I feel like I’m in a spiritual phantom labour, the pain and contractions of childbirth. One minute I’m deeply in the intimate pain of the storm and whilst ‘feeling it all’’, I am also strangely watching and ‘’ removed’’ from it all. I see myself observing tiniest of sharp arrows stuck in my solar plexus. At first I saw 2, now Oh my !…I see thousands……..At first when I saw who had thrown them, I started energetically throwing them back at their source, consumed by anger and rage, feeling of injustice! For some reason I seem to have a knack at stirring people just by being and not doing anything! So, it must be my energy…….that makes others see something in themselves and I get the arrows… Then I get the feeling….that’s not fair……I was just being …..but maybe I though I have emanated something…

Then I started feeling the volcano in my tummy wanting to erupt, but each time I felt to, magnetically I could feel a benevolent power pushing back. I could literally feel the ‘’balancing trick’’, and the eruption happened invisibly, as if it was showing me something…..I could watch my own anger dissipate into the void of nothingness. It was a trick. The truth is is that we have apportion of all that yucky anger in us all and most times we would rather not look at it because apart of us doesn’t want to identify with it, it is as if it is separate when infact it is not. So better to come face to face with the ugly truth!

But now I see, I see the ugly truth –a repulsive being that was having a party when it had won my anger. I saw the chains of the underworld and saw myself trapped, drowning underwater…..I saw the gruesome repulsive claws feasting on me…..Ha ha…..you are all mine to feast off….I saw it. I came face to face with it and it’s all beginning to fit in place!
Anything to stop me from being ‘’who I truly am’’ and stop me from feeling the joy and lightness of True benevolence. The end times are happening now, not some date in history. It is NOW, the shift is here.!!!

Now, I am removing the arrows myself and chucking them, throwing them away on the ground ……without any ATTACHMENT to them whatsoever….. Yesterday, I had a communication on the other side, I head “Stop””. Stop your addicticion to your own pain.
Infact ,most of my life I have been addicted to pain, wallowing in it, not being able to function without it, it seemed to fuel me to keep going which kind of bordered on self destructiveness, then I jumped into an ever so ‘’nice bubble’’……of self love and love for others, where everything was beautiful , everything was okay just as it is, and just the reversible opposites, but underneath the bedrock there was a sleeping volcano, an ugly truth….wanting to erupt, at each time it did, I would keep pushing it down…..down, and hop back in my lovely bubble…..where everything was fantastically honky dory…….

What I have realised is that the ‘’attachment to the anger’’ I felt about others peoples stuff being thrown at me when I felt I was a trigger is still ‘’attachment’’ and addiction to ‘’pain’’, just as we can be attached to profound self honesty and yes it became my best friend, but now it is time for me to ‘’let go’’. Let go…….let go of the past……release and let go…….

Here we go, the contractions keep coming, physically even, as I feel the pain in my solar plexus , then it’s gone……..
I have a feeling this will take some time…. And although I see pain as fuel to find my courage and strength to be who I truly am and shine my light not just how I feel to be but more authentically who I am, which means speaking my truth (even if its an ugly truth) with ever so much gumption and courage whenever I see injustice or when I don’t agree with something, but to be smart cool and collective with how I do it, this time very conscious and without attachment to the pangs of childbirth!! So the echoes of the Ha Ha’s of the monster that I met also in my dream, (strangely enough it was an alien one, I saw his eyes, I saw the creature)- will be cast out and I will be free to be ‘’me’’ and release the chains which ever so much would love to keep us in an eternal flame of doom and misery!!!

So, I just keep breathing into it, into the pain and release and when I feel the pause, I know I will give birth to new aspects of authentic beingness and stand up to what I feel to be true and no longer feel that I half living . Mastering my self with honesty will be all part of the process…… and watching myself and where I trip and get tricked. It won’t be about half truths or half living, so I guess I will have to embrace that drama stuff that I would much rather turn a blind eye to, but this time with NON ATTACHMENT, which doesn’t mean being frosty anymore, because of my high sensitivity, just means being aware of the balancing trick, that is such a powerful flow and force inside of us!

So no more ‘’high hopes’’or expectations !! But more acceptance, and a whole arena of universal light gifts are sent……

I also add that I feel and have been attuned to Openhand energy reaching me, and this is universal life light energy. It can be seen and felt.
Thank-you, Openhand, Chris, Trinity for this amazing connection, t for helping me to ‘’self realise’’ and remember my ancient light- that my own energetic light body can remember and heal itself through the universal light flow and that U2 folk are truly catalystic in that process.

Time to let go of my past ,let go of my attachment to pain (which became raged trapped anger). Time to wake up to the trick and walk unhibited in the light and of our own truth.

Christ conscious Love and light
Teresa