Hi Allen,

Thanks so much for your sharing - and for being so honest!
For me, the first key in overcoming addictions is to be honest to ourselves about our behaviours and motivations for doing things.

In my book Gateways of Light, I felt moved to write about addictions and the way I was guided to overcome them. Here's an excerpt from the book which might help...

4. Dealing with distortions and addictive behaviour: confront and deal with all arising distortions and addictive behaviour
So how do we deal with the distortions? We could try to resist or conceal them by switching our attention to a more favoured reality. However, we can only avoid the truth for so long. What we resist persists and sooner or later our conditioned behaviours will reappear although perhaps this time in some other guise which may be even more difficult to spot.

In my experience, the key to dealing with distortions is to realise each conceals a divine gift of beingness and to ultimately unveil that instead. So for example, someone might smoke because it gives them the feeling of relaxed completeness - this feeling is already present as a condition of our soul. We simply need to peel away the internal barriers to that experience. Here is a five step process for dealing with all types of addictive behaviour which can help greatly...

(i) Accept the distortion has a purpose: First, accept the distortion is there for a purpose which is to help us learn something about ourselves. If we contemplate this deeply and don’t allow ourselves to be judged for the behaviour (everyone has similar issues of one form or another), then we find that we can be awesomely okay with the ‘problem’.

(ii) Don’t fight the distortion: When we are awesomely okay with something, we don’t tighten internally around the issue and do not make it worse than it already is. So rather than fighting the behaviour, experience it as much as we want to. For example, if we cannot resist eating chocolate, smoking, drinking, being angry or controlling etc. keep on doing it, be absolutely clear not to feel bad about it, but also be completely honest about the distortion.

(iii) Ask what the problem reflects about what we are being?
When we are satiated with our ‘fix’ which each distortion fulfills, ask "what does this behaviour give me on the inside?" With anger it might be the release of frustration; with drinking it might be the feeling of confidence; with arrogance it might be self esteem. Now settle into that positive feeling which the repetitive cycle has provided, knowing that the feeling is inside of us all the time without the need of the addictive behaviour to initiate it.

(iv) Stoke the inner flame: Over time, we will discover an ‘inner flame’ - the soul - which begins to smolder around the authentic feelings and becomes stronger the more we focus on them. The more we stoke the developing flame, the stronger it becomes until ultimately, we realise it is the ONLY worthwhile thing having. Then we discover that the addiction has downsides that can diminish or even extinguish this inner flame.

(v) When the flame is high enough, make the higher choice: Once we have discovered how to find the flame without any external influence and we know that the distortion ultimately extinguishes the flame, then at some point, we will be ready to give up the addiction and make the higher choice; that which has the power to make us feel good the whole time. There are likely to be many occasions before that point is reached where we give in to the addictive behaviour; be awesomely okay with that, but keep watching and being completely honest with ourselves about it. Eventually we will make the realisation that nothing can ignite our destined flame of beingness, but our own inner focus; however, the inner flame has to be high enough first in order to make that authentic choice.

The key is to remember that the experience of relaxed completeness is what we already are and all we really need to do is remove the barriers to that sublime state. If we confront the distortion, then we can release it and move through it. Avoidance simply delays the inevitable causing more suffering; the only way out is through.

I trust this helps!

Chris

Thank you for the advise Chris, I am a smoker and part of the reason I do smoke is that when I was younger I would experience strong premonitory when I didn't smoke, at the time I didn't know what to do with these premonitions and being in a society that though you were nuts, it was easier to smoke then to acknowledge them, and I sure there is a few dozen other reason that I smoke, that I am not totally aware of. My second one is eating meat, as a child I didn't like meat but was told so many time that I needed to eat it to be healthy, now I like it, but I don't know why because I know of the cruelty that animals go though and I am disgusted in my self for eating it. Today when I was out driving, I drove behind a ute with a trailer full of pigs, they were packed in so tight that they were falling on top of each other, as the driver turned the corner I drove along side honking and cursing him for his cruelty, apart from my reaction not being very healthy, I went and had a chicken sandwich for lunch, hows that for hypocritical. I will give you suggestions a go.

Heartfelt thanks to you Chris for responding so quickly to my posting on addictions.

I have read with great interest what has been said in your reply.

I am feeling that my attachment to guilt (yet another distortion)is the prime reason why I feel so frustrated and unhappy with myself. I had simply chosen not to look and learn from them.

I now hear my soul asking "does this behaviour (addiction/distortion) really serve me"?

I now accept my addictions and choose not to be so hard on myself.

Many Blessings - Allen

Fascinating subject guys. For some reason it seems very relevent at this time. Perhaps that mid-winter comfort seeking thing? and also perhaps because society seems kind of geared towards people being addicted to things, and reliant on other things, in order to live within it and to maintain society's illusion.

The way I see it addictions often seem to stem from the body/mind craving for something it feels it lacks, but which is actually something that it is perfectly able to produce itself but for one reason or another feels it doesn't need to (generally because its getting something similar from another source). It still has the ability to create it within, but while the addictive substance or behaviour is still being used, the bodymind may not feel a particular need or impulse to produce it itself. The thing is, as you allude to Chris, the sensation of satisfying the craving is merely a mirror to an authentic state, one that can be achieved naturally. Therefore if we can bring about this state, naturally, then no more addiction! As it was explained to me - when people attempt to 'give up' an addictive substance they often experience the 'cold turkey' syndrome, because for a while at least the body has become so used receiving a certain chemical or feeling from an external source that for a while it still keeps expecting/waiting for something external to satiate its desire. and this can lead to feelings of depletion etc because for a short time neither the body nor the external source is providing that 'hit', which is why it may be initially hard break the pattern. The body-mind may have become used to not having to provide that thing for itself. so, it may take a little time, a little pause, before it can get into gear again!
So basically I think that's what physical addictions at least are - when the body's become used to and partially dependent on something external acting as catalyst to pleasurable reactions that in fact it is perfectly capable of creating on its own. and I imagine this is similar for mind or emotional based addictions too.
and I feel another thing which is really important that you and allen also mentioned was not being hard on yourself or indulging guilt feelings (another addiction?!) but as much as possible just being the observer of what's going on. watching and being okay with it. Then be honest with the motivations behind the addiction and keep asking 'does this really serve?' but without judgement(!) and meanwhile allowing for a retraining or reminding for the bodymind to help it find that feeling naturally again. then finally when the balance shifts enough, just let it go!

Hi Ben - thanks for the contribution - a powerful one indeed.

Who reading this has watched that awesome film "Good Will Hunting"? It's about a young maths genius whose life is scarred deeply by his disfunctional upbringing. He's assigned a psychiatrist who helps him unravel the twisted knots of conditioning and distortion.

For me, there's a hugely powerful scene which greatly inspired me. It's where the character is helped to realise he is not to blame for all the pain, anguish and suffering he has taken on. Frequently, it's my experience in the work we do here at Openhand, that people often carry the blame and guilt for their lives without even knowing it. It's only when we're helped to go back into the darkness that we can really see where the addictive and distorted behaviour came from and that we're not to blame for it.

One of the hardest addictions I had to overcome was sugar. I remember recently being on a plane back from Australia with a family of four sat next to me. It was a long flight and naturally quite restless for the couple's two young children. Do you know what their solution was for their children's boredom? Every time the children became restless, they would simply give them sweets or chocolate. Can you imagine the conditioning that builds up?

So the children are not to blame for the addictions that have taken root - and neither were the parents. They too will be reacting from similar conditioning from their own upbringing and from society - especially from big business that wants us to eat as much sugar as possible!

When we can truly accept that we are not to blame, it means we can delve much deeper within - the internal barriers seem to melt away. We can bring all our darkness out into the light without feelings of guilt. This is not only liberating but amazingly empowering. It means we can be honest about our motivations for doing things both with ourselves and others.

Neither is there any shame in being "wrong". This is a huge problem within the conditioning of society - there's great importance placed on being "right" and often a great deal of energy given to covering up 'transgressions'. How often do you hear a politician own up to being wrong? And how does there restriction then confine them? It means they ALWAYS have to defend their point of view when in actual fact, TRUTH needs no defence.

I remember my father rarely, if ever, gave credit to my point of view. As far as he was concerned, he was always "in the right"; it caused me to rebel and generated a great deal of antagonism between us and when I became responsible for the upbringing of children, I was clear in my own beingness, that this approach was pretty meaningless. Can you imagine how powerful it is for a ten year old child to hear his father admit that he is not perfect and to accept responsibility for any disharmony between them? I can tell you it has an amazing effect!

So we have nothing to fear at all from the distortions we carry - and for me, there's absolutely no problem in being honest to others about them. Honesty, then is another powerful key. That's why in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, addicts always share by first admitting their addiction both to themselves and to others.

In this way then, we're empowered to take responsibility for our lives in a way we've never done before... nobody else is responsible for the life we're creating but ourselves. That means we can take ownership of EVERY SINGLE event and circumstance. And when we finally accept this, it empowers us to become the masters of circumstance not the victims of it because ultimately, we realise we ALWAYS have a choice.

So we are not to blame. And at the same time, we ARE responsible for the lives we create.

Chris

A while ago, I discovered a book by Kathleen DesMaisons PhD called Potatoes not Prozac. It's about people (and there are millions of them) who are sugar sensitive.

For me, it was like reading the story of my life. I had a mother addicted to sweets (and still is at 93!) and a grandfather on my father's side who committed suicide while in recovery from alcoholism. So genetically, I was primed and ready to go - I was addicted to sugar before I was born.

The book explains just how dangerous sugar is and how it affects our brain chemistry changing our levels of seratonin and beta-endorphin so that life becomes an endless cycle of highs and lows.

It's not only sugar that does this. The body breaks down all carbohydrates into glucose. The speed at which it does so affects your blood sugar level which in turn affects the way your brain chemicals function. So all the simple sugars and all the simple starches like white flour products, white rice and pasta are potentially bad news for your brain chemistry and affect how you function as a human being.

I can thoroughly recommend this book to anyone who has a problem with alcohol, chocolate, sweets or probably most of the things you feel you need to eat or drink to make you feel "good".

It certainly helped me to understand my own addictions and, as you say Chris, to know that I'm not to blame for having them.

Synchronistically, it also ties in with the diet discussions we were having. There are ethical reasons for our food choices but there is also compelling evidence that healthy eating can dramatically improve the way we think and feel and function.

During her research, the author worked in a rehabilitation centre for alcoholics. She observed that the vast majority of addicts went back to their addiction. She introduced a healthy eating programme and achieved a long term recovery rate of over 90%!

The expression "you are what you eat" has never seemed more true.

clive

1. Personal experience:

I just was thinking about it during the last week!

I found experimentally what food regime makes me feel and function well and what food causes me troubles...

Once in a month I allow myself to go out and eat not organic and not so "good" food, just to break the anxiety that may be caused by "food fixation" and to get myself some degree of freedom and fun (with certain limitations of course)...and definitely to check up if my food is not a new addiction.

I must say it's very helpful - this way I don't make myself get to the point of "something totally forbidden and wrong", which the child in me always would want to break

But, I found myself in trouble while visiting family and friends - what should I do? be polite and eat? to sit aside while everybody is eating? how do I look, probably like a fanatic? what do they think? maybe I offense them? etc

After some time and trying this and that, I decided to relax, wait and see what will happen (the old story, stop forcing and controling) - and after a while I saw that in each situation I might make a different decision.

What is relevant for them all - is finding my own truth at the specific moment and situation without taking into consideration what others think, which turned out to be.. an addiction.
So it's clear that dealing with one addiction revealed the other. And so it's going to be...challenge after challenge.

2. My conclusions:

So for me the most important thing is to avoid sadness, worry and anxiety while dealing with addictions or failing and be careful not to turn my path into addiction and become anxious about it.

I'm trying to see as clearly as I can the situation and the staff revealed to me and react positively and constructively, and make fun of it, as if it's a game. And here I use the "not identifying" key, the observer key, and then I decide what to do. Only after the detachment and being able to see beyond my emotions.

And.. patience! - we kind of educate ourselves, like we are parents to ourselves, and education takes time, especially when the ground is not pure and needed to be cleaned up.

3. So I just walk, less think, more feel and beleive it's going to be ok

Love,
Yulia

Hmmm I've had quite a few in my time.

Addictions , the comfort of a well worn path, you 'know' the result each time, the 'fix' is that 'knowing' being reaffirmed each time.

And yet.

And yet to let go. To let go, to acknowledge that the result is nothing but your own energy writing that path, to let go of that path means complete freedom, it's all in allowing the soul to be free and a free soul doesn't need a well worn path when it's flying, does it.