In reply to by Open

Hi Open,

 

I like the way you reflect back alternatively the importance of both surrender and passion, never settling in one or the other.

Today I guess, I saw another facet of this dance between those two and the egos resistance in both.

To answer your questions, there are many things that draw my attention and energy nowadays.

One is connection with nature. I'm blessed with some space to do some organic gardening where I stay now. I can see some purpose, love and direction in it. A lot of perfectionism and attatchment to outcome and rigid thinking has diminished in it giving way for more acceptance for what I have and thus innovating inside it. So I'm more concentrated in the feeling side of it, rather than what I'm creating. I could say it's the feeling of connection, enthusiasm that I love more than the activity itself.

Another one is travelling. Some while back you had relfected to me the importance of feeling into the sense of adventure and thus expressing that beingness into the immediate environment rather than coming from an identity. I'm grateful for that reflection. So I'm more exploring more into that and how that opens up new opportunities and places that I havnt known before. About a month back, after an illuminating and rejuvenating trekk, an opportunity came my way and I was wondering how will I support myself in it. Immediately I got call from a preschool asking me to teach there agreeing to my conditions. It was an illuminating experience, how expressing authentic beingness can open up doors, if it needs to happen.

So I'm 'teaching' partime in this place. I love the connection with kids, which can get exremely challenging at times. I'm seeing how the fear of authority makes me behave a certain way, restricted and inauthentically. I believe this fear has been conditioned to me from very early days. So maybe its also an opportunity to unravel it.

I also love playing guitar and singing. A big change I'm seeing in that is how nowadays I'm playing it for me rather than for others. So less perfectionism again and more chance to learn, innovate and challenge myself naturally. I guess our love and passion is always there but it's is subjugated, controlled, put into a rigid box by our expectation and its possible to unravel it by unravelling the rigidity inside. Not in anyway saying that I found the flow through these things and I'm always in it! Just recollecting and celebrating some breakthroughs. 

I could speak about some more stuff that motivates me, but that's enough I have already taken up enough space. 

After the webinar yesterday and today I felt the flow came to a halt and so did any inspiration to do anything. Yesterday I was full of resistance thus going back to the old behaviors. Today I went into the feelings of nothingness and how it was inviting me to be. Thus not resisting the not so glamours task that I had to do. Interestingly an inspiration sparked in the middle of such a mundane task giving way more soulful feelings. 

 

Vimal 🙏