Ack. So. Speaking of signs and synchronicities. Reading this article was one.

Oh, wow, was it ever.

But from the start. Some time last weekend, the thought crossed my mind of going to the Openhand retreat in Africa. After my experience at Bruges, going to the cradle of humanity seemed like the thing to do. There was the feeling of something needing to link, to close, and just the general, internal feeling that said: Yes.

And I still have five days of vacation time left for this year. Sure, I'd planned to take them into the new year with me for the La Palma retreat. But the potential was there. I even started looking at flights, but then the mind interfered and started telling me all about how expensive those flights are and how I shouldn't be spending so much money in such a short time, and how I needed those vacation days for next year, because I have so many things that I want to do next year that I need vacation time for and ... so on and so forth.

Monday brought some new developments on a different front: my boss received an e-mail from one department of the company's Big Player Client that starting 2020, all production from their department was cancelled. That's several million euro in turnover, plus the over half-a-million standing monthly service fee the company suddenly won't have. Now, I'd been thinking about talking to him about maybe reducing hours, work only four days instead of five, and when the news hit, my first thought was: Great opening for my request! That would save money, too!

Then a co-worker, who is already working four days per week, jumped straight to what appens if we lose our jobs completely? Because unemployment benefits are, like, 60% of your last net income. 60% of a full wage are tight, but fine. 60% of an 80% wage ... well.

So for a while there I got pulled into that fear and not just my four-day-week but also Africa seemed to go out the window.

Yesterday my boss sent an e-mail asking us to please take all remaining vacation time this year, if possible.

... Ooookay.

I started looking at flights again. Got pulled into that spiral of "not enough vacation time, not enough money" again for a while and decided I wasn't going to Africa after all.

And then, when I opened the Openhand website this morning, looking for another article, I saw this one, had the vague thought of "oh, I haven't read that one yet" - and now here I am. Because what is all that panic about not enough vacation time, not enough money but poverty consciousness?

It was an answer from the Universe, and a challenge. Am I going to be brave and step into the unknown? Into my fear and trust that everything will work out?

(Do it, do it, do it.) And I want to. I really, really want to. Even if the flight is long and exhausting, and I only have four and a half days to spare, so this would pretty much be in and out, and I'm also not entirely sure if I'm really ready for this after Bruges. But the thought of going, the feeling of *adventure* is so strong, so uplifting ...!

I really want to do it. Just for having the experience of stepping forward and into the fear. I want the experience of being able to trust.

And really, if I put it like that? The answer is clear. Because that experience is priceless.

So, yeah. Am going to be looking at flights again ...

*deep breath, feel the tightness, jump*