How do you know when it's your heart guiding you, and not your head?

Would be so grateful for others advice on how to tell if you are doing, or about to do the right thing.
My decision will hurt others which tells me it should be the wrong choice. But I feel as though I am being called to something different, something better.
How do I know if this is my head or my heart?
With Love,


Hi Katie,

Welcome to Openhand.

Every situation is unique and it is something only you can know. I can share my experiences though if it helps. My example here is about leaving my husband 12 years ago although the same principles can be applied to lots of other situations.

It was very difficult for me to leave. I wanted to, quite early on but he kept telling me how I just wanted to hurt him by leaving! The guilt of leaving was almost as painful as the suffering I felt at staying. The decision felt bold with a baby, but I felt terrible at the thought of hurting anyone.

So instead, I the situation ate away at me like cancer. I became more and more miserable. One day, I received this unmistakable guidance to get out of there and trust that every thing would be fine. I was still enough to hear it. I realised that the most loving thing I could do was leave!

So, I left! It was the best decision I could have made. It was as if a thousand tonne weight lifted off my shoulders. My child and I rapidly became incredibly happy.

I soon realised that it wasn't me hurting my husband. It was him, hurting himself! His neediness and dependency on me to make him whole. His desparation and panic at being alone. His resentment and anger towards me, that only caused him more pain. It was an important part of his journey. I felt the deepest compassion for him, yet, I couldn't live his life for him. I did what I could.

He didn't undertand that if you Love some one you can also let them go.

We cannot take responsibility for how people will respond as a result of us following the soul. As a mother, I had my childs best interests at heart and that was always so. A mother who is happy means happy children (and vice versa).

Sometimes we are meant to walk beside people for a little while on our journey. Even the unpleasant experiences (well, especially the unpleasant experiences) teach us so so much on the spiritual journey. But we know when it was time to move on.

Sometimes we walk together for a lifetime. But, if we are really honest with ourselves, we know if and when time to move on.

The same can be said for other things in life, like jobs/careers etc.

Anyway back to your question. "How do you know if it is your head or your heart?

Fear and guilt can stop us listening to the heart as can not fully trusting in the benevolent guiding force of the universe. It makes us logic out the guidance from the heart and soul. It makes us doubt our motivations. The only way to discern the difference between the head and the heart is our own experience.

To hear the soul speaking you could try this...

    Close your eyes and breath deeply until you find a state of relaxation and calm.

    Imagine all the obstacles in your life falling away one by one.

    Feel who you are without those obstacles.
    Allow that feeling to permeate through your whole being.

    Bring in to awareness the choice that you are contemplating.

    What do you see now without those obstacles there?
    How do you see yourself?
    What are you doing?

With Love

Trinity, thank you for sharing your experience.
I am in that place you once found yourself in. I was 17, he was 26, when I met him and I felt so very broken. I had no self worth at all and was what society would call a troubled teen.
It has taken me 23 years to get here from there and I see myself differently. I can actually look into a mirror, into my own eyes and say I love you Katie. It feels great!
My husband's insecurities have provided the perfect mirror from the beginning of our relationship. I can see that now.
When I think of how much this will hurt him and my 2 children who are 18 I think that a good person would not hurt those she loves and I question again if this is the right move. I can't make it ok in my head to hurt them so I can be happy.
I don't even know how to tell them. This is so hard.
I greatly admire the courage you had to follow your heart and thank you so much Trinity for your guidance, I will do what you suggested to hear my soul.

With Love

You might find that your children want you their mother to be happy too and would be far more sad if they knew that you were suffering inside.

I find the words of Joseph campbell here so inspirational:

    “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

He reminds us that if we are to be our true selves here, that letting go is very necessary.

For me, I was like a flower trapped in a box, starved of air and light. The box flung open and I was able to be me again.

I went to bed last night and did as you suggested.
When i got to the place where I faced my decision, there was no question at all. In fact so many things became clear.
I have been feeling as though maybe my soul wanted me to stay and fix him so he could get to the understanding I am at in regards to our relationship. Last night it was clear to me that this is his path to self discovery.
And by choosing to leave I am honoring not only my soul, but his as well. It felt so true Trinity!
Then I allowed myself to imagine what it would feel like to be without him. It saddens me a little right now to say it but it felt amazing. I thought "this must be what it feels like to be a young girl ready to leave home for university"
Then somethingthing else became clear. If I were to follow my heart, the universe would provide for my needs. Just as it did when it gave me 23 years of the most perfect reflection so I could know who I AM. All my excuses for not leaving, such as "how will I support myself", fell away in that moment. For the first time I felt as thought it was really possible for me to leave. I wept and let that feeling of freedom carry me into my dreams.
I woke feeling so much lighter this morning. When i read your letter I knew you were right. Although i have tried to hide my saddnness over the years, my kids likely know something is not right. I want them to see me happy and healed and know that I got there by following my heart.
I am hoping you can feel the gratitude that I am feeling for your guidance. You have a beautiful gift!

With Love


That's truly wonderful. And yes, I feel it!

This experience you had is a gift from your guiding Soul. Draw inspiration from it in order to walk forwards. There will always be a way.

When I surrender to the flow of the soul I see a path of light openening up before me. It's not about knowing the future and what will happen, but rather taking the next step and then the next step after that. We can trust that as long as we are honouring the flow of higher consciousness that we will get everything we need.

Thank you!

with Love

Wow Katie. So wonderful to have found your truth. The expansion through the difficulty.

Sending heartfulls of love. We're all right behind you.

Chris :wink:

Trinity, I love that because it really does feel like a gift.
Chris, thank you so much, your encouragement means alot. It feels so good to know that I am doing the loving thing.

It is really amazing how one change in perception such as I had when I did the meditation, changes the way one looks at past events. I read once that we are capable of time travel, we can go back and actually change an event by changing our perception of it. For the last couple days I've been recollecting past events with this new understanding and it's blowing my mind! So i guess I can rightfully say that I am a time traveller!! lol

There is one thing I have yet to fully understand. That is synchronicity. How do such events tie in with the understanding that we create our reality. What makes them happen, are they there because they are a manifestations of our thoughts, or are they there to guide us to the right path?

With Love

Hi Katie,

Great question...

    "There is one thing I have yet to fully understand. That is synchronicity. How do such events tie in with the understanding that we create our reality. What makes them happen, are they there because they are a manifestations of our thoughts, or are they there to guide us to the right path?"

In my experience, at a higher level, we are co-creating together. So right now you, I and others have come together in a higher dimension to contemplate an aspect of beingness. When I look inside, I could phrase that question as...

    "How does beingness shape our reality?
    What happens when we are, and are not, aligned with the flow?"

When we are out of the flow and engaged with the matrix of mass human subconsciousness, then we don't perceive synchronicity at all, because we essentially believe in the separation of all things and the randomness of events. There's no belief, adherence or alignment with the natural universal flow of the moment. In this sense, at the lower level, we manifest the reality we expect - even though at a higher level we've set in place the very experiences and the very mirror we need. In this case the matrix, to show us that being out of the flow really doesn't serve. But it can take a while to get that one!

So when we awaken to Unity Consciousness and our connection to it through the soul, a realisation might land that our very consciousness can and does have a huge effect on our reality. At this point, there might come the temptation to try to shape our inner thoughts to manifest the reality we might want. This is quite a low level of consciousness though because it disregards the fact that we're co-creating at the higher level - a place beyond intention and thought.

When we let go of this type of manifestation, which cuts across the natural flow, then we begin to feel either a 'pull' through the heart or spontaneous knowing: "this is the way to go now". These are aspects of being. They're about being in co-creation with the higher flow.

When we move from the illusion of separation, to acting on the natural impulses of the soul, then we experience synchronicity. It's because we're moving from a place where everything appears to be random, to a higher plane of consciousness where everything as acting more as one. It's like we see the matrix of physical separation all around us, yet we're now perceiving the flow through it, the higher meaning.

    Imagine being a surfer. You sit on your board for quite some time waiting for the perfect wave to come along. It feels like nothing is happening. And you're disconnected from the other surfers around you. Then the perfect wave appears. Three or four of you get up and ride the wave. You are each bobbing and weaving in your own way, yet there is an harmonious dance between you. And there's a dance also between the surfers, the wave, the rocks and the beach. This is all synchronicity.

When you're behind the flow, it feels like you have to manifest, effort and create - somehow you have to get on the wave. But when you're in the flow, it feels like creation is just happening. It often feels like you're doing nothing at all, yet miracles fall into place all around you.

Chris :wink:

I thought you might like to see this one. It's actually the first video I made whilst teaching myself to edit.
In "Synchronicity Speaks" Chris offers an excellent explanation of how synchronicity works in his life...

Great analogy Chris, made perfect sense! Coupled with the video, totally cleared the air around synchronicity. Powerful stuff! Now i understand why i am constantly caught in traffic hahah!

Thanks for the great reminder, and the video, Trinity.

Much love,

I get it! and have to say that 13 is the number that always gives me a nudge to remember spirit and the video is 13:13. How perfect is that!! I love it. Thank you.

I have to share this because...well it's just bizarre. I was resting and thought about the experience of doing Trinity's suggested meditation, and decided to do it again. When I got to the part where I was to bring into my awareness this choice I am facing, I kid you not, I could not remember the choice! The thought just would not come to me. I couldn't help but laugh! I immediately got from the experience, that I need to trust myself and my guidance. I had already gotten my answer the first time i meditated on it, I didn't need to question what I already knew, I just needed to trust that.
With Love and Gratitude

Hi Katie,

I am so pleased that my meditation worked for you. It is sometimes difficult to put in to words such things. Our work here at Openhand is to help people find what is already within - to unleash true beingness.

Realising the light at the core of your being and allowing that to inspire you was the yearning I felt calling from your soul. That in turn inspired my reply.

If you find things slipping and sliding, then you have a wonderful spiritual tool to draw upon.

Shine on!