Pain in loss of tribe

I am feeling like a throw away right now. I just feel awful. All my life I have surrounded myself with a big groups of friends that helped me feel part of something, that helped me forget the feeling that I was someone who was very easy to forget about or write off. I now find myself losing this group and I feel like I have been exiled in a way and it brings up memories of my father leaving when I was a child... Definitely related feeling... All stirring up a karmic blockage, I suppose.

Recently it has become clear to me that I no longer "fit in" with my old friends, which affects my whole family as it's all family friends.. It's been something that has been sliding away for years but over the last couple I just stopped doing and saying things to hold it together and only engaged in what felt fulfilling to me... And slowly but surely I am on the fringe =). I feel quite invisible there - even though I don't have any desire to be the person that use to fit in there, I just feel the empty space inside that it use to fill. It's the sense of being all alone- of feeling like my family doesn't belong to a tribe that calls us theirs anymore. I know this is where I need to be... To realize that I don't need a huge group of people to call me their friend to know i am loved, to feel love inside. I know I can be open to this change and allow it to fall away, to not need it anymore to feel whole and perhaps then a new tribe will show itself...My heart is just aching and I just wanted to reach out here...I feel the questions I this? Someone who can be left behind? Am I lacking some essential quality? Who am I in this? Where is the love? I am opening to what the universe will show me and feeling inside for the truth of my being. Thank you openhand for being a friend when I need one to talk to. <3<3<3 jen

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Do we create a sense of 'tribe' so that we don't have to look at the pain of loss of home? I know that, for myself, I allowed myself to be led so
far and fast from home and the pain of disconnect from 'home' is so heart-wrenchingly absolute that nothing can matter unless it's taking me back home.

Hi Catherine
yes that is curious with all these signs... i notice that it is important to be careful with, and this is only possible when i am here and now in this moment with all the feelings coming up, more and more and more, in every tiny little situation. Troubles and distortions are having priority, puuuh, another challenging thing... Thank you, Melanie

I had an interesting experience recently about tribes falling away. I have been part of a local spiritual group for three years. They played a very important role in my life when I was recovering from surgery and showed me great kindness and compassion, for which I will always be grateful. But I started to drift away last year feeling a disconnect. I was invited to join in a gathering with them very recently, which I did. But I was still feeling a disconnect, so I asked Divine Benevolence to show me if it was in my best interest to continue my association with them. A few days later, I picked up a file folder related to this spiritual group as I was shuffling papers around. The file fell from my hands behind a heavy bookcase, which I can't move to retrieve it. The message was very clear! x Catherine

Hi Catherine,

I feel so much warmth, compassion and firey spirit from you - I just love to read what you write. It really speaks to me on a deep level.

I actually saw the movie "Wild" last night! What an incredible journey! You know what really was poignant for me?! The boots! When she has to make duct tape shoes because her too small boots that had torn her feet to pieces finally took the first step and flung themselves over a cliff, I felt myself in that - Letting go of those boots that don't fit, but not quite in the new transition =).

It helps enormously to hear your journey - to hear the similarities of experience - never the exact same, yet familiar. Thank you so much for sharing so openly.

With love,

Hi Melanie,

Thanks for sharing - yes, dysfunctional relationships can hurt - especially when they are supposed to be close ones. Let's also try to remember that it's not a person's fault they act according to a false self, full of their own dualities, self deceptions, fallibilities and blindspots. A lot of malicious behaviour is not born of intent - it simply happens as a distorted result of the reality filter a person has plugged into their psyche - until they've cleansed it that is.

I also feel to clarify: when I speak of 'softening into the situation', what I'm referring to is to soften the reactionary tightness of the false self. But that in no way means our authentic response should be wishy-washy or weak; not at all!

In fact on the work we do at Openhand, we're constantly striving to help people move beyond the repression of the ego/victim/false-self mentality. And we always looking for the true expression at the heart of any distortion.

So take anger for example: anger is usually a distortion of the ray 1 warrior energy. So we wouldn't encourage people to dissolve the true expression - the ancient soul light - at the core of the distortion. That would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Instead, we would encourage people to soften into the immediate tightening reaction, open a space, then let authentic response flow out - in this case it might mean a quite strong confrontation, but crucially, without extra loaded energy - the anger.

So just to clarify, in the Openhand Approach, it's not about suppressing or dissolving these powerful, emotive, source frequencies.


Dear Jenny, hello to the others
Yes, really the same is with me, thanks for sharing your experiences and your feelings. In the end of the last year, at christmas time and the change to the new year, i only want to be alone, being by myself and so „my friends“ said: Oh, you always pull back yourself, you have to go outside, otherwise you´ll still be depressiv or lonley or blablabla..“ It needed my whole power to say: „No, my only wish is to stay by myself all alone with me.“
My only desire was to be in stillness, to feel the feelings, to hear the silent noise of my soul and come back come back come back... and so i did. And my feeling is also like yours... This tribe is not really my tribe... There are some friends understanding me, because they are in a similar situation and transformation, but the others don´t longer serve me. Yes it feels awful. Then there was a situation with my father today (regards to starwhak...), he asked about my study, (it is very important for him to have a titel, however...) and i told him, that i am uncertain to follow it, because (the course is social work) i recognized that people are wonderful and that they don´t need someone to tell them what to do, and that in my eyes, this system is ill, not to save and the only thing that we can do is to stop, to be and to recognize who we are... And do you know what he said??? It is really crazy... He said to me: „Well, do you think that anybody ´ll hear you? A divorced, single mother without a completion? No one will take you seriously!“ Yes, that´s what he told me, really crude, and this man claims to love me, puuuuuuh, he has no idea!!! Apart from that, it doesn´t interest me if someone is listening because i don´t have to convince someone or to bring him over to something he/she doesn´t want to do... but so is our system here in germany. This system works with a lot of manipulation, and if the manipulation no longer works, than pressure is built up. The only reason is to anchor persons in the 3D matrix. It is not about to become aware and conscious. My experience is, that there is a lot of fear about people becoming aware, because those persons don´t work very well in this organised and controlling system. I feel that is really a little bit dangerous to stop and tell the others what is seen. Yes open, i think (and also feel) a lot about what you have written in your book. To become soft, gentle, peaceful and compassiontate with this situation, but it doesn´t always suceed me. Sometimes a little, sometimes often my feelings coming up and than this could be a really challenging moment. In the situation with my father there was rage and sorrow, feeling of missunderstanding, incomprehension about his stupidity and so on and so on... When i am than totally alone with me, feeling my feelings, recognising who i am and that i am not this person there in 3D playing the game of duality and separation, everything seems to be ok, but... To be confronted with the „old play“ and with persons who believe in that...that hurts again and again, perhaps sometimes i will be able to see always through it, and having peace with it, however, until that, i am here, feel my feelings, try to be soft with the events and sometimes avoiding confrontation which doesn´t need to be....
Warm regards and a lot of thanks for being here, Melanie

In reply to by Melanie K

Hi Melanie,

Since you posted right after me, I paid special attention to your comments. I relate to your feelings of anger over family issues. Your post helped me to recognize and tune into my own unresolved anger. I appreciated Open's response about anger relating to the ray 1 warrior in us and that it's important to confront when these feelings arise but in an unloaded way without heaping on blame and judgment. I recently fell into just such a loaded confrontation. Now I'm trying not to judge myself too harshly about it. Moving on. It's my experience that when I repress and deny my anger, I tend to overreact eventually. Thanks for sharing your experiences which helped me to break through some denial. x Catherine

Hi Jenny,

I relate to what you are going through. As Open says, many of us go through this. This awareness might help you to feel less alone in what you're experiencing. It certainly helps me in that regard. The nurturing support of the Openhand community is, indeed, an invaluable support and is such a salve and comfort as we let go of our distortions. These past few years I have felt the pain of people gradually falling away from my life as I've continued to raise my vibration and express a higher way of being. It has been heartbreaking for me to say goodbye and still is.

I cried during a scene in the film "Wild" when the main character, Cheryl Strayed, is pictured on a beach writing the name of her first love, Paul, in the sand. In the voiceover, she says she has written his name on every beech she has encountered over many years. And that she will write his name one last time, symbolizing her courage and readiness to let him go. We discover that she meets and marries a kindred soul a few years later who reflects her higher way of being. I thought to myself that in a way I have written the names of certain friends and family members in the sand one last time. I will always love them, and I'm grateful for what they taught me and for what parts of me they mirrored back. And on it goes. Letting go of my distortions is an going process since the rabbit hole is deep, indeed.

Many of us are strongly conditioned in our families and in society to "want" to be popular and to be seen as such. The hyped-up beer commercials pitch to our fears so well about being lonely wallflowers as we are shown a gaggle of friends frolicking and laughing together. Apparently, drinking beer with hoards of friends is pure nirvana. Last summer I was invited to attend a luncheon with former work colleagues. As the day approached, I felt more and more anxious. Two days prior to the luncheon, I had a vivid dream in which I found myself back at the workplace with them. In the dream, I felt their reptilian energy to be absolutely soul-crushing, so I left to walk home. But I couldn't find my way. The street signs had changed. I was lost in an unfamiliar maze. I kept desperately trying to get back home to no avail. When I woke up, I decided to forego the luncheon. The dream was a powerful reminder to continue walking the path of my own authentic beingness at whatever the cost. And as I continue to do so, I will find my way back home to who I truly am.

When I said yes to the luncheon, I felt a bit like Sally Fields during her Oscar acceptance speech for "Norma Rae" when she blurted out, "You like me. You really like me." I recall that her vulnerability was so touching at the time. In some way, I wanted to fill my "need" for social acceptance by re-establishing contact with a group of people who I couldn't relate to even when I worked with them. As certain people continue to fall away from my life, I have experienced a mix of conditioned emotions. I've heard myself saying, "You're a misfit, a weirdo, a crazy kind of Howard Hughes person who wanders in the desert alone." More distortions, of course, to let go of. The open hand way is not an easy path, that's for sure. It's so helpful to read Lesley's comments about this. Like Lesley, I find that the nurturing power of nature fortifies me during challenging times. It's an absolute treasure trove of inspiration and love.

And as I've said goodbye with heartache and tears and have felt the loneliness of walking in the desert alone, at times, I have met and continue to meet ancient souls who I've journeyed with in the cosmos through eons of time. Like all of you. Your beautifully honest and vulnerable sharing inspires me to stay the path of authentic beingness, Jenny. Thank you. Wishing you continued blessings on your journey. Much Love, Catherine

Hi Open, Lesley and Trinity,

Thank you for your heartfelt support and guidance. I can't imagine how the spiritual path would feel without this community... When all else falls away, I know there are kindred spirits across the globe that are in this as, feeling, breaking free of the tired old comforts and digging deep to ignite and infuse the light of the soul... Going inside, being honest with themselves, feeling for the only thing that matters in life... To express the source as the soul in this place. It can feel so destructive, like I am walking away from everything that everyone wants in life and sometimes I wonder am I just nuts? Am I just destroying the life I've built for nothing? To be all alone in a world no one around me inhabits? Your words encourage me Lesley... The fortitude that is required and to take care of myself... To keep connecting to what connects me inside. Open, yes I feel your insight on the synchronicity is right on as well, to connect to the home inside and know I am not alone. Trinity - thank you for the sweet and encouraging words. I listened to your celestial meditation last night and it was truly an etheric massage...bathed in the light =)... Thank you all, it means so much. <3 Jen

I soooo know that feeling and empathise greatly.
It can seem a lonely road and it can seem that way for a heck of a long time. Some fortitude is required, and maybe some recognition of what the benefits are may help.
I found spending time in nature (maybe just sitting and hearing the birds sing, or watching the stars (if you can see them where you live?) And my favourite, a candlelit bath listening to angelic music. Finding gentleness and beauty to tune into to nurture oneself is really important as you find your way through some awkward situations and maybe some raw emotions.
This member of your tribe is sending you heartfelt love, *give_rose*

Hi Jen,

It's something I know lots go through - I think this 'connection to a tribe' causes people to form relationships that don't really serve us at the core of who we are. But then we just paper over the cracks, ignoring the true indicators. Yes, when you start being real - authentic in every moment - many people from the old life will fall away. Authentic beingness, in itself, creates reality (when we allow it to).

It's also quite synchronistic and fascinating that you then received an invitation from 'an even older tribe'. I'd say this is pointing you back to your real tribe, which is ancient. It will be your soul family.

When we incarnate, by the Law of Attraction, we draw to ourselves situations to help reveal distortions and karma. In the breaking down of these, then the true light of the soul emerges. So in the beginning of an incarnation, we will draw people that suit more the distortions - which is why we tend to create false life-styles. Although there will also likely be some members of soul family in there too.

I'd say there's an invitation now to connect inwards, through the field, to a sense of home which is 'through the ether'. That said, when you let go of those that no longer serve, the energy you free up, will draw others - physically - who are closer to your vibration.

So it all feels pretty positive to me - especially as we're moving into a New Year.... 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue'.

Open *OK*

Funny tonight I received an invitation from an even older tribe of mine and i noticed my first reaction was "how am I going to be in that? How can I be me in that?" And I instantly didn't want to go. So I am contemplating now how much I am the one who is rejecting those in my life. I can see that discernment has played a role in what's unfolded naturally in my most recent group of friends, but perhaps that is tinged with rejection or judgement as well... I think this situation is showing me a couple, where I am perhaps rejecting first to avoid being rejected as a result of being authentic and two, where I am deriving a sense of being valued from being part of a group. I am also taking stock of all the people I have closed off from because I was sure they would reject some aspect of me. Lots to see here and realizing of course all the beautiful people in my life - how can I be more of me with them... Give more of me. Thanks for listening openhanders! It really helps to not ignore the feelings when I write about it here.

With love,