At the moment it feels like my process of transformation is fast tracking, with so many things moving in parallel and different triggers hitting me left, right and center. I already shared earlier in one of the other threads that the outcome of spending some time alone in the forest was the decision to finally move out of my country of birth to a yet unknown destination. Meanwhile I have ended the tenancy of my apartment here by 1 October, so it is getting real now with no more possibility of going back or postponing (as soon as I gave my notice, I could feel a huge knot in my stomach) and I only have a few more weeks left to unwind things here and get rid of most of my belongings. I keep on moving back and forth between feeling excited and liberated, and being absolutely terrified. If that wasn’t enough there is at the same time all sorts of triggers around relationships popping up from unexpected corners that I wasn’t really prepared for dealing with in parallel. I guess this is all happening at the same time for a reason, but it can sometimes feel a little overwhelming. Then, out of nowhere I have suddenly started making all sorts of interesting new connections with people here, who even themselves are commenting that it is such a pity that we are only getting to know each other when I am about to leave. Which almost feels as if the universe is trying to test me and my decision: ‘Are you really sure you want to be leaving this all behind?’ ‘Maybe this isn’t the right decision?’. Or is it actually possible that OC manifests such kind of tempting circumstances in an attempt to try and derail you? Though I have to say that so far there hasn't been much doubt about the decision yet, the way forward feels relatively solid, even if unknown.

And then on Thursday night I had a weird dream, which I only remember a few snippets of. In the dream I was busy selling my belongings and because through eBay someone was coming to buy something, I was cleaning things. I was hoovering a white rug with threads at the ends, when I saw something dark in the threads, which turned out to be a tarantula spider! I started screaming and the people that were with me (Openhanders?) started laughing at/ridiculing me, but nobody really did anything to help. Then suddenly Openhanders Nic and Sam appeared from around a corner and my hopes were immediately on Nic as someone who would know how to deal with the spider. Nic just picked it up with his bare hands and put it into a small plastic sandwich bag. Unfortunately I don’t remember much more of the dream than this. Then last night I unexpectedly ended up staying overnight at friends, sleeping on the floor in their living room next to a big plant and its shade against the white wall behind it, ended up being another big tarantula in my dreams. I am curious why tarantulas seems to be popping up in my dreams this week in relation to what is currently moving in my life…