How do we overcome our addictions?
Decided to give up tea, alcohol or chocolate or to let go of that relationship that is no longer working? Are you applying a method to your endeavours or are you just hoping that your resolve will be strong enough? In my experience, mind lead resolutions simply deny what we are truly feeling and only a deeply honest confrontation and unravelling of our emotions can yield lasting change...

Techniques such as hypnotherapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming can help but all to frequently they seem to be used to create false realities. Denial is not a river in Egypt! If we simply sweep issues under the proverbial carpet, then all we really end up doing is creating a ruck over which we will surely trip at some point. So what is the alternative? Here is a simple 5 step process that helps confront what we are truly experiencing and without denial, make the higher choice, the one that is in line with our true selves:

1. Accept the issue has a purpose:
   First accept the issue is there for a purpose. It was created for one reason only - to learn something about ourselves. If we contemplate deeply and honestly what the issue reveals and don’t allow ourselves to be judged for it (EVERYONE has similar issues of one form or another), then ultimately we will find we can be AWESOMELY okay with it
2. Surrender into the issue:
   When we are awesomely okay with something, we don’t ‘tighten’ internally around the issue and don’t make it worse than it is - we don’t create false realities about it. Then we can surrender into the behaviour and experience it as much as we want to - so if you can’t resist eating junk food, or smoking or drinking etc keep on doing it and be absolutely clear about not feeling bad about it - watch any tightness or self judgement arising within you
3. Ask what the issue reflects about what you are being on the inside?
   When you are satiated with your ‘fix’, ask yourself “what is this ‘drug’ reflecting about what I am being on the inside?” Locate that feeling within you that the drug provides - relaxation, expansiveness, joy for example. Then in quietness settle deeply into the feeling exploring ever ‘corner’ and aspect of it. There may be more subtle experiences such as a vibration or gentle warmth. Bring into your awareness a knowing that this feeling is inside of you all the time
4. Stoke the inner flame:
   As often as you can throughout the day, locate this inner experience - even if you have to stimulate it with the addiction until over time, you can locate the feeling without using the stimulus. The more you stoke this inner flame, the stronger it grows until it becomes the ONLY thing worthwhile having. Then you will discover that the addiction has downsides that not only inspire this inner flame but also extinguishes it
5. When the flame is high enough, make the higher choice:
   Once you have discovered how to fan the flame without any external influence and you know that the addiction extinguishes it, then at some point you will be ready to give up the addiction and make the higher choice - that which has the power to make you feel good the WHOLE time. There are likely to be many occasions before that point is reached when you surrender back into the addiction - be awesomely okay with that. Eventually the realisation will dawn that nothing can give us the flame - our divine destiny - but our own inner focus. However the inner flame first has to be high enough in order to make that authentic choice...

"Be a lamp unto yourself.
Don't search for light anywhere else;
the light is already there, the fire is already there.
Just probe a little deeper into your being, enquire.
Maybe much ash has gathered around the fire...
Just probe deep inside, and you will find the spark again.
And once you have found a single spark inside you,
you will become a flame, soon you will be a fire...
a fire that purifies, a fire that transforms,
a fire that gives you a new birth and a new being.
Be a lamp unto yourself."

Last words of Gautama, the Buddha

Be aware though, this is no ‘quick fix’. It requires dedication and patience - a thorough and honest exploration of who we really are. In my experience, just like mind lead resolutions, ‘quick fixes’ get quickly unfixed!