Yes, I have been having some important realization around this exploration. I'm being aware many shoulds in my life. I should have answers and not make mistakes. I should hold myself together and not lose it. Like you said i see my current circumstances are reflecting the conditioning i picked up with in the school system. But looking it at from another perspective. Because of this i can also see why the teachers and the people in powers behaved the way they did. I have distinct memories of being punished,beaten ,humiliated even when my mind was pleading for my innocence. But i never had the courage to stand up for my truth. So i made sure i didn't step out of line. I feel compassion for the inner child. When i meditated on this after an incident yesterday, rage is what came up. "Rage rage against the dying of the light" . But also freedom with subtle changes which brings flexibility in the place of rigidity. I know many of here has explored and gone through similar things and many more. I have respect for all of you guys.

I loved the movie too. Really funny! I loved that scene. Its resonates with the flexibility i was talking about. I love your new dp btw.

Thanks for exploring this with me jen

Vimal