Thanks for asking this Angel - it's not an easy one but I'll do my best...

As ever, like anyone I can only answer from my perspective based on the model of reality I am experiencing.

To me, the question is actually more WHAT are you than who are you?

Interestingly you part answered your own question which is frequently the case. No question arises without the corresponding answer being simultaneously available.

There is just one life in the universe. This becomes abundantly clear to anyone who strips away their limited, egoic view of their reality.

If you contemplate deeply what it would be like at the 'beginning' (I use the term loosely) before any experience arose, then a realisation comes that you are everything and nothing simultaneously.

Why is this so? You may realise that to be literally everything, you have to be 'all that is' before any experience. In other words infinite potential. This is because experience arises from relativity - the interplay between 'this' and 'that'. However if there is 'this' and 'that', there must also be 'something else' and if there is 'something else', there must be 'something after that' and so on ad infinitum.

So imagine for example I am holding a book in my hand and in your mind's eye you are looking at it. How do you know it's a book? Besides other things you know it by the space around it - so now you've just created 'space around book'.

The point is once you create something and acknowledge that, you are also creating something relative to it. So to really be everything, you can ONLY be nothing - ie that which comes before anything.

So we are the absolute from which all experience arises. We are beyond definition and this can be experienced by each and everyone of us.

You may then ask, 'but how can there be the absolute now that experience is happening'? This took me a while to figure out. If you imagine we are all waves on an ocean, then for each wave, there is another somewhere else that matches it exactly except it is the 'polar opposite'.

Another way of saying this is that for every peak, there must be a corresponding trough of equal magnitude. For example for there to be 40 degrees centigrade, there has to be minus 40 degrees centigrade.

So every wave (every experience) is being cancelled out by another wave. This leads to the zero sum total of all things - the absolute - which pervades all things.

It also means that 'I' can be the absolute even though thoughts and feelings are arising.

So what is this experience of absolute like and why is it so hard to be aware of it? The point is, it is the total lack of experience to be realised from letting go of all internal identification and efforting.

We all experience this from time to time but as soon as it arises there frequently comes a fear of it (just as you point out in your question). It 'feels' like jumping into a black hole - the abyss.

It signals the 'death' of our identification with the ego which feels like the death of the ego itself (although it is not).

When we loose the fear of this death, what replaces it (at least in my experience) is crystal clear clarity which remains constantly in the background.

I noticed in the beginning that as this state arose, an inner witnesser kept arising asking the question what is going on? who am I? etc etc (just as you point out).

Over time, the inner need to answer these questions dissolves. For me after that there was one question remaining: in this state, how is it decided what action to take next?

This took quite a while for me to answer and I had a great deal of help from spirit.

I was shown that there is a natural energetic flow of the universe and 'I' have a unique path within that flow. Another way of putting it is that the universe flows uniquely through the space that I am.

In order to be in this space of crystal clear clarity (nirvana, enlightenment) all the time, requires complete absence of doubt that 'right action' will happen perfectly when 'I' have let go of all need to shape events and when 'I' have even let go of the 'I' itself.

Once 'I' discovered this, 'I' was able to let go of the 'reins' so to speak. Then there is a response to events based on an authentic choice.

So who is now making the choice? The way it is perceived internally, is that actually 'I' have an absence of choice. When there is no need to choose, the right choice becomes clear.

Hope this helps!

Love and best wishes

Chris

Well, I wasn't expecting such a deep and prolific response!!! That's so helpful in clarifying my question. THANK YOU!

Let me see if I get this? Here's what I personally understand:

- I am NOTHING

- In order to be nothing I must also be EVERYTHING (how exciting) too at the same time.

- We are all ONE infinite being, and I am actually you and you are me!

- We are the absolute from which everything arises, we have infinite potential.

Got it!!! (I think)

I do understand that in order to be nothing we must also be everything, for without relativity there is no experience to be had at all, and I would not exist at all. Here's where I am stumped: I don't understand how if we are all one of the same, all one being, how come your model of reality and experience differs to mine?

If I love every other being on earth the same (because we are all one of the same) how come I STILL experience loving my partner more than anyone else. This doesn't make sense at all. I understand nothing and everything, the absolute contrast, but, what about all the stuff in between?

Yours Kindly
Angel

When you say 'your model of reality' it depends of whom you are asking the question?

If you are referring to the person known as 'Chris Bourne', then he is a unique expression of absolute. The One manifests through the vessel that is 'Chris Bourne' and therefore renders a different view of reality from yours.

Imagine it this way, I pour a drop of water from the same jug into your hand and mine. The water is the same but it will take on different qualities in each hand.

If you and I had the same experience, there would be no you and I!

However, if the 'you' of whom you are asking the question is the absolute, then at least in my truth (me as 'Chris Bourne'), the experience is the same.

One way of saying this is 'there are many paths to the top of the mountain but the view from the top always remains the same'.

So why do you love your partner 'more'?

As said, we are each a unique expression of absolute all vibrating at different resonances. Every other manifestation in the universe acts as a mirror for your own absolute truth.

In my (relative truth), you love your partner more than anyone else because they provide the best mirror for who you are. In this case, 'best' means the mirror reflects best what you most love about yourself.

But please don't take the metaphor of 'mirror' too literally. It doesn't mean you see yourself in them. It means they have the qualities that bring out the best in you - that which you came here to manifest.

They also tend to cause the 'worst' in you to be raised into your awareness but in a way that is more palatable and clearer to see.

Chris

Welcome to the forums, Angel. How nice we now have our very own as a member. Well, I just have a few points as follows.

For me, I have found the concept of conciousness the most useful way into this area of enquiry. I think our conciousness has evolved as the highest and most developed way for the Universe to know itself (that we currently are aware of at least).

By conciousness though, I don't mean the ego or self type of conciousness that develops our identity as distinct from others, rather I am thinking of the internal witnesser that observes all those thoughts and emotions and does not identify with them. In fact, your list of things you are not very precisely puts you on the right road to discovering this: your witnesser has clearly seen that you are not those things. When you have exhausted all those things that you are not, then what is left is what you are. At first this will be the witnesser, but in due course even the witnesser may disappear, and only being remain. This Zen-like apparent paradox is something to mull over and accept, don't beat yourself up about it!

Because the fundamental conciousness I mean has no identity attached to it, it is the same from one person to the next - it is sometimes referred to as unity conciousness. The barriers of ego we put up between each other block us experiencing it generally, but it can be seen sometimes: in long-standing marriages a merging of personalities often takes place, in religious institutions like monasteries or nunneries a shared conciousness arises, and sometimes we can sense it in group meditations. Looked at another way, it's entirely down to each of us how and where we set those boundaries between us.

Regarding how one should live, I do agree with what Chris said. When we yield our desire to control, and let ourselves be the vessel through which the Absolute expresses itself, then right action will occur, which will ensure right outcome. But, we need to accept that "right" means right for the evolution of the totality of the cosmos, not necessarily for you specifically!

I hope this helps, we are debating a very subtle area indeed, and thanks for raising the topic.

These are excellent and clear (as clear as I can see) replies, Thanks Lib and Chris, this is fascinating. It sounds like you've been around the block a few times.

The notion that even my inner witnesser may disappear intrigues me. This possibility is something that has never entered my awareness. I wonder if it could have happened to me already without my realising it?

Your description of unity consciousness sounds very astute Lib, I like it a lot. I too am aware of unity consciousness, and have a strong sense of connection to anyone who especially comes into my field as well as the greater world. I experience Oneness frequently as well as nothingness, and everythingness, and now, apparently I am somethingness (if I have understood you correctly Chris?)

I am so in favour of the description of allowing ourselves to "be the vessel through which the Absolute expresses itself". My words are different, but I sense, we have reached the same understanding (accept that your words describe so perfectly what I feel inside my heart). I believe that there is no such thing as right and wrong, there is just what is meant to be, as part of the universal divine plan.

So many points here. So much more I'd like to say, but I shall listen to the calling within, that tells me, I have contemplated enough for one day. This is a brilliant thread though. I offer my sincere gratitude for your posts in resonse to my question.

Kindly
Angel

Wonderful to see you making yourself at home here Angel
Heartfuls of Love to you!
xxx

Love says "I am everything". Wisdom says "I am nothing". Between the two, my life flows.

-Nisargadatta Maharaj

Sometimes I can choose, sometimes life chooses me
regardless
life is a neat place to be...
naumai