Profound.

I understand this well from a similar perspective.

For me there is a place beyond misunderstanding, beyond mind led conception. A place of truth and transparency. If we could each share this with one another then the fluidity of expression would inspire a knowing that needed no judgement or intellectual interpretation in that moment.

Sharing at this level in this way touches something within the other that simply inspires authentic beingness. We embody the message. I find it a magical paradox that you felt moved to put it into words as you did above. It inspired me to read your sharing.

With Love
Trinity

Funnily, I am now dealing with it: I am being judged for the incoherence of what I said or wrote in past and what I am saying/writing now by somebody who can't understand that I am today not the same as I was a week ago.

In addition, I feel the tail dragging behind me as a consequence of my 'past' being written and of me sharing my past feelings, experiences and realizations with somebody who couldn't understand it, so I am being kept identified and related to as 'old' me.

But I have no regrets at all!! Otherwise how could I see then these weak spots of mine and learn the lessons?

And the prize is that as I feel this pain of being judged and laughed at and frustration about being misinterpreted and misunderstood, there is also this growing feeling of "I don't need to be understood or accepted by anybody", and self-trust is building itself 'in front of my eyes'. They are happenning in parallel.

So they say to me how wrong I am.... so what?! So they make me feel lonely and lost in the world of fake and disconnection... so what? So I feel that, and then I see what is real for me now, and I follow that.

And here, on this site I never feel any of these, even in the most challenging exchanges there is always some 'under-the-surface' understanding going on, and of course mirroring... and LOVE

<3
Yulia

http://youtu.be/8GMTQBriA3I

I can't embed this here - but to me this reminds me of an energy portrayed in the Avatar movie. Where one looked deeply into the other and could 'see'.

I am not listening to all of the lyrics - but instead feeling the energy.
x

That puts it so well Trinity. I don't feel to write anything but rest in the resonance through the words.

With Love
David

David wrote:

“Once I have written something and re-read it, I can then feel the other side of the coin so to speak and then be stuck in no mans land as how can I make any statement when there is truth in everything”.

Thanks for sharing, David; the way you expressed your feelings about truth immediately struck a chord with me. It’s something I’ve experienced for quite a while without being able to articulate it so eloquently in the form of words and, upon reading, tune in to the energy which permeates through and beyond the writing itself, as Trinity mentioned. In fact, I’ve observed this dynamic has ‘stopped’ me posting replies to a number of topics on the forum at various points in the recent past.

In my case, forming an opinion, exploring its roots and origins emotionally and intellectually, getting lost in the interplay of different viewpoints, each containing at least a kernel of ‘truth’, then being clouded by (self) judgements, whether at an rational level or arising from distorted feelings, and all underpinned by a desire for outer order to relieve a sense of inner turmoil.

So it’s a combination of a need for concrete and definitive answers to life’s many questions and, at the same moment, realising this is improbable or impossible but also seeing the merits of certain philosophies and approaches (such as Openhand). Plus resistance and a fear of unmasking, exposing and ultimately trusting what might come up at a deep level, even if this takes me into no man’s land and out of my comfort zone.

Then, being aware that beliefs might change and evolve over time but not wanting to be constrained or pigeon holed by the views I might just have committed to in earnest, even though my brain processes and shapes a mass of information along these lines on a daily basis. I can distinctly remember at perhaps age 9 or 10 the feeling that the only way I could function or cope with everyday existence was to imagine that the world was an incredibly small place (something I could get my head round); otherwise my mind would have simply exploded with the true size and scale of the concept!

And what follows is an immediate judgement of what I have just written (I see who’s the judge here!), shielding myself from the barbed comments of people in wider society, at least for a while, but in so doing isolating myself from a useful testing ground and incisive mirror. I get a sense of trying to cover all angles or second guess the answers for fear of being chastised or rebuked, branded as a fool or misunderstood by others, whilst also fully appreciate the value of sharing and learning (I feel more forgiving and compassionate when I read my journal entries full of insights from when I was younger, although interestingly I don’t recognise some of them).

I do believe there are still unresolved issues from my childhood (as with everyone to a greater or lesser extent), and I can hear voices calling “what’s the worst that could happen?” and “it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things”, but it doesn’t feel possible in my current state to simply release and let go. I can’t quite put my finger on what’s stopping me though and whilst in non-authentic limbo I’m causing myself unnecessary pain and anguish in a destructive, repeating loop of behaviour which no longer serves, but is somehow preferable (in ego terms) to the alternative path of the soul.

There is much more I could say…perhaps that’s enough for now though.

Take care,

Andy

Hi Andy,

I've found it's all about taking the next step. There have been times when I wasn't able to honour or express my feelings in a situation because of fear.
The first step was seeing this happen and realising that I was being owned by the fear. At this point it is easy to beat yourself up about it, I certainly have a tendency to be hard on myself.
The beauty is, we are always presented with another opportunity to work with whatever is holding us back, and when a similar circumstance arises, the invitation is to make take another step in finding and expressing how we really feel.
It often feels like two steps forward, one step back, but if you keep going before you know it you have climbed a mountain.

Keep taking the next step!

David

"It often feels like two steps forward, one step back, but if you keep going before you know it you have climbed a mountain.

WOW!

Thanks so much David for expressing what you have on this topic.

I often read the postings on this site and feel completely unable to add anything remotely meaningful even though I understand what's being discussed. Maybe my intellect just doesn't work in the same way.

And every time I do post (and probably this time too) if I go back and read what I've written I'm always dissatisfied with it, because somehow it never reflects the depth and complexity of what I was feeling and trying to impart at the time.

I'm perfectly imperfect I guess! xxx

p.s. and I SO understand the feeling about two steps forward and one step back!

Well, how I experience it, understanding doesn't come through words. So there is no problem to express it through words

For example, I share:

Today I felt tremendous joy and excitement and even laughed and jumped with my chair a little!!! ... after I've seen the email about the facilitators course today and booked the flights... because till this very email I didn't know whether I will join it or not, and there were many intense processes around this topic going on recently, so I knew I had to do some internal work and then it will become clear what has to be done, or whether I go or not (thanks the Transfiguration 2011 sweat-lodge again )...

Yey!!! This is not the only feeling I have, there is some mixture, but it is enough to get the idea

So I, of course, can't describe this feeling and experience as it is, no matter how many details I provide, but you feel the energy I put into the words, and you add your own response/impression to it. It invokes something, and we have interaction here, even if you don't answer the post, only by reading it. Your feelings will affect the "field", which affects all the rest, so your impression will come back to me anyway heehee and also it might change the way the rest of the day will go, well, the effect is accumulative...

So I am sharing even though I am aware that the only way to really understand is by merging, by feeling what the other person feels, and even then I can not be sure that it is exactly what he feels (at this point), but for me this is the best way I can share or perceive another person's experience.. just as I read what other people write I don't know what they mean, but I take what I feel from it.