Hi Aspasia,

Your input comes as a fresh and supportive breeze indeed. Thank you. Pretty much everything you shared reflects to me what I have intuitively felt is the right way to move now. It marks quite a big shift in direction for me and I have felt the rightness of it but still felt some subtle doubts around it. So your feedback has the mark of divine timing. I have deeply contemplated many of the things you shared with me at the retreat, including the actual timing of my kundalini activation, which has shed new light on my journey thus far. I also experienced a very strong reflection of my Kundalini-Shakti in you. It felt at times that She was speaking to me through you, and upon returning home this has helped me develop a direct relationship with her. She has become ‘real’ to me and in feeling that I can also feel just how much she cares about me and wants to see me discover my divine birthright. Her ways are not always gentle, but behind some of that “tough love”, I feel a wise divine mother only wishing to see her child grow and fly. I can feel her wind beneath my wings.

For quite some time now, I have been working from a more divine masculine perspective. There has been a strong warrior energy moving me forwards with force, passion and commitment, but with that energy there has also been impatience and a tendency to charge forth too hard, sometimes at the cost of ignoring or overriding other parts of me that need a softer approach. After our last gathering, I have been feeling a strong pull to shift to a more gentle approach. I feel Kundalini-Shakti inviting me into a deeper exploration of the aspects of the divine feminine, like a more nurturing, surrendering, and caring approach. Self-care is definitely on top of that list as one of the priorities I am being invited to look at. Just like you said, though, that is exactly where strong conditioning gets “illuminated” by the kundalini and I realise this is an area that has been stubbornly neglected by me due to a childhood that never supported a self-nurturing approach. I never really learned how to take care of myself, and as I dig deeper into that I also discover why it has been so hard for me to deprogram myself as an adult. A sense of shame has developed around the feeling of me not being able to properly take care of myself. In fact this shame has been so strong, I’ve avoided looking into that space for a long time and I have created all manners of identities around it to avoid other people seeing it as well. Here I’ve  been masquerading as a grown-up, but in fact I’m still just that emotionally abandoned kid walking around in an adult body, pretending I know what the heck is going on...

It’s taken a fair bit of processing, but once I was able to face the shame, I began to see those neglected parts of me that desperately need some TLC and that is where I feel my main focus should be right now, as well as allowing myself to feel into my natural boundaries. I’m beginning to discover now that if you listen, the body speaks, but it’s kind of a new language that takes some tuning into before the dialogue moves fluently. The things you suggested resonate strongly with me and I’m glad you mentioned avoiding intense meditations, because that’s something I’ve felt drawn away from, but wasn’t sure my pull was correct. I also really responded to “speaking to her gently”. That felt sublime and I’m already implementing it :-)

As a power animal, the beautiful snail has been coming to me frequently lately. With its perfect spiral on its backpack it’s reminding me to go SLOW, with the FLOW, at my own PACE. To stop when I am tired and walk when I feel the movement. One step at a time. Always staying close to the ground.

 I’m also wondering if you know of something I can read, for example on the internet, that might deepen my understanding of the Kundalini activation process? Nothing too long, like a book, because my mind can’t handle that at the moment, but something of manageable length and content. 

 

Me megali agapi,

Anastasia