Just wanted to add one more thing. After posting this I realized how much I had left out. There is so much to this journey I would bore you by posting it all.

My experience was similar. But I do not use drugs anymore... I can be myself and learn and have fun and enjoy the life without drugs. But there are many other "drugs" or parasitic thoughts (I love to call them so). They possessing mind...

Hi Mark,

I write this having read your article, but widening my comments to people in general, not necessarily directly to you, just offering my perspective from my own journey to anyone who may be interested.

I took masses of alcohol and "recreational" drugs for about 15 years, not with any "exploratory"notions, just all in the name of having a good time with my mates. Or was it? Really it was more about obliterating a feeling of emptiness, masking unprocessed pain from life experiences, getting an artificial feeling of freedom, releasing the stress of overworking...... etc,etc I can honestly say if I knew then what I know now about how I could have directed my energies into following a spiritual path, leading to real freedom, peace, contentment, and heartfelt joy I wouldn't have bothered polluting my body like that. But I had no idea there was another way, and I am grateful for the lessons and understandings I gained.

Nowadays, I find it's about being absolutely real with everything that is happening for, not trying to escape any of it, but being the observer of yourself in it all, noticing where you are attached to an outcome or an avoidance and releasing it. As you start doing this as a constant way of living, you will eventually unravel all the fixed neural pathways in your brain which constitute your false self and currently run the show. At least that's been my experience and I think is what a lot of people mean when they talk about an ego death. For it is when that neural network truly breaks apart you can then start living more authentically as your soul now has the chance to sing its tune.

Notice for instance if you are taking alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, chocolate bars, drugs what neural pathways fire in certain situations, e.g. break time at work, walking into a pub, sitting down with a certain group of friends, a feeling of pressure or stress or disappointment, What reaction fires off, when? Do you think you're just going about doing normal everyday things when in fact you have multiple addictions? I'm not trying to lambast anyone for doing any of the above, merely to question are they aware of it in truth and suggest it can all be released with some attention to what you choose to ingest and how you make space for a different response to open up, e.g. having an apple and a 5 minute walk in the fresh air rather than walking up to the vending machine. (Should you feel an inkling for change). All these things serve to free up your consciousness and allow more authentic and less automated action.

Gradually, one step at a time, you are walking a path to a higher vibrational state, wherein your experiences will deepen and open and you will feel like miracles happen because you have the sensitivity to recognise them and you are no longer too busy/blinkered rushing off to your next agenda.

There is no need to try to force or push spiritual experience, with drugs or any other way. How you are being will invite experiences to happen. The clearer your body i,s the higher vibrational state you can maintain, then more of your energy bodies will be revealed to you and you will be cleansing and reconnecting higher levels of beingness

When I tasted the sweetness of a life without artificial and toxic substances; was amazed by intricate interactions with higher consciousness; was stunned by the beauty of life in its natural state and realised it was all there to be tasted all the time, I gave humble thanks I found the key.

With love to all of us, sentient beings that we are,

Lesley x

So in one way it's very ordinary

Hey,

I agree with all you've written Lesley, except you say:

'I wouldn't have bothered polluting my body like that'

Don't you think that this was just part of your path to go? I mean, surely, myself I wouldn't have taken the drugs as well 'if I would have known', but on the other hand, if I would have never felt the need to take drugs for all of the underlying reasons you mentioned, then I would have probably also not have felt the need for a more spiritual way of being.

All I'm trying to say is, don't regret anything you've been through. Be pleased that you left it behind you, of course, but don't deny that person who you once were, because it's still a part of who you are now.

warm greetings,

Pieter.

Hi Pieter

Thanks for your comment, well spotted!

Because I don't live with any major feeling of regret, I hadn't noticed that there was some deeper level still to release and accept there. Interestingly, I knew something felt a bit awry when I wrote that sentence and didn't take the time to look into what there might be to discover in it. Now I'm realising it's linked to feelings of growing old and some resistances to that, funny how all the things you think you're cool with start waving flags when you're least expecting it!

Blessings to you x

Hi Lesley,

I must say I wondered too about the regret aspect of your post. I think it's so powerful the way you responded: with great self honesty and acceptance. It's a shining example of true authenticity to us all. No one here at Openhand is saying "we're perfect, we've got it all right". We're saying we're prepared to look within and be honest about what we see. That's exactly the reason you've traveled so far Lesley

I remember having to deal with a big 'mistake' I made in my life which felt like my destiny had been derailed by Opposing Consciousness. Yet after reaching a certain level of evolution, I could see not only how I'd actually caused my own derailment, but also that even though this had happened, it wasn't a 'bad' thing at all. It had taught me something truly deep: it's not about what we do or don't do in life, it's what we learn in the process. To me, the only mistake we can make is not attempting to realise why we followed a particular path.

My original 'error' meant that a major sporting achievement was denied to me. Instead I 'achieved' only a 'mediocre' level of performance. For many years I wished I could turn back the hands of time and make the choice I felt I should have made. When I fully awoke, I was able to see how firstly, at a lower level of consciousness, we are able to choose our feelings in response to what we've experienced. So for example: "we can be a winner all the time".

Then following that, as I touched absoluteness, I realised the very absoluteness I was tasting was just like a universal mosaic made of an infinite number of pieces and colours. To deprive my soul of the feelings of despondency, loss and failure, was to deprive the One Life of one part of the universal masterpiece, and to do that, is to make the masterpiece less than what it truly is.

As this realisation dawned, a curious juxtaposition happened internally: there was no longer any sadness at my loss. In my mediocrtiy, I wept tears of joy!

Chris

Lesley, a huge thanks for sharing; I feel sure your post will strike a chord with many out there.

I guess what I sense for all of us is that everything in life happens for a reason, whether it’s perceived as good or bad at the time. There are almost always lessons to learn from the experience (sometimes the same one, albeit in a different setting!), pointers for the future, invitations to make changes on a large or small scale as we reflect and draw breath.

There are a few areas, though, where I really start to wonder why; for example, are there any possible benefits (outweighing the negative aspects) could come out of an apparently random event such as a suicide bombing (putting to one side, for the moment, the triggers or motivations for such actions), or a mass shooting by a person who has lost all control and leaves behind a trail of destruction? Also, the so called 'acts of God' around the world (although you could say these are caused or influenced by man's deeds).

Yes, the aftershocks might bring people closer together, be a catalyst for them to take stock of what is truly important; and not to forget these situations can serve as reminders that we are not invulnerable, life can be fleeting and come and go in the blink of an eye.

However, on the other hand, the feelings of bereavement and bewilderment, fractured households and communities in mourning; and for the relatives (including members of the gunman’s family) coming to terms with the reality of anyone unwittingly caught up in such a tragedy, the question I would grapple with is simply ‘why’ their son/daughter etc was taken from them so suddenly and violently. Could it be linked to past karma in some way?

At which point some might ask how a kind and loving God has allowed the situation to develop, only to be met with the reply ‘man has free will to do as he pleases’. There don’t seem to be any clear answers and this is particularly hard to take when the initial probability of getting killed in this manner was extremely low.

I realise in some way the above musings may be a mirror to my own feelings about death and loss; quite likely a fear of my own mortality and doubts about the existence of God.

I can see the point you made, Chris, about experiencing all emotions as part of life’s rollercoaster; to know and feel the difference and be aware of the infinite shades on a scale of relativity, otherwise the picture is incomplete and unbalanced.

Love to all,

Andy