Hi Tara,

Big welcome to Openhand! :angel: I am so pleased that you shared this because this seems to be such an amazingly common aspect of the spiritual awakening process. I would say that most people experience back sliding to a greater or lesser degree.

I look forward to hearing what others have to say on the subject.

For now a few musings from me...

It is normal to have ebbs and flows. I think it becomes a problem when we become identified with our state of being. It would seem natural to love the aspect of our self that is vibrant and loving (and who wouldn't ), although it's equally important not to get attached to it either. It would make the moments when we are feeling less than vibrant and joyful quite painful.

'Down time' seems to pass much more painlessly if we are able to accept it without judgement (or 'hating' it as you say). We even find that we learn so much from those less than desirable times. My darkest moments have actually been my greatest teachings. I feel profound gratitude for that.

A few years back something shifted inside of me. I looked the darkness straight between the eyes (metaphorically speaking) and found the depths of love and compassion. Love is unconditional. It shines through all things and does not with hold just because something is dark. Ironically we find that when we accept all things unconditionally (both light and darkness) we tend to find the universal flow of life energy so much easier.

Whilst it is invaluable to befriend the darkness within you in order that it be released, there may also be something that you can do to help you reconnect with the light within. What stirs your soul? Is there anything that you can remind yourself of when it gets too much to pull you back again.

I don't believe that we can go back once you start the unfolding journey or ascension. It may seem that way at times, but you will keep revisiting all the places you get blocked until they hold you no more.

With Love
Trinity
x

Hi Tara,

Welcome to the Openhand forum
I agree whole-heartedly with Trinity - she offers some great viewpoints.

Back-sliding can also be viewed in another way. Let me ask you, what is your purpose here? Mine is to master myself. To master every response in every circumstance. To find light in the depths of darkness.

In order to achieve this, I must root out every single distortion within me; every single contraction of consciousness. When this realisation dawns, then every moment where we slip once more into darkness is not a challenge at all, but rather an opportunity.

It's an opportunity to test our state of consciousness. To keep on making that 'constant conscious choice'. To allow ourselves to be tempted back into the drama once more in order to find something even deeper, even more beautiful, even more perfect.

Imagine making the Sword of Truth Excalibur. How many times does the blade have to go back into the furness to make something truly powerful and endurable?

It may sound like a monumental task yet this is what we are here for. We each have inside ourselves everything we need to achieve this mastery. The mastery of ourselves!

Much love

Chris

What I feel like saying sometimes.......

I know exactly what you mean Tara, I feel at the moment I am constantly having 'wobbles' then low and behold comes a lovely message from Openhand.

If I went to a doctor, I swear he/she would say I'm bi-polar lol, high as a kite one minute then low the next. The highs come when I just say "f**k it Debra, just trust you daft bugger".

My problem is that for the first time ever I have no plan, no job, no money. It's a strange place to be, yet I know in my heart there's something amazing that will come, soon, I just have to trust, be patient and ignore the fear. Some days that's easy, other days it's harder. Funnily, if the weather's really bad and I don't get to go out, I feel worse....When the sun's shining everything really does seem brighter.....

Oh well, I'm rambling as usual, felt the need to reply today.

Hope you're all well.

Love and loud music,

Debra xx

Hey Debra,

Great to see you here on the site - it's wonderful you write just how you speak LOL!!!

So you're now in a place with no plan and trusting - wonderful, what a place to be.

The inner journey beckons deeper then. Bless those times of maximum openness and freedom for they offer the greatest opportunity to accelerate quickly.

Much love

Chris

hi all!

thanks for your sharing tara, I certainly also experience highs and lows. It seems strange to really feel good, positive, in the flow, vibrant and then suddenly the next day wake up feeling glum for no apparent reason. I find it very difficult not to get sucked into the feeling which is often very physical - a lack of energy or motivation to do anything, verge of tears, irritation and frustration. I feel guilty about the people around me who worry when i'm like that. All i want to do is curl up into a little ball!! After a couple of days it usually subsides and I'm back to feeling great again! Sometimes it is quick enough change between the two, to really feel bipolar or like i'm going a bit crazy!!

As Trinity says, its natural to have these ups and downs and I guess there are so many external and physical influences, we are naturally dynamic beings in a constantly changing environment. The trick is not to get identified with any particular state and to remember that it is transient, however rubbish you're feeling! It's great opportunity to practise taking a step back and letting it be, observing the feelings and physical affects and letting them be. And not to be too hard on ourselves for feeling like that! For me however hard it may be to motivate when feeling blue, I usually find if I can muster up energy for a walk in nature, a bath with nice smelling oils, meditation and general relaxing helps to sail the wave!

It's good to know that we're not on our own with this either - I often pop onto the openhand site and find something which seems to help with what I need at that moment.

Happy and sad days!

Elly xx

Tis great to be back here, thanks Chris! Well, when you put it like that I really must sit back and try and enjoy the ride.

Love and loud music, Debra xx

Hi all, and yes Debs, nice to see you on here again.
And Elly thanks for the chat and hug tonight...much needed.
Well guys, I don't think there is anything wrong with any of you
and I can relate to what you are all talking about.
I feel different all too often and think that no one is going through this... why is it so hard?.. does anyone really understand?
I have watched myself go into a bit of a self destruct phase recently and could see clearly what was going on and how situations are brought to us and how easily it would be to make things better and become happy again. Yet sometimes I get so low I just can't be bothered and I isolate myself and become more self absorbed. It is a bit of a visous cycle really but somehow I know I have to pull myself out of it again. It does seem to be linked to how in the flow I am.
I have realised a lot about trust lately and really trying to not take the steering wheel is a constant challenge I have to say.
Thankfully it is a lot more obvious for me now when it happens , however I do still tend to go through the motions of looking around to see what I can do next when things come to a halt. I guess the only difference now is that I don't tend to do anything unless it feels 100% authentic and right. Where as before I may have done it just to be doing something.
For example I am at yet another of lifes crossroads at the moment. I have spent a lot of time on the net looking at jobs, helpx positions and couchsurfing. Nothing is clear but I still look hoping something will pop out at me. I know deep down that it is probably not going to. It is just another opportunity to trust that as usual it will all become clear when the time is exactly right.
I was flowing well recently in the river of life, but a few little things (which I could probably pin point) got me into a little stagnant pool or stuck on a log at the edge... I can see now it is time to kick off from the side again and get back in the main river.
So I sure hope to see you guys there too

Happy floating
Marion xxxx

Hi Everyone,

What beautiful people to surround myself with.....you all touched me with your responses, sometimes I just need to hear it from somebody else that they feel the same way. Debra, I have tought many times that if I went to the doctor he'd say I was bipolar...teehee :)Try to get outside Debra EVERYDAY even if the sun isn't shining and its cold, the fresh air or a little walk with help.....staying inside and thinking always makes it worse. Elly, I feel the same way about the guilty feeling and others around me...sometimes their energy about worrying about me actually makes me worry about myself and think that its not ok to be "sad" or have a "down" day. I'm very sensitive to others and their feelings. Trinity and Chris, I have been working on dis- idenifying with my ego over the last year, it is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.(but maybe I shouldn't try soo hard right?)That is just creating another thing for me to idenify with. That is where most of my pain does come from Trinity becasue I do idenify with the way I feel and feel as if I am not as good as others or I will never be free. I find it very diffult on my down days to live in a world like this and yes yes yes those days are more painful because I attach myself. With looking fear in the eye, I feel I have made some progress with that seeing as all I did was live in fear for 6+ years. Love in general stirs my soul and I try my best to stay focused on that on those days, whether it be people, animals or the beauty on earth. My heart shines when I can offer help to anyone, it makes me feel so connected. I need deep connections with people, I feel so far away from God if I don't have that.....but, it's kind of weird because I also isolate myself fearing rejection from others...I fnd it hard to sometimes to be in the company of new people. OH heres comes the bipolar again..hehe. I see Chris that it is an opportunity, this makes much sense. I think my purpose here is to help shift consciousness, to be a part of creating a new earth, I've always felt like somewhat of a healer as well. Marion thanks for your words I've constantly struggled with feeling like I am the only one that goes through this and nobody understands, but I DO.

Thank you all, I wish it was a little more personalable than typing on the internet but that is better than nothing at all. It is so nice to be OPEN and REAL and MYSELF! I have so much to talk about with all of you
x
God bless, light and love
Tara:)

I am busy preparing for our 'Walking the Path' residential course, so just flying through right now. I just felt that say that I appreciate the open hearted and honest sharing here very much.
Sending a heart full of Love to you all!
Trinity

Thanks Tara, I have been doing what you recommended and it really does help. I do love the outdoors but this weather has tested that, teehee. It is finally thawing here, so I look forward to longer walks!

Hope you are all keeping warm.

Debra xx