Thank you Open for opening this space up.

I find it hard to be honest. At the back of my mind I still feel as though if I let go of the controlling strong masculine front I put up I'll be abused. I'm living with the same people where I took on this pattern, granted the situation has changed, I'm an adult now and they're elderly. I'm also about to make it on the register of people with a disability which for me is a go ahead from above that I no longer need put up with any bullshit whatsoever. Fuck it I needed to get to this point to learn. One thing I've learnt is that taking the easy approach in the short-term will mean I'll be paying for it in the long term. 

The first step is to be honest with myself and I get caught up there. I whitewash my vulnerabilities and in places I'm still proving I'm some kind of superhero. It's hard to give voice to my weaknesses and then not form an identity around them.