It is often considered ‘the done thing’ to forgive others for so called 'trespasses against us' but not necessarily to forget them. So for example we are encouraged to forgive the perpetrators of the Holocaust but not forget what happened - the idea is to remember it as a lesson to all of mankind.

But is this true wisdom? Is forgiveness a judgement on the action in the first place? and would it not be more in our interests to forget 'trespasses against us’?

In my view, the purpose of all events in our lives is to reveal something about ourselves to ourselves. To our spirit - our true self - there is no such thing as a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ event. Only the ego (specifically the bit of the spirit that identifies with the mind) places judgements on experiences based on the outcome it would want.

Not only this but our ‘higher self’ chooses the people we have interactions and relationships with to mirror back to us aspects of what we are being. Indeed we will keep meeting people that reflect our ‘weaknesses’ until we acknowledge them and unveil them finding the hidden gift within that distortion. So for example, someone we observe being very controlling might reflect that to us about ourselves. In acknowledging that we are being controlling, we have an indication that we can afford to trust more in the ‘right outcome’ of the universe. The gift within someone who is controlling, is the recognition that everything they need to be who they really are, will be made available to them. The controlling part is a distortion by the ego of the true self expecting the right outcome.

So if our higher self chooses all interactions, including the trespasses of others in order to reveal something, why would forgiveness be necessary?

It perplexes me for example why Judas is castigated by the Christian Church for his so called act of betrayal against Jesus. Especially when the same belief system acknowledges that the Crucifixion was the will of 'God' and that Jesus had surrendered to his destiny. Perhaps they should consider Judas a saint not a sinner?

Typically, we may feel the need to forgive if our inner harmony has been unbalanced by someone for some reason. But ultimately our internal harmony is our responsibility and since the ultimate objective of the true self is to be able to remain at peace in ALL circumstances, perhaps we should be thankful when other people cause us to move out of inner stillness? In so doing our ‘weaknesses’ are exposed providing us the possibility to do something about them.

Indeed, if we forgive someone are we not disempowering ourselves? In effect we are saying my inner peace depends on YOU not on ME . In other words, we are saying “I am your hostage”. If we feel the need to forgive someone, doesn't that also imply we judged their actions as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in the first place? There is no ultimate ‘right’ or 'wrong’ - each person acts according to a model of the world they hold within themselves. Each has a right to their own truth.

Likewise, if our actions cause someone to loose inner peace, perhaps saying ‘sorry’ is the wrong approach? In saying sorry, what we are saying is that “I was not acting within my truth” - but everyone acts according to their truth. To me therefore, saying “sorry” is a denial of who you really are. It says in effect, “I disown who I was being, I disown the truth that is in me, that was not me”. To me this is a lie. Would it not be better to examine the exchange and then reach a conclusion which determines whether the truth of who you are has now changed as a result of the interaction? Would this approach then not cause us to take responsibility and ownership of our actions and provide a greater impetus for self determination and evolutionary growth? To me, the word 'sorry' is simply an excuse and accepting it from someone causes them to disown who they were being at time of the action.

Finally this brings me to the idea that we should not forget the trespasses of others against us. However, as we’ve already considered, each offers an opportunity for our true self to be further unveiled - in other words for our consciousness to evolve. What prevents us evolving to a new level of consciousness is our identification with who we were being in the past. Our thoughts literally pull us back to who we were. So to continually remember past events and past trespasses is to identify our consciousness with who we were being at that time. Don't we see this in football where frequently games between Germany and England are portrayed in the tabloid media together with references to the war? Perhaps this is a key cause of the nationalism by football crowds we continue to witness in many international events?

So this week, in your relationships with friends and family, I would invite you to contemplate not forgiving people for their trespasses rather inviting them to take ownership of their actions and then where we identify our inner peace was lost, asking ourselves, "what did I need from them that caused me to loose my inner peace?" Having processed this need out (the true self doesn’t need anything), can you then forget all about what happened, thereby settling into your new evolved consciousness?

Put simply, can you forget but not forgive?

What are your thoughts on forgiveness?