Thanks Open for this article, it helps. Also thanks Anatoly for your courage. I find it hard to find a way of holding episodes of abuse that happened when I was a child. It's really hard to accept that I created it then not go into self-loathing, but there are pockets of break through. My sexuality is my weakest link because I had labelled sexuality and rape as being the same thing then threw the key away. I know sexuality is a really innocent part of being human and really beautiful at that. 

I've been noticing that my yearning for sovereignity is dependent upon my self-worth and when that diminishes it seems more of a luxury and at other times it's the reason I'm alive now