So I ended up doing the Openhand chakra attunement meditation (thanks for the encouragement Jean!) and am a little baffled by how this has changed things inside! (I often put things like this off, because when the agony is so strong, I am convinced it won't help anyhow). After enormous fits of unpleasant dry heaving throughout pretty much the whole meditation, particularly when breathing into the heart chakra (I started over about 3-4 times, because by the time I finished heaving the recording had already moved through the remaining chakras), it feels as if an enormous heaviness and turbulence has lifted now.... There is still quite some internal movement remaining, but in a 'manageable' and bearable way, compared to earlier....  These things keep on amazing me....!

At the same time, there is some self-judgement arising.... 'Why didn't you do this meditation earlier? You could have saved yourself so much agony, you silly woman!'