I wholeheartedly empathise with you Gwen. To dig so deeply with and even touch the places you are touching is inspiring to see. So many of these experiences have been part of my journey too.

Gwen wrote: "When are we judgeing another and when are we just seeing a truth about someone or something?"

To me this is all an exploration of discernment versus judgment. The distance between the two can be very slight.

Gwen wrote: "And why do I feel so ashamed of my darkness?"

The judgement of darkness as 'bad' has been so deeply carved into humankind that it is easy to see why people would feel ashamed of it. It is as if it is something to be hidden at all costs. This ensures that that we stay locked within a thwarted cycle of self destruction.

When I went through the Transfiguration something amazing happened. For the first time in my life I accepted the darkness within myself. To accept ourselves exactly as we are, the untangling of these karmic bonds begin to unwind and allow us to fall through to a deeper expression of our innate gifts of beingness. We find there is something even beyond our perception of Light and Darkness - an immeasurable peace.

I am so pleased to see you sharing here. Please do keep sharing. I see an incredible energy with you. The most challenging of journey's are most frequently the most catalytic and inspiration for others.

With Love
Trinity

Hi Gwen,

As Trin implies, you're in such a poignant and beautiful place right now - to me it's the paradox twixt absolute and relative truth. Up to Transfiguration, the mind wants to latch onto a reference point - it wants to form an identity around 'good' and 'bad', 'right' and 'wrong'. Society wants to define and pigeon-hole us. We say we don't like being pigeon-holed, but we accept some degree of it anyway - no matter how open minded and free we like to think we are.

How can you possibly contemplate a place where there's simply no identification to a personality at all? This is the world of the absolute and you see it mirrored into the world of the relative.

So for example you say...

"Why so much self hatred? I have been pondering the two sides of the same coin recently. Dark/light, pain/pleasure, yin/yang...so through this knowing...the self hatred that I feel...is the other side...self love?

As we're so often pointing out on our courses here at Openhand, when trying to figure out a distortion, don't try to dissolve the distortion before you've integrated the truth contained within it.

So where's the truth here? As you know we also talk about the seven divine rays of impulse. These are the spontaneously arising characteristics of the soul - the most accurate mirror of the absolute because there is no attachment, there is simply free flowing spontaneity.

The Ray 1 is that of aspiration to ever higher levels of perfection. The Ray 2 finds the innate perfection and oneness in the current harmony AS IT IS. So what I can feel for you is an interplay of the two rays causing you to want to unravel your ego. There's a strong yearning to become one. I'd say it's been there in the background a long time.

Yet I'd also say that your false self has got wrapped up in that interplay between the two rays (happens to all of us in different ways of course). So the Ray 1 is saying "come on, let's get going, let's get out of here" and the Ray 2 is saying "no, everything is fine as it is" and the ego gets confused by the interplay. So I'd say that's led to a degree of inertia. And potentially that's where the self hatred has come from. The Ray 1 'doesn't like' the place you're in which the ego owns as not being good enough, not being committed enough, not being strong enough.

So it seems pretty clear to me that this is the dynamic to work with. Realising that there are going to be many things you need to let go of - for example family. Is that inertia reflected in the biological family around you? Are they a bit stuck? As Trin says, the key is to find discernment: allow the Ray 2 in you to love them and accept them the way they are. But then is the Ray 1 inviting you to pull away? Only you can know.

So yes the hatred probably arises from the Ray 1 wanting to pull away and the love from the Ray 2 accepting things as 'perfect' the way they are.

As you unravel the knot, consciousness will expand out of the dynamic, identity - ego - will dissolve, you'll find the innate harmony between the two Rays (and over time the other five) and increasingly you'll drop into the place of the absolute. That's the purpose of the journey of course!

Love and blessings

Chris

Wow, these days are the hell of a ride!!!

Everything is happening so fast.

While you (Gwen) are writing it all in a form of questions, I can maybe sense the confusion about the intensity and switching of states (thoughts, feelings) that I experience now.

And these days they are switching so fast that I already don't make it to ask any questions, only to really 'move fast' to get the messages and hints.

And I then felt the lightness of just jumping between them. What I mean is instead of getting scared (which is sort of grasping on a state) or forcing myself into it (like getting too attentive to it) or let the mind cling on it (interpretations, questions, rationalization, analysis, etc)
just letting it be there as if it is totally normal, like I have nose and it is normal, I have a strong impulse to jump out of the window, it is 'normal'

So if I manage to see it as an experience, and really just watching it without grasping on it, then it is much easier, it just flows like a one huge wave of crap through all kinds of trajectories, pretty fast and then it is gone and immediately something else is coming.

So now each time I feel the amplification of the feeling, which feels as if it is stuck there, as if heating a close system, so the pressure is accumulating until it explodes, I open the system and let it boil and vapor and make all the scary noises and the bubbles happen and then they are out without all the vvvvvvjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjJJJJJJJJJ BOOOOOM!!!!

From here - there is a summary in the end, so all this detailed description can be skipped...

There are two some points that I see with my process now:

1. The reference or the depth of the experience. Like you say there are two sides of the same coin. I see it in some variations.

On of them is the reference frame. Let's say we set a balance point at zero, then we go to +10, so in order to balance around zero there must be -10.

If you go to +1000, then the system also creates -1000, again to balance.

If I all the time at +1000, then I forget that there was 0, the same about -1000. And if I get stuck too much at -1000, let's say, then the system will alert me that pip pip pip, out of balance, go to +1000. So for me it became the matter of sensitivity when I am stuck (clinging) too much on the present state and let it go/flow, pass through me (or in other words time for me to pass through it out, not getting stuck). So the trick is to keep an eye on this zero point, the balance point all the time, this is the point in which I am just presence, and from there I look at these +- fluctuations and react as fast as I can to imbalances.
Like if I stay at the center of huge rocking rod, then I will feel much less mess than if I stand on its edge.

The other way is by choosing a reference in form of depth.

You have a cavity, let's say, or hollow space inside, and it is open to anything, light or darkness. But It doesn't really change the dynamics. If I'm out of my mind, then I only can watch how all kinds of things filling this cavity and then if I watch closely enough, I can really see as if each time something is happening there, I am being built, like this cavity changes its form, shape. Things become tough only if the material the cavity is made of is too rigid, won't change its shape, won't let reconstruction. For me it is a sign to soften, and then I again feel the fluidity, how things begin to move much more freely and faster.

In this matter, I at the moment came to conclusion that OC also can help build the cavity if I work with it right, i.e. if I don;t fight, resist, but let it bring up all the the dark corners of my 'cavity' and then let them reshape, even maybe to be destroyed and then rebuilt.

So like you say, if the cavity is deep, then it can contain more light, but also at the same time going deeper with the dark stuff.

And the third way to see it is that the cavity has layers on it, so if the light is getting in, then the system follows Archimedas law hhhh and the stuff that is filling the cavity now begins to float up. The deeper the light goes, the darker and the lower stuff is floating. The more intense the light, the larger ammount of the stuff going out, flooding even.

And what I found that it is actually up to me how fast and deep I want to go. I experimented with it and it can be much more gentle (not less painful though hhh), but in small portions. And this is your choice - whether to remove the glued bandage or the hair removal wax in small movements (then it feels as if it lasts forever!!!) or in one brutal KGHAAAAAAAAA and it's gone.

So I find that many times I prefer one painful huge strike then stretching the pleasure hhh And it feels as if I won;t let myself rest, like really soaking and working and working and processing and processing and com'on!!!! This will never end!!! But this is exactly it, I just choose not to stretch but go the fast and the KGHAAAAAA way So... maybe this is what is going on now too

2. "Hey, where is the suffering?!!!" The funny thing I see with me is that when the experience is what the mind defines as uncomfortable, unpleasant, painful, horrible, etc then it;s like I am SOOO suffering, I must be on the right track hhhhh , releasing stuff, good!!! but then comes the sense of tiredness, a feeling that it will never end, some sort of despair and frustration when the hands are down and it feels like it was, is and always will be this way, so here comes the WHY??? why suffering?? why ME?? hhhhh and the mind begins to run programs with all kinds of variations and questions and answers...

Once the suffering is gone, I'm like wait a minute, something is wrong!!! I must be stuck!!!! What? Why? When?... hhhhhh

And these two are also two sides/symptoms of the same
mmmm 'misdealing'. And the root for me is the ego trying to own the evolution (a known thing).

I think that up till gate 2 the ego is quite comfortable with the progress, it sees only the benefits of it. Everything is so WOOOOOOW!!!

During the transfiguration 'the penny drops' and it gets that actually it is being 'deleted', destroyed, that it is not necessary anymore, so it begins to fight it and tries tricks to still swallow everything, to own it all. And this judgment of the states as good/bad is one of the symptoms.
It is the delay mechanism, not the most sophisticated it has btw.

Now one can see it as an enemy, but I see it as a friend. A dying one. And I really have even some compassion and gratitude towards it. And then I can really see that this is HIS suffering, while I am really something else, and I can ease his pain by simply not being swallowed by it. Like if you see somebody is angry and is suffering from it, if you too get angry, despair, you can't help. If you isolate yourself from the person, like I don't want to see it, then you can't help. So if I really want to fully participate and cooperate, then I can crack the mechanisms and make it easier for us both (both parts of me), and really help myself through. BTW it can work with somebody else, like if I get lost somebody else who is not sucked into my drama can really help, and I learned that sometimes this is how it works too. Before I thought that it is all about only me with myself, but recently I found the great value of interaction and communication with other people as a great tool to process and evolve.

Examples:
1) One of the mechanisms I cracked a couple of months ago. I used to get awful states, like feeling depressed, frustrated, panicking, feeling I want to die, something just really horrible, really!! And at some moment after I was able to look at it from side, I saw that I just want attention and love. I was so funny, and unbelievable!!! Such drama!!!! Such a hollywood movie!!! Because I am ashamed to just say it to myself and to whoever concerned - I want attention, and then I could give it to myself, I knew what hole this mechanism was filling. And it was a real gift, because I then filled it with self-love and completeness.

2) About a week ago... I was through such pain!!!! I was present, I was letting it move, just that it won't move!!! It was stuck there getting louder and louder, and I couldn't see why, what is it? is there a message?? And the person that was with me was running jokes to make me laugh and pieced me off because I was like "He is trying to ruin my processing!!!!" hhhhh And so I looked at this person with anger and even some hatred. And then he just said with some humor: "I am unspookable". And at this very moment, as if miracle happened - it was gone. Everything, the pain, the anger, as if somebody switched it off. I was shocked. Then I was laughing. I was just testing the man!!! The fear of abandonment and being not loved was at the root of all this drama. Unbelievable!

-----------------------

To summarize:
For me...

1. Keeping the balance around the two poles is about keeping at the zero point and responding as fast as I can to fluctuations.

2. Letting it all move - softening, not getting stuck at the local point, removing the 'pot lid', being sensitive when and how I block and restrict the stuff's movement (thoughts, questions, identification,...).

3. Helping the false self to dissolve and pass through its hard times by not getting sucked into its 'suffering' and understanding that this is how it experiences the reconstruction, it thinks it dies, but it only changes form... and (a new lesson for me) letting others help. I found I don't have to go through it alone, and how recently it helps to talk and share and really listen to what others say - messages are flooding me through even most casual chats.

Ok,
it was a long one... hope it helps

xxx

Hi Chris,

I'd like to ask you a few questions about the interplay of different rays, especially ray 1 and ray 3 impulses.

I've always been quite visionary since a child, by visionary I mean the ability to sense how things might be connected and see future potentials. I'd like to know what ray this is. I think (at least it seems) I had quite strong ray 1 energy when I was younger, I'd often see possibilities of how things can be improved and then feel a very strong urge to act on them. It often made me feeling extremely ambitious, I did actually have lots of entrepreneurial ambitions. But I also have a strong ray 3, the questioning energy. What tends to happen is that when the warrior energy arises, for example, when I see a very inspiring future vision and feeling compelled to make it a reality, then as soon as that happens I start to question it, which will often cause the original inspiring warrior energy to dissipate. So in the end, I didn't get to act on any of the visions. Sometimes it's just philosophical questions, like what is the meaning and purpose doing this thing? or how do I know it's ultimately beneficial to the world? But most of the time, when I have one vision it tends to lead me seeing many other inspiring visions and future potentials by going down different paths, or the mind will just tend to ask a lot of questions about the original vision and cause it to expand further and further and sometimes lead into a completely different direction from where it was. This is quite frustrating to me, I often wish I was a more practical person and could be content with living a very simple life.

Lei

Hi Lei,

I'd say the Ray 5 represents the visionary. It's also the science ray. So it's all about contemplating abstractions. It's like at the higher level, there's a movement of energy which causes us to contemplate a deeper truth. It's a key purpose for the moment - so we get a deeper inkling of what the moment is shaping before it happens.

The Ray 3 is working to interpret what is going on - it is translating the energy which frequently (unless we're tuned in) gets owned by the mind. This can happen really quickly - within a split second. So then the higher energy gets quickly dissipated.

But you can 'train' the higher ray - or rather decondition that which gets in the way. We do it in the Openhand work by contemplating abstractions - paradoxes where there's no clear answer and opening the mind so it doesn't need an answer. Plus also playing the free wheeling game - spending a day being totally spontaneous - absolutely going with every movement and knowing in every second.

See how it works for you.

Chris

Hi Lei

I really resonate with your post describing your experiences. I often experience creative ideas, visions and all sorts of potentials. Yet certainly I've experienced some similar reactions to this as you in the past. It felt sometimes that a) there's too many ideas to put into practice(!) or b) too much contemplation meant nothing got realised! c) I questioned if/how I was supposed to engage. d) I experienced the feeling of limitation or constraint in focussing or choosing just one idea, so didn't fully engage with any.
and so I found I was frequently dissolving the potential because there seemed to be too many possibilities or not enough focus.

For me there may also be a more subtle energy going as the ideas arise - I remember feeling a sense of constraint/limitation in the idea of commiting to or engaging with just one of them! so in fact didn't engage with any of them! and it seems to me that the engaging with what's arising is the way to bring the ideas into form. Do you resonate with this as well?

And also I feel there's validity in the contemplation - sometimes I feel its an experience in contemplation that doesn't have to be created in the world.
And sometimes a vision may be a glimpse of a future potential and perhaps not given to be realised in that instant! I've found this can be frustrating as well, almost as if in the observing, there was a 'desire' for it to be realised immediately! Then when it isn't, the mind engages with questioning it, sees all the potential work involved, gets unmotivated and dissolves the original inspiration!

I found a great way of working with this is realising the paradox of existance. We are both Everything-Nothing (Pure Potential) and also having a relative experience. So we can contemplate these visions and potentials as they arrive, while also realising that on a relative level we may not be given to realise them in form, or if we are it may only be to work towards one or two at a time!

So I've found it helpful, that when I get excited about a contemplation or potential to look to working with that. To consciously engage with it - either to follow the contemplation as it unfolds, but more about looking at what's being invited around that, and (if it feels right) to engage to bring it 'into form'. And if its not clear whether to or not, why not give it a try?! So its a question of 'giving it a go', while recognising that its unlikely you can 'birth' every potential in the outer world (unless you're given to!)...
---

Another idea I've been contemplating(!) is working with others who are of a more practical nature in creating the ideas, so rather than trying to do it all (or nothing at all!) actually expressing the idea to others and maybe inspiring them to create it in form, or working with another individual or group to bring the idea into... (dare I use the word?) 'manifestation' (without intention!). Again we can learn from the bees here, as they work as a collective for the good of the whole beehive (and beyond). and they communicate with each other about where the best sources of food are,... through dancing!!

I've found it helpful to consciously engage with focussing on bringing ONE thing into fruition, as it were, as it arises, rather than continually just contemplate abstractions and ideas. Yet it feels like there's a place for holding and contemplating the ideas at the same time. As Chris recommended I've found 'freewheeling' useful as a practice because its about feelign an impulse AND following it, (rather than feeling an impulse, then realising there are other potentials as well, and not doing anything!) Try going with the first impulse! Letting go of the others. How challenging is it? How liberating?!

A bit of a rambling response perhaps, but I resonate with what you expressed, and feel this visionary ability is a real blessing. Then we look for ways to work with it.

with love

Ben

Hey Ben, thanks for your sharing and advice. It's really interesting to see others having exactly the same experience, I completely resonate your a,b,c,d. It's so true! Also the paradox of existence thing is really interesting, I've never thought about that.

I actually have another thing I wish Chris or somebody could shed some light for me. As I mentioned when I was younger I had a lot of very inspiring entrepreneurial visions, sometimes I do regret that I didn't act on them. I've often wondered how my life would be like now if I had embarked on an entrepreneurial journey many years ago. It did feel like it was the calling of my soul to act on them back then. But if I did commit to an entrepreneurial path years ago it's most likely that I would not be on a spiritual path today. These days I have little interests in those entrepreneurial endeavors, yet I often wonder what would have been the right choices to make back then. It did feel like it was the calling of my soul for me to walk an entrepreneurial path, but if I did that then it's likely that today I'd live a more destructive lifestyle and would probably have never met Openhand. It often seems like a contradiction to me. How could it be that by making a more soulful choice in the past would lead me onto a less evolved path today than if I didn't make that choice?

Lei

Hi Lei

I'm not sure there are any wrong or right choices as we learn something through every experience.

When I left home I embarked on what would have been seen as a 'self destructive' path...with drug taking and partying as part of that journey. I now see with retrospect that I was searching for a feeling of unity that some drugs, though entirely artifically, seem to give you.

Towards the end of this cycle in my life I remember having a wonderful moment of clarity that I gained through this experience...which was that the unity I was seeking could'nt be gained with external things (ie drugs etc) they can't be created artifically ...so began my journey inwards, to find that sense of unity and oneness exists within me already. Every journey has it's purpose when you see the higher truth within.

Maybe you could put to use your skills as a spiritual entrepreneur in some form or another? If that feels right.

Gwen

Yes great direction of inquiry here guys.
There are no wrong or right choices on the path because there is no path!

Or should I say there is no predetermined, destined path. We create every moment by our internal configuration of consciousness. So if you have an entrepreneurial flair (Lei), then that will be a part of your soul-ray-harmonic - your true personality.

As you unfold that, you can't help but create vehicles for its expression - it is absolutely inevitable. Things magically click into place as we unveil and express our divine gifts of beingness. So even if you missed one window of opportunity, another will present itself but this time perhaps in a different guise.

There is an interesting paradox too though: which is that within every circumstance there is an invitation to "Right Action" which is aligned with the natural flow of the universe. So there is definitely something we are invited to do and if we do it, then everything tends to click magically into place - it FEELS like there is a path.

But I've noticed time and again that if we don't follow the path or if someone else who is meant to be co-creating with us doesn't play their part (and so Right Outcome doesn't happen), then instantly (providing we let go) the universe reshapes and presents another opportunity to express that beingness. There are many ways for the stream to rejoin the ocean.

Interestingly I understand you're feeling to come and study in the UK but not sure how you'll afford to live here? Isn't a big part of being an entrepreneur about taking risks? And being creative with whatever then happens?

Maybe you're being invited to express some of that entrepreneurial flair at this time. To jump into the unknown and discover you can fly. What's the quote on the home page today?...

"Come to the edge" he said,
"We can't, we are afraid" they said,
"Come to the edge"
"We can't, we will fall"
"Come to the edge"
and they came
and he pushed them
and they flew.
Guillaume Appollinaire

Blessings

Chris

Thank you Chris for posting that quote, I love it

But let me say this, although I used the word 'entrepreneurial', I'm not that interested in the entrepreneurial lifestyle, my main interests are in the visions. If it's not for the visions, I would probably not bother becoming an entrepreneur. I do also think I have a quite strong Ray 1, lots of my visions having to do with breaking down the lower orders and recreating a higher one, I often see ways resources can be allocated more efficiently, and often felt a urge to confront when I see people blinded by illusions and don't see where the core issue is. But I love your invitation to be more entrepreneurial and take on risks, this is certainly an area I need more development. To be honest, I'm quite poor with lots of the practical things, sometimes I also wish I have more common sense in social interactions, it would have saved me much pain growing up.

And Gwen, I've thought about becoming an spiritual entrepreneur in the past, but these days I sense I might be able to play a strategic role in assisting with humanity's transition and planetary ascension in the future. But I don't like to talk about these things or other visions, because they are all just empty talks if I never do anything about them.

Much love,
Lei

Hi Lei,

I'm certain you'll play a role in humanity's transition - you're clearly seeded that way. And you're doing a great job already with your contributions here (and the same to others contributing).

We now get over 45,000 visitors a month and on average each visitor reads six pages. But most prefer just to read rather than post. So those who are posting are really helping move the inquiry along which is great news.

Blessings

Chris

Hi Chris,

That's a great thing to know, I'll surely keep posting more here, that's an easy thing to do.

Much love,
Lei

Hi Chris,

I would suggest adding an 'Articles' button on the top menu bar. You and Trinity have written a great number of excellent articles over the years, they are truly a great source of spiritual learning. They really should be one of core contents of the site. Although people can access the past articles through the 'recent articles' on the sidebar, many may not be aware of it. In fact, I often forget. Perhaps they can be listed in a chronological order, people can just click on the year and access all the articles written during that year. I'm sure it will help more people staying on the site.

Lei

Hi

I would like to explore my recent experiences of 'purpose'.

I trained as a holistic therapist and have been working in this field for quite sometime. From the beginning of this year I felt that I wanted to start my own business so hired a room and got leaflets, marketing info and all the other bits and pieces ready to take this journey. I had felt that healing was part of my 'purpose'.

I then signed up to a marketing scheme that got me 250 clients to see over four months. From the outside it looked like the perfect amazing start to my business. Even though the treatments were greatly reduced I WAS getting people through the door, so to speak.

After a month or so of massaging up to six people a day and wearing myself into the floor sorting bookings, sending emails and admin etc...I began to feel very unhappy, but why I thought? Isnt this what I wanted?

Then one day I went into work as normal, got inside and put my bags down to realise I had forgotten something in my car so ran outside to get it. On my return however I realised that the door had shut behind me with the keys and all of my 'stuff' inside. The implication of what I had done hit me as my clients were due in the next hour or so and I had no money, no phone, no house keys ..nothing (in a material sense).

I felt lost for a moment, all of my usual 'things' had been taken away. Interestingly I didnt feel any panic, infact I felt relieved, the universe had given me a day off! After going to a local cafe and asking to use the phone and sorting out all of my appointments for the day I sat down outside the cafe.

It was interesting to me how attached we are to the things that had been locked in the office as I pondered the feeling of 'lostness'. I realised it all had a deeper significance than I had first imagined. Could it be that I didnt actually want to be doing what I was so set on doing with the business, why the sense of relief? Why locked out of the building? I had stired something in my soul which grew more as the day went on as I had nothing to 'do' and now where to go except inside me for the answers.

A few days later I was massaging someone at the office and I suddenly had a feeling of 'I don't want to do this! It doesnt make my soul sing!'. Infact when I looked in the mirror I saw a strained, pale face full of blemishes and had lost so much weight over recent months my bones were sticking out!

I then went around in circles for a few days with various thoughts...BUT..

'I have signed a contract!'
'I studied for years to do this!'
'I've only just set up the business, I can't just walk away'

After days of processing I sat down to meditate and within this calmness I heard my soul speaking as it washed away all of the conditioned thoughts and programmes. I let out a huge laugh at the truth of the situation.

I jumped straight up and began to unravel the knot of my business and its percieved obligations, giving money back to people who had pre paid me for their treatments. The company I had signed the contract with did try and battle the situation and it was drawn out for some weeks but I remained very calm and non attached. After 3 months of my business starting I walked away from everything. Even the leaflet I had made for the company didnt seem 'right' to me now. I didnt want to be a physical therapist any longer as deep down I didnt have the passion for it.

A weight was lifted from my shoulders. After this I decided that the most important thing for me right now was to create the time and space I really needed to go deeper into myself. I sold my car to finance a period of unemployment and I really didnt have a clue what I wanted to 'do' next!

I went through periods of thinking 'Oh my, I am crazy, how am I going to live? I cant just 'do' nothing!' A real sense of panic emerged as I felt I was taking a huge leap off the cliff without knowing what would happen next.

I am so glad that I did! I have regained my emotional health and am now amazing at how 'awesomley ok' I am with not having any fixed path or idea of what I 'should' BE or DO next. Its entirely liberating!

I have now relaxed into a place of peace where I am not attached to or want to know what will happen next 'career wise'.

All I know is that I no longer wish to be a 'healer' but more a facilitator, as I had noticed during my previous sessions with people that they often what to be 'fixed' or 'healed' by their therapist, which to me often takes the responsibility out of their own journey. To looking within themselves for the answers.

Now I am happily doing 'nothing' other than riding the tide of life, wherever that takes me and letting experiences unfold, spontanousley...and all I 'have' is a great sense of excitement at NOT knowing what will happen tomorrow or next month or next year - It is truly magical!

Love & Happiness

Gwen

Hi Gwen,

it is so interesting you post it, since yesterday one of my thoughts/fears was what am I gonna do??!!!

I am not sure if what I do now feels right. Does it serve my evolution? Am I caught??

But how will I survive... and all that :I

And then I just felt I don't care. I just don't care. Whatever comes, I take it, thank you.

But the fear is still in the background, and was sharpened when I read your post.

Not knowing, feeling lost, curiosity, excitement and fear, what a nice cocktail! hhhh

Thanks

Wow! Thanks for sharing - a wonderful story. So cool that you didn't flap upon loosing your keys. Wonderful that you took the opportunity to self realise.

Chris

Hi Yulia

I understand how you must be feeling! Although my story sounds very uplifting I had many moments of fear and doubt.

I was truly pushed to my limits physically and emotionally during this time - many tears!

But that pushing made me go deeper into myself and finally let go of any perceived obligations around what I was doing and could then see clearly the best next action to take.

Everything shifted very quickly after that, my car sold and a situation was created where I was able to take the time and space I needed to unfold.

Interestingly the same external distortions have now turned inwards...to my feelings and emotions about MYSELF rather than outside...

As in, unravelling the knot of obligation, right/wrong, good/bad within my own emotions about myself.

An amazingly turbulent journey!

Gwen x

Who needs movies? Here we have it all: drama, action, adventure, horror, comedy, fantasy, war, noir, science fiction, just name it! almost all the possible genres and atmospheres!

So we can't say: it is so boring :z

Hhhhhh

Life conspires to bless us with an unrelenting Grace.
Who among us has not been touched by this generous hand freeing us, one or many layers at a time?

You are the lucky one who has known annihilation and then the absorption back into the love we seek.

And it is you who knows that even as the soul-cry rends your very chest, the whole of the universe shakes with Love.

In this place of All there is at long, long last no place left to fall.

'Unrelenting Grace' Em Claire

Hi Gwen and all,

Thank you for starting this thread, I was really moved by your initial story and the more recent one! I admire your courage. Thank you for sharing!

I feel really blessed to be in a position where I currently have plenty of free time. Recently I have noticed feelings of guilt about not being more actively engaged in the world. I can see how this has come from prior conditioning and my former (though many remnants still remain) belief that performing well would gain me respect, approval and love. I'm learning to discern where it really serves me to engage and what is a distraction even if on the face of it, it appears like a nice/fun/useful thing to do.

In accordance with Chris's recent article title "Self realization, it's the only game going on!" I am beginning to accept that simply being is enough and more than enough, if I am discovering more about me and becoming more able to accept myself as I am. Though simultaneously I'm observing for times when it's right to take action and do things that stir my soul and show me other aspects of me. In reference to the thread title - it feels like giving myself space to look at all aspects of the coin - not always an easy exploration!!!

(Thanks also to Chris for providing some beneficial insights around the above)!

With love and light, Fiona

Powerful poem Gwen, thanks for sharing.

"In this place of All there is at long, long last no place left to fall."

This is the place beyond perception, beyond right and wrong, beyond light and darkness. In recent years I grew so tired of the world, so incredibly tired. The veil of illusion fell and everything became so meaningless. An essential human experience. One, I am sure we must all feel at some time in our existence...

"Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase 'each other'
doesn't make any sense.
Rumi

And with this we know ourselves truly for the first time. When we know ourselves, we know our purpose.

With Love
Trinity

To Yulia and David and anyone else that resonates..this song really touches me right now...

Love to all in each moment

Gwen x

Beautiful song indeed - very poignant

Chris

Thank youuuuu :')

Big hug!

Hi Everyone

I wanted to share with you all a book that I have been reading over the last couple of days. Below is a brief outline of its contents. I really do recommend it as it has been very inspiring for me at this time in my journey.

Although as with all things, only take with you what resonates!

I would personally change the title to 'Through the darkness'...but thats just my feeling.

The author is looking for people who have come through such journey's to share their story..and I thought of you Chris? If it feels right of course!

Out of the darkness by Steve Taylor

It tells the stories of more than 30 people who have undergone permanent spiritual awakening after intense trauma and turmoil in their lives, from the woman who was reborn after suffering terrible injuries in the 7/7 bombings to the recovering alcoholic who found a state of enlightenment after hitting 'rock bottom.' This fascinating book also includes an in-depth interview with Eckhart Tolle as well as many other spiritual teachers whose awakening occurred after intense psychological turmoil.

http://www.hayhouse.co.uk/out-of-the-darkness-bookofmonth

Hope you enjoy it

Warmest wishes

Gwen

Sounds really interesting Gwen. Thanks for sharing this.

I cannot see any other way of truly evolving without embracing the 'all of it'. As we all know here, this includes going to the heart of our darkness. The one thing I have notice about those who are really making tracks spiritually is the intensity of pain and suffering that they have (or are) working through and managing to find themselves beyond it all.

You have such a beautiful style of writing. I can imagine you writing a book that would help many people... Perhaps 'through the darkness' is your book
Trinity
x

Thank you for your kind words!

I have often thought of writing a book about my journey in life and tying it in with the various 'spiritual insights' that I have gained along the way. It was one of the subjects, even at school that I seemed to have a natural ability for, the words can just flow out sometimes.

I started writing the first few pages a few months back and got a bit stuck. I feel it is because of the place that I am in right now, so just keep to writing how I am feeling in note books at the moment rather than trying to put a whole book together when I have been on such a roller coaster and feeling so confused at times.

I believe the notes will be useful in future though and I have an inkling that when I have processed this part of the journey that there will be less barriers to authentic flow within my writing.

Gwen x

That sounds perfect. Very useful to be able to recall your notes, especially of specific times of intense turmoil and insight. Feels powerful to capture the energy as it is flowing in the moment that to try and remember later.
I have the same inkling about your writing.
Trinty
x

Hi Gwen (and everyone),

I think it's fascinating that you mention the book "Out of the darkness" - the intro by Hayhouse says "It tells the stories of more than 30 people who have undergone permanent spiritual awakening after intense trauma and turmoil in their lives". As you say, it includes an in depth interview with Eckhart Tolle.

It's really clear to me right now that there is a view within the wider spiritual circles that Enlightenment can be a sudden thing. One step, one transition. When in fact, in my observation, that couldn't be further from the truth. In my reality, it is practically an impossibility for this to happen when you consider the conditioning we've all been subjected to (just at one level, conditioning has been physically hardwired into the brain). I believe many people are having Gateway 1 Awakenings and thinking they're enlightened - permanently and fully awake. That's exactly what I thought immediately after my crash.

What a lot of teachings seem to be encouraging, is to go into this expanded, non-attached state, and then to disconnect and disassociate from the outer experience in some way. In fact every time I've tried to read the "Power of Now" this is exactly what I see in it - it causes a level of disharmony within me. Tolley for example talks of the "inner and outer purpose" as if they are separate and disconnected. It's clear to me that he seems to have the tendency to dissolve the flow - even to deny that there is an outer flow. I'd have to question strongly whether his teachings are indeed truly enlightened.

What you and others are doing here is quite different. You're honouring and working with the stuff that comes up. At Openhand we realise that to be truly enlightened in every moment, is to fully embrace the flow of the soul through you, to honour what it is inviting you to do and to work with that until you've peeled away the resistance leaving total authenticity of being. The inner purpose and outer become seamlessly integrated and one. Tolley (and many others) speak of the outer story being just an illusion, but it is a REAL illusion and no experience could be had at all without it. Life itself simply would not happen. We are here to know ourselves as the eternal beyond the drama yes, but we experience ourselves fully by infusing our soul INTO the drama. And to do that, we have to be fully engaged with it. It would be a shadow identity that denies this.

Interestingly, I initially explored a publisher for "Five Gateways". Hayhouse was the only one I sent the draft to. They rejected it because they felt it was too specific. After that, I decided to self-publish. It's an interesting world!

Chris

Hi Chris

I felt as I was reading a book that it was mostly describing people's awakenings not necessarily enlightenment.

The author seems confused himself to the correct 'definition' of enlightenment and goes on to say that all the people he interviewed seemed at different stages on the path. But there are no points of reference as to where each person 'is at' so to speak.

I absolutely agree that after Gateway One it is easy to believe we are enlightened...and some of the book did make me sqirm. As I put in earlier, take what resonates and leave the rest!

What did resonate and inspire me, where the stories of people that faced the darkness and turmoil they were in and accepted what was happening for them, which facilitated their shift. Accepting that darkness is a part of life rather than hiding from it.

Through the darkness...rather than avoiding it!

Gwen

Hi,

Interestingly I have just finished a book called "Carry me Home" by Catherine Lucas, in which the author describes her life journey in a very real way! I got an insight into the pain and darkness she experienced and found it inspiring to read about how she made her way through it.

This book covers about 15 years of the authors life and as the story evolved, I could see the initial two gateways and perhaps the third in her life journey. It was inspiring for me to easily recognize the gateways and the associated issues in another's story.

Love, Fiona

Hi Everyone - some recent sharings

There are some many interesting emotions coming up for me at this point in my journey.

The more recent feeling for me has been listlessness, after the turbulent ride through the darkness a feeling of complete tiredness and like I really can't be bothered to do anything at all!

At first I feel guilt around this state 'I should really be doing SOMETHING!'

Its a beautiful day outside and I feel I am trapping myself in the house being...well miserable!
And finally I drop into a deeper state, I lie down to meditate and my mind calms for a moment, the thoughts pass by and my oberserver is saying 'That thought doesnt matter', and 'no, nor that one'...'nope that one doesnt matter either'. As I observe the ramblings of my ego, instead of battling, it changed form into a helpless child, why would I want to battle with a helpless child?

The listnessness served in softening the edges of this child having a tantrum in my mind!

The very next day I am riding high on the tide of life again, a perfect acceptance of everything just as it is in the moment. My heart expands outwards, feeling the bliss of unconditional love. Ray two is here - its so beautiful - there are no words to describe the magnificance.

Any thoughts springing up are like whispy clouds passing by in a vast blue sky. I smile as I feel a huge acceptance for myself and my recent journey into the darkness. Knowing and accepting that everything really is perfect just the way it is. ALL of me! No rights or wrongs are in this place, no good or bad - just SO beautiful.

Of course then my mind questions how long I will bask in this bliss, when will I take the next dip on the roller coaster. It feels unpredictable and hence a bit scary in this way. Often feeling that I havent gotten much further in unleashing my souls authentic beingness.

Though the insecurities and tightness are sure to bubble up again and although the core of the distortions remain. I know that each time I summon the courage to go deeply into them that another layer of the onion is peeled away on this journey to reclaiming my true nature in all its glory!

After touching this place of profound beauty it seems like I am being challenged by the universe..

A friend of mine with whom I have shared some very personal information about my journey from a place where I have been totally open and vulnerable with her, has turned around and used all of the this information against me, to claim that I am emotionally unstable. She really has gone to town on slating me and is trying to expose my rollercoaster ride and journey into the darkness as something negative. It feels to me like she carries a typical matrix view of peoples insecurities and vulnerabilities and although I was careful to descibe what was going on for me in a very 'normal' way.

After experiencing some initial anger, a strong ray one impulse and being allowing of this energy. I went into the garden and did some interperative dance to 'You got the Love'. I let my body and soul take over, the wind was blowing strongly around me and I felt a huge upsurge of feeling as I lifted my head and arms to the sky, declaring that I will not allow anyone or anything (including myself)to make me feel bad for my darkness....I am perfect JUST THE WAY I AM.

I felt the beautiful compassionate energy of ray two once more. As my hands danced symbolising kundalini energy rising and the perfect blend of ray one and ray two...I smiled as this is what I have been aware of working with recently and that is was exactly what the situation was here to show me.

Love & Blessings

Gwen

Sounds like really powerful stuff!! I can really feel it...

When I had some time off about a week ago, I was like: all right, I know there is much more to come, so wooooo...scary.

During recent days I feel like getting my head out of the swamp just for a moment, breathe some fresh cool air and then dive back into the mess. And somehow even these breathes are no longer full, since I have some bitterness about feeling the already coming denseness. I guess I still just won't accept it, I feel as if I disagree, even offended.

Today I was crying and saying: I don't understand your language, talk to me some other way. I feel I do everything wrong, and have no clue in anything, I can't feel out anything, no syncs, silence and only all the bulky stuff is moving and moving and moving and there is no end to this.
And all I see I can do is keep out of its way as much as I can...

Total mess.

And I all the time think- does it have to be this way? Didn't Chris say 'both legs'? - light and darkness? How come all I feel most of the time as if I am in hell? and I get small portions of air just to keep me alive?

Am I doing smth wrong? Maybe my focus goes too much to the denseness?

And I don't need a friend to tell me that I'm nuts, my mind does the job-and what if I'm just crazy?

Feel all broken, useless, can do nothing, all tight, lost, run away for some moments to facebook, humor helps hhh... and today I had some violent visions, of myself being violent,I used to have them once. And I'm like - ok, I totally loose it!

Toughy, toughy...

Your post is really sparkle of light, so I guess I was brought here to balance it with the 'yuckiness'.

You see? you seee??!! I judge! not awesomly ok at all! I'll just jump back into the nothing space, uncomfortable as it may be, but it is more stable. Brought to a place when no choice is left but to go for nothing. Thank you very much.

Hey Yulia,

It sounds like you're doing exactly the right things. I remember the 'see-saw' all too well. I remember the nightmares, the darkness and density. I remember the confusion and being all alone with it - there was no Openhandweb forum in those days!

I'd also say that if it gets too much, then switch off for a while - there's nothing wrong in that. Eat some heavy dense food, things that bring you pleasure and a degree of desenitisation (bet you never thought I'd recommend that!). Take yourself off to see a movie, chit-chat with friends - whatever makes it light for a while.

Then when you feel a bit more stable again, let the flow happen. Watch from the place of the Observer and then keep dropping into the void. I'd say you're processing much karma right now and have quite a bit still to go. But there's no need to try to move it all at once. It could take a good few years yet to process the bulk of it, so you have to learn when to press the accelerator and when to ease off.

You know you're been asleep for a good while - it takes time to adjust to the path. But it does get easier and easier over time, until even the difficulty becomes joy!

Blessings

Chris

Hey Gwen,

Your sharings are wonderful and deeply inspirational - they invoke many memories from my own journey.

I was sectioned into a psychiatric hospital twice by those around me - my ex-wife was pushing for it. They couldn't handle the powerful transitions I was experiencing. I don't harbour a grudge at all, because they proved to be invaluable experiences I know I was meant o have.

Whilst in the hospitals, I'd converse with other inmates experiencing similar. I learned a great deal about how the Health Services were confusing what they called 'psychosis' with spiritual awakening. They were pretty unpleasant establishments and I vowed during those times that I'd do all I could to help people through the Transfiguration process by providing an understanding space.

I also realised it pays to be careful who we share our experiences with! As it says in the Bible... "don't cast your pearls before swine!"

Much love

Chris

Yes, from this ladies recent outburst I wouldnt put her past trying to section me! The thought had crossed my mind!
So if I disappear...will someone come and find me and get me out please!

I have decided not to respond to her at all. Instead have written a letter expressing my truth and will have a ceremony and burn it.

I now realise that being open and vulnerable isn’t worth it with people who arent ready to be open themselves and view vulnerability as weak. This can be a heart wrenching realisation when these people are our family and friends. But I must pull away.

I have had a strong ray one energy coursing through me and made a declaration to my soul today - That I shall Walk the Path - No matter what!

You are very right Chris. Some people can't handle pearls and throw rocks back at you instead!

I'm a more grateful each day for Openhand and the amazing support, advice and in having a space to share here!

Thanks

Gwen

Hi,
first of all - hello back, synchronicity.

I was so lost today that I simply went and asked my professor what to do? He said: go eat some sushi and then go to your ballet class no matter what, even if it will be a disaster.

And I did it, and thought, I am so not following my inner pull now, what's wrong with me? But I didn't care, I rest my case, and then I just felt that I am going there, no efforting, just going and doing what I was told to do, and... unbelievable thing happened!!!!!

I still can't digest it!

I opened, and felt love again, and and and...WOW!!!

So hello mind-cracking again, the concept about what it is following the path and the pull and it all just keeps surprising me.

And you Chris definitely surprised me too now with your 'synchronistic' advice I am still overwhelmed...

And then I was reading "5 gateways", and I just got it, it was totally clear what is happening. This is the difference between reading and understanding theoretically and reading and really understanding out of the experience. This book is a gift from the universe! a friend!! I don't know even how to express it...

Aaaand later I was standing and looking up the amazing tree in the TAU campus, magnificent! and then somebody asked me "And what is up there?" and I didn't know what to say, so I said: "It just feels so cosy, so home", so he gave me THE look and went away and I was like <:/

So the "careful sharing" seems to be relevant to me too hhhh

And each time I think I do everything wrong somehow Chris says that it is all right, maybe I'll learn to say it to myself and 'shortcut' it?

I feel blessed and happy, with tears, about all the good and love and support, the site, and the book, and the forum, and meeting such great and beautiful 'aliens' :'D

THANK YOUUUUU!!!!
Really!!!!

Hi Yulia, I read one of your earlier sharings in the thread, it seems that you have a particularly strong intellectual side. Maybe one of things caused much of your pain during darkness is your need to make sense of things. so probably one of the keys is to become satisfied with not being able to understand and make sense of things, I think that way you will find it a lot easier to simply allow things to arise and relax when things get tough.. of course the mind is still going to wonder but that's fine, just don't expect you'll immediately have the answer. Also let's be clear, ultimately there really is no individual doer, nature is happening all on its own. Deep down I've always known this to be the case yet it took me a very long time to come to terms with it. Of course, we may feel like we are an individual choosing to do something, but that's just an idea in the dream. The 'individual' feels very threatened when it realizes it's nothing and has no freewill, the ego simply has to come up with all sorts of questions to defend its individual identity. I think it's important we are brutally honest with ourselves on this, otherwise it will lead to endless cycles of questions and much needless suffering..

You offer some great advice Lei.

Yes indeed there is no "doer". But don't forget either that there is doing.

It's a good observation that Yulia has a strong intellectual side - that's something we talked about on the "Way of the Heart" course recently.

What we established was that she had both a strong Ray 3 (the questioning aspect) and a strong Ray 5 (the abstract scientific understanding aspect). Now these Rays will be functioning all by themselves without any doer being present. So I'd say your advice needs to be carefully balanced with these observations for it to be fully effective.

I've found in my coaching that rather than potentially suggesting someone's actions are 'wrong', better to find the truth within the distortion they're activating and help them align with this instead. That way the distortion unwinds itself without establishing a shadow identity efforting to make some kind of change - it's only the ego that gets rid of ego.

So for example, if someone naturally finds themselves continually questioning, this would indicate the presence of a strong Ray 3. Telling them to stop questioning is unlikely to work. Imagine for example you walk into the room carrying a tray of hot food which you're concerned about dropping. Now I could say "be careful the floor is slippy, you don't want to drop the food!" which would likely add to the tenseness, the mind goes into overdrive and the tray is likely dropped anyway.

Alternatively I could say "now the floor is a bit slippy, not to worry, why don't you put more of your attention in your legs and feet, that way you'll find you have better balance". So attention is brought more into feelings and less in the worrying mind.

So in this case, it would perhaps be more effective to let the mind do what it wants to, bring attention into feelings and allow the Ray 3 (and Ray 5) just to continue. We're not feeding any resistance by suggesting something is 'wrong' which potentially build a shadow identity, instead we're helping direct attention into feeling instead of thought. My experience is that then mind falls into line with the feelings. Ray 3 and Ray 5 become a very positive aspect of beingness.

So I've always found it very empowering to find the truth within the distortion rather than over-energising on the distortion itself. Hope this makes sense!

Chris

Yes, it makes a lot of sense. I wish if you could elaborate on how to find truth within distortions. Since I also have a strong Ray 3 and 5 I'd really like to know what truth is being concealed in this particular distortion. Also I don't understand how exactly I can bring attention into my feelings, I wish if you can say a bit on that too.

Normally I use only two practices. First is being profoundly honest with my motivations for action; Second and to me the most important is to be awesomely okay with whatever arises, and just soak myself in the experience no matter how discomfortable it is and not needing to get out of it. Actually that's I'm recommending to Yulia, to allow herself to not being able to make sense of everything and feel fully the discomfortable feelings that arise from that. And actually, I've not met another person on this planet who has gone to the depth of deep existential inquiry than I have. I literally drove myself insane five years ago with all the questioning.. I was living in London back then and was extremely close to a complete mental breakdown, I knew I was not this personal identity and felt the complete meaninglessness of existence, it's an extremely agonizing experience. I wish back then I knew I could just accept that and completely embrace the feeling of existential despair, which has by far been the biggest cause of suffering of my life. These days I no longer feel such a compelling need to make sense of things, I think I've gone really deep enough, but I also feel lots of suffering could have been easily avoided if I could just embrace that feeling of existential angst in me much earlier.

Hi Lei,

Yes I understand your points and your approach. I had an exceptionally controlling father. Speaking with him became like a constant game of chess - I was always thinking one step ahead (or at least trying to!). Yes it almost drove me crazy many times but I also developed a powerful skill within those years of experience.

As you know, we live in and through multi-dimensional realms. Most people (even fairly awake ones), still only really full appreciate and experience the physical realm - the 3rd Density. Yet the key is that we are being influenced from both the 4th and the 5th densities. They are having an impact on our lives in the 3rd density whether we know it or not.

The Ray 3 is a powerful attribute to develop. Why? Well it is through the Ray 3 that we interpret the deeper story within the story. It is through this that we read the deeper meaning of events, in the moment, as they are happening. When we start fully reading the deeper significance all the time, then what happens is that within our consciousness, we start to build a multi-dimensional consciousness landscape. It's just like in the film the Matrix - some people could read the code and understand, feel and interact with the story within the story.

We're no longer just living in one plain of consciousness. When the soul is fully unleashed, it flows not just through the 3rd density, but through the multi-dimensional landscape performing "Right Action" according to the spikes and troughs in consciousness that it encounters. So some events and energy concentrations will take on deeper meaning depending on the soul's authentic destiny and the co-creative higher reality it is meant to be aligning with.

Once we truly start to do this, then our deep investment into the 3rd Dimension dissolves, we find ourselves acting on multiple plains. We engage in the full story - our destiny - including the higher paradigm which is already taking shape around us.

So we can attune the Ray 3 by working to read the deeper meaning within events. To me its like having an internal commentary system that's interacting constantly on words, feelings, synchronicities etc. But if I paid no attention to the thoughts and the commentary, I'd have much less access to expanded multi-dimensional reality.

Chris

Very interesting, thanks for the insights!

.

Hi Chris,

I'm not sure you have Tolle right on this point:

"...he talks of the "inner and outer purpose" as if they are separate and disconnected. It's clear to me that he seems to have the tendency to dissolve the flow - even to deny that there is an outer flow."

While I agree there are critiques to be made of his teachings, and I have many, he does teach the inner and outer purposes as being one, perhaps not as clearly in Power of Now, but in many places in the New Earth, Stillness Speaks, and his talks. A recent reminder from him:

"The supreme art of living is to embody simultaneously the relative and the absolute in yourself. That is why you're here on this planet … to live this state of perfection where heaven and earth come together. To embody that is your practice."

I could be wrong but I don't get an "extreme" message from him to embrace a nonattached state and totally disconnect from outer experience, or that it's merely an illusion. I think he is pointing to the existence of different dimensions, distinguishing, for recognition/awareness sake, but I've never felt that he's teaching us to deny what's happening in the present moment - he is all about embracing the present moment, giving it your full attention, not denying it. His emphasis on working with the pain body invites you to go into the pain/darkness/emotions, embrace it, go deeply to its source, lots of inner body work, etc., working through it. I think the perception of a "disconnection" from an outer state may be his merely highlighting that "we are not our thoughts" - making the distinction - which he does repeatedly (and that might be doing a disservice to his message, or rather the ability to go deeper with his teachings). The simplicity here might indeed be evidence of a lower state of awakening as you suggest. And the denial that we are "not" something (our thoughts) can be easily misconstrued, but I don't think he intends to throw the baby out with the bath water...

I do think his message has a stopping point, where one can't go deeper. I think his teachings can help an individual in Gateway 1-2 and sharpening awareness and the moving to the observer, but it doesn't go much beyond that I've found...

Then again, I could totally have it wrong! (and likely do!)

With love,
L

Hi L,

Thanks for your sharing and for clarifying that. I know a lot of people have been helped by Tolle's teachings. Its just every time I've dipped in, that's what I've noticed. Of course I could always be wrong. But then I've also encountered quite a few people coming to the Openhand work who've become quite internally frustrated, because what they've taken from his approach is to dissolve that which is arising.

Maybe they've read too much into what he's saying on that. I did hear him say once that he regretted his teachings were being taken so literally.

One of the key things I briefly remember watching once, was a presentation he gave to several thousand people in Australia. He was talking of riding a bike and asking "where are your thoughts now?" Then something like... 'if you're not totally aligned with riding the bike, then you're not being fully present and it's not serving you in this moment'.

Yet my experience has been altogether different and if I'd followed that advice, I wouldn't have progressed in the way I did. What I've found is that all dimensions are interrelated. So for example, I could be riding a bike, but then a multi-dimensional dialogue is happening with benevolent consciousness using the signs and symbols observed in the outer world as metpahors. Now this is only possible by observing and working with ones arising thoughts in the mind. I believe he was making a judgment about what the moment was supposed to be being about - stillness of mind and focus on riding the bike rather than the deeper significance.

That was my concern really.

Chris

Hi Chris,

Yes, I totally hear you, and agree it’s very easy to miss his message if taken literally. Looking beyond the words is helpful. If all one is taking from his message is to “dissolve that which is arising” and not work with it, then yes, that is an unfortunate misinterpretation, albeit easy to understand because of his (repeated) use of the word “dissolve” and a somewhat singular message emphasizing (primarily) presence/consciousness.

I think a lot of it may just be semantics and preconceived notions of certain language/words, and the notion that truth can be said in many ways, finger pointing to the moon, etc. When Tolle says dissolve, I think he means the same thing as your notion of “release” when you refer to releasing energy blockages or letting go. When encouraging work with the pain body (your “identities”, false self, blockages,etc), he says:

“Any negative emotion that is not fully faced and seen for what it is in the moment it arises does not completely dissolve”

He’s not dismissing working with pain bodies/darkness, he’s saying the opposite – it must be fully faced. Fully facing the negative emotion/darkness means working with it before it can be released/dissolved. I could be wrong but that’s how I’ve always interpreted it. He says:
“you can only go beyond it [pain body] by taking responsibility for your inner state now…” and “…the remnants of the pain left behind by every strong negative emotion that is not fully faced, accepted and then let go of join together to form an energy field that lives in the very cells of your body.” (he also talks about the benefits of tai chi, yoga, movement, etc, to help release this energy – similar to openhand’s view on this)

He talks about how we accumulate unnecessary negative energy from situations that we don’t let go of, or “carrying the past,” but it’s not to dismiss working deeply with the darkness/blockages/pain body (karma, shadow identities,etc). He does give many examples that could easily lead people to misconstrue his message being “just dissolve that which arises and everything will be fine” – but he’s merely pointing to the difficulty the human mind has with identifying with the past. It’s not meant as “all” one needs to do. For example, he tells the Zen story of two monks who were walking along a road that was very muddy because of rain, and as they came to a village a woman was trying to cross the road but it was so deep she would have ruined her kimono. So one monk helps her by picking her up and carrying her to the other side. The monks continued in silence for another five hours when the second monk couldn’t restrain himself and finally asks the other monk, “Why did you carry that girl across the road? We monks are not supposed to do things like that.” The monk replies, “I put the girl down hours ago. Are you still carrying her?”

Tolle’s whole thing is about cultivating presence, making the unconscious conscious, getting people out of the dream state and waking up – but at an elementary level that is palatable for the masses; a simple shift, a “step one” shift merely to realize that there is a you that is not your thoughts, the “witnessing presence” (observer). All I think he’s doing with the bike story you heard in Australia is pointing to the need for presence, to not be lost in your thoughts. His message is for those in the Matrix, not for people like you (who I think he would speak to differently). Unlike Openhand, he is not providing a roadmap to enlightenment. He’s not explaining that. His notion is to cultivate presence, a conscious life – he’s not tackling a road to enlightenment. He’s not saying don’t observe and work with one’s arising thoughts, he’s saying cultivating your witnessing presence is the only way to observe your thoughts and work with them. He is all about unfolding consciousness and allowing the power of Presence to do the unfolding:

“There is only one perpetration of evil on this planet: human unconsciousness. That realization is true forgiveness. With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves, and your true power emerges – the power of Presence. Instead of blaming the darkness, you bring in the light.”

Again here, by dissolving, he’s not dismissing working with the pain body/darkness/arising thoughts, he’s just summarizing – he means release after you’ve worked with your arising thoughts/emotions, etc.

I also think Tolle censors his language for mass appeal. I think he recognizes the preconceived notions people have with terms like God, Karma, etc, so he uses different words to keep people open before they shut off. And I think he keeps it light, accordingly, and doesn’t delve into multi-dimensional dialogue and the complexities of symbols and metaphors – although he does touch on all of these. I think his focus is on consciousness – awareness, presence, life itself (not enlightenment or the road to enlightenment – I think he realizes that’s not for everyone).

In turn, a lot of people, like me, have to move on from his teachings, because we may be moving beyond that simplicity/stage or it doesn’t speak to us any longer. Or because they’re WAY beyond his focus (like you!). I knew when his teachings (and many others) weren’t helping me anymore, or rather it wasn’t enough, I craved more but I didn’t know what that was, I knew there was more, splinter in the mind, but couldn’t get there. And I’ve sort of wandered spiritually aimless for a while now and then I came across Five Gateways film and found you and Trinity, and Openhand, and my life has already been impacted dramatically from your guidance (in such a short time) because you go beyond, to the deeper place, and because of the roadmap you provide – which helps me to make sense of things. It was just an instant “yes, this is what was missing”. Anyone being invited to the path that watches 5 Gateways is going to see/know/recognize where they are, where they need to go – Tolle doesn’t take you there. So that’s what I meant before when I said there’s a stopping point for me with his message.

That said, I think if you and Tolle were to sit down together one-on-one what he would say to you might be more complex and encompass the interrelationship of dimensions, etc. I sense you might be more on the same page than you might think. I could be wrong!! My guess is he just doesn’t go “there” with his mass message (And his message tends to get repetitive & boring as a result). In either case, what a great talk that would be!

It’s funny, he’s done talks where he analyzes other philosophies/teachers, etc, - he’s done Course in Miracles & Epectitus for example. And what he does is analyze (very respectfully) their work, talk about what they got right (according to his perspective) and what they got wrong (or were “off” about). It’s interesting, what occurs is an expansion and embrace of perspective all around. I imagine you could easily do something like this with his message...

Ok, I’ve talked too much! Just food for consideration, my humble two cents (which may be waaay off - yes, I realize that)! Much gratitude for your time in listening.
Love & light,
L

Thanks Grnofsand and Chris for your take on those finer
points. It is very helpful to a teaching junkie like myself
to see them expressed so clearly.

I have wondered whether people a little further along the
path, simply express a particular ray energy more intensely ?
A different approach up the mountain. I get the sense Tolle
is expressing rays 2 & 5 in his teaching, and though new
to Openhand, it feels like rays 1 & 3 are the inspiring
force.

Probably wide of the mark but thought id share anyhow.

Thanks L for that indepth explanation. Yes I realise the important job Tolle is doing. When he did the Oprah Winfrey show, they reached 20 million people! Yes it's an important starter to keep bringing people into presence.

I do still have a concern though. I notice just how tricky the shadow identity can be - that which arises only after Transfiguration in Gateway 4. We can be so utterly convinced we're coming from the enlightened state that it's almost impossible for anyone else to bring light to that. In those situations, I've really had to bring people right to the edge and over it! A shadow identity is one which knows the correct general characteristics and impulses of the soul and copies - echos - them. My concern is that people become so adept at copying the enlightened state, they tend to get stuck in that illusion for quite some time. But I guess that's all a part of the story!

And Anthony, your analysis of the Ray 2&5 in the Tolle teaching and the Ray 1&3 tends to lead the Openhand Approach is pretty bang on. Very perceptive!

Thanks to both of you for your supportive sharings.

Chris

I wanted to share a very powerful moment that happened to my partner and I yesterday.

We were sitting inside our dining room with the back door open to the garden when we suddenly heard a bird falling from the sky, its wings flapping followed by it crashing to the floor under a bush onto of some large pebbled stones.

After my partner carried our two cats from the garden - who were very interested in the new visitor!

We watched as the bird with its wings spread open gasped high into the air for breath, the breath of life. We could see that it was dying and could feel its struggle and suffering as it opened its beak wide for air.

I sensed it didnt have long, so said aloud 'let go little bird...dont struggle'...within moments its breathing calmed and the gasping became less intense, as though the bird had surrendered to its death.

It slowly dropped its head and paused ...then it had one last great gasp to the heavens before finally resting its head in a bow position, its wings still spread out over the rocks.

This experience deeply touched us both and seemed very ceremonial in nature - very powerful to observe.

To us it seemed to represent the struggle (the ego) through pain and suffering, followed by a letting go and surrendering to the outcome which brought peace even towards its own death. (death of the ego).

Later that day we also saw a dead deer on the side of the road, as I looked at its sweet gentle face, it looked so peaceful with its gentle compassionate eyes and the beautiful contours of its body as it lay out on the grass.

We later looked up the meaning of the Deer and it is very signifcant for us at this time.

I love the way the universe speaks to us in each and every moment.

Love to all

Gwen

A truly poignant and beautiful story Gwen - thanks for sharing. Yes indeed, the more we're watching ourselves instead of being lost in the drama of life, the more we begin to read and appreciate the deeper story within the story - the real one.

When this happens, life becomes truly magical and abundant - the universe is gifting us these things all the time. Now though, we're being an integral part of that universal orchestra!

Chris

Hi Chris

Well I would like to thank both Trinity and yourself for a wonderful Gateways Facilitators course over the last three days.

It really has clarified alot for me especially the method of asking open questions and the value of holding an open space during a session. The guidance on running a spiritual business is also of huge value.

I am still blown away from the last session that seemed to drop us both into a state of presence that was incrediably powerful.

I am wondering what it was that facilitated that shift in us both and as you asked at the time Chris...what vehicles can be used to enable dropping into that state. And it occured to me the importance of being around people of a similar vibration and engaging in practices that align with the soul.

It is such an interesting journey. Running up to the course I had such a feeling that nothing really matters, felt washed out and had had enough of 'thinking'...leading to a letting go of what was happening. Words were hard to form and express and a certain ungroundedness enveloped.

And then the experience in the last share yesterday just seemed to be that all of the feelings up to that point were there in preparation of letting go to therefore drop into this state.

And what an incrediable experience - as we said - no words can form to describe it.

Of course today I have droppped out of the state again and now my mind is trying to understand it - and I am confused!

Thank you for the space to share

Gwen

Hi Gwen,

Thanks for the kind words - it was wonderful having you involved.

What I get the sense of, is that what was really working for you was the moving from form into formlessness.

Remember how we discussed time and again that the processes being provided were simply forms through which to find authentic formless expression?

So it feels to me as though the overall course process was providing a continual mirror to keep dropping through the control. Synchronistically then, you ended the day during the last session partnering with someone who holds that kind of energy typically anyway.

So there was nothing left to do inside but feel and experience. I would say that's why it became so intense.

Chris

Thank you Chris

That all makes perfect sense.

The whole course was working at such a deep level for me.
The energy I could feel all the way through was intense and the last part just summed it all up!

Gwen

Hi

When I was a child I used to have many experiences of lucid dreaming. I would eagerly anticipate bedtime so that I could envelop into a dreamy, blissful world of my own and create my own amazing experiences. I could be as brave and as care free as I liked, a favourite of mine was standing on a stage, in the light, singing passionately to a beautiful piece of music that spoke to depth of your soul.

I had found my voice; the energy and emotion of pure joy I somehow managed to find inside of me in these moments were the times when I knew that there was so much more than what we see on a day to day level. An inner childhood of magic and mystery, lucky enough to grow up in the countryside, climbing trees, racing caterpillars long spade handles, catching and observing pond life, of smelling roses, eating apples and pears from the orchards and picking blackberries from hedgerows on my way to school. Not to mention my deep love of literature, art and all forms of nature.

As a child I was painfully shy at times, preferring my own inner world and simply observing the external world, seemed a much more appealing idea to me. I seemed to be hyper sensitive to people and situations with emotions that ran to the very core of my inner being. There are moments in childhood which seem to be very significant, so much so that we remember them years later and hopefully they can help us to make sense of the person we evolved into today. That’s the gift you see.

One of these moments was whilst at primary school, I had been asked to answer a question, somewhere from inside the day dream I had surrounded myself in whilst gazing out of the window, looking at the Oak tree leaves falling to the ground in preparation for winter, a sudden realisation, that heavy feeling in your heart as you realise the teacher is talking to you and your not listening, you don’t have any answers. I freeze and don’t say anything, my palms are sweating and I’ve gone all cold inside, she shouts at me and I stop listening, distracted by the sting of tears welling inside me and wanting nothing more than to run away, as a tear leaks slowly down my cheek, it’s clear there is no stopping them now and I cry until I can’t breathe.

At which point my teacher says in an angry and bitter tone “oh, so you have turned the water works on,” which did nothing in helping me to stop crying and I sit there humiliated and shaking uncontrollably. These are significant moments in time, in that a lot of things about the environment you grew up in as a child can have a profound and long lasting effect on you, from this particular moment I had picked up the belief that crying was manipulative. Just one of the many snapshots in time where we learn to mask a part of our authentic selves, in hope that we can fit into the external world, within in the realms of social acceptability. We must never show our true emotions if deemed unacceptable or uncomfortable to those around us. Hmmm.

I believe that children come to this earth as a sparkling new creation with boundless freedom and the potential of infinite possibilities for the path of their lifetime. They are like little sponges of knowledge, observing and learning from all around them the world feels magical and inspiring, nothing seems impossible and they are right, it is the layers upon layers of conditioned behaviour and environmental and social conditioning over time, that weighs us down with self-doubt and suffering. Children are closer to source and still believe that anything is possible and know no limits or boundaries on the future, just living in moment, from a place of innocent and grace.

Throughout my childhood I mostly kept myself to myself playing games, being outside and giving myself little projects to do, like learning the names of garden birds or joining animal rights groups and sticking pictures of lab rats onto my walls that had been experimented on thus ending up with human ears growing from their backs, an odd child some would say, there were no pictures of pop idols on my walls, just drawings and anything I had collected to do with whatever project I was working on at that time. I could read a book from cover to cover in a day and readily did so during the long hot summer holidays, I enjoyed escaping into a world of my own, a different one than what I could see externally – which seemed a world of different shades of grey.

In my inner world of joyous colour I could create whatever I liked in my mind and go anywhere I pleased, it was certainly better than any interaction that I had with my family unit, my father was very controlling and my mother could be very volatile at times. Of course in retrospect I realise that it was the best that they knew how to do at the time.

Although when at home I always seemed to feel nervous, a walking on eggs shells feeling that seemed far from a happy carefree childhood of freedom, fun and laughter.

oOo

As I approached my teenage years things started bubbling up inside of me, all of the pretence and unhappiness at home became unbearable and I began experiencing something that has remained a strong part of my character to this day. A deep pull to expressing the truth as I saw it, a welling up of emotion that inevitably ended up bursting from me in a hope to somehow change the craziness that I seemed to be experiencing around me. I saw things very deeply as a child, I was never academically brilliant, in fact I had huge issues with confidence and self-esteem at school, but I had an innate understanding of people and situations. I can remember explaining to my mother at the age of thirteen, how I would support her if she decided to leave my father. I knew that she was deeply un happy in their relationship and harboured a lot of regret and bitterness for the way that her life has turned out.

The family dynamic remained pretty much the same though and I had decided at sixteen that I wouldnt accept that this was all their was and left home in search of myself.

I didnt have any contact with my family for five years after I left. I needed the time and space to be me. Until just after my 21st birthday and my mother called. We met up and started to see if we could have some sort of a bond or connection.

The following ten or so years has resulted in alot of heartfelt attempts at connecting with my parents. Although I often found myself in the middle of people, seeming to be the only one able to see things from each persons individual perspective, although not necessarily agreeing with it. While they are consumed in bitterness about the past which resulted in many spikey emails heading my way for 'sitting on the fence' within the family dynamic.

It is a very 'human' condition that we want to hold onto the hope that our parents will one day love us the way we think we need them to - to somehow make us whole.

Recently I realised that I was carrying a part of this hope with me all of these years, the distortion had surfaced, raw and naked to the soul.

So recently my exploration has been around obligation and responsibility and what is a truly compassionate way of being. And realised that I left home for a reason - to be true to my self.

My parents and others in my life are here for me to realise not to look to others for this sense of wholeness - its within...its within...its within!

And so ... the time is drawing nearer to let go of all the limitations, controls and attachments...including my parents.

To step into my power. To be truly me.

Love to All

Gwen

I am constantly inspired at your courage to move onwards and upwards through the situations on your path. How powerful to see that all of these situations are divinely given to help us learn a more expanded truth of our authentic beingness.

Shine on!

With Love
Trinity

Hi everyone

After reading Yulias last post on processing Karma I felt moved to ask a few questions

As you know I have been working through inner child distortions recently and have interestingly had a pain in my chest ever since. It seems to go right through me if that makes sense...almost like there is a string attaching from the back to the front of my body around the bottom of my right shoulder blade.

I recognise it as I am sure I have experienced the same pain at other times on my journey.

I also have a pain in my right knee which I have no physical reason for it being there.

So I am wondering if it could be karma as I have touching on some very important self realisations recently?

So far I have focused my awareness into the area and all sort of feelings come up when I do this...I almost feel as though I am suffocating and need more air!

If so I am guessing the same advice applies as on Yulias post about finding a method of moving it...very interested to experience Trinity's Deep Conscious Bodywork at the Transfiguration in July!

Thanks for the space to share

Gwen

Hi Gwen,

Yes indeed, it certainly sounds like karma. And yes the key is to keep feeling it and working with it. We'll certainly be working with that on The Transfiguration in Wales. As we work with it, you probably get flash backs and experiences of what it relates to. It'll bring you into full confrontation of the trauma that caused it. This will be a key realisation for your incarnation, one of the reasons you truly came here in the first place. Powerful times!

Chris

Hi Chris

I just felt the pull explore this pain. So I lay down and put my arms on the area of pain and brought energy into the area and said that I was listening to it.

It seemed as if what is in there wanted me to die! And as you know that I am a smoker and this pain is in my lung area I immediately panicked about that. But then I had a feeling of something sticking through my chest, perphaps a wooden pole which when I take a full breath into my lungs the pain is there, so it felt a little like the pole had caused my lung to collapse and there was wheezing and tightness in the area, it goes from back to front of my body.

Then I felt quite scared and my body had some kind of convulsion that slowed down and I felt like I was slowly dieing maybe and the feeling of not being able to breath and suffocating.

I also have a birth mark in the area and had read somewhere that they can be there as markers of something that happened in a past life.

And then a feeling of not being sure whether I am just making all of this up.

I am feeling so overwhelmed by things at the moment and can barely get out of the house. Still filling my body full of denseness and a feeling of not really caring about anything...including living.

I am struggling to understand what is happening and feel lost.

Gwen

Hi Gwen,

It's really positive that you're exploring the pain in this way. I can only encourage you to continue.

Firstly the reason you're experiencing it, is because you've now cleared a good deal of denseness from the physical, emotional and lower mind bodies. All such conditioning is originally initiated and caused by karma that we brought into this life - energy that is stored within the next higher vibrational vehicle - the causal body. So now, you're getting into the causal body because your vibration is high enough.

So clearly you had some past life experience where you died in some kind of battle (I get a celtic kind of feeling to it). Your lung was punctured and clearly it caused a good deal of trauma as you died - the lung being flooded with blood and other fluid which hampered breathing - the lung collapsed.

So in this life, your soul creates mirroring circumstances to get you to taste the experience in a similar (but distinctly different) way once more. That's probably a key reason why you were caused to smoke. The lungs are being polluted with an external 'fluid' and now you're in a position to feel how that felt in the past life - you've activated the past life feelings. The part of your soul which is identifying, has now projected an internal filter through your energy body so it's practically taken over your consciousness. It floods your system.

The key to processing it is to keep feeling it. Keep attuning to it. Go deeply into the pain and discomfort. Relive it fully. You may be caused to re-enact certain movements or experiences that re-create the depth of the original experience - ever watched the film Gladiator or Brave-heart? Such experiences can take you deeper into your karma. At some point, a 'doorway' will present itself with a key through the energy. It may be a word which helps you let go internally. You then step through the doorway and become awesomely okay with the pain. The fragment of soul is reintegrated, the karmic energy is dissolved and starts to flow from your system.

At this point, you'll probably benefit from some kind of deep consciousness bodywork - like the Openhand Meditation in Movement that you've done with us. Or of you need to go deeper still, you may need some assisted bodywork or deep consciousness massage/energy healing. It all depends on your increasing capacity to deal with energy yourself.

Considering where you are on your journey, you need have no fear. This is simply perfect for where you need to be in order to advance your evolution. Especially so that you may become a facilitator (of karma) yourself further down the line.

Keep going - you're doing fine!

Chris

Hi Chris

As I read your last post - so many feelings coming up

Infact when I went into the pain I had the feeling of being a man in some kind of battle - can I make it clear that these werent clear visualisations - just images that form somewhere inside and a general impression of the circumstance.

And yes, as I breathed into this area it did very much feel like I was drowning in fluid. Even as I can typing my hands are shaking and my vision is hazy - as if I am uncovering a profound truth in my body. It feels even more scary as I can relate to it in this life with the smoking and feeling like my lungs are so choked up and it hurts to breath. Suffocating with the tightness I feel there.

Interestingly I have been smoking like a crazy recently, just experiencing more and more of it.

I also feel a very strong presence of warrior like energy around the suffocating and dying feeling...like I was fighting to the death...literally it turns out.

Because the impressions I get arent clear images I then wonder if im making it up?

But I guess more will be revealed the more I go into it.

I just let out a huge cry 'Im so scared'

Because I realise that this is going to be painful on many levels and I must gather the courage to do this.

Thank you for your help...truly invaluable

Gwen

Indeed I am experiencing flashbacks

The fear and feeling of something stabbing through my body I was just having a shower and I feel afraid as thhough someone would stab me through the shower curtain which then made my body jolt as I felt this happening...

I also see now that the bird that I wrote about in a previous post..

Its lungs were damaged...it was struggling to breath

It feels as though I watched my own death in this bird only a few weeks ago

Its all so so deep

Hi Gwen,

No, you are definitely NOT making it up! The mind might colourise a little, but the way to truly know, is when the mental experiences start to play out in the physical world (as they are for you) and when we feel deep movements of energy (just as you are).

At the end of the day, the actual details of what took place in the past life are not too important. What is important is the energy you now carry forwards into this life and then processing that energy.

Imagery and experience that conjure the feelings of the past will help greatly. That's why I felt to suggest the two films. It's about getting right into the heart of the feelings - just as you're doing. Another film might be "Joan of Arc" - ever seen that one?

It's the way to go!

Chris

Now, retroactively I can see that during recent weeks I was given all kinds of tools/directions to deal with what I am going through now, and I find them really helpful. I was worried in the beginning that I imagine things and was not sure, but then I relaxed and told myself “whatever works” in this case:

1. Grounding – there are really many ways, but for me the following work best at the moment:

* Bringing awareness into the body, into different arts of the body. For example legs and feet when walking, to the skin when the wind is blowing, etc

*Walking barefoot, especially on soft surfaces and on earth: ground, grass, sand, etc. When I walk on the soft surface I bring focus to how it feels and it relaxes the lower part of the body

*Humming into the base (especially), sacral and solar plexus… I attune into what kind of sound/vibration resonate with the chakra and then let it vibrate there, after a while it becomes more and more intense and I begin to either release stuff from there or feel relaxation and connection. It is possible that the sound will want to move up/down through the chakras, so I let it.

*Dancing, especially stomping with legs bent in wide stance.

*Feet self-massage (reflexology)

*Lying on the floor/better ground/grass

*And connecting with earth, with flora, especially trees.

2. Center line (called Hara line) – I feel the line going through me, from ~1.5 meters up, through the center, going into the crown, passing through the center of all the chakras, going out of the base chakra, into the earth, into the core of the earth. So I felt there breakages in the beginning, as if the line is disconnected in solar plexus and then in sacral and base. After working on connecting it (also using voice) and releasing some stuff there, I could feel that David was right, and the line IS shifted left and also with me I could feel as if it is going somewhat forward too, but maybe I confuse it with something else. But it is not important, during recent days I really try to keep it straight, and usually it works really great. For example what it caused me to notice is that when I breathe I breathe mainly into the front part, and the back part is somehow much less involved. The same with chakras, as if I mostly open in the front part, so now I balance it all.
Paying attention to this line itself is already somehow grounding and balancing.

3. Solar plexus – very important place now, I bring there awareness as much as possible, especially if I feel something “not me” is going on, like fast random thoughts or some annoying pressure there, and make sure to get into the body.

4. Getting into the body:

*Bringing awareness like in grounding

*Imagining as if I am sinking in the bath, relaxing into it. David said he uses gravity a lot, both for cleaning and for grounding, but it doesn’t seem to work for me in the meantime.

*Now sometimes this nothing space somehow seems to be somewhere as if behind me, if this is the case, I feel somewhat detached from what is going on and the feelings themselves are as if more numbed. I then as if bring it from the back and gradually infuse it into the body, the difference is felt immediately - expansion and sharpening of whatever is going on – feelings, senses, etc. It is as if this hollowness is not separated from the experience, but is IN the experience, hybridized with it, fused with it.

*Before when I used to feel the ‘soul’ or expand, I felt as if I was getting out of the body. Now I do the opposite, let it in the body. Instead of ‘flying out’, ‘landing in’ and down here. In the beginning and also now sometimes when I get to new ‘unexplored’ places, I end up with some intense but pleasant tickling, involuntary body movements and laughing. And the expansion this time is felt IN the body and through it further out (in meditation or when I am swinging).
It is possible that the borders will blur, I have it many times, especially if I manage to merge the nothingness with the soul into the body, but before it blurs, it still goes through the body, expands outside. It is a bit different then before, when I left the dense and tight body and expanded somewhat bypassing it.

*Yoga helps me a lot with this one. I used to do some ‘free style’ yoga, but now it turned to something even more free style. For example two days already I feel like something ‘evil’ is accumulating in me, getting up, putting some dark heavy stuff and release some anger and frustration and cry, and then go back to the mat, and also yoga itself is going like processing and releasing stuff, as if fitting itself to the period of processing and releasing… Also before once a day was enough, now I feel like it is becoming two times a day, some stretching and relaxation.

*I take some dance classes, where I am being brought to pay attention to different parts of the body and be aware of the way it moves.

*And when dancing, I really try to instead moving it, to let the soul move it, and just watch what’s happening while bringing attention to the body and what it is doing.

*Any kind of dealing with the body, like washing it
(instead of hurrying and getting done with it giving it attention, feeling the water, etc), or dressing it up, etc

5. Watching the ‘time’ or ‘speed’:
When some distortion or addictive behavior or OC are in the picture, it feels as if the time is accelerating, feels like hurrying (thanks Chris for bringing my attention to it), so for me this is a sign that something is going on (if I like got lost or distracted), with me usually it is accompanied by some contraction, pressure in the chest and throat (almost as if I want to cry, probably because the soul is squeezed out or smth and can’t be expressed) and of course the solar plexus. So I don’t really do anything, but relax, and get into the body by bringing attention to the line and awareness to solar plexus and then to the body. After this is done, I connect again to the soul, 8th and down, bringing into the body. This anxious acceleration and the unpleasant sensations really are like ‘free’ reminders, ‘sticky notes’, so I learned to appreciate those.
Sometimes I allow myself to relax even if I am in the distortion, and don’t do anything but watching it all, this way I also make sure I am not tightening around ‘fixing’ anything.

6. Listening:
This is the trick I found for myself when REALLY ‘unpleasant’, nasty stuff begins to move or when I am in addiction loop. So I am bringing attention to the feeling itself, not to ‘what I want or am going to do’, what do I feel at the moment? So for me it is either some unquiet, some anxiety, worry, frustration, so one day I said “Ok, I am listening, I am here, listening”. And then I spotted that these emotions coming up from the lower part of the body and going somehow into the stomach, expressing itself through appetite or hunger. So I listen and then they move, come up from the stomach into the chest and then move out :S
Now I do it almost with anything that I feel is hard for me to let move, like I am keeping it there, stuck. This way I released things that I couldn’t believe are stored there… by listening.

7. Allowing the soul have the experience:
It landed on me a couple of days ago, after some words of inspiration and support from David (the other one), and some example by another alien guy, that it is not about ME, but about the soul having the experience. Now if I am aware of what’s going on and not having a blind spot, it became some weird combination of whatever is coming up (hard to call it suffering even though sometimes it looks like one maybe), and fun, as if the soul is really almost interested in these, like alien tourist: “Wow! And what is that?”. I have flips from identification to this one, but even this is interesting, to compare these two.
So now if and when I identify, I immediately spot it because it is much less fun and things don’t move, they get stuck.

8. Accepting whatever is happening and going into the heart
The mind has all kinds of concepts about how things should be about spirituality too, like I am not spiritual, I ate some salmon, or I am being totally in false state, I am listening to psy-trans like 15 years ago, or I am damaging my body by not going to sleep and not resting enough, it can’t be from the soul, I must b ein some self-destructive pattern/loop etc etc
So what I discovered that indeed, the facts are correct, I am in the destructive loop, I am eating myself to death and I am listening to psy-trans, lying on the floor all day and can’t move with all my body aching as a consequence, yes, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t come from the soul, i.e. I found that in most of the cases these reoccur since I didn’t work with it, didn’t process what is there. For example, maybe to get sick from this loop, like really experiencing it enough to let it go, then I just stop identifying and it disappears. Or maybe the point was to let the mind go, stop judging, fully accepting it, and then it disappears, or maybe I should get fat in order to work on non-identification with this one: “I am fat and ugly”, but instead the mind is focusing what and when the body ate… etc etc
Now I really go into the feelings instead of facts, what do I feel? Then all kinds of thoughts are coming, which too direct me.
I found that the mind is useless here, I totally like got ‘disappointed’ by it hhhhh it is all the time confused and if I go into the mind, I too become confused, so instead I go into the heart, and ask there or just listen.
The paradox is when I let go the mind, it actually somehow begins to function as if in a more aligned way, like the thoughts become more directing or pointing where I am contracted, the thoughts too begin to bring up stuff to process…

9. Communication and going out
This one is really sensitive.
I checked it, and for me talking to people is really distracting from the process and I find incapable to express myself authentically at all. So I do it only if I am brought to distract myself, as if I am told “rest an hour or two”, but not more.

Also being outside is REALLY tough. Things are on the move, and I can’t let them move since I am sitting in a room full of people, I can’t let the body squirm, can’t shake, can’t cry and can’t shout, can do nothing. So these 1.5 hours I had today were totally tough and crazy, but even there was a lesson, how to really relax into it, so I found that it is really hard, to work only with awareness and breath, somehow for me letting it out by some physical expression is very important and helpful.

Now today, while being outside, in the matrix, I used the trick I was granted by BC in the morning: when I got totally lost and identified, I looked at the sky, birds, plants around and ‘it brought me back home’.

10. Five gateways book. I read every day and ‘see’ every day something else, extremely helpful.

11. Sharing and talking with other conscious or just supportive people. So the site, of course, plus, I have two german aliens who really helped me, thanks very much! I got so many tips, inspiration and support! Emails and chats with people who go through some similar process, knowing that this is somehow collective, I presume because of the alignment with the universe through the soul and ‘vibrating’ at the same frequency (feeling the same energy), so similar states are experienced (is it it?)

12. And not to forget the joy
I did. And was highly unbalanced. This period is mostly dark, but I somehow ‘made it’ darker and tougher than needed hhhh – like yeeeah, the processing, we are processing now, what’s this happiness? No no no, processing, processing, you have a lot to process Until I got it, that I am sinking, getting even depressed, constantly, as if the joy of the soul is not here anymore.
Not too many things brought me joy recenlty, mainly everything turned into processing and releasing, but I managed to find a couple of things. For me swinging (you know, on the playground) with music works like clock, going to see my tree-friends, and spinning with some music, music in general and on and off during yoga (when I hit the soul-led and not imposed movement/posture). After doing this for a while I was able to attune to the soul and feel joy also without doing anything on the outside, also in the middle of the processing. But first I had to remember.

Ok, that’s all for now, I probably forgot a lot, but that should be enough. In any case the soul will show the way and bring to interaction with the ‘right’ people.
Anyway, even when identifying and feeling not so fun, I don’t think there is somebody who will find it boring hhhhh Such an interesting, fascinating process!

Huuugs to everybody,
Yulia

Pure Presence wrote:"Because the impressions I get arent clear images I then wonder if im making it up?"

Most people wonder the same thing. You might consider this...

1. You experience visions, sensations, memories as you described because you have stored energy within your causal body.

2. You may interpret these experiences in any number of different ways depending on what you can relate to at that moment.

So if you doubt the experience and wonder if you are "making it up" then know that to make it up is actually impossible! It is ONLY coming up because of compressed/blocked energy in your field in the first place. Whatever visions or experience you have is unique to an indivual and important for that person to have in order to work through karma. Whether that vision is 'distorted' or not.

So the point is that whether the memory happened in a past life or not is actually irrelevent...

It is the energy that you feel during the experience and your ability to process any attachment to it that really matters.

Hi Trinity

Thank you for your guidance.

These experiences could easily be mistaken for some kind of psychosis!

When I laid down yesterday and went fully into the feelings it lasted for quite a while afterwards. I wasnt necessarily expecting it to play out in normal life (as in when not meditating or lying down and bringing energy into the area) for example.

I had a similar experience whilst meditating a few years ago so it was a great suprise when I was in the shower and I could feel the panic and emotions being recreated in this way.

I then looked in the mirror and my eyes were very cold looking and I felt very sick, with a wretching sensation and all of these images coming in of how I must have died.

As Chris mentioned :

'You may be caused to re-enact certain movements or experiences that re-create the depth of the original experience'.

I now have more understanding of the things that I experienced because of this. Last night I focused my attention into this area with energy and breath - going right into the heart of it - I feel it today to be less painful - just happy that I am acknowedging it and working with it...

Although I am sure that there is more to do...its a fascinating and turbulent ride!

Im so grateful for this site and your guidance!

With Much Love

Gwen

I wanted to add my 'two pennies worth'. It is humbling to see what some of you are going through in your journeys to self-realisation. I admire your courage and steadfastness despite the challenges. Echoing Chris's comments about movement and shifting through deep concious body work. I can confirm that for me I have seen major effects following both movement meditations (particularly during the Transfiguration course) and after deep body work treatment. I am not someone who has the vivid, dramatic experiences (yet), but as things get unblocked I have felt both emotional effects and physical such as severe tension pain, developed congestion, flu like symptoms and disorientation for a short time after. Fortunately with guidance from people like Chris, and other people at Openhand, I was prepared and so did not worry and accepted it. For me to see how these shifts can have a physical effect on my body is fascinating. Always following this work I have had wonderful points of clarity, and something important has become clearer to me. Sometimes it is a real 'wow, great' insight into me, but often it is a tough lesson or message, but either is worthwhile to to know as it is my truth and it is one, with love,
Mark

Thank you Mark for your post.

It is always encouraging to hear of other peoples experiences and the support and guidance is truly invaluable!

Being involved within this community, and around sharing experiences has had a huge catalytic effect and brought great relief in unfolding my journey.

To share our experiences and be moved to post in response to others has proved to be so worthwhile!

I have to laugh every time I post something during or just after some deep realisation or often terrifying experience and Chris just goes...

'Great, that's brilliant - keep going!' Or words to that effect....

As you pointed out Mark

'Fortunately with guidance from people like Chris, and other people at Openhand, I was prepared and so did not worry and accepted it'.

The total acceptance and support given by Openhand just takes my breath away with gratitude I feel.

It is so interesting to experience physical effects that occur during this journey and it seems that I go deep, deep into these experiences, the bottom drops out, and unfolds into an even deeper experience...what a journey!

With Love to All

Gwen x

Gwen wrote: "...very interested to experience Trinity's Deep Conscious Bodywork at the Transfiguration in July!"

Just a note to let you know that the 'deep consciousness body work' on the Transfiguration is through group movement and partner work rather than one-on-one. We expand on what we have already learned in the previous courses to take it to much deeper levels.

I'll have to look at the wording on the course description as there is sometimes confusion between the one-on-one and group deep consciousness bodywork. Unfortunately there isn't enough time to be everywhere at once . Not in this realm any way

x

Hi Everyone

After my recent experiences with processing Karma. I watched Joan of Arc like you suggested Chris. I usually find violent films difficult to watch in the least and had the same feeling arising. Alongside this there were alot of feelings around the harshness and brutality that occured around those times - especially when speaking your truth as Joan of Arc experienced.

So it did invoke some feelings and I have delved into the pain a few times since. The last time I did so a sentence came to me 'I am not my experience'.

Since then I havent noticed the same pain (which I originally experienced when just breathing or lying on my side). The playing out of events in the physical have stopped. I can now have a shower without fear! And the need to smoke has lessened greatly!

So my question is, how do I know when I have really processed it? Or is it possible that its just taking a break? I have tried to connect to it since but have found myself distracted.

Is it ok to just 'go with the flow' and let it come up if and when it wants to? Or is there something more I could do to help the process?

Thanks again

Harmony

Hey Harmony

This line 'I am not my experience' feels a little somewhat detaching? maybe this is me projecting hhhh.

It is funny since I have recently developed some sentence with the word 'expreience' too, "Let the soul experience". Really funny...

During last two weeks I explored deeply this identification/pure experience thing, and it is amazing.

I found that there is nothing wrong with the experience, be it the greatest pleasure or the most terrible pain, it is the identification with it that actually diminishes and doesn't allow the experience to fully take place.

As I see it now, the point of my soul coming down here is not to run away to high comfortable not-experiencing the separation place, otherwise why to land in the first place?
It landed to taste the separation fully, or to FULLY experience it all.

In a way, for me, when I hybridize between the Seer, the soul infusion into the body and the experience what I get is that I fully become the experience on one hand, but at the same time I am also the one who is watching it, and is accompanied by expansion, actually enhancement of the experience and free flowing. When I keep this state for relatively long, it becomes rather interesting, since the states are changing all the time. Like a minute ago it was fury, then suddenly some tightness in the back, then some missing for somebody, then self-doubt, then some long forgotten emotion, and they are just flowing one after the other, so I even don't make it to think anything or to say anything to myself.

Now I don;t know what I have in my back, but this is nasty, it wouldn't move until this sunday, I feel as if I am choking and having some terrible pressure along my back and ribs, especially the upper half of it, terrible, it's suffocation, and panic, and helplessness, feeling abused and suppressed, and I can't breathe, etc etc

so I manage to move it but in portions, not in one day at all, it is very exhausting.

I don't know what you have, but as far as I can see this thing of mine is being dealt with in portions - attack, break, attack, break...

And with this thing I work the same, I allow the experience to happen fully, and not like saying I am not his pain, I am saying I want this pain, therefore it is here, my soul, my consciousness brought me to this pain and I won't walk away or try to avoid the pain. It feels very empowering, and I then really jump into it, like into some black hole, and let it run.. Ok, what have we got here? Pain, ok, take a deep breath aaand relaaaax.

The funny thing is that I can feel my soul in it, and the joy while crying, screaming, and whatever is happening there.

Total madness, but it became fun
like Chris 'promised'

Ok, kisses

Hi Harmony,

I'd say what has happened is that you've activated and processed whatever karma is arising now. But it's likely there will be other twists and turns related to other life-times around this and many other issues.

So the key is simply to keep walking the path. It's a touch early to be processing karma now anyway. I guess it's happened because it was connected by a thread of consciousness relating to inner child and teenager identities of the lower vibration contained within subconscious mind.

So it feels like the karma has activated because you've initiated a confrontation with your warrior energy which was confusing itself within the inner teenager identity. But remember that such identities originally form from our karma, so they are connected.

All you have to do now is keep walking the path and dealing with whatever else arises when it arises. Then simply to deal with it as you've just done.

Perfect!

Chris

Hi Yulia

The statement 'I am not this experience' felt to me that although my soul had brought me this experience to relive and experience again. It felt very much that part of the processing of it was about not identifying with the death itself. Like in the past life I hadnt died peacefully, that I was holding too tightly to the experience of death and wasnt able to release and let go as I died.

Therefore the statement 'I am not this experience' was to do with that part of me, who wasnt aware of the lesson contained within the experience of death and therefore identified with it and died in a rather unpleasant struggle.

The statement was to that part of my consciousness that needed to know that the true 'me' wasnt the experience of death and the attachment and struggle to hold onto life, but so much more than this. Does that make sense?

Thank you Chris for your advice. Sounds like there is lots to look forward to in future then ...karma wise!

It just goes deeper and deeper - nothing is more important to me than this journey!

Love and summer rain

Harmony

Harmony wrote: "So my question is, how do I know when I have really processed it? Or is it possible that its just taking a break?"

After wondering this many times myself I found that I eventually stopped being concerned whether I had processed the energy or not. Instead I asked I am being everything I can be in this moment.

xxx

Hello everyone on this great website,

I have been reading you for a couple of weeks. What a fantastic project Openhand is! It is so enormously helpful and encouraging for us struggling and stumbling on the path. Your philosophy and approach resonates deeply with my understanding of things. The philosophy of rays is new to me.

I have had a lot to deal with my karma, practically my whole life (I am 35). I always want to rush to the light, but my very heavy karma I brought to this life has a firm hold on me and keeps throwing me in full swing back deep down into the density to learn.

I have been struggling for many years to unravel my inner karmic misery. And I think I have gone quite far to bring out a lot of information from my unconscious mind, which explained my severe anaphylactic reactions at the age of 12-13 and chronic health problems and many things that have ocurred in my life. I have also fathomed some dreams and after one mistake I made I had a chance to see in my visions what happened to me after a similar mistake in some of my past lives. But this was a really tough one for me, absolutely traumatic.
Then I almost got things right just to make another mistake and the subsequent judgments, which came a year later in the middle of riding the high tide, again sent me full speed down to the very bottom of hell. I had a nervous break down, not being able to eat and sleep and function at all really. Again I was blessed with learning more from my past lives, more information was revealed to me, but again it has been a most traumatic experience. I did almost nothing but prayed as a last thing left to do, I became like a walking prayer. Then almost a miracle happened. My guardian angel (which I was told to be Archangel Michael) sent me a help, which came all of a sudden via my friend named - translation into English - Michaela Dove, so symbolic!
I recovered very quickly, but still I am coping with the consequences of the judgements I received from a beloved person and my distorted behaviour and I am deeply sad looking at the painful story of my life that I have created and apparently lived through many times.
I am quite sure that I came to this life firmly resolved to put an end to my suffering, because my soul is exhausted, so tired. I have just had enough.
I think I got to the very core of my behaviour distortions.
I know my task now it to accept the sad story of my soul that I have created, take full responsibility, learn from it and became awesomely ok with what has happened. But this is also a tough one...
I thought that maybe by sharing my story I can break the status quo and move on with healing of my soul. I need to fully forgive myself and the other. Forgiving myself has always been much more difficult for me than forgiving the other as I tend to take on me all the blame around, also the one that is not mine. But forgiving myself or the other is actually the same thing, one is not possible without the other.

Can you please comment on how to facilitate the process I am going through?

Thank you very much and keep on doing your great job.

Reni

Hi Reni,

Welcome to Openhand and thanks for having the courage to share. Karma is a big one for all humanity to process at this time. When you look at our collective history together, how we've generally mistreated each other and the planet, then it's clear we've got lots to process. That's definitely what's coming to the fore right now.

What jumps out from your posting most for me is when you said...

"I recovered very quickly, but still I am coping with the consequences of the judgments I received from a beloved person and my distorted behaviour and I am deeply sad looking at the painful story of my life that I have created and apparently lived through many times."

I wonder if you realise that no one is judging you? Because no one can judge the soul. Only we can judge ourselves. So if someone projects energy at us (a negative comment for example), it can only land because it touches a 'raw nerve' inside. It touches a place where we're judging ourselves.

It feels to me as if you keep getting into a negative spiral of self blame and of not loving yourself. I think it was extremely powerful when you spoke of life becoming like a "living prayer" as you put it. I can definitely identify parts of my journey like that: feeling a sense of connection with a higher benevolent power loving us for everything that we are, including the darker side.

It definitely seemed to work for you and I feel to encourage a continual sense of connection through meditative 'prayer' - continually bringing consciousness to the bigger picture, the deeper message. It feels like this might help you to keep attuning to the love, joy and beauty in life rather than judging yourself so harshly.

Then as you do this, over time, you'll be caused to confront the karma but you'll have a positive 'centering point' from which to do it - the ship will keep righting itself in the storm.

So this would be my encouragement and to realise also that at 35 you're still very young - you've come a long way already in what really is only a blink of the eye in the life of the soul.

So keep tuning into the light, work to be more accepting of yourself and you'll find the ship naturally begins to right itself as you pass through the darkness.

Much love and empathy

Chris

Hi Everyone

I have recently had alot of passionate energies firing up inside. I am finding it increasingly impossible to be around 'matrixy' people! Especially where there are people gossiping! Its like people love to feed off other peoples problems or something! Create a huge drama around it and to me, its seems only to perpetuate the situation they are enagaged in! I feel it is 'nicer' to be honest and tell people how I really see it rather than nod and agree to these stories!

It seems that I am aware of these people more and more and increasingly cant think of anything to say in response to them, they wont be able to hear what I really feel anyway, so I just end up walking away!

Such a feeling to not wanting be part of that world anymore!
Arrrgggghhhhhhh!

I have been working with dissolving attachments on so many levels and its seem the universe is magically creating situations where it is REALLY possible to leave the friends, family, workplace and any other engagements that draw me back into that world, more than ever!

I have recently been working through dissolving my attachment to family and I 'thought' that I 'should' at least inform them that I wouldnt be in touch anymore. However when I really saw the situation in its purest form, and realised that the only purpose of staying in contact is that I have been leaving an open channel for them to chuck 'stuff' at me, there is no positive aspect to our connection at all, so if I am to truly honour myself, why would I leave this channel open? Just to have more stuff thrown my way????

Then I looked at the last interaction that I had with each family member and with the four main people that it may concern, it seems that things have been brought to a natural ending point anyway! Each interaction had brought about some kind of statement on my behalf saying 'this is my truth, I take my power back'.

So I am coming to a point where I am leaving my workplace completely, leaving my home, the area and then the country!
I have just changed my name, am moving away from old friends that no longer serve me and releasing myself from attachment to family to take a journey of self discovery.

I have no debt, no direct debits going out of my bank account, no contracts to anyone or anything anywhere. I owe not one person a single thing - literally - on all levels! I feel free!

I sold my car a few months back to fund this period of 'nothingness' and now I am going to India to discover and have the time to unfold into the next phase, whatever that may be!

I often find the most 'radical' of impulses I feel to act upon is often the very thing that seems to sort out all of the loose ends in one huge sweep!

In the past people have often suggested that I am 'too impulsive' and that I havent thought about things clearly. But to me this is the guidance of the soul...when we tune to it the realsation IS made in an instant...it IS impulsive as it just bubbles up and out...and its there. Thats it!

To others this may seem radical or impulsive but so, so often when I embody this impulse through action then its truly magical and the answers are all obvious - in one huge sweep!

Some useful contemplations recently;

'How have I given my power away to people or situations in life and WHY?'.

'Does this truly serve me?'.

'Am I ready to stand in my truth, no matter what?'.

'How much do I really 'need'?. (in a material sense)

'Where are my motivations coming from a distorted viewpoint?'.

The more I explore these questions the more I realised that I have been clearing out on all levels. I have cleared out my home and living environment, tied up loose ends and dissolved any debt and contracts of any kind, looked at attachments to family and friends leading to changing alot an all levels, facebook account, email address, name, occupation (of which I can no longer categorize) etc etc...

Working through deeper and deeper levels inside and outside to clear away and declutter everything!

Soon I will be going on a fasting retreat that Lesley is running and really looking forwards to getting my teeth into any other attachments that come up. A period of internal cleansing as I peel away each layer again and again! Followed by a week away in Snowdonia on the Transfiguration course...HUGELY powerful times...

Dissolve

Dissolve

Dissolved...

Gone!

SO LIBERATING.

Thank you for the space to share my unfolding journey!

Much Love

Harmony

Wonderful!

Go for it. Fully. Wholely. Passionately. With conviction. Just as you are doing!

Chris

This has been speaking to my soul recently ..Enjoy!

Hi Chris,

Thank you for your comments. Exactly, I keep getting into a negative spiral of self blame and of not loving myself. It is like a bad habbit of my ego. All my weaknesses are being tested and it demands constant awarness not to give in.

And also, even if I am aware of what is going on, then there are overwhelming emotions to cope with.

I would like to ask you - What happens to the emotions in an enlightened state? Do they stop creating karma if they come from the soul and not ego? Are they somehow transformed?

Sometimes it is difficult to discern whether the rising emotion/feeling is godlike or ego driven.

Due to so much karma processing I have become very withdrawn. My inner life is my priority and I enjoy being on my own and with nature.

The are two opposite forces inside of me. One is pulling me down and the other is elevating me. So I try to stick to the latter one as much as I can. As if this beautiful presence was communicating with me, teaching me to love myself, giving me silent messages, protecting me. I have to listen quietly and attentively. It is clearly suggesting to surrender my life to it. That is why I seek solitude to be in touch with this presence.

But I also deeply absorb what is going on around me. My life twists and turns in the several recent years have brought me to India. The country itself wasn't the reason for me to be there. I didn't really wish to go there, except when I was a teenager and loved Osho's books. Now I am living a couple of minutes from Osho's ashram and I don't feel like participating in their activities. Funny. Moreover it is a big business and I don't want to pay their high fees. I don't need any teachers and gurus anymore.

Processing karma in Indian context is really powerful. I am looking forward to finishing my life chapter in India and coming back to my country. I don't interact with people here that much, but still I soak their mentality, traditions, culture and history. They are still so locked in their culturally conditioned behaviour, superstitions, crazy traditions, hierarchy, gods and gurus. The rich can do whatever they want, corruption is almost public, bureaucracy shotproof and the middle class is immersed in consumerism completely blind to the plight of the underprivileged. Life is extremely tough here.

I think everyone looking for spirituality in India would be quite shocked. "India is not a country, but experience" as one lady put it.

Harmony, I can recommend visiting Goa. There are beautiful healing energies at Palolem beach, especially where the river joins the sea at the right end of the beach. It is a touristy place, yet very magic. There are only little huts there, not expensive hotel. Really beautiful spot.

Reni

Hi Reni,

You asked some good and very pertinent questions...

"I would like to ask you - What happens to the emotions in an enlightened state? Do they stop creating karma if they come from the soul and not ego? Are they somehow transformed?"

In an enlightened state, we still have emotions. But they ebb and flow with the soul not the ego. And they don't build up in the emotional body waiting to trip us up. So the liberated soul flows down through the various bodily vehicles creating a feeling of "Right Action" which emotions get built around giving them that wonderful sense of human beingness. Importantly though, in an enlightened state, we do not get 'owned' by the emotions or derailed by them. And yes, we stop forming karma around them.

You also ask...

"Sometimes it is difficult to discern whether the rising emotion/feeling is godlike or ego driven."

Brilliant question! Quite frequently I hear people say "I feel to do this" as if the feeling is coming from the soul, when I'm clearly seeing thought wrapped up in emotion which is ego driven.

The only way to really know the difference is to continually observe and watch our motivations for action. Are we being owned by our actions? Are they reactions not chosen responses? Do they tighten us down or liberate us to express ourselves fully? If they tighten us down, then the invitation is to expand into the tightness, open an inner space, feel the distortion, resist reacting to its neediness, then instead, watch for and attune to a higher gift of beingness.

This last part is the hard part - knowing what's being invited. That's because it forms spontaneously when the space is made for it and we have to get used to letting go of controlling the moment. When control drops away, then fertile ground is opened for a true soulful impulse to arise - a true feeling.

This is exactly why we felt to develop our "Spiritual Compass" which helps us dissect the moment, to fully confront and embrace the various different impulses we're being subjected to. In so doing, we can pare away distorted emotion - conditioned behaviours - and instead align with authentic gifts of beingness. To allow freedom of authentic expression to burst forth (anyone interested can read all about it here...Openhand Approach).

Chris

Hi

I would like to share with you my recent experiences with crow medicine. I was in Glastonbury last weekend and went into one of the shops, feeling a pull to the animal medicine cards, I drew out the crow. Since then I seem to be hearing their call every where and this morning one was sitting right outside of my window and calling very loudly! So I looked up a little more information on the internet and this is what I found:

'Crow is the guardian of ceremonial magic and healing. In any healing circle, Crow is present. Crow guides the magic of healing and the change in consciousness that will bring about a new reality and dispel "dis-ease" or illness. You can rest assure when ever crows are around, magic is near by and you are about to experience a change in consciousness. Crow can give you the courage to enter the darkness of the void, which is the home of all that is not yet in form.
If you have a crow as a totem, you need to be willing to walk your talk and speak your truth. You must put aside your fear of being a voice in the wilderness and "caw" the shots as you see them. Crow is an omen of change. If he keeps appearing to you he may be telling you that you have a powerful voice when addressing issues that you do not quite understand or feel that they are out of balance.

Crows are the bringer of messages from the spirit world, and is thought to dwell beyond the realm of time and space.

When you meet crow, he could be telling you that there will be changes in your life and that possibly you should step by the usual way you view reality and look into the inner realms …walk your talk…be prepared to let go of your old thinking and embrace a new way of viewing yourself and the world.

Crow is the sacred keeper of the law. Crow medicine signifies a firsthand knowledge of a higher order of right and wrong than that indicated by the laws created in human culture. With Crow medicine, you speak in a powerful voice when addressing issues that for you seem out of harmony, out of balance, out of whack, or unjust.

When you learn to allow your personal integrity to be your guide, your sense of feeling alone will vanish. Your personal will can then emerge so that you will stand in your truth. The prime path of true Crow people says to be mindful of your opinions and actions. Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life’s mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self. Allow the bending of physical laws to aid in creating the shape shifted world of peace'.

Over the last few months (as you can read from my post here) I have been dropping into deeper and deeper states, there has been alot around 'speaking my truth' from a place beyond right and wrong, good and bad. The darkness that I have been exploring has indeed gone to the deepest of depths and I have surfaced again and again with more expanded awareness. Although as I have been aware of moving towards Gateway 3 there used to be a sense of urgency around this process. Recently I have found myself letting go of so much including expectations of 'being transfigured'.

Its as though form has moved through to formlessness and everything has become still and quiet inside...the eye before the storm maybe?

A calm sense of peace and acceptance inside where I can no longer hold onto any concepts or thoughts around anything.

I would also like to explore Opposing Consciousness a little if I may? I know it is common for people to fear it which can sometimes generate an inner battle, of something we must get rid off. Although I completely understand and accept its effects I have always been somewhat dis interested in it, like I know its there but dont feel I need to focus or work with it in any way, and I am wondering if it has to do with different configurations again? That for some reason I just seem to look past its existence. When I have converstaions with others about it I dont feel the need to speak of it or explore its effects at this level? I am curious as to know why? Or is there some thing I may have missed that would be useful to explore?

I have also been having waking dreams around dispelling negative entities that have attached to people in some form or other. I often fantasise about being called as a spiritual warrior to 'fight' (through non fighting!) the effects and distortions of such energies?

Could you shed any light on these daydreams and where they may originate in my consciousness?

Love and sunshine to all

Harmony

Fascinating that you are receiving the energy of the Crow.
Crow spoke to me a lot during my Gateway 3 transition too.
x

Hi Gwen,

"Crow medicine" is powerful indeed - it's helped me a great deal during my journey. I often hear its 'caw' sparking my attention even now.

You ask...

"I have also been having waking dreams around dispelling negative entities that have attached to people in some form or other. I often fantasise about being called as a spiritual warrior to 'fight' (through non fighting!) the effects and distortions of such energies?"

For me crow is all about exploring the 'dark side' - in terms of how we can be derailed by Opposing Consciousness whilst ego and karmic filters are still present.

One way to deal with Opposing Consciousness is basically to give no energy to it - no attention. Attention is what draws it to us. So if we're in fear of it then we may suffer the effects of that energy. It plays within the psyche causing us to derail ourselves.

Denial or ignorance of it though can also be derailing. Essentially, Opposing Consciousess may give energy to an authentic feeling which then distorts our delivery of Right Action into the world. I've actually talked about this in my book under Gateway 3 (and 4). I've spoken of how there comes a point where because we're now 'lighting up' in the fourth dimension, we start to draw that energy to us. It frequently tries to fool evolving souls by appearing to side with them.

To give you an example, I was gifted by benevolence a spiritual name as I stepped into Gateway 4 - the name is "Open". However a subtle identity grew around the name - due to a karmic filter. I found huge empowerment around it, 'doors' seemed to open for me at will. There was incredible ability to manifest within the material world - seemingly I even had the power to change traffic lights! But it didn't take long for me to realise something was not quite right.

I realised that Opposing Consciousness had tapped into this karmic filter of a past "successful" spiritual teacher. I realised the help I was getting was not benevolent, even though I was manifesting material success. So I had to break the internal connection with it. Having done that, I came under sustained psychic attack from that energy which has previously supported me. This is how Opposing Consciousness is working to build 'false prophet' identities that I've spoken of in my book.

That's why an awareness of Opposing Consciousness and its affects is pretty important - but not to get too absorbed within it as some do. I'd say you need to proceed carefully. You've made some major changes which I do feel are very positive, however now might be the time to tread a little more gently, take stock of the shifts within the inner world and give plenty of time for the changes to integrate before making further big changes in the outer world - I'd say that's what's being invited now.

Crow can help you. He'll call to you. Watch your motivations keenly.

Chris

Thank you Chris

Yes, its has been happening over the last few days and now you have mentioned your experience when I think of these daydreams they sort of envelop me as if I am sitting in a cloud bubble having these thoughts. And now as I bring my awareness to them they are always very mind based dream/thoughts! If that makes sense? Something about them feels a bit self righteous and arrogant.

THANK YOU

This has greatly helped me in discerning how they effects of oppossing consciousness feels in my energy fireld.

I shall indeed take stock of the recent shifts and make the space for integration.

So thats maybe why I have been feeling SOOOOO tired, achy, no energy from not doing much? SLOW down and take stock.

Thank you!

I was wondering if it was intentional that you called me Gwen?

The recent 5 gateways post from last weekend course sounds very powerful indeed!

With Love & Caution

Harmony

Hey Harmony,

Great that you resonate. The name issue was merely a 'slip' - yet you're right to notice the synchronicity.

Your name feels wonderful. To me the synchronicity was around making sure that the essence of Gwen is the source of Harmony and to be wary that nothing comes along to embellish that.

Much love

Chris

Hi Everyone

I would like to discuss the qualities of being an empath. I have recently been on a journey of exploring my own emphatic nature.

By really being present and holding an open space when facilitating or talking with someone I often start picking up on their feelings, and can become teary or other emotions, while sharing the space.

Sometimes I find it hard to determine which are my emotions and which are theirs. So I was wondering if you could offer any advice on knowing the difference and also if their are any techniques to help shift the emotion, or go more deeply into them.

Sometimes they are speaking to me and I have a sense that they are holding the emotion inside, and not fully expressing or feeling it themselves. I would be grateful for any advice!

Very much looking forward to transfiguration!

Love

Harmony

Hi Harmony,

Great questions indeed. Actually these are the very subjects we'll be covering on the stage 2 of the Facilitators Program you're involved with.

Having that empathic gift is amazing. It means we can help 'heal' others (as in help activate greater soul infusion and harmony) plus we can negate the effects of opposing consciousness in the field. Some souls came here specifically for that purpose - to send out a particular frequency and 'balance the (energetic) playing field' so to speak. I suspect that's one of your purposes for this incarnation.

I'd say the first and most important thing is to get used to your own new frequencies that are infusing. I know that you've been centering in your own energies recently and that feels really positive. If you're struggling to determine which emotions are yours and which are theirs, that would seem to indicate the importance of this. I can remember being a little confused with this myself running workshops in the earlier days - but I kept focusing on my own internal frequencies until I could clearly establish the difference - I just had a knowing about my own vibration.

After that, when we do begin to work with other people's situations and energy, I've found it helps to direct attention by asking questions. So you might feel something inside yourself, be pretty clear it's not you and then then ask the other person about how they are feeling. I've found it pays to begin with questions that are more broad and then to focus down so as not to be too suggestive or directional. It always going to be more effective if the person we're working with is empowered to make their own realisations.

So the questioning should direct them and you to their feelings. Then I'd ask them why they thought they were feeling that? They may well not know immediately but be patient, keep working with it by holding the energy around it. If you do, you'll likely get a knowing or a feeling about what's going on for them which you can drop in at the appropriate time.

The next part (although it all should flow seamlessly), is to get them to keep feeling what's going on for them in response to the exchange. So as they're thinking, there may be a tendency to get into the mind about the situation - so keep bringing the person back into what they're feeling. When I feel someone's pain in my body, I'll tell them that's what I'm feeling and get them to place their attention there. Then I'll bring energy into that place within my own body. I'll keep asking them how the energy is moving and shifting - this keeps their attention on the energy and therefore keeps things moving, shaping, changing and unfolding.

As I said, this is exactly what we'll be doing on the facilitators course next. In the meantime, I'd suggest playing with it as and when it comes up. Yet bear in mind that you'll be much more effective with this when your own energies have truly settled. If you're uncertain about the pace to move things forwards, trust of course in the universe - that everything will happen in its own due time.

I remember many times when new gifts have begun to activate for me. It can be a difficult time - a yearning to activate them yet they have to come in at their own speed.

I'm certain you'll unveil powerful empathic gifts!

Chris

Hi Harmony,

It would be wonderful to start an empathy discussion thread. There is so much to explore on this topic.

I just felt moved to answer your question and discerning the difference between your emotions and theirs...

This is something I have looked at very closely for many years now (being a heightened empath myself). If you are unable to differentiate the difference between yours and theirs then it doesn't really matter. The only reason that 'their' energy is getting stuck within you is because you have something within you for it to get stuck on. This is the single most important thing to work on as your gift evolves. The invitation is then to let go of that which is blocked within yourself. Discerning what is yours and what is theirs should then become a lot clearer.

When your own energy is clear you feel 'their' energy clearly as 'theirs' and it won't even raise a hair for you. It would be a clear and objective experience. If you are divinely given to, you can then release that energy within you, as a co-creative process with the other - which will in turn release it within the other.

See it as a gift to unravel any inner tightness and distortions that you have yourself first. As we unveil this gift we are given more and more responsibility in what to do with it.

With Love
Trinity

Thank you Chris and Trinity for your replies above.

During the Transfiguration course I had many opportunities to explore these immerging energies within myself.

Connecting with the group energy and really feeling my energy and the groups energy was a very deep experience indeed!

Although tiring to begin with, it felt as though I was sitting in the group with another layer of the onion peeled away from my consciousness.

Exploring these deeper layers is something that I will continue to work with and am very pleased that we will be covering exactly this on the next facilitators course!

As we said goodbye at the recent course I remember talking to you Chris, and although I cant remember the conversation leading up to it, I remember feeling a rising of energy within me..and said spontaneously "This is what I am here for!" it was very passionate and with such certainty.

My soul had spoken...time slowed for a moment as the words truly integrated into my consciousness followed by a huge smile inside.

The whole course seemed to have lead me to a greater understanding of my true purpose here, from the deeper connection I experienced with Gaia and humanity to the gathering and interaction with other star people.

The sweat lodge seemed to be working multi dimensionally for me ...the self realisations made during the course were not only about my own true nature but far beyond to the nature of humanity, the earth and our purpose for being here at this time.

I feel I have touched something truly profound. I can see the magic of the story within the story of my week in Wales with a group of very beautiful souls indeed.

Much Love

Harmony