?! Some things are and will always be a did I "reallllllly!!!* need to know that?!!! Other things in life are a "HEY!!" Thats totally awesome, I'm glad I went in that direction!

Sooo, regarding sacred sexuality - If one is everything and everything is one then why not just be that..Be everything.

btw Open, I just want to send out a huge "THANK YOU!" You wrote in your first reply {because when we unleash aligned Scared Sexuality, then it literally connects earth to the heavens.} I just really needed a good giggle. Not and never at you or at your expense, but with that there scared sexuality Smile Now that's funny, thank you! I'm sure it wasn't what you intended to write down though hmm lol

Wyndè

Open's picture

Hi FT (and all), let's be crystal clear: I'm saying that surrender can be aligned, but definitely NOT abuse. Surrendering can be very empowering and accepting. But that's not accepting anything goes - that would be the distortion.

It has to be surrender on the terms of your soul.
Your soul does not surrender to get something in return - love for example
(because this is where the victim distortion drawing abuse might creep in).
Your soul simply surrenders to the Right Action of the Universe.
The soul still has boundaries, like a river has banks.
The soul would surrender on its own terms, where the relevant conditions of rightness are met.

To be clear, this has nothing to do with abuse.
Accepting abuse, to get something, is disempowering.
Surrender, in the right circumstances, is empowering.

Open <3

Open's picture

Hi Wyndè

I'm not sure why you'd find "connecting earth to the heavens" funny? Smile

I most definitely did mean that. Metaphorically speaking.

Open <3

Open, You are misunderstanding me-I wasn't being clear, and maybe should have used different wording. I'm saying that what is sexually arousing for many submissives can be role playing of what could be seen as receiving abusive behaviour from the dominant partner, however it should of course always be fully consensual, with clear communication on both sides. Tbh in my limited experience so far, these situations have called for much greater levels of respect and communication than other non bdsm sexual relationships, and there can certainly be love and caring as well... However the point I was trying to make earlier is that it is really rather strange and mystifying why there is the urge to be submissive or dominant in such a way!! But then again, thinking of nature as in the post by Wynde above, I guess male ducks can be quite rough with the ladies as was a male snow leopard in the most recent David Attenborough nature series. I remember reading some horrified viewers complaints int he Radio Times about how he treated his lady!! Im curious as to why some humans are this way inclined sexually. That was my point. I know Freud had some ideas, but Id like to know what you think. And rest assured-I will always look after and have a very high level of respect for myself and others Smile

Wyndè's picture

Oh perhaps I wasn't clear in what exactly I found humorous there.
Open, you typed in "Scared." The word itself combined with the rest just made me giggle. I guess scared sexuality is a thing and that's ok, there is nothing wrong with that in my eyes.

I see humor, I seek it out everywhere for without humor inside of me I would never be able to just go with the flow. Maybe it's my gateway, and I found it funny because it brought images of people with their hair standing straight up in the air and worried looks on their faces. It within itself is funny, yet not. Because I know exactly how it feels to be in that kind of moment....

Ok then! Back to my cave lol

Colin Gilbert's picture

Hello folks, I have not been too forthcoming lately but I do feel this post is very timely. Open, in the past, you have observed that I tend to be there for the ‘experience’. Now that is a very interesting observation as it is the ‘experiences of life’ that seem to resonate with me.

Several years ago, I spent a week on a Singles Sacred Sexuality workshop and from a stand point of Nil, I kinda felt that we went incredibly deeply into the subject. The raising of Kundalini energy was very much part of that week. Several times, as I was being massaged, I began to feel as if an energy was moving through my body and I would writhe on the floor like a serpent. I would describe it as being like having an orgasm without the sexuality bit. I also perceived that the energy seemed to be getting stuck around the Solar Plexus area.

This was all very unexpected and of course was an amazing ‘experience’ but it is only in more recent years that I have begun to explore the deeper elements of who I am, how I am and why I am. Another door that you assisted me in opening, Open, was that of ‘honoring’ who ever and what ever I find myself dealing with. Where I find most difficulty though is honoring myself and my own needs, especially my sexual needs.

It is so refreshing to read that other males seem to have come packaged with their own a bursting libido and struggle to keep it in check. I suspect though that this may not just be the domain of the males! The wonderful thread of these posts though is the careful opening of that door that allows the power of this human energy to be almost re-directed just by breathing to share and inter mingle with a partner. The difficult bit for me though, is to fully let go of the experience and just learn to ‘be’ with it.

Thank you Open for your description of bringing the sacredness of self touch into the whole world of sensuality. I am sure that many readers of these posts are not currently in a sexual partnership and can then perhaps relate to that deep burning emptiness. I have often struggled with the natural forces at work in this situation and wonder why so many seemingly incongruous objects or situations suddenly take on a deep sexual overtone! Indeed, I have often wondered what sort of past lives I enjoyed…….Oh dear?

It occurs to me that our sexuality and indeed the desire to raise our attractive energy levels can expand across many areas of our day to day lives. I personally have not experienced a full Kundalini Release but I suspect that if that energy is able to freely flow, then the sexuality element is also free to become the Sacred Sexuality that encompasses the whole body, the touch, the engorgement, the attraction, the breath and the release. I think that I still struggle with the physical experience of it all rather than, as you say Richard, ‘the fact that orgasm is not happening to me - it IS me because there is nothing else there’.

I have much traveling still to do but thank you all again for opening up this amazing subject.

sandrajaneenah's picture

I am always amazed when the universal synchronicities appear. I am on a fast/retreat until mid-June and the primary focus is vulnerability...mine...and where I lock-up. Sexuality is definitely a locked-up place within me. And apparently I am to release it, which I knew I hadn't but have had no idea how to or what to do with the emptiness I feel in this area of my life. And here I am at the end of it! Thank God...because I do not want to carry this emptiness forward into another 3rd D incarnation when everything else seems to be centered in the higher fields.
Self pleasuring sexually has been my mainstay experience in this area, even though I have had several partners, a husband, and my soul mate with whom I longed for intimacy but the 36 years difference in our ages eventually won the day and he left for a younger woman to whom he is now married. The same happened with my husband of 36 years...he married one of his students who is the same age as our children. I am left with baggage ...I still long for love and intimacy with someone special, but at 73 I feel any opportunities for me to experience this are over. I thought it was something I had settled within me...but here it is, and apparently it has not settled at all.
So thank you for this conversation. I may not respond, since I don't at this point know what I can contribute, but I definitely will be absorbing all the entries and looking deeply into the mirror...

auntyangel's picture

Wow everyone thank you! I have found the honesty, courage and clarity of response to this thread extraordinary this week - For me the sheer 'volume' in terms of amount, energy and content in this subject has been challenging to respond to and digest. In fact, one night I fell asleep reflecting on my response to your various sharings and I woke having had such a powerful dream it was still running in my system once I was awake - it centred around the death of a child and an ex partner - in the dream I remember holding a little silver filagree chalice and while feeling still the presence of my child's essence, grieving for the sheer succulence of their physical presence.

I really appreciated Open your reminder to engage with the senses all the time - sacred infusion of my senses - I spent the week feeling my clothes touching my skin whenever I remembered - at work, driving the car, in bed, while meditating. Like a constant infusion right into the density of the physical. Down and in.

FT - I confess to having a strong reaction to your sharing - I did not even read 50 Shades - it was a conscious choice - you made me reflect on it again - it was a choice born of a feeling that I have lived it ( a bit but not much in this life) and have no wish to go back there. Thank you for the trigger to pursue that feeling (which relates somewhat to Sandrajaneenah's posting which I write about later.

But before I go there, there was something else in your post and I felt behind a fair amount of what we all shared - You wrote
" so does that mean that having submissive sexual desires and tendencies is not a distortion in itself in your opinion? I have often wandered what is wrong with me and why I feel this way"
What is your truth? By this I mean your answer to this question. It feels like with we miss - maybe because of the quality of sexual energy - is noticing that, as with every other step on the path, we need to sense out is the authentic pull of the soul. We all know, when it comes to less emotive things what it feels like to make an aligned decision - it's like there no longer is any other option - it is clear that is what needs to happen - until then it is habit or mind games or, where things feel uncomfortable and invitation to further exploration. Well the same surely is the same of sexual expression? What does it feel like to feel the is something wrong with you? What is that? Or from other posts What does it feel like always to access sexual energy or to feel compelled by it? What does it feel like to have seen way too much or what is the low after the high of lust? Surely these are some of the trap doors we each are invited to lift? These may be the beginning of the trail to unwind the distortions that entwine with sexual energy.

Sandrajaneenah your posting resonates with a question that came up for me earlier in the week - something about having experienced opening and complete surrender and then the universe-obliterating shock of historic betrayal, lies and ultimately madness. I recognise the karma in this from the scale of my system's reaction to what happened in relation to events in the 3D. Is it any wonder that, as Richard related, it appears that many women have less access to or apparently need of to sexual expression? Working with Openhand and Tantra gives me tools. And I recognise it was my twin flame burning in those moments of connection and surrender and supporting me still as the attachment and projection is broken to those who embodied it for me.

Last night, when I could not sleep, I sat to meditate and felt the cool air on my neck and clavicle and the touch of my top across my upper chest. Regressing back to the moments of of surrendered conception, I noticed that it is still there - part of me not - frozen in the past. I don't remember the journey that I then took but I know it took Angelic support, it took me back to the womb and my birth - to where the expectation of connection and Love was betrayed by the cold air and the weight of my head in gravity - I cried for that disappointment. But the connection is there this morning.
Another bubble burst.
With Love and thanks to you all,
J x

grahamd's picture

A great topic that is often hidden away and yet it is a wonderful gateway to many more awakened experiences.

A really good book on this topic is:

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Sex-Awakening-Journey-Spiritual/dp/0738751715

This is an autobiography, so it more about Margot's journey then a teaching guide, but within her journey there is so much teaching.
It answered many questions I have had over the years.
But alas I could not finish it due to reading the experiences I was missing out on :\. You see I have touched the Universe through a sacred sexual connection, but this is not currently possible with my long term partner who has little interest in this area.

Open's picture

Thanks for all the continued sharings everyone - let's keep exploring and taking things deeper Ok

Something touched me quite deeply that you said Sandra, and I think you might echo the feelings of many who are on their own and not in relationship...

    "I still long for love and intimacy with someone special, but at 73 I feel any opportunities for me to experience this are over. I thought it was something I had settled within me...but here it is, and apparently it has not settled at all.

Please don't give up! 73 is zip in the grand scheme of things. How old is your soul?

I feel eons old - and I've discovered something essential in that time: partners will come and go, even soul mates too, but one thing will remain throughout eternity - the relationship with your Twin Flame.

Let this become like a romance with the universe. Look for reflections everywhere: the sweet scent of a flower; a bird singing in the tree; sun shining on your face; the breeze caressing you. Now imagine there's a lover there for you throughout all of time, sending these reminders to feel the love inside of you. And crucially, even when you're in relationship, don't lose the romance you have with life just inside of them. Or else you risk losing the chemistry in you.

It's like living in a constant loving dream with the universe. I felt to share this clip from Breakthrough....

    After a while of languishing in that beautiful feeling, back in the movie again, now I'm seeing 22 everywhere. “What’s that all about?” Suddenly a song comes on the radio...

      “But you are in my head Swimming forever in my head Tangled in my dreams Swimming forever
      So I listen to the radio and all the songs we used to know So I listen to the radio remember where we used to go.
      Now it’s morning light and it’s cold outside caught up in a distant dream
      I turn and think that you are by my side
      I listen to the radio.”

    (lyrics by The Corrs)

    It feels very feminine, incredibly loving, and like it is inside me. And now my eyes are directed outwards, to a billboard with the picture of a woman on it with smiling eyes. It makes me feel warm inside, whole, completed and loved.

      You were seeing reflections of your Twin Flame. The other part of you, which rests at the Source and acts as a homing beacon, to the memory of your completeness. Hence you were seeing the number 22.


    That day was so special. So magical. It felt more real than ever I’d experienced life before. Somehow in my heart, I just knew this was how it was supposed to be. In looking back, I knew I wanted to, and could, live this dream. And that ultimately, the dream would be more real than my current 'reality'.

      Indeed it is. It can be for anyone. It just requires you to put your attention on it - to watch out for the 'spiking' moments that draw your focus. Follow them. Then you can break through into the greatest romance of your life!

Open <3

I just wanted to say thank you very much for replying to me. I am indeed following the trail as you described, and it was a relief to hear someone else that may have explored similar avenues at some time. Many times I have wished that this thing would go away, and to be 'normal', though now I accept this is me and my path, and Im going to enjoy it and jump into the flow of where it takes me. I have felt the difference between making love with someone I am madly in love with, kinky 3D sex for its own sake, and then I have also felt the stirrings of kundalini energy myself alone during meditation... I do still feel drawn to explore my submissive side, and Im not going to apologise for it! Like you said Aunty Angel;

"we need to sense out is the authentic pull of the soul. We all know, when it comes to less emotive things what it feels like to make an aligned decision - it's like there no longer is any other option - it is clear that is what needs to happen"

Thats how I feel. For years I have tried to ignore urges and fantasies of weird and wonderful sex, Ive been in relationships that have been great in many ways, but haven't allowed me to explore and express myself sexually in the ways I have craved for... It feels like I can't go on ignoring this anymore, and its time to explore. Maybe its a distortion or conditioning from our culture, maybe not. I don't know but the only way through this one for me is to experience it and see where it leads me in my consciousness. I have done a lot of work on myself over the years, and feel comfortable in my own skin, and with setting boundaries and saying no when I need to. Im confident I can go into this eddy current well prepared with respect for myself and others.

The last thing I would like to say is that in todays culture, with many children seeing pornographic images by the time they are 10 years old, there is a whole generation growing up with some pretty warped sexual conditioning. I got a feeling that what I had to say in previous posts some may have found a bit shocking? What Im working through is most likely to be small fry compared with what some of the youngsters of today are going to have to unravel.

I feel like I have half of me in the 3D world, and the other half in 5D. I would love to be able to progress straight to full on sacred sexuality without all this in between 3D stuff! I will keep meditating, and living through the eddy currents. I can feel kundalini moving in me. Its not a full on awakening, but its stirring, and rising. The universe is talking to me constantly. I know Im on the right path. Aunty Angel, as I was feeling a sense of relief from reading your message yesterday, that someone understood what I was talking about, a song came on the radio about an angel taking me back to the source. I couldn't believe it Smile It brought a tear to my eye! Thank you Smile XXX

nialet's picture

From my own recent experience of soul infusion, I do feel at times the kundalini energy building up at the base wanting to rise and flow. Sometimes, it goes out in subtle waves throughout the body but for the most part in stays in the base. It is a beautiful energy and in my case when i sit with it is usually projected with an arousal and erection. Sometimes, breathing meditation like Breakthrough Breathing one helps to build it up, sometimes i just want to sit with it. For me, connecting with nature and freewheeling helps to stay in tune with the energy.

However, i happen to lose any sense of that sacred kundalini/sexual energy with any kind of stimulation be it myself of with my partner. It seems that during the physical stimulation, the usual neural pathways kick in things flow in the established and well driven tracks. I know it doesn't have to be this way. I feel like It is not about building new tracks but rather staying soft and open like a blank canvas. It is challenging but possible with clear communication and following the pull of the soul. One thing I noticed for sure that any mind based intention kills the experience.

I have a lot to learn here and just sharing my personal experience. It is the journey that matters. It is great to hear so many open and courageous explorations in this thread Good

With Love,
Anatoly

Ann B's picture

I just returned from a meditation retreat. During one of the meditation sessions I don't know how to put it in words other than to say I spontaneously became the vibration of bliss. It was the most incredible experience I've ever had and for me all physical sexual experiences in that moment became so limiting compared to this experience.

When the session was over and I opened my eyes I instantly felt connected to everyone (well over 100 people) in the room. I could see/feel past their "stories" and only knew the light of Christ in everyone. Then we went to lunch where I instantly connected with a random person, not even part of the retreat, in such a profound way and without any words spoken that we exchanged phone numbers. During the same lunch break I experienced something that if I hadn't been in such a bliss state would have gone right to my pain body, caused much tightness and reinforcing many of the insecurities I carry with me as part of my story. Hard to explain except to say I experienced the emotions but they just flowed through me as an experience without changing my blissful state. The whole experience was completely irrelevant to my current state except to show me how often I take things so personally when in actuality they have nothing to do with me and how much emotional pain I suffer as a result.

Although I have come down from the yang part of this experience it still remains with me in a yin way if that makes sense. Honestly if I was told I could continue to have these experiences in meditation but it meant never having physical sex again, I wouldn't even hesitate in my answer. It was that amazing.

Open's picture

Hi FT,

It sounds like you've been having many wonderful and varied experiences - awesome Ok

I felt to come back to this you said below, in case anything I've said or intimated may have been misunderstood...

    "I feel like I have half of me in the 3D world, and the other half in 5D. I would love to be able to progress straight to full on sacred sexuality without all this in between 3D stuff!"

Personally I don't witness any lasting pathway going to the 5D (including sexually) that doesn't transcend the 3D. And by transcend, I mean pass through. Which means to fully unfold through the 3D.

In the Openhand approach, this means fully experiencing and expressing the distortion. If not, then we would still likely remain a (polar) identity partially stuck in the 3D, rather than the presence of the One through it, which connects up to vibrations in the 5D too. I observe the sacred can be found in all things.

In this approach, by expressing into what we might feel and perceive the distortion is, then we can find aligned sense of rightness in it - which is going to be different for every soul, because every soul is unique. And by 'rightness', I don't mean a judgment on what is 'right' or 'wrong', 'good' or 'bad'. There is simply what feels right for the soul (beyond what society might judge as taboo).

And then, whilst still in a physical body, to deny that aligned expression in a 3D way, would only lead once more to identity. In the Openhand approach, it's about letting the energy flow freely without suppression through all the chakras that may be available to us.

Have fun exploring!

Open <3

Distracted Yogi's picture

While it's true I am riveted to every share here I must confess I'm understanding almost nothing of what's being said.
Thank you thank you for opening this most important conversation:)

I feel I wouldn't have even come to this thread had it not been for my recent experience at the last Seattle retreat.
I arrived there knowing my libido was in full lockdown mode yet I'd always held out hope, ever so faint, that it might somehow return to its former functioning. I shared openly that severe body shame most certainly was a major interference in this happening. Open, thank you. Your kind presence said simply "I've just gotten confirmation that this issue will resolve itself very soon." As you, and some others, have since observed changes did occur and probably faster than I could really comprehend at the time. Five weeks on and the this new sexual reality of mine continues to astound me. I feel I'm playing with a sacred fire. I say play because it has revealed itself to me as a most playful energy. One I've only just met. Whatever I thought I was doing prior to now in terms of sexuality actually makes no sense to me now.
While I was going through the shutdown period I remained single and truly felt unattractive and unlovable. Having a functional libido has changed everything for me but not just the ability to feel aroused, I've also reclaimed something so integral to my self. I didn't understand what I'd really been lacking until that moment where it all came roaring back to life. I marvel at this energetic presence which changes moment to moment taking me with it on a most magical carpet ride.

Gosh I tea hope I'm making sense! I've been running so hot that circuit breakers are failing and hot water tanks are bursting in my home! People are coming out of the woodwork and propositioning me on a regular basis. I know I've changed and the people around me see it too. Some are resisting this new me while most others are rejoicing with me. Now, how to contain some of this fire before I burn myself out?

One final comment. Sandra I have a very dear friend who just turned 75. She met love for the first time in her life four years ago. It happened without warning and with someone so unlikely she still can't quite grasp how the magic happened. It did happen though and why not?

Sincerest love.
Michelle

Open's picture

Hi Ann - thanks for sharing your "better than sex" experience - brilliant Smile

And Michelle, wow, how lovely that you've broken into this most special of layers. Of course its all about how the soul is allowed to flow freely inside. Which involves bringing awareness into the chakras (as we did on the course) and then confronting the resistant layers the soul then hits. So now things are flowing more freely. Awesome Ok

There's a degree of caution necessary though: free flowing kundalini will attract all manner of potential partners. Which is fine. However, when you engage, the energy will flow into the new 'relating experience'. If that becomes too fixed too early, in other words some kind of relationship builds too early, then you risk losing the energy again. When it's flowing and free like this, my personal encouragement would be to give it time to flow, then to integrate as a way of being.

What this means is that when we do go into relationship, you'll remember the energy, which encourages you to set boundaries, which means you don't keep losing the energy in the other person.

So I'd encourage a full-on exploration, yes, but be mindful of getting bogged down.

It's all good!

Open Ok

Open's picture

I felt to explore further how loving sexual intimacy leads to the free flow of kundalini and what that feels like. How the two are closely interrelated. Also how it is much misunderstood within society. So much so, that there's not even a framework of any kind of real understanding.

Practical application of the way we enter into sexual intimacy is one of the most evolving possibilities out there. Because as people are sharing above, the sexual experience is incredibly effective at unleashing kundalini, which is the naturally creative energy of the universe.


    Activated kundalini is the free flow of soul energy down from the source, into the various layers of the bodymind and back to the source again, as a continual cycle (all inside of you). This happens on the path at Transfiguration (as we've shared in 5GATEWAYS) where the lower and higher self unite as one.

This reunification can be brought on - facilitated - in countless ways. On the Openhand Courses we use ancient methods of breathing into the chakras and unleashing the free kundalini flow through movement - soulmotion - then unraveling blockages as the soul encounters them.

In sexual intimacy, we may then apply similar kinds of breathing to channel energy through the chakras (which we can explore further on); it brings conscious sensuality - sensitivity (which is awareness) - into the various layers of the bodymind. When orgasm occurs, it's the physical manifestation of the soul actualising its completeness back at the source. The 'downward' flowing soul, now arrives back at the source (inside of you). Which can feel literally 'orgasmic'. Hence why the experience is so compelling.


    We may then integrate the energy inside, as a way of living and being. Which then takes on other forms of energy and expression - you feel great sensitivity when smelling a flower for example or hearing the song of a bird. And what's essential to hoist on board, is that as you learn to contain and embody this energy, it starts to manifest all manner of miracles and magic as a way of life. It literally brings you alive, and shapes the field all around you.

I felt to share this video clip of a woman suffering from something society has termed "Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder" (my God, where do they come up with the names!). The woman in the video is suffering from daily constant orgasm, which although may sound great, is clearly inappropriate in daily life circumstances! The reason this is happening in my knowing, is because she's had a partial kundalini activation, which is now making her constantly open to the free flow of energy, BUT, and it's a big but, the energy is not being embodied through ALL of her Chakras - it's only flowing through the base chakra. Watch the first couple of minutes...

So crucially, she's being loaded with energy, but only able to express it in a sexual way. That's my main point...

    You're not just limited to sexual expression. Free flowing kundalini is not just about sex. It's about having a lovingly intimate experience with the whole of life, in a balanced and harmonious way. That's why combining sexual exploration with chakra balancing meditation is so beneficial to us.

Time to get meditating folks!

Open <3

Distracted Yogi's picture

Open thank you so much!
Your explanations absolutely hit my experience squarely.
I am practicing the chakra breathing daily, since leaving Seattle. I have also begun exploring a relationship of a kind with another and have encountered exactly the situation you just referred to...the getting lost in the energetic exchange. I'm also most definitely experiencing the sweet subtleties of colours, sounds and nature in general. It's been a very very intense awakening! And while at times overwhelming I do feel grounded in my body most of the time. Many feelings are surfacing now, mostly from my distance past in this life and probably others as well. The subsequent processing is relentless but highly efficient too.

Now to get out of my head for a bit, the physical joy and sexiness I'm feeling is wonderful! Such a beautiful departure from not feeling my sexuality at all.
Luckily I'm recognizing the energetic 'flooding effect' quickly enough to pull back in an attempt to contain the energy. I'm relieved that you used the same word to describe this process. It's like a kind of insurance policy- lets me know I'm on the right track:)

I just wanted to say thanks Open for your reply. Although I know that getting on with my journey does not require others to approve or understand, it was still really lovely to read your words. I feel a bit like Frodo on his search for the ring-its quite scary but feels like Ive got to do it! It makes all the difference to have someone I respect give me the thumbs up, and its awesome knowing there is this community here to share with along the way. I wish all of you the best with everything you are working with. Lots of love to you all XXXXX

Margaret's picture

Hi everyone,
This thread shifted something in me today. I am unsure what it is exactly, but I feel like sharing the experience with you.

Sexuality is a precious paradigm for me. I feel mostly free and uninhibited when making love, sharing myself with my beloved and receiving his expression. This is in slight contrast with my “daytime” activities, which usually contain various degrees of holding back, possibly due to sensitivity and childhood trauma… maybe it doesn’t even matter why, it’s just how things are…

Back to today: I read the thread and the mentions of kundalini and the authenticity in your posts triggered an inquiry within me. I wasn’t sure what the inquiry was, I only knew I needed to go out and meet it. I went for a sun-set walk to the river. The air smelled of delicate blossoms, the sun was setting so beautifully, painting the clouds is subtle pastels. There was stillness in the ether as well as a sense that everything was moving in unison. I became strongly aware of the sensory input, especially the cool air entering my lungs and wind on my skin. I thought “breathing is the ultimate act of surrender as with it we allow the outer inside of ourselves”. And in that moment I just let go. The sensation of cool air moving within my air-ways became erotic. Somehow, the coolness travelled all the way down, stirring the kundalini and it began to rise up my body. Not entirely new experience, but what came after was a revelation of sorts.

Then, the shades of purple in the sky spilled over me, the grass was just so LOVINGLY green… the universe was permeating me with its sweetness, I could even taste it! There was an elating dance of two energies inside of me: the inside and the outside mixing together, becoming one, merging. I felt so present, but at the same time kind of shapeless and nebulous, like a cloud. I saw two pairs of birds and all this intensified and expanded like a wave… I made a sound (I think I laughed) and the vibration of my voice created more pleasure. I was so intensely happy and filled with joy, completely saturated with it. On the way back there were number eights everywhere and I thought “what a beautiful shape” and felt like they were whispering to me about my own infinity. Actually pretty much everything I saw or felt was beautiful and crystal clear.

I’m thinking now that perhaps I somehow settled on the separation of the two expressions: the freedom of the sexuality and my held back “day-time” way of being. I feel it doesn’t have to be so anymore. Well, the door is open now and I’m curious what’s on the other side. There is a sense of merging of the two at the moment as well as a strong Twin Flame presence. I guess, that was the shift. And there is more, but I can’t put it in words just yet.

Gosh, I have so much love in me right now, I wish you guys could feel it... but perhaps you do.

Good night.

M.

Heire's picture

Yes, I feel it. Smile Thank you for sharing such a beautiful experience. <3

Distracted Yogi's picture

Thank you Margaret. Beautiful just beautiful.
Michelle xx

Margaret's picture

Hey there, Heire and Michelle. It feels really lovely to be heard and received. Thank you for your feedback. Smile

I sort of knew that sharing here will pull more threads for me. Sure enough more wants to come to the surface. I’m moving through a rather heavy period in my life and this sudden burst of light yesterday came unexpectedly. I described how the sexual experience has been a source of immense joy and free expression for me… what I didn’t mention is how I get lost in it (for that very reason).

In it’s pure form it feels like getting dissolved, coming to the source, coming to innocence, engaging boundless creativity, coming home, freedom, timelessness, acceptance. I do not want to leave that space, I just want to hide there forever. From what? From the harshness of this world, as I haven't yet fully accepted being here, on this planet (perhaps it is also my own harshness and non acceptance of who I am that I'm hiding from). Out of that, sooner or later I tend to form an attachment and attribute the experience mostly to my partner, wanting to be controlled by him and wanting to control (really 2 sides of the same coin). A perfect recipe for suffering. I know how it works and that it is a distortion, but it’s been so strong so far that I was unable to see past it most of the time. So, then, of course I do not want the experience to end. I get a sense of lack creeping up and wanting enters the stage. This sometimes spills over onto the sexual expression in a form of greediness. It is still satisfying, but in a different way. It feels tainted by the awareness that it is temporary, that I’ll eventually “lose it”. My soul has been trying to show me how I get lost in this experience for over a year now, but I had a difficult time seeing beyond the story and the archetypes. In the last few months it really blew up in my face and I’ve been cornered. It feels like sitting in a room full of mirrors, but still stubbornly resisting meeting these unwanted parts of myself, keeping my eyes shut while throwing a tantrum. Recently, I had a sense that these undesirable parts just wanted to be held in my awareness and I didn’t need to do anything with them, other than meeting them. That’s it. Still, I was resisting, because I'd have to admit that I've been wrong, controlling, hurtful. I knew that the only way out is through, but perhaps if I could postpone it a bit.... in the meantime my soul kept cranking up the pressure. Then, I came to accept the part of myself that was resisting, and from there things began to loosen up.

This morning, I got up and noticed how shiny and beautiful the faucet was in the bathroom (yep, the faucet stirred me up). It was glorious and smooth and just perfect. I saw the reflection of my face in it and felt just as perfect and complete, also still shiny from last night’s experience. It struck me on a deeper level that there is really nothing to lose because there is nothing to be had. There is only an experience and I come in and out of it as a whole being. I saw a string of past experiences and it felt funny how I was grasping for something that I’ve always had. Actually, even the expression “to have” seems silly and foreign, because it implies the state of “not having”, which is also an illusion and feels like a ridiculous idea at the moment.

I’m curious where my soul will take me next.

M.

Open's picture

Hi M,

These are poetic self-realisation explorations - how beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing here. How illuminating for people. <3

This stood out most for me...

    "I tend to form an attachment and attribute the experience mostly to my partner, wanting to be controlled by him and wanting to control (really 2 sides of the same coin). A perfect recipe for suffering. I know how it works and that it is a distortion, but it’s been so strong so far that I was unable to see past it most of the time."

I can resonate with this - I see it can happen with a soul-mate - someone with very similar reflections of your Twin Flame. It's an energy that has the profound ability to pull you in, to maximise your distortion (and theirs).

For me it's been like being in the centre of an extremely powerful torsional vortex. I knew my soul was yearning the higher dimensional connection, always, and to be focused and aligned with this. Yet part of my soul still wishes to engage with the lower densities and all that this means. It's like being enticed in by a sweet promise.

For some time, I bounced in and out of the dynamic - being pulled in different directions was at times excruciating. But it taught me so much about this 3D reality - why people get stuck and lost, especially when drawn in by a close friend or partner. Whether it be in sexual intimacy, or just day-to-day circumstances. It's like you're caused to lower your awareness 'guard'. This is where the boundaries get blurred.

But I also realised it doesn't ultimately help just to step away, until you've resolved it. The key is to surrender right into the grey areas, right into the blurred boundaries, but crucially, to do so with deep awareness, being profoundly honest with yourself about what's going on and what you're experiencing.

It's only ever awareness that can solve anything. Withdrawing or retraction from (the situation), is not bringing awareness into it - quite the opposite.

And so this dynamic really eased for me. My boundaries are sharp and defined now. I express them clearly, but compassionately, and so there's little blurring.

Essentially we're talking 'tantra' in life. You're totally immersed in the experience, but constantly realising your greater connected self in it.

Open Ok

Distracted Yogi's picture

Margaret's picture

Thank you for your response and reflections, Open. Your words prompted further explorations for me today. They confirmed the importance of being aware in the moment. It has been growing in me organically and now I feel I'm invited to expand into it even more with my attention. This awareness must have conjured tantric experiences I've been having recently. I forgot about the concept of tantra, so thank you for this reminder.

What stood out especially in your post was:

“The key is to surrender right into the grey areas, right into the blurred boundaries, but crucially, to do so with deep awareness, being profoundly honest with yourself about what's going on and what you're experiencing.”

The boundaries, of course! I lose myself in wanting to merge with the other, remove all boundaries. But the invitation is not to merge with another soul, but my own. I keep taking the other for myself! It just sank in on an entirely new level.

The current experience presents itself as a possibility to be re-wounded, re-wired, re-united. There is a resistance to it, but there is also a magnetic pull to dive right in. Yes, this pull feels like a “sweet promise” and seductive invitation to a beautiful dream, but underneath this, somewhere buried in the density and seductive distortion, there is a big piece of my soul calling to be integrated into the wholeness. Should I demand of myself to mend my heart first, remove all fear and anxiety before entering this raw territory? Should I perhaps perfect my skill of resolving distortions, get better at meditating? But this opportunity found me here and now. So, I must have called for it in this time and space, right? The Universe simply honored my request! I have no other choice but to sink into the experience exactly as I am now and let it permeate the rawness of my heart. “Go in”- whispers my soul tenderly - “with your eyes wide open… and find out who you truly are.”

In Gratitude.

M.