Hi Great to see you back again.

There were many times during spiritual awakening for me where the sense of longing for home became prevalent. Like yourself, I found the idle chatter and conundrum of conventional life unsatisfactory. It bored me to tears. I sought stillness and peace. Places like the ocean, woodlands, streams and waterfalls can all help us find the place of stillness that offers us a sense of homecoming. Whereby we still the 'chatter' of life and reconnect with our true essence.

'Home' however is not a place.

It may help to understand that the 'home' that we long for when peeling back our layers and unfolding spiritually is in fact where we are at when we are completely and authentically flowing with the higher guiding hand of higher consciousness.

'Home' is the longing we experience to express ourself in each moment through the soul that we always were. We may have tastes of this along the way, which tend to create the intense longing to taste it again (hence the incredibly insatiable hunger to return). At some point in our spiritual evolution we reach a point where we begin to live our lives completely through the soul, whereby we always have that sense of being 'home'.

Your experiences are completely normal. If I were longing for this place called home, then I would ask myself whether or not I was truly at one with my soul purpose in life and flowing with the soul. How does that fit in with your experience? Do you have a sense of being completely at one with the flow of your soul?

The Openhand retreats and courses offer tastes of this experience (they can be often somewhat profound and life changing - for it is difficult to forget once we have tasted!) and help us to fill in any gaps with understanding. For most it is an on going process of discovery, unfolding and release from distortions.

With Love
Trin

Well, I've given up on holiday-ing for leisure now, unless there is a tugging at my soul that makes me do otherwise. When I go away nowadays, there's always some big learning experience.

If I need (need????????) a break, then I'll have a dip in the ocean of infinity Dissolving into the water sounds like my kinda holiday... I relate to that experience.

xA

Thanks for the postings. I guess it's easy to forget that 'home' is where the heart is then. How easy it is to forget that I, we, whatever, don't need to go anywhere for a break except inside.

As we're all conditioned to believe that if we do something externally (e.g. buy a crystal, read a book, get new shoes, have a holiday somewhere) that it will change how we feel inside. We expect (in this society) to be able to buy some kind of peace of mind.

Aah, it's great to be reminded that we don't need anything that we don't already have and that everything we need is inside of ourselves already. Fab reminder Trin.

That's not to say that my peace of mind isn't soothed greatly by feeling the sun on my face, warmth on my back and smelling the seaweed in the wind, but yes, I do get your point

Stillness is home, chatter is not. Simple really?!

Thanks for your wonderful insights as always, love Sxx

Hi S,

How right you are - home is where the heart is.

Sometimes however it seems there is the view that we need to disengage with the external drama in order to connect with the heart. So you get the stereotypical view that we have to retreat to our mountain top to find sense of completeness.

To me however this view is a distortion of truth and can lead to self denial which also can take us out of the heart. The key is to align with our groove in life - the way of living that most enables the qualities of our soul to shine forth.

If we do this, then the experience of the indwelling soul strengthens and can be attuned to in all circumstances. It is then that we find true peace even when we are not still...

"serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace within it."

Its not easy to do this however and it takes constant observation and processing of our motivations and reasons for doing things. Ultimately we peel away the conditioned behaviours shielding the inner truth and then find out what really makes us tick.

It then becomes much easier for us to align ourselves with the natural harmony and flow of the moment. We find ourselves mostly making choices that are inline with our highest truth.

Chris

Trin

In the second post on this thread you said .
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There were many times during spiritual awakening for me where the sense of longing for home became prevalent. Like yourself, I found the idle chatter and conundrum of conventional life unsatisfactory. It bored me to tears. I sought stillness and peace.

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Do you still find the idle chatter of conventional life boring?

Is there an answer to this kind of thing?

Over the years sense what I call my awakening this kind of seperation has kept growing in me . To me at least 90% of what most people share with their " friends " is needless hostility and endless conflict. Its all ego based.

I can deal with the chatter and conflict, but it leaves me feeling like I need to recharge . To recharge I have to go within to the peace and silence.

I have lived in Pennsylvania around 5 years now ...... I have yet to find one person that I can spend time with without feeling like I have to have some time alone to recharge .

I also tend to think less and less like most people .
People tend to judge you based on how they think .
As an example ... a person that is almost compleatly unevolved spiritualy will tend to base their choices on what they can get away with.
In their minds if you can get by with something and choose not to .......... it is a sign of weekness as if fearing the outcome is the only reason for not doing it .

If you question them about these kinds of thigs a typical answer is you have to look out for #1

Many years ago my #1 was myself . Now, my #1 is not my physical self , but THE ONE The place within where I feel connected to ALL things .

Now .......conventional wisdom would say that I must be very lonely.

I am not.

To me being lonely is 2 things, having a desire to be with someone ....and having emotional pain because of that desire.

I do have the desire. but no pain.

gary

Love is always the answer.

Hi gary,

Both Trin and myself are running a course at the moment (Way of the Heart) and so unfortunately we can't answer your posts. We'll get back to it on Monday.

Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks for the post!

Chris

Chris

Its no inconvenience .

I came to this site looking for something, that is rare for me .

I have been reading many things on this site.

I am starting to think that the answer I am looking for is something that you or Trin can't give me.

To the best of my understanding we are on differernt paths .

If I am understanding what you path is I would say it boils down to openness .

My path is about love.

Now .....just to clarify a little . I see what is called love light and spiritual energy as the same thing . I tend to use the different names according to how I am working with the energy.

Now like icecream both openness and love come in many flavors .

Even a very young child can identify icecream when he sees it .....even if it is a flavor that he has never experienced before . the same is true for love .....and probably for openness too .

I am very good with the flavors of love .

To experience these flavors I have to be very open ..........but my path is not about being open.

I am sure you experience a great deal of love though your openness ..........but your path is not about the love.

From reading your course descriptions I would say that I am at level 4, (Enlightenment.) ..........but I clearly have some major shadows still lurking somewhere within me.

I can't exactly say that I am functioning at the level of your level 5 , ( Warrior of Truth.) but I have known that I am a spiritual warrior from the time of my original awakening around 12 years ago . It is what I incarnated here to be .

As I was trying to say before , you probably can't give me the answer that I am looking for.

Even though I am pretty sure you can't give me the answer, I am sure I will recieve the answer anyway.

If I am right about all this, the answer will be in the form of a flavor ........a particular flavor of love.

The answer will come more from who you are rather than from what you say.

gary

Love is always the answer.

Hi gary,

Thanks for your sharing
Openness is not a path for me. It is a word - a doorway into a non-identified state of being - pure awareness with no labels on it at all. To me this is the "Seer".

From that state of non-identified awareness, experience arises - I call this "Soul". In my truth, we flow out from Oneness to greater separation and then flow back again to unity. This can be felt as separation when one identifies with the Bodymind and love when one identifies with the Soul.

So as the Seer, I experience a flow of love from within me.

The path to Enlightenment involves infusing Soul completely within the Bodymind without attachment or identification. It simply flows and is experienced uniquely in the moment without any internal labels like "love".

I experience all too often, that when people do identify with "love", an inner Shadow forms copying the spontaneous non-identified actions of the Seer. The Shadow is kind of like an Echo of the Soul.

An impulse is felt and the Shadow kind of likes that and wants to own it internally. It is because a 'fragment' of the Soul is getting stuck somewhere. At Gateway 4 - the path to Enlightenment - it tends to get stuck in the Causal Body. The Shadow is cast by some kind of attachment to a previous life experience.

It could be because someone has felt the presence of the "Christ Consciousness" or "Buddha Consciousness". So profoundly beautiful are these experiences, it is not surprising something inside would want to identify with them - to "own" them. So an identity forms around them.

If you want my honest opinion, in your words I sense just such a Shadow. Someone who has the presence of a Shadow, might be in Enlightened states quite a lot of the time but not all the time.

In Gateway 4, the key is to continually surrender to one's inner pull-to-act irrespective of the possible likely outcome and how painful this may be to the personality - I believe it was your pull that brought you here to receive these words.

Ask yourself then, (after following the pull) how does that make you feel inside? Is there any kind of tightness, non-acceptance, resistance etc etc. Then settle deeply into that feeling. Open the heart, expand consciousness and allow any negativity that arises just to wash through.

Within the experience a doorway will present itself. For me that doorway was a word - "Openness". Openness points to an experience that is known within me. I attune to that feeling and become "nothing in it". From the nothing, experience arises offering then a choice: either to attune to the energy separating us, or to that uniting us. It feels totally congruent and "right" to attune to the love uniting us but I know I am not that. I am the infinite potential from whence that has arisen.

Chris

Hi Gary,

Boredom with idle chatter was something that came up for me a long time ago as I began to awaken from illusionary reality.

To answer your question... I don't experience boredom anymore. Boredom happens (at least in my case) when we are searching for something other than that which is presented before us. In being aligned to the pull back to unity, everything has purpose, and all situations are purposeful or soulful. I rarely find my self engaging in idle chatter, or pointless conversations during every day life. I feel deep inspiration with the magical spontaneity that each moment brings.

I give little interest to how others might judge me as I realise that judgment is a construct of the 'Shadow'. I am interested in connecting on a soul level.

In my experience there is frequently a conflict between what the Soul is communicating and what the personality is saying... The Soul does not judge. It is with the Soul that I connect whether the other is aware of it or not. The Soul doesn't 'get lonely' either (in my experience at least). Loneliness emerges as consequence of perceived separation (which is an illusion that I don't find myself ascribing to).

I am interested to know what it is that you are looking for? You keep saying that "Love is always the answer"... if this is so for you, then why are looking for something? Are you not satisfied with the answer you have found to everything?

Warm Regards

Trin

I give little interest to how others might judge me as I realise that judgement is a construct of the 'shadow'. I am interested in connecting on a soul level.

I am interested to know what it is that you are looking for? You keep saying that "Love is always the answer"... if this is so for you, then why are looking for something? Are you not satisfied with the answer you have found to everything?

Hi Trin,

I know these paragraphs are directed at gary, but i feel like responding to them.

Can i ask you this...do you experience yourself as the only one in the room here?

I do.

I experience myself as the only one here.
But the experience is not like any physical experience I have had.

The experience is simply "me" here as us.

Where am I?

Nowhere in particular.

I am here.
I am there.
I am everywhere.

I am not claiming to be you or gary or anyone else.
I simply experience myself here as us.

In the same non-relative terminology
When I say I am searching for something, it is not because i need it.
when I say I am looking for something, it is not because i have lost it.

To me Life is about drawing from infinite potential in a way that benefits ALL concerned.

What I'm doing is not about overcoming distortion.
I don't need to overcome it.

And from my perspective, nobody else needs to overcome it either.
If someone comes along that I perceive as expressing with distortion.
I have a choice.

I can choose to show them my percieved distortion of them... or I can choose to draw upon infinite potential and show them something they cannot see of themself.
The latter is a feeling of undifferentiated love arising from infinite potential.

Thank you Chris and Trin for your answers .

At this point all I can really say in reply is that your answers don't have the flavor that I was looking for.

Trin I will try to answer your question

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I am interested to know what it is that you are looking for? You keep saying that "Love is always the answer"... if this is so for you, then why are looking for something? Are you not satisfied with the answer you have found to everything?

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Knowing the answer and having the answer express itserlf though all parts of my life are 2 different things .

I came here looking for answers because I hit a road block .

I am trying to do the things I incarnated here to do .......but I an at an stand still as far as I can see.

I really can't explain what I incarnated here to do . Some things just can't be explained .
But in general lets say I needed 5 miracles to start task 1
Miracles 2 and 3 just crashed . At the moment I have no idea what to do about it .

For my explanation here I am defining a miracle as something can't be done by strictly physical means.

I know that openhand doesn't really believe in things like incarnating here to do specific things. It IS part of my path . The fact that you don't believe doesn't mean you can't have the answer I am looking for.

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Lets try this again.

I am looking for an answer.

There is nothing you can teach me.

There is nothing I need to know about openhand or the way you understand how life works .

Clear your mind of all that you think I need.

The answer I am looking for can only come from someone that can clear their mind and look deeply into their heart.

I have looked within for an answer , I seem to be missing it .
I have asked for an answer. I was lead to this site.

I will keep looking within. As far as this site goes , All I can do now is wait and see if the answer arrives.

gary

Hi Kristian,

I like your response. It resonates with where I'm coming from.

Chris

soul-express wrote:
"Can i ask you this...do you experience yourself as the only one in the room here?"

Hi,

Beyond the soul level I do indeed myself as being the only one here. I do however also (at the same time) experience an individual, unique expression of that.

I feel the rest of your mail and understand what you are saying. It is in my experience a reflection through us that may inspire another to remember who they truly are.

Warm Regards
Trin

I like your response. It resonates with where I'm coming from.

how funny....below was my original message
It took me a minute or two to figure out why only the quote was coming up.

I like your response. It resonates with where I'm coming from.

Beyond the soul level I do indeed myself as being the only one here. I do however also (at the same time) experience an individual, unique expression of that.

Hi Trin,

A major part of the Ascension process for me right now is about creating a unique human/spiritual expression.
It feels like I am making a sort of memory medallion. An energy stone, if you like, that i will carry through the higher realms when i am finished here. It will remind me of the times I had on this cycle.

I don't actually give much focus to reflections anymore. If you remember, i use to have the username mirror_image and I gave it up. I don't feel like I am here to be a mirror. I am not the illusion. I am here more to make love and to inspire others to make some also.

Kristian

Hi Kristian,

I understand where you are coming from in not giving focus on the illusion. I do remember you as mirror image and I remember your friend too.

My purpose is to be who I truly am. In so doing it may allow a reflection to shine forth in order that others may find who they truly are too. I could call this a mirror for the sake of 'form', it is, I feel, as Lao Tzu so eloquently says:

"The way that cannot be heard will be echoed in your voice.
The way that cannot be seen will be reflected in your eyes."

For me atleast...

Warm Regards
Trin