The "Thought of the day" seems very appropriate for you. Go deeper. Your answers are there, in Higher Mind. Seek and be willing. Willing to make the choice to be happy. To appreciate what you are shown and given.

Hi Tony,

Thanks for sharing and welcome to the Openhand forum. I really empathise with your story and although clearly quite on the extreme side, it is not at all that unusual - at least in the sense that awakening and awake people are caused to explore their "shadow" or "dark" side. Whilst this is usual, clearly for you, there's been quite a deep diversion down that path.

It's clear to me that it is your karma that has taken you there. I would say that you'd been very awake to the higher dimensions in a past life - which is why you remember always being awake in this one. The trouble is, that when we open to the higher dimensions, if we're not quite ready, we can draw in negative energy - Opposing Consciousness - which occupies the fourth dimension. It's purpose is to divert people from the path and to control them - that's how the 'matrix' of mass human subconsciousness has been formed.

Another clue to your predicament is in the use of 'magic mushroooms'. There are many hallucinogens out there in spiritual circles and to be quite frank, most are pretty dangerous. The problem is that they can shift our centre of consciousness dramatically, open us up very quickly to the higher dimensions and draw in the negative energy. When the drug clears and our consciousness returns back to 'normal', the entities have a stronger connection to us, yet we have no ability to access and process that energy out of our system. I've observed exactly this happening with people who take the shamanic drug ayahuasca.

I'd say it is this energy that sent you into a downward spiral and lowered your vibration. It's similar to what can happen in a sudden and premature kundalini activation but I don't get the sense that happened to you.

So the question is what is the way forwards now? How can you break the spiral?

Well getting off the drugs altogether is a good first step. Then you really need to find yourself an energy healer - someone who can help process out the negative energy. The shamans do something called 'soul-retrieval' which would help. I'd say avoid hallucinogenic drugs at all cost though.

Then I'd say you need to start meditating again and working to raise your energetic vibration - purifying and cleansing your system.

I'm certain you'd find the book "Five Gateways" of great help. It describes the evolutionary journey in detail, what exactly is going on, and what we need to do to catalyse each step. You can read about the book and get a copy here...Five Gateways

Hopefully this should get you back on track.

Blessings

Chris

Hello Tony,

welcome, I had a very similar experience like you. I remember my first oneness-experience at the age of six, I started meditating at the age of ten and was a very lightful boy. Then just like you the drugs got me when I was 13,14. (Mostly Pot, LSD and in the end Cocaine and Ketamine). This got me on the verge of suicide several times and enforced my dark side too.

What I see now is three things:

1. There was an interest in extreme experiences, as it was very intesting to explore the density of this dimension.
2. It has to do with this strong yearning of "going home". Especially LSD can really mimic that. So there is a true impulse even in drug abuse.
3. Once I took LSD and mushromms it wil both dramtically damaged my energy system as it also invited entieties into my field who very much supported my dark tendencies. (You do not need to fear them though, you are much more powerful then they are and can clean them whenever you are ready.)

I also know the two-face-thing. I had that very strong and still have it to a degree. A part may come from the entities, but for me it was also an invitation to close a chapter of my past and reintegrate these aspects of myself in a healthy way. Even if you are controlled by other beings, be aware that these entieties can't be in your field if you do not allow them to be there. They might sit on a psychic deficit or a need. Once you close that gate they cant affect you to the degree they do now. I would see them like amplifiers who really help you to see a certain aspect of yourself. Don't imagine yourself as a victim. See it as a test of your mastery!

Behind every distortion there is always a gift, so don't loose courage. Continue to love yourself with all the darkness. There will be the same amount of light somewhere.

I like the idea that if you are in a dark room, filled with all doubt, fear, self-hate and despair all you need to do is to bring a candle with your light and the darkness will vanish.
But you cant do the opposite. In a room filled with love, thankfullness, wisdom and grace, no amount of darkeness will ever have any power.

Light is so much more powerful then darkness, just never forget that. Try to find at least a spark of light in your heart and start from there. Hold on to it, expand it. Trust in yourself. Dont judge the past or any of your behaviour. See it cleary, take responsibility, but keep loving yourself. The past says nothing about your future, but only about your past.

What I found to be helpful:

1. Getting into my body. It is what was and is the most crucial point for me. I always wanted "out and up". Drugs supported that. To start to really come to terms with this plane, being in a body and staying in the body is still a practice for me. But I belive it is absolutetly necessary for any future steps.

A way to do that is to lay down and surrender to gravity. Imagine gravity is the love of Gaia, that gravity is her embracing you and really drop into that embrace. Imagine your body to be a vessel filled with all kind of energies and let gravity suck out all that is heavy, dark and dense untill you are left as clear vessel that you can fill with your light.

2. Never leave a vacuum. I found whenever I want to quit or clear something, I cant just drop it, but I have to replace it. So leaving drugs only works if you can close the vaccuum that it leaves in your life. Otherwise you will drop back sooner or later. Spiritual practice, music/art and sport are maybe the most helpful.

3. Sports, fasting, drinking a lot, diet, bodywork, breathwork, yoga. I needed to rebuild my energy-system and purify the physical body. That can be quite enjoyable actually! For me dancing is still perfect to connect to the body and my joy and to purify through sweating and emotional processing (5 Rhythms for example)

4. Changing the circle of friends, maybe move. It really helped me. I changed the city and it was a perfect choice. Other people might need the help of friends, for me a fresh start was the right decision. And try to sorround yourself with people in high vibration, maybe stay connected to a teaching you resonate with. Read uplifting things, watch the music you hear.

5. Loving myself. Also the ego. Really go into the emotions. Drugs always almost makes one insensitive to real emotions (or supress them) and I needed to process a lot once I came down.

6. Dealing with the entieties. I described my experience here: http://www.openhandweb.org/combating_psychic_attack#comment-6220

7. Connect to the softness of nature. Nature is full with organic light and has a very soft and soothing engery. Just being spending as much time outside as possible and connect to all natural was immense help for me in all dark times.

I hope some in all I wrote can help you.

David

This is a great sharing David - fantastic advice. I totally support your view that whilst encounters with Opposing Consciousness are not necessarily pleasant, they can only really access our field because we are either insensitive or we allow them there for some reason. And we can use that energy to highlight our weak spots. If we keep looking to process the negative energy that shows up, then yes indeed, it leads to mastery!

Chris

Thank you Chris. I learned a lot from our investigations in that time and much of what I shared above is thanks to the support I received from you.

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I agree. Great sharing David! It is interesting that much of what you share is appropriate for those locked in any cycle of self destructive behaviour or darkness, whether drug related or not.

People who are evolving through these experiences all seem to have one thing in common; the ability to forgive themselves, no matter what they have done.

Self destruction comes from having such a low opinion of ourselves, self-hating. It's as if we see ourselves as an invading organism that must be destroyed. Life may seem intollerable which manifests all sorts of habits and behaviours.

We cannot change what has happened already but once we awaken to what is going on we CAN make new choices in each moment that follows. This offers an amazing opportunity. We'll be tested to our absolute limits. At times it might feel like we aren't getting anywhere or that we even regress. But EACH NEW MOMENT is a new opportunity to expand beyond our limitations - no matter what happened before.

You offer great advice David. The one thing in common I have noticed with those who are truly evolving is the necessity to have embraced the darkness. For each of us the circumstance is different, yet we all have this in common.

Trinity
x

Hi Trinity,

Thanks for highlighting the importance of forgiveness. I found this inspiring video on youtube with various quotes on Forgiveness and the freedom of letting go.

My personal favorite is "To forgive is to remember, that we have room in our hearts, to begin again and again and again" (Author unknown)

With love and blessings, Fiona

This is wonderful Fiona - thanks for sharing. I think it's also important to remember that to truly forgive, is to fully process the events that took place by reconfronting our pain and uncovering the lessons we were meant to learn. You inspired me to write this short journal entry. Thanks!... Forgiveness and the art of letting go

Chris