Anyone truly advancing down the path of Spiritual Mastery must not expect that it will somehow build you up. The world is moving through a breaking down process, as the old systems are unwound. And the false-self ego is bound into that. It will often feel like you're being torn apart, broken down, shattered. But this is necessary to leave the old self behind. So dive over the waterfall, all in, full on. The stream will at first batter you yes. But the more you can surrender, the easier it gets.