Sharing the flow of things

A place to share the inquiries that are going on for me =).

Comments

Thanks for the support Open! 

The last two days I have woken with a stiffness through my neck, shoulders and back...the feeling you might get from holding one position too long. Those words seem to ring true for me - becoming a fixed position in the flow.  I am perceiving it as the tension I have been holding through the resistance of feeling through the chaos.  And I do have the question inside of what is chaos? It's felt as lack of order, lack of harmony.

Parts of this have truth as there is plenty of disharmonious vibes. But there is also an internal need to get rid of the disharmony. There is then a judgement about what is occurring ...as the disharmony serves a purpose -reflecting where there is a lack of alignment (in me). And even if the disharmony locally was resolved within, there are within the manifest plenty of knots in the flow, 'grey areas', 'dark areas'. If I am able to be ok with that (on a felt energetic level) then I am the One in it, otherwise I am an identity that needs to have things be light and harmonious.

Can I allow this to be? (self-inquiry) - to feel the general mix of things and trust that all is moving toward alignment in its own way, without my need to hasten it for my own comfort. It seems, hastening happens naturally, if it's right to,  through acceptance of the energy and realignment within. 

Much love,

Jen

Hello All,

Lots of new things are coming to the forefront and it always helps me see more clearly when I express it.

I have noticed for a long time that I feel very uncomfortable around men with strong Ray 1 energy - at the same time I am very drawn to it as well. The discomfort causes me to avoid this type of character or shut down internally in a variety of ways - kind of going numb on multiple levels. I will feel a strongly attractive impulse and then close down or go into heightened states of anxiety.  I get the feeling this is abut the inner rejection of this type of energy...seeing some connections to a dream last night.

In the dream, my youngest son (who is 11 - I share this as I feel its pointing to how I felt at this age) died choking on a celery stick. Immediately following I am on a trip with a group of people that I don't feel at ease with - a group of couples that I don't hang out with. I am carrying this sadness of the death of my son, but still going on. It's very clear that I don't belong there and three of the men start finding fault with me - specifically that I gave someone a gift -  a lip balm - that exploded all over their technology and they are angry about it - their eyes have turned completely black. 

Then the scene changes and there are people choking and vomiting around me and then looking through the contents of what was brought up. 

I see a few things here:

-lip "balm" and exploding stand out as I re-read this and perhaps the way a stronger expression can cause things to come up

- expression of inner masculine, expression of gifts,  it's impacts and the resulting choking

- death of the young inner masculine 

And yet I don't feel this is exactly about expressing Ray 1 - what feels right to me is that it's about being willing to stay present with the wanting to run away or going numb in the face of that strong masculine energy - it is a reaction - one that seems so deeply encoded and I can imagine all the ways in which this was wired in. Yet at the bottom of all the reasons and specifics of experiences, there is still just a willingness (or not) to remain open to the flow of what is moving within...feels vulnerable - wide open in a way - not knowing what will come ...facing this energy actually feels like an invitation to meet myself more nakedly and being open to how to be in the moment.

Lots of sort of random things related to the masculine energy ...just putting it out there. <3 Jen

Thank you for sharing Jen!  I really felt like I was walking through your dream as I read and had to laugh when you used the word "random".  I keep seeing SO MANY (especially Full Moon Solstice with a meteor shower booster:) and I find myself elated and delighted when they occur and always say "weird" or "random" when I have zero belief of that being what is happening.  I wonder if the wonder will ever go away ;)  

I appreciate your dream on a very deep level and find that my post last week elicited supportive advice and encouragement that led me to have a similar experience regarding my masculine divine energy, which I had not even realize I had been attempting to stifle for my entire life.  The part about vomiting really got to me, because I physically spent over a year vomiting and ended up in the hospital one day (literally according to the ER doctor) away from death.  They "fixed" my physical problem, but I continued the vomiting in my dream world (in some form or another) for a long time following.  My deep exploration and breakthrough techniques helped me come to such a place of calm peace and unity balance that I have been feeling tempted (randomly ;) to create something to offset the balance because I have, as it turns out, been doing that for my entire life! 

I had NO IDEA just how deep this conditioning stuff could go and I appreciate your sharing as I feel we are all helping each other grow so much more quickly in the exploration!  The synchronicities that we see so often are speaking even louder now.  A woman that is in my conscious dance class is studying healing techniques and asked if I would be one of her subjects.  I went Friday morning (solstice) and had the BEST healing where she said she saw dragon and fire and a snow owl and that it felt as though my whole body was ignited and at odds with itself, but then calmed down completely during her healing and my fitbit watch even registered the calm! 

I had seen a picture, the day prior, of a person's phone lock screen and it said 4:44, 4 % battery and 4G...it was a post on FB and the background was a fire breathing dragon.  When I was on the way to her house I was thinking of how I felt a bit of Shiva destroying so many attachments and constructs...I then looked at my directions and saw that the road I was about to turn on said "Phoenix", which is in the picture that I have attempted to post with this entry. 

After I got home from the healing I attended a global stargate activation meditation and yesterday was literally the BEST day of my life.  I have NEVER EVER felt so free.  I know that there is so much more to explore on this journey and I REALLY appreciate how learning from and how you navigate your experience enhances my life experiences significantly.  Sending you so much love!!!!!  

Big Loving Phoenix About To Rise Ether Hug,

Heidi 

 

Dear Jen and Heidi,

The return of Ray 1 masculine has also been a big theme for me this past year. Just like you Jen ,I used to shut down in presence of strong wilful men who express Ray 1 quite emphatically. Also, I was never entirely comfortable with my sexuality  and so it was a double whammy as far as connecting with such men was concerned. This was ,in my workplace typified by a man I felt very uncomfortable with because he was very expressive of his masculine sexuality . In the last year ,as so much has moved for me ,I have started occupying my sacral chakra more. That's how it feels . After all the bawling on the yoga mat ,I feel like I more deeply occupy my own body especially my pelvis. Yesterday I had a very intense conversation with him interestingly about consent and the Me Too movement . There were a couple for times he ' crossed the line ' and  expressed fairly physically how he found me deeply attractive  . This time, rather than retreating into fear and lashing out ,I was able to get him to see how this was not a good idea all without shutting down my sexuality. It felt like a conversation between friends and I felt as if  some circle.has been closed ,some.energy regained. 

As far as your dream was concerned ,technology stood out for me.as.did black eyes and I got.Orion. The examination of vomiting was also.something that spiked. Something that you cannot swallow about the masculine needs examining . 

Hope the reflections help ! Heidi ,so great that you were able to attend so many esoteric things. I confess I am a little envious 

Lots of love to you ladies 

Megha

 

In reply to by Aphroheidi

Dear Heidi,

Thank you so much for your sharing. The dreamworld contains so much richness...I am in awe of what the subconscious can produce to illuminate whats not yet fully conscious or integrated (or at least that's how I see it at the moment).  Wow - I love the enthusiasm with which you share your story. =) Vomiting is interesting theme isn't it...fascinating that the theme went in and out of physical manifestation for you. It sounds like you have had some big realizations around the expression of the masculine. I am feeling like there is a new layer of stuff to "look through/feel through/find me in" at the moment - thank so much for just being there and reflecting back to me. 

I love your dragon/phoenix synchronicities - awesome!!! Thanks for reflecting with me Heidi. Big Hugs!! <3 Jen

In reply to by Megha

Hello Megha!! 

As soon as I read the title of the post, my heart kind of skipped a beat. Yes, befriending the masculine...ugh...not sure why that's my actual response hah! 

The other day marked a major relationship shift  and later that night I had intense pain/heaviness/cramping in my pelvis - like labor pains. Things are changing also as I am suddenly being approached quite often by men...I am not liking that so much and it's causing me to notice how uncomfortable I am with it all. I sense some major sh*t coming up here - stuff I haven't had to look at til now. Yes, it feels very related to sexuality as well as transparency/intimacy.  It's coming to me now that it has something to do with not wanting to be deeply seen and perhaps something of feeling unloveable/undesirable. 

How awesome that you were able to navigate the situation with your co-worker in a way that you may not have in the past. I can relate to that, having drawn many strong willed people to navigate staying present, embodied  and engaging - it's felt good to see how that changes! Though I have not navigated this piece of feeling drawn to an energy and then scared of it at the same time - I pretty much run from that! haha 

Well, surely life is stirring the pot and I get the feeling that things will be showing up on the scene to see what it is that's freaking me out and find more freedom in these situations. 

Very interesting what you said about Orion, that has been coming up multiple times lately...there was definitely another energy coming through the men in my dreams...something that scared me and brought up the feeling of physical vulnerability and being preyed upon. 

Thank you so much for your sharing and reflections. Big love and hugs to you!! <3 Jen

Wow!  The insane amount of growth and insight that you guys bring is mind boggling!  I am so grateful for even the tiniest nugget that sparks exploration to further my connection to the source.  I have been exploring why my feminine/masculine has been so out of balance and trying to discover why I brought such injustice to my life and doing breakthrough breathing and other techniques to coax forth that "truth" and "light" that will guide me towards my "answers".  Funny that the man that harmed me and my children was named Ryan and I actually nicknamed him "ORyan", lmao!!!!!  When I ready both of your posts and explored the guidance I am blown away by the insights you have both offered!

Megha, you said "Something that you cannot swallow about the masculine needs examining." and that was like a freight train to the forehead!  This whole time I was so concerned that I was not feminine enough, because I am so afraid to show or explore sexuality and this whole time it could be just because it is highly imbalanced...I invited (by manifesting) one sexual abuse after another (or denial of sexual impulses, thoughts or feelings).  Deep down I realize that I must have invited the darkness within Ryan (who ended up being the man who gave me biological children after multiple doctors said it was medically impossible and multiple miscarriages) because there were wounds needed to shed the skin of this trauma surrounding sexuality that I just kept putting band aids over and re-inviting into my life..

I read a lot on here and don't always post, but when you share your deep (and often vulnerable) truth it ALWAYS sparks something in my that takes me to that place where I can release something that has been holding me back and then I do whatever activity brings me the most joy and I don't feel bad about that joy, despite what my mind is telling me I "should" be doing instead...I know that this path is right and true and I am so blessed to have such lovely beings of light exploring and sharing, guiding us through this together!

Jen, I also want to say that you are the first "Open" person that I met in person...the light you shine is so lovely and being around you is warm and comforting.  I appreciate you beyond words and, because of our "work" at the intensive, I can see your loveliness as my reflection...especially in our exploring/navigating these energies here with Megha and knowing that we are peeling away the illusion...we are eternal!  

Sending Giant Ether Hugs and Love,

AphroHeidi

I observed something interesting while being out there in the drama related to talking about Openhand with other people and events.  I was filling out this personal assessment form and one of the question was to list affiliations or belonging to any of groups/communities and originally felt resistance listing Openhand there.  I remember myself coming with all kind of excuses (it is not a religions nor organization and so on ...).

After some time, I have realized that it may have to do with the message that Openhand brings and how people would react to it.  For me, possibly it was a sense of being rejected, abandoned, not accepted.  I know I have to stand my truth.  I did go back and added Openhand there even no one is going to pay attention to it.  The Ray 4 diplomacy can be used to get a sense across and still stay in my truth.  

I may have to work through things as they come up and I am not going to abandon myself and the team anymore.  The time is now.

With Love,

Anatoly

In the aerrly days I did wonder if one could live hear totally in the higher vibe. But it most definitely is possible. It unleashes an incredible flow of divine sycnhronicity. I find there's nothing quite like it. I always got great reflections of that in the Coldplay music. Here's one. What does it for you?...

Hello All,

It's been quite a while since I have shared...everything has been intense...just everything from every direction.  It's all too much sometimes, I yearn for some escape from it all - maybe we all wish for that sometimes?  These last months I have seen my "sacred cow" - the attachment to MY WAY - that organic, sustainable, plant based, holistic one...and the surrender is not to some rosy beautiful ideal, it's a surrender that says ok to a path I judge, the things that my "principles" say are not right...the pharmaceutical companies, big business, feed the machine...YET, it seems that from the place inside that doesn't exclude a way because it doesn't fit in my ideals, ....from that place, there is a yes, it's ok, you've done what you can, it's ok to let him find comfort in this way. Being with another in their pain (my son)...it's released some of the rigidity, the need to fix it...the need to have his life be a certain way....the need to manage his pain, his path. It's all revealing much of my own unfelt or unwelcomed pain of course.

At the same time, anger like I have never felt in my life is coming to the surface. I have been doing some dreamwork and in meditation, revisited a time where I was three years old having a temper tantrum in my room...tearing my room to shreds because I was locked in my room alone...in the meditation I find myself mid-air as I jumped on my bed, my body boiling with rage, yet frozen in place, overwhelmed with the feeling of being so out of control. The anger begins to turn inside of me...shifting into intense self-hatred. And now, it's reflecting everywhere, encounter after encounter is triggering this massive rage, usually in places where I can't express it. There is a certain distance/coldness/detachment, especially, though not exclusively, from someone who use to be a warm source of comfort, that is triggering it...this feeling that it doesn't matter what I want...the feeling of being disregarded, unconsidered and especially seen as ridiculous or making a big deal out of "nothing".  It feels like a fog falls over me and I feel victimized and isolated - alternating between intense rage and a despair/desperation. Once I am away from the situation, my whole field changes, I feel a sense of natural well being. It's very strange. 

Anyways, just sharing....just been rough and I guess it feels helpful to verbalize it. Much love to you all here. <3 Jen

Hi jen - I feel for you, and I've been there with people in this space quite frequently recently.

There are no sacred cows as you approach The One.
There are no rosy futures or beautiful outcomes to look forwards to.
There is no "saving this or saving that".
The ego is utlimately obliterated in the light of pure awareness.
Afterwards comes a deep peaceful acceptance.

Much love to you.

Open Heart

Dear Jen,

If it’s any source of comfort, I’m right there with you! As I move into the preparations for the Divinicus course, it’s with a sense of leaving everything I ever knew and found support and comfort in, behind me. Due to current family circumstances, I’m even leaving with the feeling of completely abandoning my children (especially my 2-year old son) when they need me the most. 

When going to Bruge, I went with the excitement and confidence of a child/teenager, but this time I go with a deeper sense of maturity and humility in knowing that the death of the ego is NO JOKE. If you think you can tuck some little shady or attached part of you away in some nook or cranny of your consciousness, thinking it may go by unnoticed - think again! There is no escape. No compromise. You either (let) go all the way or you don’t!

It will be ok, Jen. You’re in a good place. And you’re not alone. I’m glad to see you’ve gotten in touch with the RAGE. I sensed that in you back in the fall when we had that exchange in our Circle of Angels. I believe I mentioned it in one of my posts to you. There was also a dream you talked about then. I think it was something about you being on the Second floor of your childhood home and not being able to go down to the bottom floor. Sound familiar? I didn’t say anything then but I felt this dream was connected to the hidden rage, the rage somehow being on the bottom floor but without a staircase to reach it. Disconnected somehow. The two different floors resonated with me as the two lowest chakras - the second (emotional) and the base. And the base was cut off, not accessible for some reason...

I don’t know why I feel to tell you this now, I just do. See if anything resonates with you.

 

It will be OK.

 

I love you and I will see you very very soon! ❤️

 

Anastasia

 

In reply to by Open

Thank you Open. It seems a tricky thing to feel the program reality, and not condemn it. What an epic challenge it seems to accept that I am not separate from any of it. Ironically, the distancing from it only seems to strengthen the identification with it and blow it up in living color all around.   

Still processing a lot of this...appreciate the support!!

Anastasia - thank you for your post! I would like to respond to you...tomorrow when I am more rested. <3

With love,

Jen

 

Hi Jen,

That's the curious thing about the paradox of relativity and life itself - everything I see is an aspect of me. AND...

We are here self-determining as souls, deciding who we are, and actualising that.

The more accurate we become about how we are being, the more the distortion separates out - the less wrapped up in it you are. Yet I find there's always some distant reflection.

Take "Opposing Consciousness". There's definitely a defined energy challenging the natural consciousness of the planet and of humanity. I can feel its actions very separate and different to mine. Yet I know I could still be more aware, more aligned, more tuned in. And so it still reflects that aspect which is not.

For me it's about living with the paradox. I work continually to be all that I can be. I look in the mirror of what I am, and what I am not. Then I work to make a clear statement about who I am in relation to the landscape.

I trust that makes sense!

Open Praying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Thanks Open,

Yes, I do see this. The tricky part for me is judgement coming from strong resistance to the way things are. There IS a struggle against the reality that seems to create more frustration and friction because the world (or at least those inhabiting it around me) don't seem to bend according to the vision I yearn for. And why should they? It's there experience, not mine to control, bend, fix, mold (though I often try to). I feel there IS a way to honor the way it is and still hold a sense of something else inside...though I have not nearly mastered that!!

I feel the ego is more active then it's ever been...everything seems to trigger this control and anger...and the feeling of IT'S NOT OK!! I AM NOT OK!!! I am sure this will all unwind and settle in some new way...the friction is a wake up call to another way of being. I get the sense that touching into the authentic feelings of Not feeling A-ok - is stirring the more active, courageous, and willing to feel heart broken aspects ...which are also mixed in with control and aggression.

 There is something important to me at the moment about wholeheartedly feeling the brokenness and with it this crystal clear vibration..like a note struck on a crystal glass.

Much love,

Jen

 

In reply to by Anastasia

Thank you Anastasia and I look forward to seeing you soon!!

Yes, leaving behind the comforts is a big one for me at the moment...mostly in the form of emotional attachments that give a sense of security. It's become clear how important it is for me to internally retrieve the energy and stop seeing myself in this horizontal pairing which has already completely changed, save for my holding open to wide of a doorway. Not sure if this is making any sense. lol!

Yes, yes, yes, that dream has stuck with me and I have been feeling into that sense of not being able to connect to the ground...interstingly in a meditation last week, I was processing these feelings of rage around what feels like a beast that wants to devour the surface of the planet. I was watching the surface of the planet be swallowed into a giant sharp toothed mouth and into what looked like a black hole with nothing on the other side. However when I dropped fully to the Earth and let myself be pulled into the hole, it turned out I was inside my own body ...a younger version of myself was carrying a torch down my throat (which was a cave with old letters and a horse carved on it...which interestingly I lost my voice all this week - and it's appropriate as I have felt like no-one is listening) . My younger self passed by my heart which was glowing like a fire, and down to my pelvis where I sat inside the bowl shape of my pelvic bones and drew a purple flower with a puffy yellow and orange center in which my younger self sat. So, lots is being stirred between the 1st and 2nd floors now and I continuously dream of going up and down the staircase...

It's funny how surprising it is to me that people pick up on the tucked away 'not okness" inside...I notice how that brings up feelings of anger too! At being so transparent? Maybe the defenders don't like that... It feels more like, if it's so obvious, then why didn't anyone notice (I am guessing this is more from the child's point of view).

Anyways, I am gonna stop for now - I am sure we will chat in person plenty soon! Thank you for taking the time to relate and to share!

Much love,

Jen

In reply to by .Jen

I'm with you Jen - it's NOT OKAY!
And also you're right, PEOPLE ARE NOT LISTENING!
They won't listen, right up to the point they slip over the edge - to me that's very clear. So I've stopped efforting to shift their direction and instead simply to work with who shows up. But I have to say, that has been a real journey of letting go over the years!

You speak of molding and bending - I know you know there's distortion in it, but I can also see the truth reflected in your words.

I see it like this...

Imagine for a moment you rest completely in the Void of Infinite Potential. To give it tangibility, imagine it as being the heart. The heart expands outwards and you're there in the illusion shaping things. Sometimes it is your role to bind creation together. Sometimes though, this will not happen, for various reasons, such as other people not being on the same page. So you let go and contract back down again, ready for another beat, another creation. And so there you are beating outwards and inwards, continually creating and letting go. You give you're all, and yet keep surrendering. You are not the creations, but the heart that keeps beating. Personally I find enormous joy and satisfaction in that, even if things don't work in the outer.

Open Praying Emoji

 

I wondered if anyone else experienced something very odd yesterday? Several friends and I who are energetically sensitive had a range of 'symptoms' yesterday including being unable to feel connected spiritually in meditation. I also had a clear sense of my energy field being constrained in some way and a physical energy drain. We are spread out between Essex and Warwickshire so it wasn't local. Those not 'sensitive' (friends and family) didn't seem to be affected at all. Things seem to be back to normal today but I wondered if anyone else has experienced this and what the best approach is to overcome this if/when it happens again?

 

In reply to by Pam

Hi Pam - I was travelling up through Wariwickshire yesterday - I picked up some disruptive energies myself - put the wrong fuel in my car as a result!

Not sure what it was though - will keep feeling.

Best wishes

Open HeartPraying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Hi Open,

I hope you realised before you drove away!

I will be interested to hear what you discover and any suggestions as to the best way way to deal with this kind of thing. I will be unable to access the internet for the next week but will check the website as soon as I have access

Best wishes

PamPraying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Yeahh, on the 12th of June I experienced a bit more than just disruptive energies. Been getting terrible sleep these past few days as there was protests and upheaval in Hong Kong, where I live.

It is about passing a law that will allow the Chinese government (in Beijing) to extradite people in Hong Kong (even if you are just passing through the airport on your way to another country) based on political crimes.

The title of this news article https://time.com/longform/hong-kong-protests/

Hong Kong Is on the Frontlines of a Global Battle For Freedom

Yeah, this thing goes beyond Hong Kong. Soo here's the background info for those curious and unaware: The current politics of "Two systems, One Country" under which Hong Kong operates was meant to be implemented as a way for China to reclaim Taiwan in a smooth and peaceful way, as opposed to just installing a different political model overnight. Soo Taiwan is watching how things unfold in Hong Kong... But you know, this political puppet show of USA vs China also has random effects on this, since if China is to become the dominant country in this world; well everyone will pay attention to this.

Ultimately, as I see it, the current dominant power is currently being handed over to China from the West since the people in the West have been rich for a while and thus are no longer happy with only being given a few monetary breadcrumbs (compared to the rich elites). Where as since the Chinese people were poor for the last 100 years, and they are now receiving a little bit more breadcrumbs than before so they accept things as they are.

 

Things have just become a bit more calmer since the big boss of Hong Kong has said she will be suspending this bill for now, and it is funny how this statement comes after some rich people in Hong Kong started to move some of their money to Singapore ^.^

This bill has now literally pissed of everyone! The protesters wouldn't be out if they were happy, then the police might have been having fun but now they have to listen to the local Buddhists sing their mantras a 1 million times because walked into hospitals and detained unconscious protesters (who were made unconscious by the police firing rubber bullets upon them). I just said the rich have started to move their money. Hmm now the USA might remove Hong Kong from list of special trading partners, giving another card Trump can play against Xi next week... And even Hong Kong people who didn't care about bill were harassed by the police on the grounds that might cause public nuisance...

I feel like the events unfolding in Hong Kong are the precursor of a wider emergent wave of rebellion against unjust political leadership. Something to watch I would say...

In reply to by Open

Yea, it seems more difficult for them now. Some years ago I was reading some spiritual articles about about how society needs to become without leaders, just small groups cooperating somehow without really knowing how they are cooperating together in to achieving the same thing... If such a movement was to occur, then it would be harder to stop as there is not head to target.

 

And here's a quote from one of the Hong Kong protesters:

“There is no long-term agenda, no leader. We all feel the same and want the same things, but we don’t have to follow any one person,” said one black-clad participant in his early 20s, who gave his name only as Jojo.

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2019/06/18/asia-pacific/hong-kongs-yo…

 

Yea, who can they target? They had to suspend the bill, for now, so this is like a tactical retreat for them. Everyone assumes they will be back, but it has been shown that they had to do a tactical retreat! The Taiwan people are paying a lot of attention here....

 

The LeaderLess movements coordinated not on this dimension are beginning I think.

 

Best,

Rayko