Thank you for sharing Peter and welcome to the Openhand forum. Keep walking the path, moving in the right direction and allow the radiance of your soul to shine forth.
With Love
Trinity

"...not only for myself, but for the entire humanity. And that's my hurt, it pulls me back it seems. I feel guilty when I see other people suffer."

I feel the same from time to time... There are times when I SENCE all of the pain on Mother Earth to its greatest intensity, and in those times, my MIND tries to lure me off the path: It tells me that even the path towards "Enlightenment" is a selfish and egoistic one... and it’s a LOGIC statement I think... I mean; what’s the point of getting "enlightened" by and for myself in order to feel the bliss, love and joy inside ME, whilst the majority of my brothers and sisters are suffering in SO MUCH PAIN.

But the REAL THUTH is that no one can shed light on others unless he himself is filled with light and therefore shines with his full glory of the Divine Light. Only then, can one shed light to others. Gandhi once said: "be the change you want to see in the world" and I guess that’s just another way of putting it…

I also, just like you, know that the time is here and the time is now…. Love and light will prevail, and we are chosen by our self’s to be here at this time to make it happen!!

With love and light,
//M

PS. Watch this message from Little Grandmother! It’s really engaging and encouraging!! She definitely touched my heart with her wisdom and her love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK5OOfEmut4

Hi Meno & Pieter,

Thanks for this heart-felt out-pouring. Maybe I can help ease the self-realisation burden a little?

It's a common misconception that in Enlightenment we feel only bliss, joy and love inside of ourselves. And yes, this sometimes makes people feel selfish about following their true path.

In my experience, in Enlightenment, the pain doesn't get less, it actually gets greater, it just matters less!

In Enlightenment, we feel the pain of another as if it were our own. In fact we can feel the whole of humanity's pain and Gaia too. Yet we know ourselves as the pure, unadulterated and inviolable presence which is beyond the pain. Pain is merely an experience. Ultimately it is an illusion.

In accepting the path of Enlightenment, it means increasingly we become able to truly step into another's shoes and empathise with them. I don't mean synmpathise. From my perspective to sympathise with another means we take on their pain and allow it to burden us as it burdens them. To empathise means being able to stand in the space of another and hold it open for them to go deep into their pain. We hold that open space without contracting. Even if they might blame and project at us.

This makes you a truly powerful facilitator and catalyst for others. It means you become empowered to help many. In my view, that's why self-realisation is not at all selfish!

Chris

Thanks for your words Chris; you always seem to ease the burden somehow...

Just to clarify my point, I do actually agree with you: self-realization is not selfish at all, and even if there have been moments when my mind have been telling me the opposite (due to what I explained above), my heart have always known the REAL TRUTH (also explained above).

/M

Either way, thank you all for responding.

I feel very good lately, but sometimes everything just gets too much (or so it seems).

I have been on anti-psychotics and anti-depressives from 2001, up until februari 2009. When I finally could say goodbye to most of that medication, I started to feel again.

So it sometimes seems, you can imganine I think, that I feel everything a bit more intense, just because I didn't really feel (and exist...) all those years...

I think it's wise for me to give everything time to reorganize itself. I really do feel Gaia's pain, but I usually also feel her strength, her joy and everything else. I just tend to cry when that happens, because it's so beautiful.

I'm just so happy to know that Gaia's dream is still so alive .

That's it for now, I wanted to respond sooner but I couldn't think of anything earlier. Hmmmm, but I guess you would be the last people to go yell at me that I should have responded sooner .

Take care!

Hi Pieter,

Thank you for the poem, it's very inspiring and your sharing, I admire your courage! Sounds like a powerful time for you

Chris's comment that "the pain doesn't get less, it actually gets greater, it just matters less!" resonates with me too.

Om shanti

Hi again Pieter,

You said "I wanted to respond sooner but I couldn't think of anything earlier".

I think it's great that you waited, one of the many things I've learned (or am continuing to learn ) with Openhand and life is - in any given moment to simply feel and be with whatever is. Just to truly be in the moment and from that place, what to do may naturally arise when the time is right, not pushing anything, doing nothing as necessary... simply following the guidance of the soul - thank you for the sweet reminder!

Blessings, Fiona

Btw - Chris and Trinity are away at the Transfiguration course

Thanks ,...

Yesterday I had to do something I didn't like very much.... but still it was beautiful.

I had to say goodbye to a friend's father, who is in his very last phase, dying of lungcancer....

I said goodbye, that I would miss him and if he wanted to say hi to everybody 'up there'. And, in some sense, I really meant that. My eyes get watery again as I type this... But it's ok, they are there for a reason...

Just wanted to share...

Love,...

Hi Pieter and all:

I loved your poem and the discussion. To understand the way you feel a bit better and the history of your soul that contributes towards the way you feel, you may wish to have a look at the Jeshua Changelings web site by Pamela Kribbe http://www.jeshua.net/.

Pamela has channeled the material from Jeshua (Jesus) - yes, even she had her doubts originally! Although I definitely feel that not all so-called channeled material can be trusted and there is always some input from the channel the words Pamela channels have real resonance with me (resonates with many of my internal journeys/struggles on both the spiritual and material planes), so I trust it and it also agrees with much of the Openhand Philosophy (in my opinion anyway!).

All of the information is worth reading (you can even buy her book, which I highly recommend). If you go to the section on Lightworkers 1 it describes how many of us undergoing the awakening progress at the moment are old souls (in a cosmic sense - reincarnated many times at many times/locations in the cosmos), but relatively late comers to Earth (though reincarnated many times on Earth as well) who have chosen to come here at this time to aid in the awakening process of both humanity and mother Earth and to overcome karma from our past lives).

The problem is, with everything going on in the world right now, we have problems accepting the darkness until we awaken to our Christ consciousness - according to the channeled material, this is the unique thing about humans in the universe (in terms of living beings), our ability to act as spiritual alchemists to transcend light-dark duality and obtain this third way of being (the christ consciousness of non judgementalism, amongst other things).

We are lightworkers and are here to re-discover the messages of our souls (our light-selves), but this is not without heartache and difficulty, but as Chris said, it is all part of the great plan of evolution of the universe. I hope the link helps.

In love and light, Seagull!!

'channelings' in the previous posting NOT 'changelings'! Tho' maybe that makes sense too! I really must take some typing lessons....!

Very interesting, and much more...

Especially since I felt so much and so little at the same time for so long...

Thank you for the link.

Hello all...

Just wanted to share some things again...

As I said earlier I said goodbye to a loved one, and his funeral was yesterday, well actually friday. I cried so much it left skinmarks where my tears were, it's all red, mostly from my right eye. But I could let myself go, give in to the hurting, which was very relieving and felt good.

Today I went to a birthday party of a good friend. It was very nice and cozy, and i found myself in a very comptemplative mood, which was actually triggered by another good friend of mine. He was also there at the funeral, one of my closest friends, and he was the one comforting me on the place of the burial. I'm so happy that I have such a good friend who knew what I needed at that particular moment.

He was, after having smoked a lot of marihuana (which I don't do anymore for a very long time now) gazing at the stars and I joined him. I was totally sober, but as I feel a certain amount of enlightenment all the time, I can relate to almost anybody when I feel like it.

Then something hit me... After having the (christian) funeral, where they discussed the revelations book of the bible, and saying that heaven (the new Jerusalem) would descend onto Earth (which I think is happening to people like me and many others), I thought a lot about the light and stuff.

I was thinking.

If man could look forever up to the nightsky, and would have enough time to let all the light come to him, wouldn't there be no darkness anymore, if only he looked close enough? Wouldn't there be nothing left but light?

In fact, would there be anything else but light?

Then I began thinking from a meta-perspective, it happens sometimes, started 'thinking' beyond myself, more from a universal flowing peaceful stream, which I felt myself to be swimming in, and I felt so rich, can hardly describe, yet trying to....

And this all was triggered by that one friend, who said: "Do you see those four stars over there? If there would be one more you could make a big star out of them, if there were five." Then we looked both to the same spot (can't prove it was the same spot, yet I know), and both saw the fifth star appear, and it felt like magic. I know it's the way it is, that you have to look at the sky for longer to let the light of more stars get to you so you can see them, and more and more. But it was the magic that I felt inside. It also seemed so long since the nightsky was so bright, or was it just too long ago I took a close look?

The only thing I feel now, is that I am tired. It's late (or early) and I need my sleep.

Whoever reads this, if it just doesn't make sense or acutally does, please react, I'm sometimes feeling a bit on my own when I talk or write about those things (I know I'm not but still).

Sincerely,

Pieter.

P.S.

I still hurt, but in a good way. The next lyrics describe it very well (for me).

'Bright Lights'

Cast your mind back to the days,
When I pretend' I was OK.
I had so very much to say,
About my crazy livin'.
Now that I've stared into the void,
So many people, I've annoyed.
I have to find a middle way,
A better way of givin'.

So I haven't given up,
That all my choices, my good luck...
Appear to go and get me stuck,
In an open prison.
Now I am tryin' to break free,
In a state of empathy.
Find the true and inner me,
Eradicate this schism.

No-one can take it away from me,
And no-one can tear it apart.
'Cause a heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.
A heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.

A heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.
No-one can take it away from me,
No-one can tear it apart.
It may be elaborate fantasy,
But it's the perfect place to start.

'Cause a heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.
A heart that hurts,
Is a heart that... works.

Hi Pieter,
I think some people are afraid they might say unwise things when answering so they'd rather not - I think the same sometimes but still feel that communication is more important - anyway, I have read your comments and would like to reply, just don't have the leisure to do so right now so give me one or two days...

Love and good wishes to you,
Tasneem

Hi Pieter,
you write really beautiful poems and I liked what you said to introduce your poem:
"I still hurt but in a good way."
Even as a child I was somewhat doubtful when people said that the most important thing in life was happiness. Yes, I understand that we are biologically programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain, but what many people understand as happiness is basically living like the Buddha before he was exposed to the real world, the one outside of his well-protected palace where he would see people who were sick, aging and dying.
Pain is a reality in our lives and it does hurt tremendously when we lose someone we love. By accepting that, you have created space inside and also made new connections (4 stars plus one create a whole new formation with a new meaning). And it sounds like you also connected with some kind of cosmic consciousness.
I understand the ‘revelation’ of heaven descending into the earth and the light coming down in a spiritual /energetic way. – Our path back to the divine consists in becoming increasingly transparent to the light/the divine/the truth of our soul by illuminating (shedding light on) the dark spaces inside and transforming them. On this path, we are greatly assisted by all kinds of ‘divine helpers’ who send their light from above. May be, I explained this in somewhat simplistic terms, but basically what I wanted to say is that the more space you create inside the more light will flow through you and the more you will be at one with everything.
If the darkness will ever completely disappear – I don’t know, but at that moment, the divine play – consisting of polar opposites which come into harmony at a higher level, only to divide up again, etc. etc. – would come to an end; there would be nothing left to learn, nothing to strive for, no mirror to look into. It would be a different reality altogether.

At the moment it seems to me more that both forces, the light and the dark, are gaining momentum and getting ready to face each other on a major level.

And one last thing: May be you feel that you are on your own when you talk and write about those things because those are the moments when you come into contact with your ‘existential aloneness’ which just means that the more you feel connected with the divine, the more you also paradoxically feel that your path is your very own and you have to walk it alone. Ultimately, there is nobody who is able to understand you 100%, there is nobody and nothing to hold onto (no place to rest your head – as the Bible puts it). Richard Moss once gave a really beautiful talk on OUR MOTHER EXISTENCE, OUR FATHER AWARENESS (I really wished I hadn’t lost that age-old tape…).

Hope this serves you somewhat.

With Love to everybody,
Tasneem

P.S. One more thing that I remembered in connection with this: A few years ago, there was a major fire accident in one of the tunnels in the Swiss Alps. At that time, they did not have enough emergency exits and there was smoke and fire everywhere so a lot of people got trapped and died. The few people who did survive were the ones guided by an experienced firefighter who was aware that in order to survive they had to act counterintuitively. - They had to walk right into and through the fire rather than away from it. Don't ask me how this works technically, but I think it contains an amazing message for all of us. The same one that Chris posted this morning in connection with the suicide theme: The only way out is through!

Hi Pieter,

As Tasneem so rightly said, there will be many people out there who might want to respond to your post but, for whatever reason, don’t quite manage it in the end. That's not to say they don't share an affinity with the feelings you've expressed.

I just wanted to say you’re not alone, although it may seem like it at times, especially when you are feeling raw pain and grief in the immediate aftermath of bereavement.
Having experienced a number of family losses over the years, I can empathise with at least some of what you are going through and I’d like to offer my sincere condolences and support you at this challenging time.

The death of a much loved close relative, whether sudden or expected, can be initially focussed on that puzzling question, why? (in its many variations) and being consumed by a rollercoaster of emotions, but may also be underpinned by a sense of trying to make sense of/decipher the true meaning of life (expressed as where am I going/what’s it all about? or some other metaphor).

So the Placebo track you mentioned, Pieter, is very illuminating. Literally heart-wrenching as you’ve found but the lyrics also refer to feelings deep in your heart, and I believe this is a positive sign, something I think you’ve already recognised. Those special memories of what the person meant to you and how this has triggered and stirred deeper feelings within about your own path in life, our connections with divine consciousness and becoming more enlightened.

For me, connecting with the heart is one of the keys to embracing any change; again I sense you have been aware of this before now.

My suggestion would be to honour any feelings which arise in the weeks and months ahead, as you’ve already started to do. Take it day-by-day, go with the flow, whether that involves meeting up with family or friends or spending time on your own, being active or having a break, or continuing to share your thoughts via this website.
Be gentle and patient with yourself in beginning to come to terms with what has happened. Everyone is different in their reactions to bereavement and it is a journey of adjusting and adapting to the new, in much the same way as life itself.

To finish, a quote I encountered recently:

Our heart is the voice of the soul.
Listen carefully and in its beating you
will hear the fluttering of angel wings

(Unknown author)

Hope this post helps in some way.

Best wishes/keep well,

Andy

Thank you Tasneem and Andy for responding, it felt good to read it.

Yes, the poems (as they are referred to by some) I sent are lyrics from music bands, which I like. I find much comfort and rest in music, I think: "Why should I write down stuff, if almost everyhing is already written?" On the other hand I know I could be a good writer, but that's yet a talent I could explore I guess... until then I'll just copy/paste .

The quote you (Andy) shared is very beautiful to me, and it describes very well how I feel lately.
Furthermore I think your suggestion to 'go with the flow' and let all feelings 'happen' is just the way to handle things at this moment, thank you for 'confirming' what I already knew (feels good, I'm in need of confirmation at many times to be honest).

To react to what you (Tasneem) said about that you understand the 'revelation of heaven' in a spiritual/energetic way: that's how I meant it too. I just found it strange it all made so much sense, because I suddenly seemed to see what it should be after puzzling and misinterpreting many things for so long.

You know what guys? I feel kind of guilty... Asking for a response wile I didn't even look at all other people's comments posting their everyday stuff and dealing with all kinds of things...

I hope I will be able to help other people with such things soon. In fact, I do not only hope that, I'm gonna try and make it happen.

Love (is all around),

Sincerely,

Pieter.