Non-judgemental discernment is the thread that seems to be being pulled right now. Distinguishing what is real authentic soul impulse and what is ego based controls, manipulation, avoidance etc. I have a dear friend that serves to constantly be an uncomfortable mirror and this relationship has served to peel back many layers. I am grateful for this, however after the walking the path course, I started to notice more and more this huge upswell, a shouting NOOOOO from deep within and the feeling of pushing back the "clothes" I have borrowed from her that don't fit me - that I have been walking around in b/c I have trusted her perspective blindly. I witness the urge to figure out what is "right or wrong" as the way in which we are walking the path appears to have shades of differences and I feel this perspective of determining right and wrong IS at the level of the ego. I notice that I have been rejecting and pushing back, feeling very confrontational and not so quick to accept it all. Feeling for the truth and the distortion here...feel a deep desire to see with my own eyes, to develop my own sense and to sing my own song...this feels real, though there is the question presenting itself to me "are you rejecting the reflection that she is showing you? are you listening to a real soul impulse?" It seems the truth here would be to allow the mirror of course, listen to another's perspective on where I may be fooling myself etc - don't blindly accept or push it away either, but digest it, know it is all here for me to let go of something I do not need - integrate it with deep questioning and let go of what doesn't seem to fit. No need to shoot the messenger or the message.
In addition, I am experiencing difficulty discerning what is my own feeling and what is me feeling what she is feeling? It is hard for me to tell whether I am feeling my own resistance or whether I am absorbing something she is feeling. I feel this sense of disintegration that I don't feel when I am not with her- I am reticent to feel this is only hers and perhaps the truth is that I would only feel it if I was resonating with it on some level. Perhaps our interaction only makes me aware of what I am feeling...amplifies it.
Open to anyone's perspective on this! =) Thanks! Jenny