Aligning with the soul

Hello,

I’d like to share a current dilemma that I have…Hopefully by writing it down I’ll get more insights, and maybe get some reflections from other people too.
So, I’ve completed a degree in Psychology and have an offer for a Masters, which is very suitable for the career I’d like to follow. I’m at the stage of increasingly trying to follow the soul, and thus I want to to identify whether this Masters is my highest calling at this stage…

And these are the things I’m considering:

1. I remember when I went to the interview, I entered London through gate no.44 at the train station, which was the same number as the room the interview took place, which I found interesting. I also remember how good it felt to answer the interview questions and express myself… Less than 24 hours later, they informed me that I had an offer.

2. Unexpectedly, and due to an error, the offer they had given me was based on the condition to obtain a C in my degree rather than B, which was the requirement stated at their website. This seemed too good to be true as this is a competitive course. After some time it came to me that maybe “I’m lowering my standards/I’m settling for less, by taking this course”.

But wait a minute, rationally thinking, this course is a very good next step for the career I have in mind to pursuit…

4. Now when I was looking for a place to stay in London (in order to participate in this course) an antivirus message came up saying “Cannot guarantee authenticity of the domain that the original connection is established”…. Wow… another message…

But wait a minute, rationally thinking, this course is a very good next step for the career I have in mind to pursuit… On the other hand, when I see how I feel about it… I’m not excited at all, (although logic says I should be!). Maybe I’m not excited because I’m scared of the chaotic London, or the demands of the course… But still, there should be some excitement … or else maybe this is not my highest calling…

And then I’m thinking again… what about those 44s? What about the great feeling I had during the interview? I think other than that, there was little if any excitement about taking this course…Hmm… Open says whenever there is a difficult choice, ask : What am I being invited to express? At this point I can’t help but think about something in Divinicus which I read just yesterday:

“…I still had an issue around self-doubt. It often walks hand in hand with the interpretation quality of the soul- the Ray 3… is what keeps you connected to authenticity; it’s the questioning quality of the soul… “What is really real?”. The problem comes when autehentic questioning becomes ‘the questioner’. Then you create an identity, an ego, which becomes self-limiting”. (I didn't get what this final bit meant)

Aha! Yes! This is exactly what I’m invited to express! To find the authenticity in all of these aforementioned considerations… and also to identify my self-doubts I guess so that I be more discerning in the future….!!!Okay now I know (self-doubt: or I think I know) what I need to express….The question that arises is how do I do that? How do I facilitate that?

I will stay with these thoughts for the time being… I’ve written too much already; Apologies for the long post, but hopefully it will be beneficial for others to read too! I would appreciate any reflections if anyone has anything to share.

Best wishes,

Alexandros

Comments

Hi Alexandros,

Great that you shared - a truly interesting exploration. :-)

Firstly, importantly, I'd say don't wish to be through it (the choice) because it's a real pearler of self-realisation - from which much can be gained.

So the first thing that springs out is, do you over question?

It would seem like a slam dunk no brainer - so why the doubt?

Perhaps, as you say, the lack of excitement is the problem. So why did you apply in the first place?

If you take the locality out of the equation, how does that make you feel then?

If this is not the end in itself, but merely a stepping stone, how does that change your feelings?

(visualise the experience without the resistant location and as a stepping stone to something much greater - how does it feel?)

Do you know what your real passion in life is? (I'm guessing not yet)

If not, then don't expect that you'll be excited by every step.

I get excited (initially) about the idea of writing a book, but then when I realise the incredible mountain it is to climb, the endless early morning starts, aching mind and body, the hours of editing, then I'm not excited at all! But it was still the right thing for me to do.

44 is, in the Openhand Approach, referring to the teaching principle.
In this case, it would likely mean that there'll be bags to learn from it,
but such learning always comes with a cost.
If you venture down the pathway, be prepared for the cost.
And know that nothing, that was ever worth having, comes without a cost!

So in pondering some of these things, what comes up? How does it make you feel now? How do things shift?

Namaste

Open *OK*

Hi Open,

Thanks a lot for your response, your questions couldn’t be more on point!
The first thing that was obvious while reading your post was my impassivity and lack of patience with the choice… I have an urge to act as soon as possible, in order to “solve the conflict”.

I was never aware that I over question, and probably wouldn’t have thought about it if you hadn’t mentioned it; I saw it as “natural doubts”. Today in a meeting, my uncle told me “You can’t question everything”, which stood out for me. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t understand what the ‘questioner’ is, which you mention in Divinicus- another blind spot of mine. I also remembered that in a dream it came to me that I “need” to know the answers, the right path for me.

I will answer your questions (so on point!), not in order, but will share “my story”, which will answer them…

So before going to university, I worked with a therapist, which revealed to me my excitement for the therapeutic process and a passion towards becoming a therapist…. So I changed my career plan towards Psychology, having in mind to become a Clinical Psychologist, a change which was very difficult to do and exciting!

Of course at some point the excitement subsided, but it still remains what I wish to pursuit… So, is this my real passion in life? I would say yes, probably that’s it, but I don’t want to be definite about it.

So, why did I apply for this course? Well, you phrased it in exactly the same way as I did in my personal statement…. Because it can be a great stepping stone towards my career plan! It’s been approximately a year that I have been thinking about this course, so maybe the cost, as you say, that comes with it has burried any initial excitement.

It definitely feels better to imagine at a different location!! But I also acknowledge that living in London can be a valuable learning experience too.
I was looking for the excitement to confirm that I’m headed in the right direction; which is not there, but then you reminded me of my own words, that it can be a stepping stone towards my preferred career path… and the truth that everything worth having comes at a cost…. I cried while reading this… Maybe the fear of what it takes to accomplish this has overshadowed any excitement.

Now I’m thinking much more positively about the course, though I will give time for the choice as you suggest.

In gratitude,
Alexandros

That's brilliant Alexandros. *OK*

Anything that was ever worth doing, always comes with a cost. So it will never be plain sailing. The path of your passion, will always bring up your greatest fears too. Because in following your passion, that's where there's most to be gained.

Think of a mountain climber. Only the good ones climb real high. But the higher you get, so the air gets more rarified and so it gets harder. The climber is better, but to climb, still requires him to overcome previous limitations.

Open :-)