I have often heard of the need to 'let go of the self' in order to progress along the awakening path of enlightenment. I believe we are talking of the ego and all of its beliefs about who we perceive we are and all of the attachments it has built-up and remains identified with. Identities we accumulate throughout our lives and become attached to so we can identify 'us/me' as an individual.
I personally feel a great deal of satisfaction and warmth when something jolts my nostalgia button. For instance I was looking on Facebook earlier and there was a newly uploaded picture of some teachers from my primary schools days - and what a lovely feeling it brought to me to see those faces again; faces I'd thought I would never see again!
I get the very same feeling whenever I see images or, details of long-lost friends or school/work colleagues. It doesn't even need to be living breathing human-beings, either. For instance, I walked with my wife along an area I used to work at - actually my first full-time job - and had some wonderful memories come flooding back. In fact some were so overwhelming that I momentarily lost composure and had tears in my eyes at the lost memories/experiences I recounted of younger days.
Memories seem to play a very important role for me as an individual - they give me identity, purpose and pleasure of recollection (obviously I'm filtering information somewhat as I'm sure I had bad experiences, too, but refuse to acknowledge then!).
Is it really necessary to, when living in the 'now', to let go of all our worldly experiences which reside within our memories, to just disappear into the ether?
Also, is it unusual for one to experience feeling of dread, impending doom and loss of everything in the early hours of the morning? I awake early and feel a bad feeling which disturbs me to such an extent I am unable to further rest.
The walk I referred to earlier was in a location of some beauty - canal sidings and lots of flora and fauna. Peace and solitude such as this also effect me so profoundly as to bring me to tears. The combination of raw beauty, silence and a wanting more in and from my life simply impact me to such an extent I could just breakdown. I also seem to experience a strong connection or infatuation with the moon, especially on well lit nights when the moon is full and stupendously bright. I just can't believe what i'm experiencing when I look at the midnight sky with all the stars etc - it's just staggering to me at times! I feel at a loss sometimes when I try to impart my feels of utter disbelief to others at what I'm seeing on a clear night, and don't get the same admiration for it all. Do they see something different to me? I just cannot take it for granted - it's too profound!!!
Im seeking a location similar to the picture on the front cover of the Five Gateways book - I just want to 'be' as the sun sets in front of me, without thoughts, worries or stress. I want to feel the warm radiance of sunlight penetrating my body and mind. (I had better hurry up and find this location before the really cold weather hits or there won't be much warmth radiating anywhere lol).
Well i wasn't initially expecting to write quite this much, but it just seems to have spilt outta me for some reason. (It does constitute as a lot for me, honestly).
To one and all, without exception.