Hi Jennaya,

Thanks for being brave and sharing so openly. Bringing awareness to the truth we feel inside is the only real way to heal something. And as we express our feelings out into our environment, if they are touching some degree of truth (including the distortion), then the Universe will reflect back to us. Hence it's very worthwhile doing.

Generally, what you've shared about losing yourself and personal sovereignty, will probably affect many people - perhaps the majority. Why? Because when we look back at human history, including up to the very near term, the majority have been subjected to some kind of religion, spiritual group, or controlling society. Hence the majority will likely be carrying mixed karmic influences from these past lives - you are not alone!

So let's 'unpack' some of what you said, for your benefit and for others tuning in...

I have a fear and corresponding retraction of loosing myself [individuality] in a group/community. 

This can happen, yes. Especially if we strongly resonate with a particular group or approach. But as long as the ethos of the group is to reflect back personal power and sovereignty, and doesn't prey on this fear, then I'd say the important thing is to explore the fear. In other words, not to pull away from the conditions that activate it. Because activating it is the key to healing it. Clearly in this case, as I've experienced with you on the courses, it appears to be touching a karmic past life where you were controlled by some kind of "shamanic" group.

Clearly then, the reflection you're getting now, is touching that source pain. For everyone reading, at Openhand we'd generally apply the 9 step process for touching this karma, becoming as one with it, and working through... Openhand 9 step healing process

Jennaya you then said...

I think it’s a shame of weakness and allowing oneself to be manipulated, controlled and whatever else followed.
Today I feel caution in my vulnerability aware I am more easily influenced at this time.

In the Openhand approach for dealing with all kinds of blockages, is to recognise that all distortions contain a hidden truth. That's because generally speaking, originally all impulse and action had it's origins (at some time) in a genuine soulful feeling. So a distortion is of the soul's expression. That's why it's important not to simply walk away from the distortion - because that's like 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater'!

The key is to touch the distorting pain and work into it - just as you have been on the gatherings Jennaya. In this case, I'd say it's about feeling what the energetic boundary is for you (this could be just as true in group spiritual work or in a loving partner relation for example). So touch the space where you feel you're loosing yourself, but then make a sovereign - willful - decision not to go beyond the boundary. Thus you define yourself and bring your energies back inside. This won't necessarily be easy though, if you're carrying that karma. So it needs to be constantly worked on, like working a muscle. Then over time, your personal boundaries establish themselves. You get to know where you're going unconscious and then become conscious instead - you're illuminating inner darkness by infusing soul through it.

You then said this...

With the support generally of Openhand and helping to connect with my own essence; I feel a dependency/attachment can develop easily in me.

So where's the truth in the distortion? We are pretty much all social beings. We come from soul family groups too, where there are resonances very close to our own. And these resonances can remind you of your own frequencies within. So it can be highly beneficial to be connected to such a group. And it's the same reason why the Openhand approach works tirelessly to encourage people to be in their own energy, and to work in their own space too. It's why was have no large 'ashram'!! The 'ashram' is this website, which people can tune into as and when they please. So again, the invitation is to connect, but then work on personal boundaries in what may activate.

Finally you asked...

I then wonder if for my particular configuration/situation the energetic journey need be in undertaken more alone. ‘Though when I have asked this question; I get kinda pulled back into myself and with a feeling that it’s not to do with anything on the outside.

For the reasons explained above, and in the lead article, I think to simply pull away from the conditions that activate the distortion - in this case loss of sovereignty - simply leads to denial. I then have to deal with it in some other guise in some other place. Better to confront it now, allow the distortion to activate but then work in it. Just as your question was titled, I'd say to look for a balance - plenty of solitude and time by yourself, but also tuning into the place where the distortion might activate and working with that.

I think you're doing really great and starting to touch the real karma but bringing awareness into it. I think it will be very healing over time.

In loving support

Open heart