This exploration has been relevant for me in many ways. Thanks Michelle boyle and Open for reminding me its not about the end result but the process. Not knowing and not having answers is very painful especially for a mind that has been strongly conditioned to fixing the problem. The mind goes ballistic when when there's misalignment inside. I bring the attention into the body but still the temptation is to get into the head. Sharing here helps me beyond measure but the con is that it sometimes gets me in the head. Like thinking about what and how to write and all. Its like a radio which plays in the background while im meditating - sometimes useful sometimes annoying. 

Last couple of days has been some great inquiry around authentic doing and authentic being. I was pulled to book a trek for a group of 10 yesterday and the synchronicities pointed that way. On the way to the booking there was a car in front of me which had a himalayan flag and the words written " My madness keeps me sane" I found this really spoke about how i felt at that moment. I was feeling adventerus and excited about it. But unfortunately the trek got cancelled at the last moment. It was really disheartening for the whole group. I had also ordered some trekking gear which arrived yesterday. Although top notch it didn't meet my requirements. It didn't seem relevant anymore. It was confusing deciding whether to send it back or not. This all pointed to the fact that i may have been trying to be someone which I'm not. When the soul qualities like adventerus comes to the front the ego owns it and forms an identity around it - like being an adventurer or traveller. With it comes all sorts of expectation , desires, confusion, doubt ,need for answers etc. But this is important if im to transmute the distorted aspects. This may seem silly , i mean its not like my life depends on it but still its hard to let go. Now the fog has cleared  and im picking up from here. I can create a more aligned expression from here. Although feeling much more peaceful I find the earlier drive has decreased to some degree . I'm not sure why. Another thing that stood out from the exploration is the judgement against having enough. That i don't deserve to have enough comfort or luxury but my way is more hard and down to earth. I have also always inspired by people who have done travelling around the world without a single penny in hand but having very rich experiences contrary to people who spend more what they need.