Hi Artonawt,

Welcome to Openhand Slightly Smiling

There's quite a pattern that leaps out from what you're sharing. It would seem there's a fair personal investment in your identity and sense of worth based on the responses of others or connections to others, or else how the extrernal shapes and moves - an investment and identification with that.

Hence the Universe is reflecting sense of lack (and possibly worthlessness) due to the shadow ego.

In this approach, the essential thing is to get to know yourself beyond these external factors. To find the core of you that is interconnected with source.

Have you done much spiritual work?

I would suggest watching our 5GATEWAYS documentary which you can watch here for free...
5GATEWAYS

I would then advise taking up some of the breathing meditations we practice here. Check out the audio section.

The Ascension meditation would be a good start, again which you can listen to for free...
https://openhandweb.org/ascension-meditation

The next one would be the Breakthrough Breathing meditation which can be downloaded for a small charge...
https://openhandweb.org/breakthrough-breathing-meditation

See how you get on with those first.

I would also advise reading through some of the articles here on the website on general spirituality...
https://openhandweb.org/spirituality

Feel free to inquire further

Best wishes

Open HeartPraying Emoji