In reply to by Vimal V

 

Open another thing I wanted to say is the need for approval from paternal figure. I feel this is a big exploration of mine and its karmic. I have experienced in this lifetime as rejection from father figure upon incarnation here. I know I project this onto you and maybe you can see it too. When I come here I'm pulled in two direction, either I become temporarily high or down into despair. I'm been exploring this for a long time and I really want to get out from this. I'm only sharing and becoming vulnerable here in hope of an opening into this pain. Ultimately that's all I'm looking for even though I walk into blind alley sometimes. When I write here it is tainted by this filter. Even in day today life i tend to conform unconsciously to the likes of my father - someone who is unnaturally calm. There is a tightness in my throat when I write this down.