Dear Emma,

The spiritual journey is rarely an easy one, although I have learnt that the more we let go and align with our soul the more at peace we feel with our choices.

I remember feeling very much alone in the past. I married quite young. I'd already awoken spiritually although I knew no-one remotely on my wave length. As I become more soulful and 'alternative' I realised that he didn;t understand a word I was talking about! It was on my path to marry a guy with whom, to be honest I had absolutely nothing in common with other than same town convenience. I was exploring the fact that the light was within everyone, so really it didn't matter a whole lot what I did in life. I learnt quickly that well actually it DOES MATTER what we do with our lives, for their is a unique calling from my soul to fulfill my purpose here.

So anyway, a week after our wedding we conceived a child. The veil of illusion was lifted for me at that point and I realised that I was in a marriage that didn't serve my journey at all. I was afraid to leave to be honest - what would I do, where would I go, how would I support myself? So I gave birth to a beautiful child in a hospital (despite my longing for a home birth in a place where noone would support it) - he was very aware at such a young age. I knew that he would be raised according to my heartfelt ethics of natural parenting. That immediately made us seem quite odd to most of the people around us. Soon it felt as if it was me and my child against the world. As if there were not a soul in the world who supported our way.

In a nutshell, after a very challenging, eventually with baby in arms I left! I left a gorgeous three story victorian house and all the trappings and so called 'securities' of modern day life. I was quickly blessed to find a tiny little house to rent. It was scruffy and had been neglected, but after three days of hard scrubbing and a few wonders with the sewing machine it came up a dream. It was our very own sacred space. It was heaven. I'd felt like a flower that had been crushed and locked away in a cardboard box - suddenly the lid flung open and I began to truly blossom again. My spiritual journey rapidly exellerated. There were still many unpleasantries targeted my way that I had to battle against for many years - yet I was liberated and saw them all as learning experiences.

As soon as I made the commitment to take the next step it was as if the universe orchestrated itself to support me. I know the same to be true for us all. I was under no illusion that it was me who had to walk to the edge of the cliff and trust that my wings would unfold. I was tested on taking that step time and time again through many other situations.

As my life changed, so did the people around me. I found more and more people with whom I found a resonance. I gradually put the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together one piece at a time. It takes time, but I know that as long as we keep doing what we are divinely given to do then we will unfold into the glorious beings that we are.

I fully empathise with you. I realise that your situation may require different action to what mine did. But agree with you and have no doubt that whatever you are feeling a pull to do in your heart is guiding you for the benefit of your evolution. Once we have awakened to that, it is impossible to turn it off.

During those days I learned that I only ever find peace within when I follow the intuition within my heart - WHATEVER that was guiding me to do.

I am not sure if this helps, but I felt moved to write especially to let you know that you are most certainly not alone.

I wonder perhaps if there may be any groups (i.e. meditation) that you can get involved with local to you where you can meet others who don't fit into the 'box'?

With Love
Trinity

hi emma

firstly I feel its really positive that you're beginning to see 'the matrix' for what it really is - to see through the illusion of a society invested in keeping people conforming to set patterns and so be conditioned and bound by them. As the light within you grows stronger the distance between the Soul's authenticity and the distortions in society will probably become more and more apparent. I can certainly relate to the feeling that while being able to recognise this is ultimately a 'good' thing it doesn't always feel that way (at least for a time), in fact sometimes quite the opposite! It isn't always easy to walk the path! I can feel how hard it must be to watch your loved ones seemingly 'won over' by such a system. Yet by being able to see and acknowledge it, I believe you're already making a positive difference, both to your own consciousness, that of your family and on a more global level, because your beingness can contribute on subtle levels to the wider whole. I feel that bringing awareness to it can help in subtle ways, and what's more by living in what you feel to be an authentic or genuine way, you can provide opportunities for those others around you who are ready to awaken or who are able to hear, to feel the light within them too, and so you can help in that respect too. These are all reasons to honour your feelings and where you're at, and to keep going!

But I also feel there may come a point where it might become clear that certain of those involved aren't ever going to 'get it', and what's more that the constant effort involved in trying to maintain a particular relationship or illusion is detrimental to both your and their spiritual growth. I've experienced similar with family and friends, and it can be pretty challenging. The implications of this do not dictate a hard and fast rule of action however - it may be you're just invited to spend more time alone, or to talk more with loved ones, spend more time with the kids, or throw away the TV (for example)! or it could be that you're being invited to make bigger, more far reaching, changes in your life. As you are beginning to recognise, if you look deep inside that's where the answers will reside.
In my view the question to ask (and to ask almost unceasingly, until you're completely 'flowing' with it) is - 'what am I being invited to do now? What is my Heart and Soul calling for me to do or to be?'

From my experience I feel it might also be worth taking a bit of time out for yourself, possibly a weekend away or a stay in a retreat centre. I'd also recommend the Openhand courses and retreats (if you feel a 'pull' towards them). They can be a very powerful way of connecting with the Soul more fully. They also often powerfully facilitate the cutting through of illusion and distortions in life and help us to see our true selves and what we're being invited to do and be while living in the moment (among other things!). I feel its certainly worth considering, if it resonates with you.

with love

Ben

Trinity and Ben

Thank you so much for your heart felt replies. I was once told it has to get worse before it gets better, but yes i feel its all a "learning journey" and i am trying to remember and treat it all as such.

I dream at night of the "bigger picture" and wonder being free to live my life 100% the way i would like to and living and breathing with like minded people to share the happiness that is unfolding and bring up my children the perfect way in my heart.

I have joined a buddhist group we meet once a week and meditate and study and i find it comforting and leading me down a better path.

Meditating has helped calm me and i feel a warm humming sensation in my ears? i hear it all the time especially so when its quite and im peaceful. I sthis normal? i dont find it irritating or disturbing at all ive always been aware of it but since meditating i hear it more frequently?

Thanks again

Emma

Truth, Light and Oneness.

Hi Emma,

Yes, I often see the 'holding hot coal' analogy. If we grasp onto hot coal it is painful, but if we let go it hurts even more - but it is only then that the real healing can being. So it may well appear worse before it gets better as everything unravels itself.

When my son was a baby I dreamt of community, where everyone lived harmoniously aligned with the flow of nature and the universe. I did search and it never seemed to come - although I feel it in my heart. I realised that the best I could do was with whatever I have available to me. That has to be good enough. The most I found I could do was to make sure that I peel away anything that was dimming my light - anything that hindered my journey. To be 'me' - that is all I can do. the rest will take care of itself. To trust in that is the challenge that we all face. We ARE good enough, just as we are!

I hear a lot about ringing in the ears whilst meditating. It's something that I bypass very quickly in meditation. I sense that a something that invites us to go 'through and beyond' to something deeper. if I had ringing in my ears I would listen to it until it fell away and then find the sound that was deeper and beyond, until all sound dissolved into silence. Perhaps not very helpful I know!

warmest regards
trinity
x

Trinity,

I have felt that balancing and controlling my energy was so straining and my ears were always ringing when I need them to not be. It is only recently that I've decided to listen to it and let myself resonate. I find that if I had to compare it to something it would be a Solfeggio tone. Could it be our light pushing forth as an automatic response to the boundaries we have created and letting us know it is there and welcoming us in unity?

Aldo Cruz

Light Warrior

Hi there,

Welcome to the Openhand forum. I've not contemplated much about the Solfeggio tones, although I find it very interesting to read that the sound you hear compares to that. I imagine it to be a sacred tone that helps to carry us on a frequency into deeper realisation - to what, depends on the frequency. Sound can change the structure of our own energy field... everything (including our 'selves') is made of particular vibration after all.

With warmest regards
Trinity

Hi everyone

What are these tones? and what do they sound like? this is all new to me i know nothing about it all but its becoming more intense and if im honest im really not encouraging it, so am a bit scared as to what might happen if i did!

Thanks again for your posts, i have gone into to more detail in a new post on the subject in this forum.

And trinity massive thanks, its all very helpful!

Emma

Truth, Light and Oneness.

Hi Emma,

I am not sure what these tones are... perhaps someone else knows?

I do know one thing though - if something is happening within my energy field (tones/visions/feelings etc) then I just bring my presence to it. When I was going through cataclysmic spiritual changes I found it quite unsettling at times although I learnt that it (whatever 'it' was) actually passed much more swiflty and I got whatever it was I had to learn if I simply 'rode the wave'. Not always easy, I know!

With Love
Trinity