Hi Anastasia,

It was a very gripping story to read. I have observed your experiences can tell the story in a slightly bigger picture, from a.different perspective but contains the threads of what we all are working through. I can relate to the feeling of worthlessness and the feeling of achieved nothing, being a failure and inadequacy which stems from these. I don't know what's my karmic story behind these.
But 2 days ago I saw a powerful dream. In it I'm performing in front of an audience and with every positive feedback im soaring high but after some time I make some mistakes and I suddenly go low with self judgement and judgement of others. I'm having a conversation with my mother and I explains to her, my awareness of these things. She suddenly shape shifts like a character from X men and becomes me. I lose all sense of self then and its darkness. But in the darkness I see some white sprouts slowly emerging. I woke up with the strong message that I can't rely my self worth on her. And I have to take ownership of my stuff. Today I saw myself unconsciously relying on her validation having supposedly failed on something.
Not exactly sure why I feel to post this in reply to your experience. But please do take time to post your experiences like this in the future.

Warm wishes

Vimal 🙏