By the way, the way i faced my attachment to smoking is from everything you said in the retreat (about getting into the situation e.t.c)
Thank you very much ..

Hi Vaso,

Generally there's two ways we can approach addictions: one is with discipline, and the other is with increasing awareness.

You can clearly see that certain behaviours don't serve you. You can obviously feel that. But then I sense what is happening is that mind is taking over and figuring out what to do about it. So you make a decision on what you will or won't do.

I'd say the reason this approach is not being effective, is because you're denying an aspect of yourself which is still buried within the addiction. It could be for instance 'flexibility' within a range of circumstances. So for example, we might develop a pure way of living, a certain vibration, but then it might be entirely appropriate to follow certain choices that lower our vibration in key circumstances.

For me for example, when I do workshops, I'm working with all kinds of energies and I sometimes have to lower my vibration in working with them - so I might eat denser foods.

The important thing to realise is that this is not happening because I form some rigid, disciplined choice. It's happening because I'm aligning with what wants to happen within the group I'm working with because I'm tuned in inside.

So I'd say what you really need to do is tune deeper inside. Instead of getting in the head about the addictions, explore your inner feelings within those actions. Work to let go of self judgment, of needing things to be a certain way, of needing a high vibration. Reclaim your divine gift of flexibility.

Then you may find there are other ways of managing your vibration without the need of cigarettes.

Chris

and PS, I've spoken at length about managing addictions - the 'spiritual way' - under Gateways 2 and 3 in Five Gateways

Hi Chris,

I was sure that with your reply i would get more confused.. (in a good way)
I tried to tune deeper inside and figure out that aspect of myself. i can feel something but its like i cant totally find the connection.i guess it means i didnt go deep enough. i am not sure i completely understand what you mean by 'reclaim your divine gift of flexibility' but i ll try and figure it out.

Thanks, Vaso

Hi Vaso,

The point I was making is that it is so easy for the mind to interfere with a deep exploration of our true feelings in relation to experiences because at various levels of inner inquiry, dramas will kick off.

So let's look at dealing with addictions like smoking, drinking or comfort eating for example. In my experience, the addiction is always inspired by a truth. So let's say you're a person who has a strong catalytic energy. Sometimes it's hard to hold those energies inside without becoming frustrated, stressed or pent up. In these situations, comfort eating, smoking or drinking can tend to ease the discomfort. I'm not saying that reaction is right or ultimately beneficial, just that they can have a temporary calming effect.

Of course the benefits are only temporary because they have destructive or evolutionary limiting side effects too. In society, most people tend to turn a blind eye to the side effects. However when we wake up, the qualities of self vigilance and honesty begin to activate. We can no longer turn a blind eye effectively. So this could for example lead to self judgment or guilt. In the case that we don't really want to go there, this might lead to the inner drama of denial.

So let's say you're working with some infusing energies of the soul which you're struggling to integrate. You might feel the need for relaxation. Nothing seems to work in the way it may have done before. So you reach for a cigarette. The cigarette gives you something that you actually already have at a deeper level, but currently are not yet able to access without that 'crutch'. It could be for example that simply breathing and visualising/feeling relaxed energy is sufficient. Persistence is necessary because we're being invited to break through new layers into new internal territory.

But if we don't have the patience, or if guilt and self blame kick in, then at some point we'll loose focus inside and the emotional crutch of smoking, drinking or eating takes over once more. In the drama, we loose true connection to the integrating energies.

And in terms of flexibility, this quality can be utterly priceless. If during that inner exploration we're approaching it from a dogmatic or overly rigid discipline, like meditating always in a particular way at a particular time, then we'll likely miss the best way to work with the integrating energies. One morning it might work to sit in silent meditation, then next it might be a walk in nature or it could be dancing to music. At times, if the infusing energies get too unsettling, it might be wise to calm the situation by eating denser foods.

It's all about learning to live completely in the moment, recognising that reality is created by our inner configuration of consciousness and feeling what wants to really happen to best facilitate the infusion of the new energies and qualities of beingness.

"Have no rigid system in you,
and you'll be flexible to change with the ever changing...
OPEN yourself and flow, my friend.
Flow in the TOTAL OPENESS OF THE LIVING MOMENT.
If nothing within you stays rigid,
outward things will disclose themselves.
Moving, be like water.
Still, be like a mirror."
Bruce Lee

This is what I mean by living with flexibility and a true 'openness to the living moment'.

Chris

So let's say you're a person who has a strong catalytic energy. Sometimes it's hard to hold those energies inside without becoming frustrated, stressed or pent up.

What is a strong catalytic energy? But this feels very much like me, especially in the past as I had been particularly idealistic and perfectionist..

Lei

I 'caught' it when I was a teenager - binge eating. I could eat > 5 hours nonstop, until I couldn't move or breathe. It lasted for several years with outbreaks and decays, until I didn't leave my mom's place. Then it just disappeared. It came back big time towards the Gateway 2 and totally went out of ‘control’ during the transfiguration process, up till lately. I was feeling horrible physically and mentally, and was judging myself, constantly, and then trying not to judge, and then I felt that some part of me wanted to take control over it, do something about it, “I need more Ray 1 here!!”, and the other was not ready to let go. In short, it was quite a ride with full mouth

And then, one day, I said: ok, I rest my case. I won’t try not to judge, I’ll just watch myself judging me, trying to control, eating the whole refrigerator, not breathing after… This addiction turned to a great ‘playground’ for non-identification, and then I was able to see various causes, roots of the ‘problem’.

For example, I saw that the feeling of the craving itself is similar to that for love and acceptance, which I couldn’t get from people around. The neediness that couldn’t be satisfied turned into something I could try to fill it with - a very good appetite But very soon I felt, that the emptiness is still there, and ate more and more and couldn’t have enough. Once I realized it, it was gone, maybe only for a while.

Also, the craving was very much reduced when I started to consciously ground, get into my body. When I get into my body – I become heavy, I feel heavy, and I don’t need food to create this effect. So it appeared that it was the way of the body to bring me down into it, it was speaking to me, but I wasn’t listening.

Another reason – OC. When I feel ‘bad’, have shallow breathing and become more anxious, worried, etc, get out of my body more, and get caught into the self-beating loop, it is a big party for OC, all those negative emotions, plus the body is not occupied, so it was its way to inhibit me, to shut me down. Or, in other words, as long as I don't close the gap, don't release some root-attachment, I will recreate the feeling/situation to face it and deal with it. And the funny thing is that my trials to force myself to stop eating would bring me to get “addicted” to something else, like facebook

So I asked myself: what am I looking for here? And got my answers.

So, what I was saying is that in my experience there is a reason why I do the things I do, and it didn't help to try to control myself, or follow the mind-led dual good/bad, pleasant/unpleasant, etc, but by just watching I could allow myself to be shown the roots of the ‘addiction’. Self-realization... and unconditional self-love, that's what it was about

Hi Lei,

You ask what catalytic energy is? Let's say you have that type of resonance as your soul ray harmonic and your purpose is to 'shake this world up' that a new harmony may unfold.

It kind of works like this: you engage with someone in soft openness - accepting totally who and what they are being. A part of the catalyst is empathy. So you're energetically empathising with the person/people you're connecting with - this forms a bridge.

But then let's say they begin to bring a distorted energy into the engagement. Let's say they suddenly become more confident, then controlling and then projectional. They start to project their reality onto the environment - lets say your parents do that for example.

So in the catalyst, this changing environment may invoke other energies - possibly a strong dose of the ray 2 which starts to dampen an over zealous projectionism. Or alternatively the Ray 4 may come in and start to confront some of the key issues directly. A true catalyst will carry a blend of energies that stirs things up, causes people to confront their limitations. It may present a strong mirror or at other times manifest synchronistic 'magic' that more strongly reveals someone else's limitations.

When the energy comes in (through the catalyst), it's going to infuse through our being and then out into the field where it will meet resistance. Sometimes I experience it just like stirring treacle! In this instance, one of two things will happen: the target of the catalysis will get stirred up or the catalyst themselves. It depends on how readily the person being the catalyst can integrate and hold that energy.

In the case that a person is not used to, or not yet able to fully hold those energies, then the energy created is going to cause tension within the catalyst - they're not fully able to infuse that energy through the field. This leads to tension and frustration. That's when (if we are aware of what's going on) we may need to dampen the effect by eating denser foods for example.

Chris

Hi everyone,
Chris i know that at the retreat i said i would stop meditating but i wasnt calm and not my self because i was quite terrified.
Coming back here i realised i didnt want to .im meditating daily, when i feel like it (its not that i push my self i like meditating very much) and im taking walks to a huge, beautiful park near here (the academic year starts in sept so i have plenty of free time.) dancing helps me too. I feel very grounded although headaches, etc are still here. i just dont pay attention to it.
I wont deny that i smoked before to feel grounded which it sounds funny to me now. i dont judge it, it was because i felt helpless and fear.
i knew pretty much where eating and smoking comes from but i couldnt totally connect everything. when i read gateway three again and together with what Yulia sais (thanks by the way, and i can see my self in many of what you say) i could connect everything.
when i asked my self what i feel when i eat (pretty much what Yulia describes as eating) i had the image of a little child running and messing around in the house, doing something inappropriate like breaking things or feel free etc.
when i was a child i was so uncontrollable. i mean beyond imagination. all my relatives were desperate because it was just impossible to control me. then all of the sudden in school i became the best child. you wouldnt even listen my voice. in addition The pressure from my dad during those years made me feel i couldnt act the way i wanted. i remember i had the image of my self when i was around 9 that i was a fat girl who looks like a boy. and later when i saw a picture i was actually thin and i didnt look like a boy at all. but what my dad was saying to me crated that image in my mind. i couldnt eat what i wanted (if i would more than he thought appropriate he would offend me, even in frond of strangers and even when i was 5) i couldnt play the way i wanted because he didnt like the fact i didnt like barbies. i couldnt even walk the way i wanted because i was moving my hands very much and according to him girls thats not how are supposed to walk (which is tragic because i was just 8 or 9)
in addition the fact that i always had so much in my head and i didnt even have the chance to feel a child that has nothing to worry about and just play. or the fact that at 11 i didnt have the time to feel helpless and fear because i had to be strong and the fact that i didnt even let my self feel pain and anger. i think all this pretty much explain everything.
chris you said to me quite a few times that i have the need for things to be a certain way. i dont quite understand this because i dont get stressed and i dont make plans for future,not even for tomorrow or need to know everything. i do understand now that i have the need to feel a certain way though.
in the past i would suppress my feelings because i didnt like how i felt and i wanted to feel happy. i didnt even accept that a situation would be tragic, because i didnt want to live in that circumstances. when i was 16 i wanted to forgive my father because i knew that with blaming him forever it would make me unhappy. it was very difficult because i had to deal with the situation and at the same time to forgive him and not admit how i felt. i wanted to forgive him but it was ok to feel pain and abandonment or whatever first. i thought i totally forgave him but i didnt until recently in the retreat.

Hi Chris,
I now understand what you mean when you say flexibility and i will do that but i am quite confused as to how to react.
i wouldnt mention that because i asked you but im not sure what is the best to do.
i felt what you describe as 'stirring treacle'. except from that though is another energy i feel and the pain in my base chakra. when i had stop meditating i didnt feel the pain or the pressure in my head and i didnt feel the energy. now that i started meditating again i can feel my chakra spinning again and the kundalini rising (or whatever it is). i feel more intensely the pain and the pressure. when i meditate after a few minutes i feel an energy pushing from in my chakra out. my body makes an impulsive movement and is like the position of my back changes. and i can feel the energy around me going up and the pressure is less. but i can feel it coming back and is like is sitting on me and then pushing in the chakra and the pain becomes more intense. i dont concentrate and resist because i did that before and i can feel resistance back as a heat and pressure. i just observe and what i describe happens.
Now, i felt the energy as stirring treacle before but i think they are two different things. and i dont know how to react. i thought that if the entity is there, there is a reason and maybe is one of my addictions. so if i eat less and fasting regularly it will leave more easily. the feeling of it being there its so tiring but i dont want to stop meditating as i did before. but if it is what you say then its better to eat denser food.

Thanks
Vaso

I've been keeping my eye on how addicted I can get to things, I empathize with what you were saying vaso about stopping smoking (only with me its drink) to feel the benefits an then to be back on it again within a few weeks. From what I have noticed, it seems that my addiction is linked to my attachment to certain people, I reached a point at which i could feel our paths moving away from each other and was unable to let go of friends, this came as quite impulsive behavior to the point where i eventually dived back into old behavior patterns just to hang on to old relationships, even though i know deep down they do not serve. Im still doing it aswell, only it comes in phases where i seem to dive in and out of distorting patterns.

Addictions ... hmmm ... I've had a few ...

I found that by being truly honest with myself to why addictions served me I was able to let go of them. Oh that sounds so easy when I say it like that! Haha! The hardest part is the being honest with yourself because so much of us wants to deny the truth, we have weaved our own story into our actions to protect ourselves from the truth and it takes honesty to see through it, it takes surrender to let the negative emotions fall away unjudged and acceptance of what we find underneath. But when we find the truth behind the story we find understanding in ourselves and the ability to realise we don't need it anymore. So I don't see it as 'mastering myself' because that implies I am judging myself; I see it more as loving myself enough to reach the understanding that actually I don't need it after all.

Thanks Dale and Michelle!!

Yeah Michelle maybe you are right and i used the wrong expression. I wrote i mean discipline in a good way though but as chris said discipline doesnt always help. I do still judge my self but what i notice is that as i continue eating or drinking i feel more apathy about it. as if i only eat and drink mechanically and i observe myself only. i can see i dont feel as guilty as i used to which i hope is good and it doesnt mean that in a month i will be two times bigger. Hahaha if i am i will not judge it though..

I can only speak from my own experience Vaso, but I have found that if I try to 'discipline' or 'master' an addiction I am bringing self judgement into my need for the addiction which then turns into a circle of blame and guilt which can perpetuate it. If I find the love within myself to accept and acknowledge the truth behind my perceived 'need', there is no judgement, there is only understanding.

I don' think you used the wrong expression for you Vaso, because maybe you see this as something to be mastered rather than something that's only worth letting go of, feeling the need to 'master' something is giving it power and therefore power over you, by letting go of something you recognise that it has no power over you.