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5GATEWAYS documentary (Part 3 of 7): Gateway 2

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(DVD in High Definition available...click here)

"5 Gateways" (Part 3 of 7): Gateway 2 from Openhand on Vimeo.

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Im so glad your video is available as it is giving me alot of support as Im going through this gateway. Knowing Im not alone and others have gone before me is a great comfort. It truly is a challenging time, but after my awakening I knew I couldnt go back to my old life as the pull of my soul is so strong. Like you say Im putting one step in front of the other and carrying on to walking the path and leaving behind all I know and planned for. Thankyou Ruth.

Chris Bourne's picture

Yes indeed Ruth - Gateway 2 is very challenging indeed. My heart goes out to you.

I think what often happens is people get an intellectual understanding of what it means to surrender to higher guidance - to their soul - but the "Realignment" goes much deeper than that. It comes as a natural and spontaneous upwelling from within - to surrender everything in order to walk the path.

Much love and empathy to you

Chris

someone's picture

Hello Smile

I felt to share a bit about my Gateway 2, much more challenging than I thought it would be, because of what Chris wrote, being in the mind, trying to intellectualize, analyze, understand and shape, do things 'right', like "I now surrender to the soul", because this is the 'right' thing to do Biggrin and if I don't then this is 'wrong'!

For me this is one of the most challenging... challenges :), leaving the mind in peace.

I WAS lost in the misconception about what it is about. Both about observing AND about what surrendering to the soul/path is.

I was long lost until I realized that both are not intended actions, but happen spontaneously (and then I relaxed a bit and became more surrendered Smile ). For example, the moment I say to myself: just watch, I am ALREADY watching. I can see now how many times I thought I got lost in the action and was beating myself up, when I WAS observing in the background, and I know that more people kind of get this 'bug', thinking observing is in the mind, rather than just awareness in the background.

It is very similar with the surrendering. I thought: I want to surrender to the soul, I was pushing myself and beating myself up for giving in to the 'old ways', to the distortions, addictions, as if I was supposed to get perfect in one day. Of course it didn't work so well.
It is really building itself on its own, while all to do is just walking the path, which includes catching myself distorted, addicted, attached, lost, confused, not-knowing, afraid, etc etc.

It was like: I am now needy, so I am not surrendering to the soul! Hands up!!! Surrender!!! Biggrin But all to do is just being there, in this neediness, being aware, and watching myself in the distortions, doing/feeling whatever I was doing/feeling and just seeing the determination, the commitment to let it all go growing. And in parallel, follow the heart-felt pulls, which sometimes take me to the denseness, to the tightness, but so many times to the joy, bliss and magic. This is the path, just going and finding out whatever is there in the next moment, be it light or darkness, joy or sadness, soul or... not Biggrin

And the main thing was and remains - going from the mind to the feelings, from the head into the heart.

And the last one:
Ruth wrote these words "I knew I couldnt go back", they caught my eye.

"I can't go back", this feeling for me is very empowering, very fueling, especially these days. If I can't go back, then I go forward.

And even if I get lost and confused for a while, it doesn't take too long to feel it, that I am being held, delayed or sucked 'back'. These stuck spots, be it for one second or for months, did and do a great service, they raise this feeling of 'I have had enough!' and then inner commitment and determination to follow the higher guidance follow, they just arise on their own.

Sending love and soulful hugs to all the 'path travelers',
Yulia

Thankyou both for your understanding and words it is much comfort. The inner knowing of not been able to go back which I agree totally with Yulia is 'I have had enough'is in itself frofound. From when I woke up in 2008 I knew I couldnt go back, however actually making that commitment and walking the path is very very challenging. But the thought of living a life were I had to be some-one Im not anymore to fulfill others expectations would have been even more challenging. Like Gateway 2 discusses its walking the path, but not knowing were it leads to and the confusion that goes with it makes your documentary so important to us all.Its also fantastic to discuss my journey with you here on Openhand. Im not sure if I have surrendered yet maybe I have all I know is I have to follow my inner knowing. I thought I could get away with it and adapt certain parts of my path into my former life, but it didnt work and I had to make that full commitment. So here goes Im walking the path so you are going to hear more from me in the future Im sure. Ruth x

Chris Bourne's picture

Well that does sound like a deep commitment Ruth. And it certainly feels like you've confronted the intellectual surrender and found that this ultimately doesn't work!

So the question is... what exactly is Gateway 2 - the Realignment - all about and how do we know if it has happened to us?

Firstly I should say it is a very definite marker. When it happens, there is no doubt that something lasting has shifted within. In this case, it's the kind of feeling that says "I am not going to do another thing unless I can feel it is from my higher self and the right thing to do". So it's very definitely a moment by moment thing. And it confronts us with all of our emotional attachments - to friends, family, children, partners.

Of course at the absolute level we are all one. In other words, there is only one being acting through multiplicity of form. And the purpose of the multiplicity of experience is to ultimately taste that supremity in all things. So at our core, there is no fear of what would happen by taking a particular route in life - by making a particular choice.

In order to experience this absoluteness (which to me is the sole purpose of life), we have to confront all of those attachments which would have us behave in a preprogrammed and conditioned way. We confront them, let them go and experience total unbridled liberation. This is what the realignment leads to.

So when realignment happens, there will still be fears and attachments arising, but somehow the inner resolve to confront them always takes presidence - the soul 'wins' in the choices that we become aware of.

When the realignment happens, it is normally marked by a synchronous event - a 'ceremony' - to mark the event in the outer world. This happens because our consciousness markedly shifts and since our reality is shaped by our consciousness, then the outer world shifts too at realignment.

So do you feel there is no other choice but to make authentic higher self choices? And have you witnessed any marked event taking place as that shift happens?

Best wishes

Chris

someone's picture

To me this is not really important whether I have passed a certain gateway or not only in the sense of knowing.

I found it REALLY helpful and important though to know more or less where I am, between what and what, so I can feel a bit less afraid, confused and know what can help in this particular stage.

But just the knowing? I anyway can slip back if I am not attentive and get stuck again, and the gateways are so interwoven. Karma builds childhood and teenager identities distortions, they lead to programmed behaviors and so while being before Gateway 2, hello tough karmic processing that includes drowning, suicidal fix and whatever.

It is really great that there are clear gateways, and I am sure that it is a great joy when going through it and knowing it. But I can't say when I passed the 1st one at all, for example, as far as I am concerned, I might still have not passed it, because I don't exactly fit the description of completion and can't remember any ceremony :S

Biggrin

With Gateway 2, the same.

I went to the New Year retreat, paralyzed by fear, how will I make it? I don't have money, I am getting lost even near my own house, I get panic attacks in unfamiliar places, it is freezing there!!! What am I doing??!!! Biggrin I remember how I was booking it all, as if something in the background moved me, typed credit card numbers, packed, I was totally overwhelmed, and also there was this joy, excitement.

But I was totally committed and miracle happened and I got there, ALONE, nobody carried my suitcases, nobody took care of me, how did I do it at all??

After I came back from the New Year retreat, I did felt totally determined, but also totally stressed, destabilized, there was definitely a very different feeling, different perception, split to two. I left my husband and the apartment, moved out with the same feeling that this is something in the background doing it,some part of me, while another part was crying, and horribly sad, and afraid, and shocked by what was going on, and the third part was just watching it all and accepting. I remember the feeling. I wouldn't be able to do it if I were not totally entrust myself to the pull to move out, which I stretched and denied for one year already.

But I was carried on the energies, inspiration and fuel of the retreat, so this determination was not really built by everyday work, I felt.

And when I did, I felt like a freed bird, such bliss! I was running, jumping and dancing on the street for a couple of weeks. I couldn't walk like a normal person. And sure I could think of some symbolical markers, like the gates I went through when I got to Binyamina, or the trees tunnel, but I didn't even think about it back then, plus I am always questioning myself and don't trust and believe in myself, and I was not settled in the heart, so I was sure I have a lot more work to do with myself on Gateway 2.

So I was really keeping working on attuning to the soul and to the joy, like described in gateway 2, until things began to happen and I couldn't understand what is going on, it didn't fit gateway 2 at all, I was constantly brought to process heavy stuff 24/7, even when I went to have some fun, got emotional, unstable, crying all day, all kinds of situations began to recreate themselves from the past, I was all distorted and false. It took me two weeks to realize this is all child and teenager stuff, and also some new stuff I don't recognize. So I began to use the tools described in Gateway 3, and when I felt this tightness in the chest and pain and lumps moving, the karmic stuff, then I also read about gateway 4.

So even if I am still in the 2nd, I anyway work on the 3d and 4th.

And now I have no idea. So I still haven't passed Gateway 2, but also I feel that it is somehow not that simple. I think that I rather never went through it, or went through, and then slipped back at some point, or that I went through but being kicked out of the heart because THIS is the weak spot, plus all this processing could kick me out of the body because of pain, fear and all that. But I take it all anyway, accept it and work with it, so it can be that on the deep level I AM following the soul despite not feeling settled all the time and worrying.

Especially that panic, fear, mistrust, self-doubt, feeling lost, confused, not knowing what and how to do, feeling clumsy and like I do everything wrong, self-hatred, beating myself up, and all that have a lot to do with my childhood and teenager. This is how I was. So is it me being not able to just BE, or just recreation of the states I was experiencing as a child/teenager? And I already spotted myself not once thinking I was not following the soul and beating myself up for cowardice and all that, but then finding out I actually did.

And maybe it can be that one is simultaneously and evenly is working on both, or have to first process something from his childhood, let go the identification, and only then work on the gateway 2 again, like jump forward and then backward.

I DON'T KNOW. So I work on both levels: settling in the heart, centering, settling AND processing the identities.

With Gateway 3 it is probably more clear, with all these crazy activations hard to miss Biggrin

Even though I have a feeling that even if I became a white cloud and flew up through the sky and 'met God face to face' and say hello, I would still think I am in Gateway 1 Biggrin Kidding... Smile

Not so long ago I was worried, where am I, how am I, did I pass or did I not? And when will I pass the next one? Come on, go go go! And I see that it is somehow natural for guys like me to feel this sort of impatience, because it just feels so wrong to be like this, like some part of me feels this is a lie!!! Come on, move!!!

But now I feel much more calm, I let go the need to understand anything, simply because I don't understand anything for months already, I just feel and see the mind going crazy, like what to do? what's going on? what's this? what's that?

So I am where I am now, be it Gateway 1, 2 or 3, and I just do whatever I do in this moment. I can't surely say that my soul wins all the time, I feel so confused and spaced out many times, that I can't say what my name is, I just keep being aware and walking, no matter how lost I feel. And this is the only thing I really can say. After the Transfiguration course I feel even more settled, I just do my thing now, and it is just a process, one big journey for me.

Chris Bourne's picture

Hi Yulia,

In response to your post above, I have a question for you: how do you experience making a decision in the moment? That is EVERY moment. What is the core purpose behind the choice that you make? Are you aware of what it is and why you make the choice you do?

Chris

Hi Chris,
Yes I do feel or know there is no other choice for me other than letting go of my old life and ways. I knew this from very early on, but with other issues like my health I had to stay in my old life. During the time of my recovery which has been since 2008 I did make a decision not go back fully into my old life which was mainly my family life with my in laws. For nearly all of my married life I had an expectation to fullfil a role of wife and daughter in law, which after twenty years became opressive and very restrictve. I wasnt allowed to be who I wanted to be as that meant that I didnt fullfil my role.
Therefore I met great opposition from my husband and mother in law, I tried to break free, but couldnt so I did what they wanted to keep my marriage intact. This made me depressed and I felt trapped, but as a mother I carried on living a lie for my boys sake.
After my illness and awakening I knew I couldnt under any circumstances go back into my old life I told my husband how I felt. The description I gave to him was like an arrow that had been shot into flesh and the arrow head wouldnt come out. I didnt know how else to descibe it and that was the best I could come up with. My husband then tried every trick in the book to get me to go back mainly through manipulation and removing himself emotionally, he even left me for a while. The manipulation got worse so I made the decision to leave as the pull from my old life is so strong, the hardest thing is that I still love my husband, but I wouldnt ever be free I would have other things like a big house and lots of money, but that doesnt mean anything anymore. I have to have peace and freedom, but like I said I still love him so Im experiencing grief and I know he is too.
I have set out on my new path and Im going to go all the way, my soon ex husband would never have supported me spiritually I am different now and live in the fourth dimension, which he cannot understand at all and thinks Im mentally ill. So the shift maybe is that my outer world has to reflect my inner world. My old life would be full of arguements as would not have felt free to be who I am I would have been very restriced and often judged. I dont want to sound like my husband or mother in law are bad people its just that they dont know any other way of living. However I cannot be a part of that anymore which is confusing and painful as I let go and break free.
Im not sure of a ceromony maybe that will come later at the moment Im teking one day at a time and walking the path.
Thanks for your support I do appreciate it Ruthx

Chris Bourne's picture

Hi Ruth,

It sounds like you've been very courageous in following your truth. My heart goes out to you.

Chris

someone's picture

Sounds like an air-balloon is about to take off!!! Smile Big hug is on the way.

Hi Chris, to your question... It seems I don't 'make choices', I also don't feel like I need to, but rather just 'live', and connect continuously, and if I feel I am getting into some 'not so right' feeling, behavior and situation, then I just catch myself and watch what it is - hit a distortion and don't want to go into or got misaligned.

But I do catch myself in blind spots here and there, periodically disconnect and am kicked out of the center a lot when communicating, plus the pressure in the head when I lose centeredness. But I admit, in general I don't think 'much' nowadays Biggrin Things just seem to land.

Me

Chris Bourne's picture

Okay, great. That sounds completely like realigned living - walking the path.

In your earlier post you said...

    "And now I have no idea. So I still haven't passed Gateway 2, but also I feel that it is somehow not that simple. I think that I rather never went through it, or went through, and then slipped back at some point, or that I went through but being kicked out of the heart because THIS is the weak spot, plus all this processing could kick me out of the body because of pain, fear and all that."

So remember you came on "Way of the Heart" and you were exploring with us about choosing a life which really resonated with you heart - one that was about being in truth? And you felt something shift? And so you went back to Israel and left your partner (a relationship which you knew wasn't serving) and you left the security of your house (because by your own words it felt right), and you took a leap of faith, not knowing if you'd be able to support yourself?

And as a result, you've found a new reality, a new way forwards, one that is continually exploring your truth - one that is right for you. Yes as you walk the path, it keeps plunging you back into darkness, exactly because it is this darkness that you must process and release. So yes, the times of light and brightness and clarity are punctuated by confusion and density. But all the while, you're getting a deeper picture of your multi-dimensional reality. You just don't have a full integration and centredness in it yet. That comes clearly through in your sharings. But have no fear, through that journey of confusion, clarity will unfold itself like a butterfly on a spring day.

Do you not realise then that you have stepped through Gateway 2? Do you not see that leaving your relationship and security of your home was that 'test' that 'initiation' into soul led decision making in life? I'd say very clearly that was your 'ceremony' of which I speak.

Blessings to you

Chris

someone's picture

Well actually all this happened a bit earlier, after the New Year retreat Smile

And about being not sure.

I moved, then I had a shift, then I had these gates all over, but I couldn't even think that I could have passed it, I saw so much stuff in me, the programs, the distortions ... and the mind was still running, so I really thought that the gates are more of a sign that it is what awaits, and I was totally happy and felt blessed with it.

But it didn't really matter, I anyway still had and have 'work to do' with going into the heart and feel, especially when getting uncentered or hitting some very painful 'rock'. This fleeing and inability to get into the feeling also made me think I am still 'before', along with a heavy heart most of the time, no joy, also confused me. Only now I see that it was really the harshness, lack of self-love and feminine softness because I kept the inner child locked in.

All this also have to do with self-doubt, self-disbelief and the questioning that I still have, sitting on my child-stuff. And another confusing thing was that if I would think I have passed (and I had this landing on me several times), ego was beginning to jump on it, "I am so WOW!", it was spooking me, back then I was dissolving it, retreating back from this idea instead of just watching and not-identifying.

So now it is the new one: there is a possibility that with all the signs, ceremonies and shifts one can still be confused about where he exactly is Biggrin

It is rather funny to 'think' you're going to pass a gateway when you're already through Biggrin

Reminds me of all this absurd in past with beating myself up for not observing while already observing and thinking I am not aligned with the soul when I am, confusing it with uncenteredness.

Funny...
Thank you Chris Smile

<3
Yulia

Hi Chris,
I feel processing the darkness is so very difficult and painful, I find myself at times having flashbacks of my life before my awakening. I am the same person, but so very different if that makes sense. Day to day living is not the same as I dont feel part of this world so trying to explain that to people in itself is difficult. I have moments of feeling good and then I am in the depths of dispair, I now just surrender to the pain and ride it out. I didnt understand anything about spiritual awakening or the soul for that matter,but it is my soul that is making my decisions now which is an overpowering knowing.

When Im out and about I look at crowds and think you are all asleep wake up!! But they just carry on in their own world, sometimes I do want to be back asleep, that feeling doesnt last long though. I know my personality would have carried on living my old life, but my soul is now awake and Im tuned in!

Thanks again all of you Ruthx

Poor Chris... he has 8 thousand people asking him for their answers... ME INCLUDED, :)(sorry) seeing all that it takes me deeper into, ACCEPTANCE... accepting others and situations has never been to difficult for me, (except the animal cruelty. I accept it but I had to go DEEP DEEP DEEP just to peel away enough to actually live, I was very close to the end) its the non-accepting those neg feelings THAT I OWN, that have caused my personal skewing, I have never been able to really blame anyone other than myself consciously. Ive always blamed myself... With acceptance, there is no blame... a realization/mantra I need to embrace more personally (unconsciously) because the conscious act itself is at some levels an act of non-acceptance... I know these things. (not that it helps) Personally now, when I get a tension RUSH I grab my dumbells, Ive found that if I push my body the energy shifts, but if you dont shut off the mind it will persist, at some point you have to make a deep personal decision on going lite or dark, and then LET GO (seems to be the hardest thing in the world for me to do sometimes)... But thats me.. but as Openhand says follow your own inward journey... Being stuck between worlds can be unsettling (I KNOW IVE BEEN STUCK MY WHOLE LIFE) but think of it as your working 9 to 5 and its 2pm... your not that far away... Sorry Trinity, but I felt much better today to post... and Yulia, Im with you ALL THE WAY...!
-Bill

someone's picture

Hi Ruth,
You wrote "sometimes I do want to be back asleep". I call it a spiritual Cypher syndrom, remember? Smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7BuQFUhsRM

It happens sometimes...

But no matter how tough it is, and how sometimes there is this "I am tired! I want to rest, I want finally peace and rest", "leave me alone"!, when the moment comes it just doesn't feel right, he? So for how long is it possible to keep 'the old way'? Not for too long, unfortunately, the memory just won't be erased, we remember and we go on Biggrin

And I know, this total madness outside... BUT if I join in, then there's another mad one Biggrin AND this can also be of a great inspiration, seeing the 'old' way, old yourself like this, in others around. Fuel your tank with it ;)) and go go go

Thank you Bill!!! I felt it in the heart <3 :')

Trinity's picture

That's a great clip from the Matrix Trilogy Yulia.

It shows a perfect example of how easily we could be allured back into a slumber where our entire exisitence is an illusionary programme. Great analogy.

You have get to the bottom of yourself... ask what am I afraid of... When I go inwards to my deepest levels intellectually, I wonder, if I die alone does that scare me, I think, no, What if I was to die unnoticed, no that doesnt seem to trigger much, What if I never a accomplish anything financially, that doesnt scare me either, but when I imagine my death coming and ending this venture without ever having completely opened up, the way I know I FEEL, for my LOVE TO NOT FLOW FREELY AND FULLY, that bothers me, it bothers me alot alot. I just cant imagine not fullfilling my beingness.... SO if I had anything to offer it would be to try and realize what we are... There is never a time for me, ever ever ever that I dont look into the sky, see a bird or squirrel or a tree or a weed or an insect and not talk to it smiling and getting teary eyed at the same time, I shoot off like a cannonball into the HEAVY CONNECTED SPLENDID AWE...I dont even really do much to hide it anymore in front of others, I cant, its rising up in me SWELLS and cant be stopped... I think we all know deep down what we want. I do... I know the feeling very well... So keep that in mind if it resonates, when your dealing with feelings that get you tight. I spent most of yesterday asking the question, what are you afraid of... for me it helps to recenter my being, clearing a path to a new way...giving myself and whatever I am, back...
with love
-Bill

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