Here's the brief history because I feel like to tell about it...
So.. I'm 14 - suffering from major depression, anxiety, not really interested to stay alive.. not believing in anything, laughing at people and their values, not wanting to take my place in a flock, waiting to die
(sounds dramatic )
I'm 18 - meeting someone who tells me this fantastic story that there are happy people - they have fun all day long - "I'm here to have fun, we live only once, so enjoy!!!" - their life's credo
It makes me think that what life (or the world) look like to you depend on you only, on your "processor"... So I'm seeing not so good, and need to change..
18-25 - Psychiatry, psychotherapy, piles of medications to ruin the rest of my health - but.. My eyes are open and I'm learning, and even getting B.Sc on chemistry!
25- Kabbalah studies for 2 years - it definitely helped and taught me things.. starting practicing yoga for health, ignoring all the spiritual aspects (since the teacher says it won't work, because the nowadays ego you can't suppress), got married to my boyfriend, who studied chemistry at the same university with me and revealed Kabbalah to me
27 - got out with husband,loads of info, ideas, some kind of new me, but also anger and confusion - I don't know what to do next - and feeling something while yoga exercises (even though I didn't try anything but relax)
last few months - internet..internet..New Age staff, meditations...ran into many interesting ideas, thoughts, advises - so many people are trying to help, to make a change, to do good - it's very inspiring..
2 days ago - ran into your video, and felt just like I felt many times when I studied Kabbalah - feeling full, expanded, happy and joyful, alive..
yesterday - I entered your site...
and today - I'm here writing this I don't really know why...
So..here's my life, and "life is a harsh teacher", but I must say it was worth it
And what did I learn? the hard way..
1. It does depend on you how you perceive the reality, want to change it - change yourself (for you it's trivial, many wrote about it, but for me it was a hard work to discover)...
2. All you need is to want to change, to want to find the "truth" (the purpose, the meaning, God,...)
3. And then to listen carefully and to look closely - instead of talk and show (that's not easy at all, especially the talk, especially not for the woman )
4. Answers, guides, lessons are everywhere in every moment (but personally, I can't be so focused all the time)
5. I found that it's a mistake to be stuck somewhere to evolve "spiritually" - with most of people I know did so it turned to fanaticism, it creates limitations if you don't know how to protect yourself
6. Doubt is necessary, but so is to be sure - paradox
7. No coercion - it means - don't "touch" others, even not in your thoughts, don't try or want to change others. Focus on yourself only. (that's what I've learned anyway)
8. But it's great to tell what you know in a book or site or blog like you do, so if someone is looking for, he will find - so here comes the "thank you"
9. It's very important to take a good care of the body - some "spiritual teachers" ignore that completely
10.Nature (this is how I call God, Creator, Universe.. it doesn't mean trees and grass, but everything, even things I might never discover).. so..Nature is kind, loving and taking care of, but also is very cruel (only in perception) if you don't cooperate, if you don't obey it's laws.. (personally and generally)
11. So you are making a move, it comes back to you in a surprising way, you don't understand why you deserve this.
And then you notice that it is like a distorting mirror - you know, that the reflection depends on your motion, but you don't know what it's going to be. And that's because you don't know the laws, and they are needed to be learned.
Most of the time what you project outside this is what you get back.
12. But the way is only by trying to tune yourself and to see if you were a "good boy"... And this is a personal research of the Nature laws
13.Suffering is the mark of resistance. You suffer only if you resist Nature. But if you align yourself with Nature's laws, you feel it's endless warmth, love, it's perfection, etc. and all this you feel within yourself
15. The only guides I see right now is from nature, science, which is trying to understand and explore the nature if you don't focus on what's under your microscope, but trying to see the whole picture, like Einstein did - and it's harmony, wholeness, connection, that everything is dependent on everything.. and through all that you can feel something very big, something powerful, beyond your understanding.
You can see all that genius,you understand you can't compete that, it's better to surrender..and give yourself to it..
16.But how? How to "surrender" to the Nature, to open, to flaw, to listen etc. And that's what you're talking about, I understand..
17. And that's exactly my problem - that's why struggling.. I'm still struggling, still resisting, and I admit, I'm afraid, to loose control, to climb the wrong mountain, to not be able to survive, and many more scary things...boo
So here I'm finishing this thing I wrote, hope it was interesting to somebody..
And even if not reading the whole staff - just by comparing the two parts - history and learned lessons, who would dare to say life had nothing to offer me when I was 14 and wanted to die?
Also I have some questions.. so I'll ask them later.. I believe you have special place for questions , so I'll ask them there
I wish everybody a fascinating journey, and total coalescence with Nature (no matter how you call it, it means I wish the biggest happiness in the world),