Dear all,

Thanks everyone for your sharings, I resonate with most shared above! Particularly, the sense of loneliness when surrounded by people that I don’t connect/resonate with and the challenging nut of agendas. Growing up in a culture that is probably most attached to their agendas and planning to their lives months in advance, I often struggle with the tension between just feeling to go with the flow and people around me wanting to arrange things long in advance, leaving little room for spontaneous or last-minute encounters (actually some people might even get throw off by such encounters disrupting the predictability of their lives J). Somehow there is a fear that if I don’t comply with the need of others to schedule things long in advance, I will be left behind very lonely, because nobody will be available anymore by the time I am interested in a spontaneous encounter. I can feel I still have some work to do here in letting go of this fear and to trust that even if I don’t plan in advance the spontaneous encounters will come my way….

My personal inquiry at the moment has been about self-judgement. I am quite a star in judging and beating myself up for pretty much anything. Recently, I have been observing how my mind has a creative and wild imagination that creates ‘evidence’ and possible scenarios that are fuelling the self-judgement, which can turn something relatively minor into a huge self-imagined drama that I then beat myself up about. And that without all the crazy imagination there would be a lot less to judge myself about, so somehow I make myself the ‘victim’ of my own creations!

Related to self-judgement, I have been having an inquiry around the difference between a judgement versus an intuitive feeling. When is an intuitive feeling that you speak/call out a judgement or when does it become one? It has happened to me on a number of occasions that I would voice an intuitive feeling and found myself being ‘blamed’ for being judgemental. My sense is that in a lot of (spiritual) circles judgement is seen as something bad that is to be avoided and looked down upon, and I wonder whether therefore when some uncomfortable ‘truth’ is being expressed, it is easily labelled as being a judgement, because it can then easily be discarded without the discomfort of actually having to look into it further?

Heart