Hi Open,

Thank you for your supportive response and the embrace is deeply felt  Heart.

Two words in your post spiked for me when I first read it - PERCEPTION and EMERGENCE. I especially responded to the passage about the soul infusing into the neural pathways and breaking them apart. I felt something move inside me when I read this and afterwards I suddenly started to feel dizzy and nauseated. When I woke up this morning, I felt a sudden energetic shift inside me as if something fell into place. When I got up there was intense movement in my abdomen with something that felt like convulsions in my solar plexus and feeling into this, I realised that my “perception” had changed and perceived realities were beginning to shift.

 I had been looking at the battle with these mind loops as something I had to effort to break down, from the outside and in. I saw myself with my axe of purpose trying to chop down the walls and the patterns, thinking this was the way to get inside the truth of my soul. The shift happened when I became aware of a different scenario and all of a sudden I was riding with the vision of what you described - the breakdown of these mind loops was happening from the inside and out, and it was the light and the yearning for truth of my own soul that was making it happen. I don’t need an axe or a directed purpose or to put any particular effort into it. I can just trust that the “emergence” of my own soul will cut through. How long can the spirit that longs for freedom stay caged?

It might sound really basic, like oh, you’re only getting that now? But for me this was huge! When I left my place later in the morning, I felt a really strong emergence of soul. There were waves and waves of joy and sublime excitement at just being able to feel myself in this way. As I bathed in this feeling for a few moments, a natural impulse to express this feeling creatively naturally arose. An idea of how I could express took shape and it felt exciting to just freely explore the possibility of that. But this joyful exploration didn’t last for more than a couple of minutes before something else happened. Something or “someone” stepped into my consciousness and HIJACKED the entire experience. All of a sudden, I was in the presence of what felt like an over energised “Life Coach” high on Red Bull trying to control the direction of my initial creative impulse.

-So, what are we gonna do with this great feeling you’re having? We need to act on it now before it disappears. COME ON! What are you waiting for? There are so many amazing possibilities! We could do this, or how about that, or even that is an option. Let’s go through all of these choices together!

Already at this point, I felt stressed to the bone. And then all the creative energy fizzled out as the voice tried to pull me into this loop I recognised would have been an endless deliberation of options and consequences, amounting to nothing in the end. So I pulled myself back without even considering any of the choices and as I did, a new voice suddenly arose from the core of me, and this voice gently but firmly spoke back:

-Why do I have to do something with this feeling? Why does it need to go somewhere, become something in particular? Why can’t I just be allowed to enjoy it as it is? It is mine and it’s all I really want right now. So please leave me alone to enjoy it in peace.

It’s not like the mind went completely silent after that, and the initial creative impulse was gone. I couldn’t get that back. But I was able to return to the feeling of just being in the sweet waters of my own vibe and rest there for a while, and I realised I had discovered something sublime that I hadn’t been able to attune to or feel before -

The inner support of my own Soul

My own voice speaking up against my own bully.

 

With Love and gratitude, Praying Emoji

Anastasia

 

ps. I’ll check out the article again and reread the Gateway 3 chapter. I trust more things will click into place.