Thanks for everyone’s comments & replies which I found most helpful & uplifting.

I’ve been doing a vast amount of processing since the Paradigm Shift intensive in Brighton, most of which has been very necessary & helpful. However, I feel that I’ve reached the point that any more deliberate digging, exploration or unwinding is starting to become counterproductive, in that I seem to be drowning myself (perhaps even wallowing) in negativity, unhappiness, pain & misery - which I know I have an unhealthy addiction to.

I particularly liked Aspasia’s comments about her memories of my dancing at the intensive, & Open’s comments about balance & suggestions about how to boost endorphins.

I don’t work on Mondays so today I will deliberately do some things that I enjoy, that will uplift me & give me a boost, despite the lower back ache that I still feel. Today will be a day of enjoyment & consolidation, & I will stay away from unnecessary pain or “negativity”.

That brings some sadness as I type that last sentence. I know that I am grieving various losses & I need to be careful not to squash or deny my grief, but to make at least some time & space for it, without becoming overwhelmed with grief today.

I'm also feeling fragile, lonely & vulnerable, so I need to exercise a lot of self care today, before I go back to my driving job tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

Supportive comments welcome.

Best wishes to all,

Alex