"Indespension"...in decision suspension

Submitted by Open on Thu, 09/26/2013 - 06:16


Hi friends of Openhand,

Do you ever find yourself unable to make a choice? Maybe it's because you're not meant to? In our society, it seems so often the case, that we have to make decisions to meet deadlines and targets. It seems everything is preplanned and scheduled. So what happens if you simply feel you can't make a choice? Perhaps a decision just simply does not want to land? This is the situation I found myself in recently over some very important events taking shape in my life. As I could feel my field contracting somewhat around the issues, I watched for guidance and received a real corker. It had me literally splitting my sides with laughter. I'm "indespension"...

Challenging choices

If you're anything like me, I'm sure you find your path littered with challenging choices. In the past, I've often wondered "is the universe having a cosmic joke at my expense?" Indeed, on more than the odd occasion, I've found myself shaking a fist heavenward! That was of course until the realisation landed deeply within me that we create every aspect of our own reality by what we are being on the inside and no one outside of ourselves is responsible - yes I know this one is a toughie! We might get it at the intellectual level, but as with all things spiritual, it really does have to land and integrate internally in our consciousness before we can actually respond with the higher truth and not react to the lower one.

However, even though this truth had landed within me, even though there's no attachment to the outcome, I still noticed that there was sometimes a tendency for my energy field (my energy body) to contract somewhat around difficult decisions. Have you noticed that in your own field?

Recently, I've been faced with some extremely difficult and challenging decisions on my journey. Many issues are arising as to the way forwards for Openhand for example. New and more powerful catalytic energies are integrating to assist in our collective journey of Ascension, but what direction does that new energy want to go in?

The mind: a gift and a prison

I'm a person whose been used to processing things quickly at the level of lower mind. In my pre-awakened life, I reveled in decision making. It has always played a key role in my life. And even after awakening, as the gift of Higher Mind kicked in, I found higher plane decisions just happened spontaneously.

Imagine the possibility of frustration therefore as I found myself in a situation where nothing seemingly wanted to land? I was finding it nigh on impossible to make a finalising decision on some really big issues.

As always on the journey, when such a conundrum arises, all we really have to do is hold the issue in our consciousness, ask "show me" and watch for the answer to materialise. So it was, a few weeks back, I found myself with Trinity being drawn to Hereford in middle England.

The Special Angel Service

Now Hereford is an interesting place for me, because it represents the home of 22 Special Air Service. And since my awakening, I've always associated the numerology 22 with the Special ANGEL Service! Whenever there's a real problem in my life, 22 show up through the ether in double quick time. Hence it was with real joy and a sense of expectancy, that we found ourselves being drawn there.

As we entered the town on a busy Friday afternoon, both Trin and me had our eyes keenly peeled for the answer to our conundrum... "why is it that nothing seems to want to land right now?" Then it suddenly happened. As we approached a central roundabout, we got cut up by a car towing a large trailer. On the back was a company logo saying "Indespension".

We both knew instantly this was our answer. I looked at Trin and the words popped right out... "we're in decision suspension!" We'd got it. A momentary blink of the eyes followed by raucous laughter! How ingenious and humorous our guidance can sometimes be!

In decision suspension

So when the laughter had subsided, having narrowly avoided crashing the car, I pondered the beautiful synchronicity and the following realisation landed...

    "In our consciousness landscape, there is just one moment of now, yet we may hold pieces of a future jigsaw waiting to land and pieces of the past also. They all exist together, simultaneously. The more tuned in an aware we become, the more we begin to sense the landing pieces of the future event. Yet in order for us to act authentically, it must land fully before we act. So sometimes you may find yourself in a place of "in decision suspension". You're waiting for all the parts of the jigsaw to land before proceeding. You're in a state of "indespension".

As this truth integrated itself within me, I could feel that wonderful "aha" moment. The tightness fell away and my field expanded itself.

No excuse to prevaricate

Now as an adjunct to the realisation, having mentioned to Trin I must write about this one on the website, she quickly added, we need to be sure that "indespension" isn't used simply as an excuse to prevaricate! In other words, to put off until tomorrow that which definitely wants to land today.

And how do we know the difference between prevarication and indespension? Of course it's the same as every realisation on the path... we have to watch our inner motivation for action, or indeed none action, and be profoundly honest with ourselves for why we are making a particular choice.

So are you faced with a choice that simply doesn't seem to want to land right now? Maybe you too are in a place of "in decision suspension?" Maybe you just need to keep right on "indespending" until "indespension" unwinds itself and the jigsaw drops right into place!


PS: it's taken me two weeks to write this article and every time I wrote the word "decision", I misspelt it until this last time!
Don't you just love the humour of the universe :lol:

Related postings:

12281 Reads


I'm delighted that you found words to describe this. A thoroughly enjoyable read.

I wondered how you might suggest to deal with the energies if you feel something welling up very strongly - like you know without a doubt you are being guided to do something (i.e. leaving a job, moving house, leaving a relationship etc) BUT there seems to be no answer - no way out - you are in catch 22, every which way the doors are closed!
Any suggestions on what to do then?

Great question! Especially when you have strongly passionate and creative energies running.

I can only offer the way I've learned to work with it myself: to notice the energies, feel them, but then hold them inside. Then to watch any areas of tightness in my body or any repetitive loops of thought going on.

I feel myself breathing light into my field and easing the tightness. I find walking and deep consciousness body work really help (like Yoga, Tai Chi or indeed Openhand).

Finally, if I'm still not sure the pieces have properly landed yet, I visualise them on a chess board and then toss the chess board back up to the universe. Making sure there's absolutely no attachment to an outcome, I then wait patiently for the pieces to drop into place.

And now of course we have the approach "indespension". I've found simply knowing I'm in that place is enough to relax, hold the pieces, but to wait until the way forward becomes clear.

Give it a try, it really does work

Open :smile:

I really resonated with your blog on Indespension. I'm sure, along with many other people at the moment, I'm looking for some direction within my working life and your blog has reminded me that I don't ask the Universe enough to show me the answers! So, thank you for that! I will remember to ask and let you know what it shows me.

Hi Claire,

Thanks for your post and a warm welcome to the Openhand site.

I was going to add to the post that yes, we do have to be observant to see the answer!

In my experience, whenever we have problems, difficulties or times when we just can't seem to make sense of things, all we really have to do is ask the universe, but then watch for the answer.

Both on my own journey, and in working with others, I've noticed we are ALWAYS answered and frequently very soon afterwards (often immediately).

In my observation, we only really encounter a 'problem' when our consciousness is wanting to evolve. So our soul creates the constriction in the flow and presents the answer simultaneously.

Of course it requires us to be open, totally honest and without need of some kind of outcome. If we can find this centred place, then frequently the answer becomes immediately obvious.

Love and blessings


This post really speaks to me. Indecision seems to have been a re-occuring theme for me, and it can sometimes be hard to see what's being invited even when I feel open and accepting of the potentials.

This has sometimes played out as experiencing two opposing pulls (when both options seem authentic!) and so not knowing which to choose; and also sometimes experiencing no pull at all when an option needs to be chosen.

What I've found is that sometimes the situation is just not clear, and sometimes its because its not meant to be yet (like I'm not quite ready to see it, or its not time to act on it), so I'm being invited to sit with it. To explore the options in consciousness and watch how I'm being within. This is what I experience as what you term 'indispension'.

At other times it seems that things aren't fully clear because I'm not being completely honest with myself as to my motivations. Perhaps one choice is slightly more challenging than the other for example. and interestingly this is where true discernment comes in because I found sometimes I would take the 'easier' choice because it felt easier, but in some situations I would actually take the 'harder' choice because it was harder!! (whether to prove something or push myself etc). But neither of these were necessarily the most authentic action because the motivations were coming from mind/ego. I was trying to 'rationalise' the choices rather than just choose, or be or flow with them - and often this 'rationalisation' was coming from conditioning or distortion.

So I've found that the more I can understand my motivations and feelings around the choices being invited, the easier it is to attune to the authentic one. This is where the shining swords of self honesty and conscious discernment come into play. If we're honest are we prepared to take whichever choice is authentically invited regardless. Is one more 'appealing' because its less (or sometimes more!) challenging? and with this awareness of these choices can we then discern the 'right' one, whether seemingly easier or harder, through listening to our feelings or following an inner pull to act?

In my experience though, sometimes I consciously just don't 'know' which choice to take, even if I feel a strong pull to act, I can't seem to feel it. and its occured to me, well maybe I'm not supposed to. Authentic knowing is beyond thought or feeling it just is there. These seem to be times when I'm being invited just to do. Just to jump, without vasciliating as to in which direction, and to trust that in doing this the Universe will be there, and unfold around that.

and then after we've 'jumped', we can watch the 'feedback' of the situation when we have made a choice or taken a step. We can watch things play out from that. Can we see from its effects whether the action was authentic or not? can we now see if it was coming from an old pattern or distortion or was it pure in its motivations? are we attached to the outcome? and how are we Being now?

I find it fascinating, though certainly it can be challenging. Thanks for the post.

with love


Today it was this time I couldn't not notice it was speaking to me.

I was writing in my journal about my marriage. What's wrong, I asked, why are we in such a dissonance? Why unhappy?

First of all, I think it's "natural" for people who are strongly distorted and addicted to be in dissonance and unhappy, because of all the expectations, dissapointments and incapability to accept themselves and others as they are...

As well as if you're unhappy alone, how can you be happy with someone else? And how can you make the other happy if you can't make yourself happy? It became clear to me that relationships with others are just a projection of relationship with myself. For example, I blamed others for their unsensitivity to me, until I realized I was not sensitive to myself! I didn't rest when I was tired, etc and yesterday I found myself blaming my husband for not being able to relax and have fun, enjoy life and ruining my mood this way all the time.

So today...
..I was writing all the immediate responses. Of course, one of the answers was: the № 1 enemy of any relationship -expectations, trying to be the director of the movie, when you have a perfect vision of how things should be :D We know where it usually leads...

Some other "small" but important tips from the universe.. And this: Why can't you do things alone? Why can't you go to the movie alone and not being sad about how great this movie was and he didn't see it too?

The point was to be more with myself, not to impose this "ideal relationship" I've created in my imagination, let the things happen by themselves. Sometimes, if it feels so, it's together, but alone is just as great...

I'm never sure if the answers are not from my lower mind, but I still let them flow out...

Anyway, today I opened my email, and here it was - a newsletter from not-important-where-it-was-from, are you reeeaaady?...

It said:

"Enjoy yourself! Make an appointment to spend afternoon, a day or a weekend with yourself...Try to be present...Divert any thoughts it would be more fun to be with others"

Ha?! :D
I only begin to discover all this signs, synchronicity and magic with the universe, so things like that make me so excited!!!

Thanks for sharing. It is indeed a funny synchronicity and at the same time very inspiring.

I think the best way to go in life is definitely without expectations. It makes things easier at least for me to liberate or detach from what I think is supposed to happen or be. I am a slow learner though.

I might occasionally question why in some cases answers does not come my way.? I leaned to trust that if it feels “good in my heart” then is a good choice but if for any reason “does not feel good in my heart” I need to step back or hold. Patience is a great teacher. Life is a constant test in our spiritual evolution.


In reply to by someone

Recently I'm being shown one of my "finest" distortion and addiction - needing for people to like me consequently a desire to please and fulfil others' expectations, etc

I was always aware of it, and thanks to my other personalities I rarely followed it, but still was always suffering from the consequences of my choices to do what I want, even if it was "wrong" in other people's view.

So recently this is really happening all the time, like I'm being said - this is something to work on now...

Today in the morning I asked - but how do I do it? what should I do? with this "what others think, feel, look at me like"?

And later I couldn't get to my email account, something was wrong there....After a procedure with my email recovery I found out that yesterday at 22.40 "I" sent email about viagra to everybody on my contact list, including my university professors, my husband's parents, etc

In the beginning there was a cold snake climbing up my spine...Then it was my face as if it was falling down, then this "OH MY GOD!!!" thing..and then hysterical laughter...

Stop laughing there, it was terrible...

And then it just stroke me, that this is it! An opportunity to work with it... I had a couple of pulls to send everybody this "It was not me", because it was really not me...

And then I was just calm and feeling like - those who will understand that it was some technical-"hacker" problem will understand, and those who will think I sent it to them - I felt like it's not bothering me at all.

So I got the point - there is nothing to be done, but spotting the distortion and seeing clearly the scene of revealing it. At the moment I did it, all the rest happened by itself...Suddenly it was not a problem anymore.

Sometimes these things are just too powerfull to deal with this way, but there are "elephants" that can be "killed" by mice, just not at once, but by small and persistent "bites"...

So, bon appetite to the mice and for me, I guess, a big welcome to the world of God speaking through synchronicities :D

I just love it Yulia.
Thanks so much for sharing.

Open :lol:

Hi Yulia,

Thanks for the post, it made me smile.

I had something very similiar happen to me recently, it was great lesson in letting go. Isn't it wonderful how we can be given insightful messages and teachings in such creative, synchronistic ways :D Truly awesome!

As you say a heartfelt welcome to the synchronicities and also much gratitude,


I guess we are amongst the appreciators of the benevolent humour :D

Hi Jokercard,

How right you are indeed. In all the one-on-one work I do, I notice time and again, whenever anyone has a question about what's going on in their lives and don't understand the situation, they almost ALWAYS answer the question in the very words of the question itself.

I should add, this phenomenon only works though when someone is genuinely searching for a self-realisation answer. It doesn't work to get the numbers of the next lottery!