Hi Ben,

If we disconnect from someone as a doctrine because we feel that they are limiting us, then all we really do is sever our connection with Unity Consciousness.

On the other hand if we let go of someone as a natural arising from the soul, we do so because the relationship has served its purpose and it has come to a natural conclusion. Authentic action in that case would be unique to every circumstance.

Each situation is unique, so I can't really offer my opinion on what an 'appropriate response' would be. In some circumstances, distancing ourselves from a relationship might be the least thing we need to do - as engagement with that person may hold important keys to our evolution. Leaving might just be escapism. This would hold back our evolution as we keep walking away from situations that will provide the greatest soul food.

On the other hand distancing/releasing ourselves from another may be the perfect thing to do if sharing space with that other has fulfilled its purpose.

How do you discern what relationships serve you and which ones don't? How do you know when a connection has served it's purpose?

I personally don't find this kind of decision much different from all other kinds of decisions. For example, leaving job, place you live in.

How do you know you are not running away from the noisyness of your neighbours? from your boss, from food that is making you sick? etc etc

For example: I've already told about my compulsive eating adventure. More than 6 months I ate things that made me dense, unhappy, feeling bad physically, depressed...I asked the same question. I know it doesn't serve me, I know, it lowers me down, I know it all, but if I just do what arises spontaneously, then hello "Mynona" cafe with all the kisches, cakes, etc. It was shocking, since for years I didn't see myself behaving like this...

I couldn't understand why benevolence would bring me to such piggy state. I gained weight a bit, I felt heavy. Until one day it hit me! I'm attached to being healthy, especially eating healthy, etc...It's not spontaneous, in this place I don't let myself flow to whatever it will be, I block natural order! It was it. I was tested for another couple of months, until I was free to eat whatever, wherever and however. Then suddenly, literally one day, it was over.

About the same happened to me with looking for house..until I payed attention, I was running away, and not only from house and town I live in now, but from many other things. It just was kind of trick to make myself busy with something and to hide behind it.

Now if I tell anybody about how my relationship with my husband began, was and how it is now, it might be not clear what are we doing together at all? Hard, tough, simply a torment for both.

I couldn't find any logical reason why am I staying, and why is he staying? It made it even harder, trying to explain it logically. Nothing is that simple for the mind with benevolence.. even if it looks like it's simple

Another point relevant, is whether the relationship is between two partners or any other relationship. I think there's a difference. I don't think, that if two people really felt the click and came together, it was accidental. There is something about it.

I still can't understand how is it possible that Dani dramatically changes, when I undergo some kind of shift. You might say - it's all the same, you see it differently, but how about facts? Suddenly he begins to be full with work, becomes alive after spending two years lying half-dead on the sofa, wants to make something nice for me, even begins to feel different about me..etc...

It is clear, that my state deeply affects him. Or another way to see it, my reality is shifting. Now to the next level, next 'task'...

Dani always said, when I was asking him: "When the time comes, you'll know it". And this is so right. As long as I'm asking this question, I'm not sure. If I'm not sure, then there is still something for me to learn about myself here.

And the best way to know is to stay then.

When I choose to stay, I always check the possibility of doing otherwise to see if it scares me, making me contracted, or on the contrary, too releaved.

The interesting thing I found is that when I'm leaving something I'm done with, I don't feel ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I don't even relate to it anymore. It immediately becomes nothing. I just feel expanded, and always shifted, that's all.

I also remember what they said about this kind of things in Kabbalah: if you have two choices, always choose the hardest one

Funny..

Yulia wrote: I still can't understand how is it possible that Dani dramatically changes, when I undergo some kind of shift. You might say - it's all the same, you see it differently, but how about facts? Suddenly he begins to be full with work, becomes alive after spending two years lying half-dead on the sofa, wants to make something nice for me, even begins to feel different about me..etc...

This I see all around me. When we make a shift within, it is reflected in the world around us.

For me the biggest example of this is with my son. My state of beingness is reflected within him so often. A perfect mirror at times as are all of those closest to us.

My fondest and most memorable memory of this was when he was about nine months old (or so). I was carrying him on my hip into the kitchen. Suddenly I jabbed my finger on the door at which point I experienced a shooting pain. The natural response would be to yell out in pain, jumping around - BUT - I didn't! I was carrying my son and I didn't want to freak him out. So what happened??? I internalised the pain with a big gulp. I tryed to carry on pretending that I was OK.

Rather suprisingly my child then let out a screaming wail. As he did so he pointed out the same finger on his hand that I'd just jabbed.

So from that moment onwards I recognised that my internal state of consciousness was reflected in my outer world. I learnt that it was better to be honest with how I felt and feel peace within as a result of being honest, than try to project an image of okayness into the outside world, whilst feeling pain inside.

wow, that's great. I can imagine it would have been quite a magical moment (after your finger stopped hurting!) I remember reading about how babies don't differentiate between themselves and their mothers (and probably the world around them) for quite a long time after they're born. So at this point he presumably still knew himself as an extension of you (or you and the world as extension of himself)? I wonder at the level of natural connectedness people probably come in with.

Thankyou Trinity and Yulia for the replies to my post. It was kind of a speculative question, as its one I've felt given to contemplate recently, although it also relates to a specific situation. I can see how in the past I haven't acted completely authentically in such a situation and the affect that had, but also obviously there's a learning from it and for the reasons why, and its led me to contemplate at a deeper level the idea of more authentic responses, and an exploration of that.

So I don't see the question as about trying to make a (mind led) decision, but about unfolding the most authentic expression of what's being invited. and I feel, as you imply, that we can find this through authentic discernment, and a letting go of the situation and potential outcome.

Both your replies held up a good mirror for me, and helped me to see things more clearly. thankyou