I found that I can't really define. All the mentioned cases are just threads to something that is just there, a dense lump of energy, having to do with some kind of karma.

So could it be that we as humans, actually sort of invent some kind of a movie, or a plot, to be able to process it on the mental plane? But what it all really is is just some kind of energy, a certain vibration? Anyway, I found this trick with stopping trying to define what I feel or trying to call it anything, but just feel it for what it is. Like babies?

Why do we call it darkness? When I stop classifying it as such, then it is just an intense experience. That's all. It helps me a lot, as I have a tendency to 'go mental' and hide there.

So I just pick a thread and do my best to feel it, which goes in stages. The first stage is self-acceptance and self-love. I am there for myself. And after creating this nurturing space, which can take days or weeks, I then can go in safely and just feel the "swimming with the infinite" within the state and feel things just moving and falling off, very gentle thing, no pushing myself or expecting from myself anything. Maybe just gently encouraging...

I am telling myself: you don't have to let go, you don't have to do anything. It makes me soften and relax. No agenda, no effort, just feeling. Paradoxically, then it is just all going on itself hhh

<3