I just joined this community and somehow I already feel at home. I read through so many articles and posts that it feels so good.
Well, a little about me. I am 18 years old and life hasn't been what others would say 'normal' for me.
For starters, ever since I was almost 6 years old, I always had this one really strong feeling inside of me that I was meant to do something for this world and had a special purpose here. I never really 'fitted in' in any of the groups in school and was always the 'outsider'. I always enjoyed my own company rather than be with others who just spent through a monotonous routine and did nothing productive or anything good for the people around. I always had this feeling that I didn't belong here at all after encountering hundreds of people till now. I never could bring myself to be led by someone, follow a routine, do a 9-5 or just do something 'normal'. I always wanted to create and achieve the special things; those things that others could hardly think of or dream of. I always dreamt of the cosmos. Whenever I close my eyes and apply a little pressure on them with my thumbs, it feels as though I am being transported across the stars and the moons to another place. It is a long journey and all I see is the eternal space with the stars shining bright as I go through them. I just always travel in it. I never reached a particular destination; it just kept changing every single time. Sadly, in the past 2 years, due to some circumstances I just lost this feeling of being special and being able to do something for the world. Now a while back, I broke through everything and returned. I decided to cease contact with all those who didn't give out the vibe that I longed for and started working hard again.
The feeling of being special has returned. I feel different from everyone I encounter. Like I can feel their vibes and tell that they are not the same as I am. Until a few days back, I had just encountered one such person and we have been brothers ever since. I feel everything around me is here for a reason, I feel I am responsible for bringing order to everyone's life and not just be another person. I feel different in a crowd. I feel I am meant to be more than everybody else; to lead and to change. I feel as if I am meant for something really big. Every single time I see someone suffer, it just aches so much inside that I could not do something for him//her. I have always wanted to do something for the world and it has always been my goal. Day and night I just work toward being successful so that I can do something for everyone around. It just feels as if I owe them a huge deal and it is my responsibility to make a better life for them. I just have always felt it.
There is just one thing that I am really worried about. Whenever I close my eyes, I am not able to wander around like I used to before. Not always. It is rare. I just am really worried about it. Is it a sign for something or is there any way that I can get it back? I know it is a small thing but it really matters to me.
Love and regards