My experiences

For the last couple of weeks i have been going through lot of emotional and mental pain with frustration anger and dissatisfaction. I was with the belief it has got something to do with my life situations and hence wanting to move on from my current place and work. Now i get that my situations only acts as a trigger to some pain seated much deeper.
Last night when i went deeper into the pain i had the experience which is think is karmic related. I have had this experience maybe even from childhood but this time it was much more intense. I did not experience any physical pain as such but it was very much like being tortured or killed. Please pardon me if im drawing any false conclusion. I had the fear of going deeper with it and couldnt think clear because of the mental fog or chaos i was in. I havent got any idea really how to deal with this pain or experience. This morning i was left with the same old uncomfortable feeling. How long would i have to go through this until i can find an opening.

Vimal

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In reply to by Open

Hey Open, you are right. It sprang to my mind too after I put the post. Because it feels like being stabbed from behind. In this situation my brother is the 'culprit'. I have been waking up last 2 days with blame on my mind for putting me through this. But now when I look at him I feel compassion for the poor soul who is obviously under a lot of pain and he is trying to solve it by looking outside. I know he is just reflecting the karmic energy for me and its not really him. Yet I see some parts of him I don't resonate. He is really materialistic in his view to the point that he can unconsciously take advantage of others. I have experienced energy vampiring from him, so that I have decided to keep a safe distance. I see that he can no longer fulfill a role that I had in my mind for him. And that maybe the betrayal I feel from him. I know I can't change anything about him but only accept the way he is. I think the pain has diminished a bit and I'm not given much to work here. Its just physical pain and when I regress back I don't have any emotional reaction. I think I already worked with the sadness that came up some days before and I hope the pain will go away on its own. My mother gently massaged some healing oil in that area. How does this physical healing relate with the healing of the spirit?

In another one I regressed back into shame that was inflicted on me in my earlier years around a particular issue. I have a particular memory and I got tightness in my sacrum. While I was meditating on this my parents were digging outside my room to plant a tree. And they hit rock bottom. They tried second time in another place and it's no different. Third time they successfully planted it. What did it tell me? I'm digging through the various inner identity layers involving my parents and I'm hitting rock bottom. But I finally manage to get it. Maybe I just have to let go and let the process take its time.

How necessary it is to confront with the other person who were involved in the formation of these identity layers. I know it would help me to go deeper into the shame if I confront it but it doesn't feel right. What if for some people, if the other person is not available at all?

I came across a Rumi quote today:

"Before you speak let your words pass through these 3 gates - is it true? Is it necessary ? Is it kind? "

Much love

Vimal 🙏

I'm getting a lot confusion between the intellect and intuitive. The lower mind has agendas of its own - things it wants to create and achieve. This creates frustration and the slightest confusion and frustration draws in entities. There is soul gold buried in the creative expression hence it feels right to pursue it. But Im learning that a balance is essential between the densities and the expansiveness otherwise the process would just feel like some kind of job. The needs of the ego has mostly to do with deriving value from the outcome and feeling of not being enough without it. The following realizations flowed in my morning meditation which I would like to share.

 

Don't be igonart to the things you can't see
The universe with its grand design spares no one.
No stones left unturned, no human untouched
We all belong to the grandest equation
The way we see the world
is the way we see ourselves
We were made to believe in perfection but
if all of this is moving towards harmony
How can ever a thing be perfect
Trust we are on the right place and the right path
and we will see it differently
How we are all good enough
just the way we we are
Let's free ourselves from this mass hysteria
and awaken to the powers within
Only one river flows through each of us
which has power to heal and rejuvenate
if only we allow and flow with it
Pause and hear the calling which
was waiting for you all this time
It has far greater plans for you
greater than our limited imaginations.