In reply to by Megha

Thanks for your honest and vulnerable sharing Megha. I feel similarly in some respects - especially with the spear piercing through the left side of the heart. I very clearly saw that in myself when we were in Bruges. I also had a vivid dream just after reading your post where those same inner undercurrents of deep shame and blame featured. I was accused of being a MANIPULATOR, and that "I pretend to forget in order to manipulate." Plenty to unpack there for sure. It's been more straightforward to go into the exploration of being victimized than approaching it from the victimizer aspect. But it's the same energy begging for rebalancing after all.