Hi Tracy, 

I know what you mean by feeling a resistance to efforting. At a certain point you can not walk that path anymore. You can not fix your life anymore. I'm in that place already for quite some time now. And to be honest with you it can be quite brutal for the separate self sometimes but maybe you also found that out. I did a futile attempt to do some work which did not resonate with me a couple of months ago and the technology i had to use broke down a couple of times. It was a clear sign this was not for me anymore. I had made the decision out of lack. It was 3D reasoning. Once i decided I was not going to do those jobs that didn't resonate, and stated out loud 'there's no f*ckin' reality!' (meaning anything is possible), the flow of resources got going again in the most miraculous of ways. Two months went by and the internal energy flow hit a brick wall again in my system and all the resources came to a screeching halt. And that's where I am now. I can't pay the bills and the separate self is scared shitless he's losing his home and all the rest. But i know that's where i'm supposed to be. Everyday i'm envisioning losing all and checking how that feels. And overall I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea. In fact i can slowly feel a sense of freedom rising up because it would be so great not to have to worry about anything anymore. There is so much conditioning that we are not allowed to lose anything that we keep complying to the system. I'm at a point now that my ego is losing its control because the unknowns that lie before me are so big that I cannot figure it out anymore. My ego sees no way out of the situation so it feels like it starts to realise more and more it is defeated; it can't find a back-door. I can't find a way out. So the fear is at times overwhelming but the control is also slowly slipping away which i know is necessary to be more of the real Me in this situation. And i totally agree with Open that's what this 5D living seems to be all about. My soul doesn't really care about me paying the rent it just has a passion to be hear in this physicality and look through these eyes. And the rest will work out fine I know....those are the details. But I believe the way through one's fears is necessary. But that's my perspective. Maybe some people are more prone to surrender than others to the intelligence of life. But this is how it seems to work with me: some pretty extreme circumstances are needed to get me to surrender. But if that brings me true freedom so be it. There's no turning back anyhow!