Thank you for sharing your experience StarHawk (Alex).  I actually wrote a fairly long and detailed response to a bunch of things you said, even with some questions, but then I tried to "preview" it and it all went away to the ether, lol!  I decided that the Universe was calling for a more succinct reply ;)  I want to thank you for sharing so vulnerably and mentioning the physical ailments that you have suffered.  I went to the recent intensive in New York and was supposed to fly on to South Carolina for a few weeks directly after the trip.  It is a good thing that my plans were changed by the Universe as I had a couple of VERY rough weeks and had to sequester myself from the "illusion", go through some major breakthrough work, became extremely ill (even with fever), slept, meditated, cried, read, sat in silence, cried, read, meditated...on and on until I felt better, then danced, then did yoga, mediated some more, watched some videos on this site and finally came out the other side and began making change happen in my community and at my job.  I also reached out to my beloved ones, my loved ones and shared a little bit about the freedom I am experiencing as a result of the breakthrough process.  I made this video for them and thought I would share it with you as well. 

I specifically want to respond to your #2, where you said " This may sound strange, but I have a deeply held fear of other people, that they will attack me in some way, through criticism, shaming, judgment, humiliation or that I won’t be welcome or accepted by them, that I won’t fit in, or that they will make me feel bad. I know that this is irrational, & that ultimately no one can make me feel anything, that I am responsible for creating my own feelings, but the fear is there & I often end up avoiding people or isolating myself as a result. "

I think the number one gift I wanted to share with my loved ones addresses this very issue and I hope you take a few minutes to see if it helps you at all.  Of course, I have zero attachment to whether or not you watch it, but I feel to offer it would be my highest good that I can offer you.  Either way I am very much looking forward to hearing more about your journey as it unfolds and I am interested in your World War II journey as well.  I hope you will continue your sharing and I will try to do the same when I can.

Here is the video:  



"This light of mine is your reflection"