I’d like to share a current dilemma that I have…Hopefully by writing it down I’ll get more insights, and maybe get some reflections from other people too.
So, I’ve completed a degree in Psychology and have an offer for a Masters, which is very suitable for the career I’d like to follow. I’m at the stage of increasingly trying to follow the soul, and thus I want to to identify whether this Masters is my highest calling at this stage…
And these are the things I’m considering:
1. I remember when I went to the interview, I entered London through gate no.44 at the train station, which was the same number as the room the interview took place, which I found interesting. I also remember how good it felt to answer the interview questions and express myself… Less than 24 hours later, they informed me that I had an offer.
2. Unexpectedly, and due to an error, the offer they had given me was based on the condition to obtain a C in my degree rather than B, which was the requirement stated at their website. This seemed too good to be true as this is a competitive course. After some time it came to me that maybe “I’m lowering my standards/I’m settling for less, by taking this course”.
But wait a minute, rationally thinking, this course is a very good next step for the career I have in mind to pursuit…
4. Now when I was looking for a place to stay in London (in order to participate in this course) an antivirus message came up saying “Cannot guarantee authenticity of the domain that the original connection is established”…. Wow… another message…
But wait a minute, rationally thinking, this course is a very good next step for the career I have in mind to pursuit… On the other hand, when I see how I feel about it… I’m not excited at all, (although logic says I should be!). Maybe I’m not excited because I’m scared of the chaotic London, or the demands of the course… But still, there should be some excitement … or else maybe this is not my highest calling…
And then I’m thinking again… what about those 44s? What about the great feeling I had during the interview? I think other than that, there was little if any excitement about taking this course…Hmm… Open says whenever there is a difficult choice, ask : What am I being invited to express? At this point I can’t help but think about something in Divinicus which I read just yesterday:
“…I still had an issue around self-doubt. It often walks hand in hand with the interpretation quality of the soul- the Ray 3… is what keeps you connected to authenticity; it’s the questioning quality of the soul… “What is really real?”. The problem comes when autehentic questioning becomes ‘the questioner’. Then you create an identity, an ego, which becomes self-limiting”. (I didn't get what this final bit meant)
Aha! Yes! This is exactly what I’m invited to express! To find the authenticity in all of these aforementioned considerations… and also to identify my self-doubts I guess so that I be more discerning in the future….!!!Okay now I know (self-doubt: or I think I know) what I need to express….The question that arises is how do I do that? How do I facilitate that?
I will stay with these thoughts for the time being… I’ve written too much already; Apologies for the long post, but hopefully it will be beneficial for others to read too! I would appreciate any reflections if anyone has anything to share.